Question for Captain

  • Dear Captain,

    Hope you're well... You'll see I've asked for help from Cris on this subject but seems she's been inactive for a while so I hope you won't mind helping me with taking a peek into a situation? It's a bit complicated to say the least and I'm just wondering what the other side is thinking. he is born on 14th June, quite a bit older. I've always felt strong chemistry but up until quite recently, I wouldn't have even dreamed that this could be mutual. Which it seems to be. And which comes with a few issues attached to it... If you could please take a peek, i'd appreciate it very much.

    Thanks and best wishes.


  • This works best as a friendship and worst for marriage or a longterm living arrangement. A love affair here is fraught with risk, but your friend is drawn to danger. You are generally more stable and self-assured than your friend and will not hesitate to try to develop and protect the relationship, regardless of any social disapproval that it incurs - for often in this combination one of the partners is already involved in a long-standing relationship or love partnership. But disapproval from others just makes your friend more rebellious; in fact, the most illicit or risky the relationship appears, the more he is enticed and excited by it. Rather than forming a triangle with the third person, you two are likely to carry on in secret for a while, then one day just run off together. However should you marry or live together, the same scenario is likely to repeat itself with someone else when your friend gets bored and restless with the settled life and wants the excitement of an illicit affair again. It is usually you who remains faithful but who gets left behind. Breakuos here are usually final and can result in animosity or hurt feelings for years after.

  • thanks Captain. I can't really see a long-term thing happening here either... wouldn't make sense. but the way that he makes me feel, no-one else ever has and that's why i was willing to have an affair should he be that way inclined. But if it's the situation, rather than me, that he's drawn to then that's an extra thing to consider... And i do very much respect and admire him so of course would rather call him a friend in 10 years than have it all become very awkward in a few months... is he likely to make a move in the near future? thanks for the help.

  • Does it matter whether he makes a move or not? Haven't you decided that this relationship would be bad for you? Or is this more ego affirmation than attraction?

  • No actually, I've decided that even though it's not the smartest thing I've ever done, I can't say 'no' to the opportunity of being close to him if it should present itself... If that makes sense. This is too powerful and too strong and I'm tired of going against it, which is what i've been doing for 3 years in one form or another. I appreciate where your question is coming from but from my side the decision has been made for a while and I don't really care what anyone else thinks of it. I just wanted to see if he's on the same wavelength. I appreciate your response nonetheless.

  • So if you were standing on a cliff and had an irresistible urge to jump, you would? If you see the bus coming, do you want to throw yourself under it? The same principle is operating here - you know something will be very bad for you but some self-destructive urge impels you to go for it. The results will be the same - you may get hurt beyond repair. I hope for your sake he doesn't make a move and finds something or someone more dangerous to satisfy him.

    It really makes no sense that you would want to harm yourself in this way.

  • I don't know that it will be very bad for me. And so far no-one before you has seen anything particularly dramatic about this situation. Nor could I really read that in your first response where you are just describing something that might happen if I go for a long-term relationship which, as I said, I know very well would make no sense. You could say why do it then, I suppose... The answer for now is, because I can't imagine not doing it. I could never push him away, quite simply. I guess we'll have to see where life decides to take it.

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