For anyone that knows cancers: relationship help please.
He was married as am I, so it is different...more of an internet online emotional affair...we met in 1997, I had feelings for him then too..but this last time was over 2 years and no he didn't give me closure..and I kept messaging him to do so, so I could just let go. Nothing...as if he meant to hurt me. And we talked everyday for hours (sometimes almost all day) for 2 years, very cruel. Very cold which was completely opposite of how he had always treated me. It still stings, because I never asked for anything but to just know him. We were never physical which I am glad for becaue if I hurt this bad I can't imagine how I would have been if we did that too.
doeyeyedpisces: WOW! That is deep. I don't want to believe these are just cancer guys' traits because I think all of us have our hang ups. But everything I have been reading about guys borned under the cancer sign seem to have the same ending. "Pain" I can this forum has definitely helped me put my situation in perspective. Don't they realize what goes around comes around......you can't play with people emotions and think you will never get the same treatment.
I think it is Pain unless you actually land one.. through marriage...because my old cancer friend's wife is mean to him (I have friends who have interacted with her and both describe her as B I T C H Y) and he pours gifts on her like no tomorrow. New Audi, built in pool, trips, jewelry...cooks all the meals, cleans the house..he is home most of the time. By all appearances he is perfect EXCEPT, he looked to me for emotional support when he was going through hard times. Poured attention on me, very doting with the words and clingy...the one time I was not online to talk he messaged me via my Wii. But he pretty much ostracized me. I was talking to one of his inner circle friends on FB and he made it so that guy blocked me writing on his wall. Nothing big, just commenting on a freakin groupon. So no closure and make sure that I don't exist in his realm of the world. All because I love(d) him. Complete insanity. Never told me "we shouldn't talk anymore, love my wife"...NOTHING...and this was a person who would give his opinion about EVERYTHING. Never again. This is the 2nd time he did this to me...NEVER AGAIN>>>>>
doeyeyedpisces: I hear u. Maybe we r 2 nice. Maybe what they want are women that will treat them like nothing. I want change who I am. I am a giving and loving person and 1 day I will find someone who will appreciate me for who I am. Curious! where was your husband through all of this? If that is 2 personal I do understand.
This was all online so he was either at work or here or at school. He knew that we were friends. I was a fulltime student at the time. He actually confronted Cancer friend towards the end...but we continued to talk anyway...and then after a few months he did the disappearing act. It could have been because his wife found out or he was afraid my husband say something again. (I hid my interaciton with him after he confronted him)
I know it was wrong but I justified it by saying that we were never physical and I loved him secretly for years. Years and years. So, i just enjoyed the attention and lived in the moment. I had no idea it would end that way and that he would be so mean. I had no idea I would miss him as much as I did. I cried for 367 days straight. Everynight before I would fall aslep, I would think of him and cry. I don't cry anymore. He could have made it easier on me by just telling me how he felt and giving me closure. I loved him so much, I ended up sending him messages every other week for months telling how much I missed him. With each one he would block me, my email, my facebook account. I guess his actions spoke louder than words.
How are you girl?
Its been almost 10 months since mine disappeared, gave me no closure what so ever. I had to get that in my own time, and that was a couple of weeks ago when he got married.
I don't know where to begin. This was the first guy I dated after 3 years of being divorced.
I am very intuitive but yet failed to trust my gut instincts about this man. I had an ideal of who he was, but when I started dating him, red flags were thrown all over the place, it did not feel right, I was delusional. I would not allow myself to believe he was not right for me. Obviously, I learnt the hard way, but now thankful that it was only 3 months of dating after trying to get to know him for a couple of years. I thank God this was not a long term relationship.
He was a traveller, he works in another state where he had another woman, and he also travels around the midwest, so only God knows how many other women are out there that he was with.
I am yet to see one success story with these men, I have family and friends that have gone through some very stressful situations with these type of men. I am just saying what I know and what I have seen.
Read some of the other threads here, and I guarantee you will see the same story over and over. For the people that have said go slow you need patience with these men, by all means if thats what you want to do, go for it. I took my time gave him space, wasn't needy and he still disappeared.
What I learned, when you start feeling insecure and start questioning the situation, feeling afraid, thats when you know the relationship is not right for you. I allowed him to make me constantly chase my tail, I honestly felt like I was going crazy.
This is what I got from this site:
Many Cancer men are romantic dreamers who look for their fantasy partners, ideal people who really don't exist so they are constantly being disappointed by real people and life.
They keep moving from person to person trying to find the "perfect one". They are probably some of the most unhappiest, lonliest and discontented people in the zodiac.
Doeyeyedpisces: I guess I'm just shocked as 2 how you could hide your emotions from your husband. Sounds like you were deeply in love with your cancer guy. Sorry to say but Lust in the eyes of GOD is a form fornication. I'm not comdemning you because at some point we all have been guilty of such. I know you have heard this a million time but it will get better in time. What type of relationship do you have with your husband? If u still love him draw from that to fed your emotions. Try doing more activities together. Start giving him more of your time and love.
