Confused about Cancers
I dated a cancer for two months. She said she did not want a serious relationship but as the relationship went on she told me that she was in love with me. She said that I was perfect for her and that I understood her. For once she finally found me. We went on dating and I always asked her if I do anything wrong please tell me or if there are any problems. She said she will and she always said everything was fine. (I now know more about a cancer to understand why she never said anything). But one day she finally told me we were having problems, then ignored me for two days and broke up with me. (I tried to make it right during those days).
When she broke up with me she said she no longer loved me (even though the day before she said she did love me). She said I was not right for her and did not love her in the way she wanted. She said it is over but will still be friends (even though I haven't heard from her in a week).
Question: I don't understand how it just happened so fast and how you can be in love with someone and then the next day just say I don't. So for a cancer.... did she really mean all of that especially when she said the opposite when we dated? Do they lie out of being hurt?
They do that to a lot of people. They are always confused or rather confusing with their feelings and constant change of moods. And what's worse is if you do something they don't like they won't tell you they will just hide out in their shell. I hate to generalize like this but just read the post on male cancers.The disappearing and growing distant as things progress seems to be how they cope.
I'm in the same case as you, my cancer gal cut me off entirely and I don't even know what happened, besides that she might had chosen her career over me.
My suggestion is to be patient, that's if you really love her, you'll have to wait it out and not ask for anything in return. You might still have a chance for her to come back.
But before you make that decision, ask yourself.
Is it really love? or is it just lust.
Do you really think she's the one and worth it.
There a great chance even after you waited patiently, thing might still remain the same, she might meet someone else that she likes while you wait. Are you mentally prepare for that.
But in my case, if I keep pursuing, it just gonna push her further away.
Best of luck to you, my fellow crablover.
haha thank you both so much for you discussion!! i think these words really really help me. and lost leo my cancer picked her career over me too. they are independent and they want some space. if you get a chance just tell her you support her and will give her space for her career. i think thats what i should have demonstrated.
and you are right i try to keep pursue too. i thought it was an obsessive virgo thing and its good to know a leo did this too =]. it does push them away.
do you think if i wait a while, and write them a note on how i know i pushed her and complete respect her, and tell her why i love her and why she is a great person, that will push her away even more? or do you think it will make her more secure?
Virgo92, it all depends, can you pick up hints or signs from her that she's indeed pushing you away because of her career?
I told my cancer back in Dec, that I know I might be able to beat all the other people that are courting her, but I will never be able to win her over her career. I know she's an ambitious person, I respect that, and I love her too much to get in her way. She work hard and had given up so much to get her PhD and this is the moment for her to shine and her field is extremely competitive. I'm willing to give her time and space.
But in some way I think this make her feel smothered, maybe she feel bad that she can't reciprocate her time because of her work (she had mentioned this in the very beginning of our connection), so she start pushing me away.IDK.
Also, I think it depends on what position you two are in now, you mentioned that she still wanna be friends, in this case, if I were you, I would wait a bit (try to avoid V-day, IMO), then let her know that you'll respect her decision and remain friends for now and see how things goes.
From what I read, you 2 seems to be in your early 20s, we are in our mid 30s, so things might be different. But don't expect anything, is best, at this point.
Of course I wish that being patient with her would eventually work things out between us, but you still have to be mentally ready when thing doesn't turn out that way, your heart will be broken one more time.
BTW, being friends will mean that she can date others, if you don't think you are ready for it, then it might be best to move on from here.
I'm a firm believer of "If we were meant to be, then fate will bring us together", if not, then I'm screwed LOL..J/K
thank you sooo much for your time and effort!! and i did have clues, she told me before that getting her degree is her most important thing.
and for you, you know you truly love her by saying that. you want her future for her and that takes something stronger then a good person and love. if she knew that im sure she would really appreciate that in so many ways.
relationships do take work and time and it is hard to mix that in with business.
we are in early 20s and thank you for your advice. listen, you have much more experience then me, but if you want to talk about this or want advice i can try my best.
and i am a firm believer in if we are meant to be it will happen too =].
Good luck too!!
Thanks for the offer, but there's really nothing much I can talk about in my case.
I'm just gonna wait it out and contact her at the time I previously determined, it's still a few months ahead.
In the mean time, I'm just going to keep myself super busy.
I don't foresee that she would initiate any contact in the time between, it would be a bonus if she does.
I can't control what the outcome is, because I wasn't the one to make the final decision.
I can only decide what I can do, and I've already made up my mind as to what I will do for this connection/ relationship.
If she still insists on her "no contact policy" in a few months, I really have no other choice but to respect that.
My heart still aches everytime I think of her, not everyone is lucky enough to end up with someone they truly love.
At least when I look back, I know I've already try my best.
If that's my destiny, I just can't fight it, I just have to learn to accept it gracefully.
As long as she is happy and healthy, that's all that matters.
you are really strong! and you know just think someone else is waiting it out too!
and you can't control the outcome but just keep a strong and good heart!
and trying your best is the only thing that can make yourself feel better. you gave it your all.
and either way and what ever happens your destiny will come and you will once again be happy and healthy.
best of grace!
