Advices from male cancers?



  • Ok this not a straight relationship. I am a gay gemini man. I met this guy about 5 months ago. He is cancer and I never thought I would be into a cancer sign. Here's the story... I thought he was handsome and we had an interesting conversation when we first met, but I didn't really think anything of it or anything was going to come from it. He asked for a simple hug when we had to go home. Later that night he texted me saying "I miss you." Couple of days later he asked me to go on a date. It was one of the most romantic date I've been on. We went to the beach and I wasn't comfortable walking into the water, but he pushed me to do it so I did. He asked for a hug in the middle of the water and i felt like that time had stopped. Then he gave me a nice, simple kiss when we sat on the sand. He was very romantic and I have never experienced that before. I'm the type of person that doesn't really like mushy things like cuddling and all that, but i have changed since I met this guy. So I went away for a week to visit my family and he asked me what I would like when I get back. I told him that we could start dating. We would talked a lot through texting and on the phone. My heart felt so nice when we would talk about how we felt about each other even though it was early on. he told me that I was someone hard to find and that he had find me. I got back home and we would meet up to hang out. I brought him home and introduced him to my mom and he started to spend the night on weekends. One time I called him my boyfriend and he said that he would like to ask me before we actually become boyfriends. The next time he came to my house, he asked me if I would like to be his boyfriend. I was very happy and we were intimate that night lol. It seemed like after we had become boyfriends was when the arguments started. one after another. Then misunderstandings and hurt feelings would grow. We seem to be very different and don't understand each other well. There were times when he was moody and attacked me and I wouldn't understand why. He doesn't seem to like to talk on the phone that much anymore cause it would turn into an argument. He is very mysterious and wouldn't open up to me. Now everytime I call him I would get the voice mail and it's so frustrating. There were few times I wanted to jut give up, but he would come around be be all romantic and sweep me off my feet again. We hang out once a week on the weekend and text a few days during the week. We don't really talk on the phone anymore. He tells me that he has feeling for me, but not enough to be boyfriends right now. He said that he would still like to have sex with me. It has been an emotional roller coaster for me, but I genuinely have feeling for him and I don't know what to do. He tells me things like that we have argued way too much. He is busy with work and won't get done with school for like a year, that he does not have time to commit to a relationship. He is a very sexual person and we would be intimate everytime we hung out indside my place. we do other things too like go to the park, book store, watch movies, play games... He keep telling me that we are just friends for now, but still having sex. I don't really think that friends do that. I would appreciate any advices from male or female cancers or anyone else. Thanks for reading my story, I tried to make it short. Oh and I have some questions I'd like to ask.

    1. Is he using me for s e x? He tells me he has feeling for me, enough to have sex, but not enough right now to be boyfriends cause of all the arguments we have had. I think he must like me cause he still come around after all the times we've argued.

    2. He always like to drink beer or alcohol before we become intimate, does he feel nervous around me or maybe just an alcoholic? lol

    3. What is the best approach to eventually have him want to be with me? Continue to be his friend with benifits or just friends only? I have s e x with him hoping that he would develop feelings for me. I'm afraid that if I don't have s e x with him, that he will look somewhere else, and I'm afraid if I continue to have s e x with him that he will never commit and will get bored eventually. Some people tell me not to cause he won't commit and some say to continue and not with hold s e x as a weapon to get him to commit, he won't like that. I just don't know what to do... oh and feel free to talk about your experience with a cancer male if you have one.



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  • Will no one help me out?



  • “He tells me that he has feeling for me, but not enough to be boyfriends right now. “

    It sounds like he jumped in before he was ready and now he’s looking for a way out without losing you. It’s not to say he doesn’t care or doesn’t want a relationship with you; it’s just saying he doesn’t appear to be ‘ready’ yet. Commitment is a big deal and being a boyfriend is a commitment and there are responsibilities that come with it. It also means he has to invest his emotions which he’ll be protective of, tentative with, and he’ll scare himself silly over. My thoughts to your questions:

    1. I don’t think he’s using you for just s-e-x. You do other things together.

    2. Alcohol gives him a false sense of courage.

    3. I would never give advice on how to get someone because you have to make a decision you can live with. So, let me ask you this. If you’re afraid he might become bored before he commits, do you think he will not become bored after he commits? That would be a valid argument for him not making a commitment. Why invest his emotions if it’s not going to last? My Cancer and I had a discussion recently about people (women primarily) that withhold sex to gain the upper hand…but I’m too tired now to get into it.



  • AquaBubbles. Thanks for taking the time from your life to read my story and for your reply. Well we are still communicating and he still avoid me from time to time. He doesn't really answer my calls for like a couple of hours. We mostly text. To me it's kind of going nowhere, but when I text him saying to completely cut off communication, he would try to hold on. I don't really know what he wants with me anymore. Sometimes I feel like this is stressful for me, but deep down inside I don't really have the heart or is ready to completely let go. A part of me still is hopeful for us to be together one day. I guess I will keep being hopeful since that's all I can do. Thanks again for your advices.



