I really need some spiritual advice....



  • Butterfly, no, I don't believe this relationship can ever really get going or last for a long time. I believe it is shrouded in illusion and wishful thinking and too much secrecy to work. That is not how real love should be. I think the fact that you are in love with someone you haven't even met yet indicates that fantasy rules here. Unless you are physically with someone for a great deal of the time, you can't really know what they are like. And even then, it can be difficult...



  • Thank you for your advice and honesty, Captain. I really appreciate that you didn't just tell me what you thought I wanted to hear. Of course, I do hope you're wrong and that things do work out with us. I guess time will tell. I will keep you posted.



  • In case this doesn't work out, do you see any new possibilities in love and romance for me? I am so tired of being alone.



  • Butterfly, believe it or not, some part of you chooses to be alone. Nothing happens to us randomly. You must decide if you really want companionship - and why. Perhaps you have fears about being in a relationship that could be preventing you from attracting anyone? Also, look for patterns or similarities in your past relationships - they will give you a clue about the sort of person you have been looking for. If you are often disappointed with your love choices, it could be because you are over-idealising them to an impossibly high or unrealistic standard.



  • I admit that part of me is scared, but I really do not want to be alone. I really do want someone to share my life with. My parents had a beautiful and very loving marriage and I want the same thing. I look at my grandmother, who is a bitter, old woman and I don't want to be like that. I honestly do want companionship and passion and love. I've never been lucky in love throughout my entire life. I feel like I'm being punished for something that I don't know I did.



  • Yes you do want someone to share your life with but your expectations are unrealistic - you are looking for the perfect partner of your romantic dreams and no one on this earth like that exists. We all have our flaws and weaknesses. You will stop being disappointed with potential love mates when you ground yourself in reality and acept that no one is perfect. Even your parents will tell you that they had their troubles, but they must have worked through them together with much sharing and open communication and honesty. Can you truthfully say you have always been honest and open with your friends and partners? Or have you tried to be as perfect as you think your mate should be?



  • butterfly523

    There is much beauty in being alone. You are what 50 now? I will be 57 soon. I find joys that I can "own" like exercising and feeling healthy plus cuddling up to my new kitten or reading in the quiet eves ...nurturing things, different for everyone. The striving and grasping that goes along w/ seeking a mate can be draining. The constant disappointment. Try to seek finding fulfillment in what you have and not focusing on what you do not... or seeing him through eyes of need vs who he really is...I do not judge you I've done it... many a year ago...but I do think it puts you in a vulnerable position to be swindled. Captains right be realistic. There is a saying.. Pare down your needs... look into why "alone" is not working for you. You are not less of a woman for being "alone" Embrace your FREEDOM. I suggest learning to "sit" w/ the feelings and not have to act on them.

    Luck to you

    P



  • Thank you very much, Captain and Pfree. For many years, I was ok being alone, but now for the first time, I am very lonely. My friends have been seriously lacking, both of my parents are gone, I'm not thrilled with my job and my financial situation... I really feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. I do realize that part of my problem is that I do have a bit of an idealistic expectation of romance because of my parents, but I am realistic and honest enough to know that they had their moments. But at the end of the day, they were just as much in love as when they first got together. I have not been willing to settle for someone that won't bring me happiness, love and passion. Everytime I think that I may have found it, it turns out to be wrong for a variety of reasons. I don't expect anyone to be perfect, I know I certainly am far from it. and I have never tried to emit an aura of perfection. I admit that I have flaws, but I am truly honest 99.9% of the time. Part of me enjoys being alone, no matter who or what I'm involved in, I do need alone time. And I do have 2 cats that I love with all my heart and get unconditional love from them, but it's not quite the same as being in a romantic relationship. I don't know if I would want to get married at this point in my life, but I would love some companionship, and yes, I would like it to involve romance and passion, plus someone that I can talk to and be myself with. Someone who will accept me completely.



  • Yet i get the feeling you don't come across to others as you feel inside. Why could that be?



  • I don't know what you mean.



  • Ask your friends for feedback. Ask them how you come across to others.



  • ok, i can do that. i feel like you have something in particular in mind.