Can we turn this around?

  • Dear Captain, I am new to this site but have read almost every inch of it now and WOW, cannot believe the vast information and interesting issues in one place so I wondered if you could help me as I have had a few relationships lately which for one reason or another have not worked out and I feel I have gone through some sort of transition of late and have met guys I needed in my life at that time for us both to learn lessons, but I am now in a place where I feel I am ready to find one to settle down with and have met somebody whilst going through this transition and I told him then that I didn't want a relationship so although we still see each other occasionally, the relationship now seems to be quite competative between us and neither of us make much contact like we used to, that was before I said I didnt want a relationship. I just want to know if there is a chance for us as we are so happy when we are together and obviously miss each other when we are apart as we tell each other this when we meet, plus, we cant stop touching each other and cuddling etc, but then once we have left each other again, we both seem to feign disinterest and we go for long periods before contacting each other again. my DOB is 19/03/62 and his is 22/11/69. Please tell me if you think we have a chance of a relationship and if so, how do we turn this around x

  • This relationship works best as a friendship - love is more difficult and requires much hard work on both your parts. The relaitonship manifests primarily on the physical plane, with striving fervent emotions struggling for supremacy. In fact, the energy here is less restful than fiercely passionate and even, occasionally, violent. This is because you are both water-fire combinations, each viewing the world through both feeling and intuition. So, while on the surface, you two cusp people have a lot in common and should be able to understand each other quite well, in fact a relationship between you brings out your weakest elements: indecisiveness and a fiery temperament. Deal with these issues and the relationship has a good chance of surviving.

    The great challenge facing you two then is to maintain the dedication, conviction and mental concentration that will counteract the relationship's wildly veering nature and keep it on track. On the positive side, the determination to stick together is capable of becoming a transcendant goal that can hold the relationship intact. On the negative side, this can discourage each partner from risking serious personal change independently of the other one. A kind of stubborn loyalty can develop here, one that neither of you may have felt so strongly for anyone before.

    You are both extremely sensitive types and quite reactive and vulnerable to each other's actions and criticisms. Better suited to action than to reflection, each has a strong desire for success - as long as this drive can be limited to your careers rather than spilling over into your relationship and manifesting as personal competition, then harmony can prevail. As friends or lovers, you two will have a demanding, intense relationship which you will want to live to the fullest. The dynamic of a marital or longterm matchup will be complicated, particularly over the question of who plays the dominant role. One of you must choose to stay in the background for periods of time while the other takes the lead, and then you must swap over, or at the very least designate different areas or responsibilities of the relationship to one or either of you; this good sense and diplomacy will ensure the relationship's longevity. If one partner tries to remain continuously dominant, then a breakup will certainly occur. Equality and sharing are crucial here. Wielding your influence behind the scenes is the most effective means of control in your social and business lives. The world will probably know little of what goes on in your highly personal, private and mysterious relationship.

    ADVICE: Let go occasionally and find time to relax. Follow natural and personal urges too. You don't always have to hide. Be more transparent.

  • Thankyou, I will take everything you say onboard but one more question about the taking the lead....shall I let him contact me first or should I contact him as he contacted me last time after 7 weeks and although I can wait, I just would like to know if he would appreciate me making the first move this time or not x

  • I feel you should send him a quick note to say you "are not waiting around for him to make up his mind, that you are getting on with your life with or without him, and it's up to him now to decide if he wants to catch up with you or move on to other experiences and people." No pressure - just letting him know you are fine with or without him...and of course this is what you should do. Nobody should have to wait around or put their life on hold while another person makes up their mind.

  • Thankyou 'The Captain' so much for that advice......I felt after I had posted it that it was maybe a funny question but I was concentrating on the leadership thing and I do tend to take the lead sometimes and back right off the next...............I am an all or nothing person and totally agree that I can be with him or not but will be equally happy either way so i did contact him and at first it was a battle of wills between us but I soon turned this around and learned a lot more about us both in the process so thankyou once again, I feel I have grown so much in 24 hours and am forever in your do a great job and I am so happy I found this site xx