  • AquaBubbles. Thanks for taking the time from your life to read my story and for your reply. Well we are still communicating and he still avoid me from time to time. He doesn't really answer my calls for like a couple of hours. We mostly text. To me it's kind of going nowhere, but when I text him saying to completely cut off communication, he would try to hold on. I don't really know what he wants with me anymore. Sometimes I feel like this is stressful for me, but deep down inside I don't really have the heart or is ready to completely let go. A part of me still is hopeful for us to be together one day. I guess I will keep being hopeful since that's all I can do. Thanks again for your advices.



  • my gem has venus in cancer andeverything I've read about them says that they are like that. They dont want you too close cause it leads to vulnerability and then they go running back into their "shells" to hide and figure things out - and of course the minute you pull away they hold on like no other. . . so I guess that's what those little pincers are for. lol ...... The other thing is that gems while they like to dive in and figure things out as they go cancers are soooo much more cautious. Cause if he's going to commit it's going to be for the long haul.....I'd say live your life and let him chase you. Obviously be kind when he reaches out so he knows it's ok to take things slow but dont be a door mat.....live wholeheartedly and completely so if he does make the move to be a part of your life it's more like he's complimenting you not completeing you. Good luck and be patient (hard for a gem Iknow 🙂 ) if it's meant to be it will be.



  • Oh and you might want to take a look at the rest of his chart.....while he might be a cancer the rest of his chart may give you a better idea of the big picture.



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  • Sunbuddy... Thanks I will try to look up his chart when I have some time. He does do the retreat into his shell thing, but it's just for a couple of days, so it's not that bad. I just can't stand it cause he doesn't open up, he doesn't like me asking many questions. How am I suppossed to get to know him? Plus I don't know what he is doing when I don't hear from him. I am trying to be more patient and understanding and loyal, but I also have my limits. Well we'll see what hapens...



  • DeeDee1970... It's comforting to know someone feels the same way I've been feeling. He pushes me to my limits and when I say ok lets move on. He would try to talk to me and do nice things. I have been on that emotional roller coaster and sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I am trying to stick it out and be strong. I hope everything goes well for you and that you find happiness.



  • ColdHeartLove, I feel you!! I'm in a straight relationship and I can tell you this what you are going through is the same no matter what the situation when it comes to Cancer men. I too could not make heads nor tails and asked for some insight. Everyone responded the same to my question, moody, withdrawn at times and just down right miserable. Then come back and shower you with love and attention. I'm Aquarius, which means if this keeps up I'll bolt faster than lightening. I'm going to hang in there for a bit to see if I can work through this challenge and understand him. But, I will not allow myself to be taken for granted and I hope you do not also. No matter how good the s.e.x. is. Because one thing for sure they are definitely passionate about it! 🙂



  • run now as fast as you can away from him. all cancer men are weirdos in way or another. mine broke up with me after seven months of dating for no reason. he blew me off on thanksgiving and i haven't heard from him since. and no he is not married or anything like that, they are very self serving and will protect themselves and not give two squirts of pee about your feelings. leave now before more attatchment and spare yourself great emotional pain. it's been 3 months since mine and i am still not over him.

    oh and p.s. another one i dated still lived at home and he was 38. they socially and developementally strange



  • Harriai1,

    I have heard this several times that they are THE most difficult men to get along with . If you don't mind me asking, what is your sign? I think the only reason he bends down to me is because he knows that I am EXTREMELY independent. He knows that I don't need his money I have my own. Nor do I need him to take care of me. As the confusion passed, I stopped sucking up to him and started going on with my life as I did B4 i met him. It nearly brought him to the edge! Now when he gets in one of his moods, I tell him to call me when he's not PMS'ing. He sulks and pouts like a child. But he knows I won't put up with it now as before I would agonize over it thinking I did something wrong. Not no more! =D

    Thank you, for the insight I will keep it close in mind and pay more attention to things.

    City



  • harriai1: It seemed that I haven't logged into this site for almost a year. I wished I saw your post months ago and all the warnings. After a year of being with him, I can say that it was the worst and most painful relationship I've ever experienced. It was everything, from going in circles, playing games, super possessive, moody, ignoring, clingy, lying, and now he left me for someone else. I have been so stressed out by him that I couldn't sleep, function or be happy. I was miserable, always angry. he liked to ignored me and make me jealous. I couldn't understand why he was so cruel. It's over now and we haven't talked for almost 3 months, but his memories still haunts me today. I had 2 dreams about him 2 nights ago in a row. Everything reminds me of him and I would cry whenever I feel weak.

    I wasn't this way before I met him. I am a gemini and I don't feel much, but ever since I met him, I have become sensitive and emotional. I wish I could go back to being the hardcore, non caring person I used to be lol. I don't understand why is it that this person is out of my life and I seriously hate him so much for what he has put me through, why can't I let go still? logging into this site a year later and reading all this really helps me deal with it now. It's funny that all the questions I had 8 months ago are clear to me now. I will never open my heart to another cancer. When people tell me to run as fast as I can from cancers, I didn't understand why because they seemed so sweet and romantic, but I totally get it now. They are the worst in my experience by far!!!!


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