Best of luck to you guys , Lostleo I just read your comment on my thread and thanks for your advice you got it right. I need to step back . Most of the Cancer that I know and close to me was totally mentally drain. I really need to put an end and cut them in to my life. My Cancer man was lied too much and twist his story. If they commit mistake they will never ever want to talk about it. If I ask him to talk about our problems. He will stop you and telling you he doesn't want argue. He make sure that he will be nice, sweet , polite after comforting me and everything it good to me. He will never get back and totally disappear . If I send message he never get back or if he replied his busy and had a lot of going on. He will tell me I don't need 50 msg all he want is to leave him alone. I'm he only needs me when he wants me. He only visit on his free time.I'm just her friend with benefits after he said to me that his interested and asking me if I dated someone else he just want to know cos he doesn't want any competion. His so good fooling my legs but I wish him all the best ., I don't deserve this. I'm a good person and I deserve someone better . I'm so sad for him very dangerous person looks can be deceiving .
Sorry Annielan that he is making you miserable, be strong. Virgo92 and LostLeo....guys if I can say as a Cancer woman, I am almost 40...with lots of reflection over what you both have described and are going through and I can't speak for all of us, but food for thought. Usually when it comes to matters of the heart and big life desicions, we hide because we always feel we need to answer right away and change is hard for most of us. We feel things alot more than others and it can mess with our heads and hearts making us doubt what we really want. Alot of the time we don't speak because we are afraid to dissappoint and are afraid of not being understood. For me, I need space to think and make sure what I am feeling truly belongs to me and is not a preceived ideal or trying to meet others expectations.
It took me many years to feel OK with where I was as a person, it is a journey I am still working on and I hope they get the chance to figure it out too. Good luck guys
Thanks for that it's a good points to know that and I read that most of the Cancer is confused and they always want the best for them and it never exist cos were only human commit mistake. I been to a lot from this man. I'm a giver and he takes so much from me and I've lost myself respect now. I never knew that it will gonna happen to me. My health is totally affecte people's matters to me was really worried and I had a few argue with them. I'm sick of been told to stay away from this guy cos he will not capabale to love me. I'm just her amusement buddy who keep waiting and welcoming him with all my heart and soul. When I started seeing this guy . He told me not to tell with anyone of my friends and doesn't want to know about my family. I shallow everything but I'm still trying to solicit my friends point of view and they are really disappointed. This is not what I want a lot of people feel sorry for me cos for all I know , I don't deserved this kind of treat. Im leaving overseas and lately it makes me feel so homesick. I made a lot of effort just to prove that I'm for really not for a good time.I couldn't keep a secret to my family and they really affected for what I've been through and if he will notice that everyone knows what we have I'm pretty sure he will totally disappear but anyways it doesn't matter to me now. Untill now he didn't even know that I'm willing to give up everything and I don't think he really needs to know what I have decided . His not interested for all the dramas that I have from him. He only want me when he need pleasure. God I can't really believe all this things happening to me. I was callled names, swearing on me for no reason, treathining me, I need to asking him question other wise he will break in to me place and trash everything. He told me that his sick of people like me ruined his life, don't come closer to him cos he will hit me. I asked him if he care about me and his very vocal it just sex . All of this unacceptable words makes me feel weak. Very abusive manipulative man. I always keep my hands cross and prey hope God will touch his heart and give wisdom for everything he do. When I started dating him he said he wad single andno commitments to anyone. He said to me that he was interestedto know me and asking me if I still dating with someone cos he doesn't want to be closed to me and someone still look after me. I just found out the he have a girlfriend and he visit his girlfriend overseas.When he came I asked him but he shut me up. And was told to leave him alone but I always said that im just here no matter what. I know partly it's my fault I allow him and he had no thrill for me cos everything is easy. His telling me his story and his past girlfriend hurt him so much aside from he lost so much money from his past relationship . I understand him emotional investment makes him miserable as I can see.I told him not to worry things will get better CIA his working hard bs had a good job. I once offer him to lend money and paid his debt . I told him interest will kill him but he refused my offer . And said to me that it's not what his after to me. It's nice to hear. I now realized his after for having fun without any obligation. I don't think he will message me or ringing me . He never once call or messaging me if I'm the one calling or messaging him. I let everything past . Before I forgoty name and who I am and all the values that my family shown on me .... I have no regrets all I want is my peace of mind. Thanks to you be safe kisses
oh dear!- First he sounds like he is in a really bad spot, that is no excuse for being physically or emotionally abusive. Your friends and family are steering you in the right direction, stand up for yourself and get him out of your life, you don't deserve that from anyone. I know it is easier said than done.
Surround yourself with people that can build you up and let yourself heal. He is not in a place to be with anyone so try not to take it personally, sounds like he is wallowing and having a fit....(we do that) but, don't let him suck you in further.
hugs sweety tc.