  • I'm happy for you. 🙂

  • Hi again, just a quick update on the situation so far. We had a good talk about the relationship and I laid my heart on the line saying that I wanted a proper relationship or no relationship and that it was up to him, he said he was happy with that as he does have feelings for me and saw me as more than just a casual relationship. We spent a few days together and I told him that i needed some painting doing in my house but that I had had a quote off a decorater for £150.00 which I felt was exessive as there wasn't that much that needed doing so he offered his services to do it and I said I would pay him, but when he had finished the job, he then went on to charge me £120.00. Forgive me if I am wrong but I don't feel he can care for me or want to be in a relationship if he is going to charge me each time he does a job for me..........I have since decided not to bother with him anymore, not because I expected him to do it for free but I didn't expect him to charge me full price neither. I must admit though that when I think about what happened, i have to laugh as this sort of thing could only happen to me............I could just see this in a comedy sketch and even my friends were astounded when I told them.....unfortunately my last boyfriend also cost me money throughout our relationship not because I give it away but he also managed to find ways for me to be forever dipping my hand into my pocket and not his. My main question now is............I had my chart completed online by a renowned relationship coach and I have a report that says that I am in a love blocking is called the 30 years in the desert cycle and shows where the planet saturn is affecting which area's of your chart over a 30 year cycle and he is currently in my love blocking zone and has been there for 6 years now, due to end in November this year. Can I ask your opinion on this and do i really have to wait until the end of this year before I meet somebody decent who doesn't want to use me in any shape or form as I am beginning to feel that I only attract certain types now as I have had a few disastrous relationships of late. x

  • You only have to clear all your issues with love to attract it. There is no time limit on how fast or slowly you can do this. First identify your problems, then deal wih them.

    Your profile shows you sometimes mix up fantasy and reality. This can make you a visionary and a poet, but can also badly impact on your love life when you choose the wrong partners. Your almost insatiable need to receive love can see you rush into romance without checking your 'facts' too closely. Take more time to get to know someone before recklessly jumping into a relationship with them. See their flaws and not just the ideals you have for them before you make up your mind.

    As money has been a problem in your last relationships, look at how you value yourself and whether or not you are placing too high a value on your partners (that they don't deserve) and a lesser value on yourself because of insecurity. Look back at your childhood to get to the bottom of these insecurities and any emotional immaturity. Perhaps deep down you fear commitment and responsibility? Don't sidestep or back away from the real issues here if you want to find lasting happiness.

  • Hi Captain, well I am still involved with my friend as discussed previously but we are seeing each other less and less now and you were right that we fare better as friends than we do lovers and we are both happy with this now. I do have another question though...I have recently met another he is also scorpio born 28/10/78, he is therefore 16 years younger than me. I don't want to find myself in the same situation this one and am prepared to take things much slower this time and heed all the advice you have already given, the issue here is that he doesn't want to take things slowly and he is a forceful character. I am in two minds whether to allow things to happen in this relationship or not as I really do want to have a much more meaningful relationship this time and not another fling.....Do you see any major issues with this one as he is coming round to help me with some renovation work in the week (and he doesn't want paying) but will I end up paying more dearly in the long run, please advise .....

  • This relationship is best for friendship. It typically begins with one or both of the partners being suspicious or mistrustful of the relationship. Actions, not words, will be needed to convince you, Aeracura, and to engender mutual faith between you and your new friend. If a bond is to be forged, the relationship's steel must go through the fire in order to be tempered and made dependable. But once the two of you have paid your dues and endured the trials and tribulations that this relationship requires, openness and honesty can be achieved. Much will depend on the continued investment of time spent in serious talk and in the airing of different points of view. Only then may sympathy and understanding grow, and with them a deepening of the relationship and a measure of permanence.

    Yet actions alone will not be enough to convince your friend of the appropriateness of the relationship - ethical intent is vitally important to him as well. But you often do things impulsively, without thinking. Even if your intention is pure enough in your own mind, you may get into trouble with your friend, who tends to be suspicious of your apparent innocence and often will harbor doubts, finding it hard to believe that you didn't have something deceptive or underhand in mind after all. Such suspicions can undercut this relationship, whether it be friendship, work or love. Furthermore, since neither of you is particularly strong in self-understanding, deceptions of all kinds may abound. You will find your weaknesses and deficiencies harder to hide than your friend, who rarely if ever can be caught putting himself at a disadvantage, particularly in any kind of argument. Soon learning you can be hurt by your friend since you are more vulnerable, you may become less willing to open up, and more guarded. Your friend can place heavy demands on you and you may react with rebellion or retreat. You will find it hard to tolerate his need to control, his secrecy, jealousy, and possessiveness, so the outlook for love is not good here. Although increased affection and protectiveness may surface through struggle, marriage between you is not particularly recommended. Best advice - try to lighten up and just have fun here. It can be a good relationship as long as you both don't get too serious and heavy.

  • ok thankyou, I will read and re-read this until it is firmly printed on my brain lol, I do tend to be more cautious now and do appreciate your advice, thankyou once again and will let you know what happens if anything x

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