Piscerstar: You give me no hope. I guess secretly I was hoping that one day I would get closure. If your guy is married now, I guess someone won his heart.
Sorry to say but Lust in the eyes of GOD is a form fornication.
You are right, funny I didn't really lust after him, I just loved him...the lust would have happened only to please him and to feel closer. My husband is far more attractive than Cancer friend (nicer too). My husband is a runner and is very fit and active. Cancer friend is balding and about 70lbs overweight and is moody as all.
" I guess I'm just shocked as 2 how you could hide your emotions from your husband"
Only for so long, then he would notice on how I would glow. Because my husband knows that my cancer friend is not someone I would be attracted to, he didnt' see it coming.
"What type of relationship do you have with your husband?"
We started out as friends, have been together for 20 years and it is pretty much based on great S E X . If I were to be honest. It is obvious too, because when we go a few days without having S E X, we can barely be around each other. Then we get together and suddenly all is well in our world. My husband is a pisces just like me.
How are you girl?
Hi Piscesstar - good days and bad days, yesterday was a bad day. But overall much better.
How are you doing???
Thoughts of him are going to consume you, they leave this scar on your heart, but eventually it does heal. You will hold onto hope he calls or comes back, I know I did, and honestly, I am so happy he didn't come back to me, I don't deserve to have a man like that in my life or in my childrens life, this one was very decietful, manipulating, selfish and very insecure, not a healthy person to be around. He wore a mask.
I know who I am as a person, I know I would never disrespect someone the way he did to me.
Relationships are not perfect, communication is key, disappearing is weak.
Don't allow him to have power over you, you hold onto to your power!
You said someone won his heart, well, my feeling is, she must have very low self esteem because he was dating me while he had her, so she obviously did not know what he was up to, also, he lives here one week, and then with her in another state for a week (and travels), is this a marriage? He has the freedom to do what he wants, when he wants, its on his terms, this is CONTROL!!
I would take my marriage vows seriously, a marriage is a partnership.
I wish him and her all the best. They deserve each other!
My sanity was salvage because of this site, I got some great advice, hard to take at times, but the time comes when you know you are going to be okay and you are so much better off without him.
When something leaves your life, something better will take its place...BELIEVE
Doeyeyedpisces: Its amazing how someone can steal ur heart regardless of their appearance. U got to have a good husband and I would suggest if you still love him try to put more into your marriage. Sounds like u ve an outlet as with most of us we don't. I know sometimes having an outlet is not good because you take ur frustrations out on em. Great sex sounds good " have more of it".
I never been caught between 2 relationships but I do feel your pain and as piscesstar stated we will be their 2 support each other.
Piscestar: You r going 2 b so good for me n helping me get through this phase in my life. From what you ve said about the cancer guy you were involved with and the cancer guy I thought I knew, they are like night and day with the exception of disappearing. I really don't think I'm fooling myself when I say no one was in his life at the time he was with me. Too much contact at all hours to include the early am. But I'm not saying this person wasn't out of town r on hold. You r right disappearing is weak and you r right I do want to hear from him again. I really need to know what happen. I guess you could say I want the ball in my court. Do you think your cancer guy wife knew about you and decided to dismiss the obvious because she got the ring? Hopefully, soon I will be where you are and prayfully meet the right guy. Thank you.
I will help you any way i can, believe me, it hurts with what your going through.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I do know you will get through this, I hope you get the answers you are searching for, I really do.
Nothing wrong with wanting the ball in your court, I know exactly how that is, being honest with yourself is the first step in healing. I honestly don't know if his new wife knows about me, he was very secretive and good at it. Who knows with this man, I have no clue.
I felt totally rejected when this happened to me, i blamed myself I wasn't good enough, but as time passed, I know it wasn't me, I know I have my faults, but I can honestly say I DID NOTHING WRONG.
It takes time to heal, cry if you have to, keeping busy is the key. I think when we go through a break up, there is a reason and lessons to be learned, I totally understand that now.
I will demand RESPECT, HONESTY and COMMUNICATION when the next relationship comes in.
It was hard work getting to where I am now, God is number one, never under estimate the power of prayer.
You WILL meet someone who is worthy of you, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE.
Be good to you!
Good advice Piscesstar
Piscesstar: Thank you for the words widsom. We both deserve so much more and we will get it in time. I know the key is prayer and patience. The prayer I do continuously and in my prayer I ask GOD to help me 2 be patience. A person entered your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. And as you stated so Eloquently, there is a lesson to be learned. Talk soon.
doeyeyedpisces: How are you doing?
Your welcome Scorp112,
I just know you will be okay................
Cancers are cold, mean and heartless. It is all about them, Run while you still can. They want money, status and glory...at YOUR expense, Pleae tell me if I am wrong,
Sadly, the cancer man that I knew was just as you described. All of those things come before love for them. The one I knew anyway - I know it isn't that way with all of them.
I am doing good today ladies - beautiful day and I am going to enjoy it