• Your sons will take care of this.

  • Dear Blmoon,

    Again you are right.. My son Trevor came home and said one of his friends took it home thinking it was his and was so sorry . I like the kid and want to beleive it, but part of me is not so sure, but oh well I got it back and will be alot more careful with it from now on.

    Ron called me today, just to talk. He asked about my surgery and how I was feeling. He asked about the boys, my mom, life in general.

    He didn't say anything mean and we had a nice talk. I kept my boundries and felt pretty good when it was over, and then 3 hours later, the tears, what is up with that.

    Is he testing me?

  • Yes in ways--he's seeing if you are still THERE. I told you it has begun--his dealing with feelings--trying to latch on to something familiar. I know this sounds odd right now but if he does not heal and grow and you were obliging he would easily make YOU the other woman. Be with her but the affair would be with you. Keep your boundries and you won't have to go there! This is not an easy thing--but most rewarding challanges are not easy--but it will get easier and easier. He needs to feel you are building a life without him and though grieving and hurt you are doing ok. It will speed things along if you follow Spirit's advice and get social right now--join something--connect with new people and have some adventure. Take a night class--or join something fun--night photography--a book club--ask your inner child to choose. Dancing? Misic? This will help you with your new boundries and it will help him move faster to dealing with the reality of his choice. BLESSINGS!

  • Dear Blmoon,

    I am sure you know that I am having a hard time dealing with this dissability. It is hard for me to not do all I am used to be able to do and is causing me to be bored and lonely.

    I miss work and all the people I see every day and I still havev a couple of weeks left.

    I know how important it is that I rest, but it is driving me crazy.

    I have too much time to think and feel and it is making me depressed.

    Ron got a letter from the state that they are upset he hasn't file last years taxes and he is waiting to see if I will let him amend my return.

    I know it would be nice of me to do that and would help him alot, but I don't feel it is the right thing to do right now.

    I want to file my taxes for this year and I have them done, but haven't hit the send button because I know it will hurt him, yet will help me.

    I don't want to make him mad and yet I feel he did this to himself, and yet he has been very generous and this will hurt him financially.

    My sister says if he doesn't pay his federal taxes they can put a lean on my house because it is still in both of our namaes , so I am pushing the divorse through, even though it is not what I want.

    Again I am a mess.

  • bump

  • You are being forced into a place of no distractions for a "good" reason. You don't have to like it! You are right--it s ucks. But really it is showing you how far you have come--how much you can really trust yourself to protect your most weakest self in the the darkest moments. You are doing it! Good for you not to give in to him---not that you can't feel bad for him but that you just feel more protective of yourself. He's not a child--not filing taxes is a really bad choice. That " do what I want now and worry about it later " thinking he does has concequinces--remember--his lessons start with consequiences--he can't just keep checking out in the responsability department. I'm assuming you've gotten advice about the taxes from your lawYer. You have a right to file seperate. If you amend now and help him out you will be paying double. If later they lien the house deal with it then. I don't see that happening--or you being stuck with the full amount--at the most you may get stuck with your part as if you had filed seperate the years he didn't. I think you really know what to do---you have to go with it---trusting your head not your heart is part of who you've grown into through all this. He's left you to fend for yourself and that's exactly what you have to do--take care of yourself. This tax issue is exactly why this divorce is important---if his life falls apart you do not want to be paying for his mistakes. You know if you help him out he will only take advantage of your generasity. I think the IRS will offer you other options before liening your house---it will be messy to clean up but it will not be a problem for you as much as him. You need to get the divorce final before he trys to file bankruptcy. I feel he is considering that. Be strong---trust your inner voice--that's what this down time is about---listening to your needs--your wise self. Trusting him is what got you into the tax mess to begin with. But you know that! BLESSINGS you will be fine. PS--if he has been generouse---it was because he saw something in it for himself. Otherwise you would not fear his anger. His generousity is conditional. Just like his love.

  • Dear Blmoon,

    Again you are so wise and so right about everything.

    My lawyer told me last year that I could do what I felt was right with the taxes and I filed myself.

    I don't owe the irs anything as there has not been a year that I didn't file, just him, and he didn't because he was hoping to claim me, the house and Tyler, and when he found out how much he owes because of all the money he took out of his retirement account he didn't file.

    he was so mad last year that he didn't give me money for 2 months and he tried to have my lawyer make me amend it, he even tried to break into my turbo tax and do it without my consent.

    I got a legal seperation the day he moved out and it is filed witht he courts so even if he files bankrupsy it won't affect me

    I get that he is broke and that the future financially look bad for him, but this is his fault, and I keep thinking was I really so bad that he would rather have no money for the rest of his life than be married to me.

    I will not back down, okay my heart is broken and I may be alone for the rest of my life, but I will fight for my financial security, he owes me that.

    I keep thinking, okay maybe today I will meet someone, just a friend, I mean Iwould love more, but I have no self confidence.

    I get out when I can, but I guess I have to wait until this is over.

    I would love to do the class thing, but right now it is baseball season and I go to all Tys games and that is alot.

  • I'm so glad you get it--but I sensed you really did--it's just hard to be forced into doing something you are not used to. It's not like you think---he in a in a rejection way chose--being in ths mess over you----there was no thoughts like that---he just chose for the moment and honestly took his chances--he does that---wants what he wants NOW and doesn't consider concequinces. That's his issue--it is very childish. Also, it shows how he just hides from problems. That's the one that is coming down hard on him. He escapes--his life is full of hiding and escapes. That's why I know he cannot stay put with her. His tax issue was another escape--just don't file and run--because truth is most people have at least one year the tax man surprises them and you owe what you don't have but an adult mature person still files--and works it out---you suck it up and pay monthly hating the horrible interest rate and penalty they charge but you just do it. If he had been a young man that would be different but a grown as s man just deals with it. You really helping him get on with this lesson by pushing that button. He needs to not have the safety net you provided him unconditionaly. You ae not going to be alone long--promise and still be open to social interaction. Pray that some kind of invitation will open up for you. Some kind of club or group thing. Do you have a spiritual church near you? Look up churches--sometimes the newspaper lists all churches and services once a week. Often your spiritual churches have events that are one day--so no conflict withe scheduals you can't break. The one by me offers many interesting workshops on all different days. Attend one of their services--I feel like you would feel at home there. Try that. I think you are overwhelmed with your new self--it is so unknown--that's why so many people DON'T move forward--there is a comfort in the same old way despit how miserable they are. Changing your life as much as you have is like leaping into the dark trusting something better is waiting. That is why spirit still connects for you as you have been moving forward through your fear. I'm positive you are on the last leg of this dark time. The final test will be resisting his tug on your heart as he starts getting more trapped by his choices and issues. His running and hiding days are now stamped big in red--payment due. The last two years you have paid dearly for your part in this and made the leap to change. You deserve the reward that comes with that. You must continue to feel "entitled" to have your needs met. Your shadow side gives too much and is slow to demand boundries--you have recognozed that. That will not change but you now have made it an awareness that allows you the free will to see it and correct it. There are no failures--it is all process and journey--some days the old you will creep in but you turn it around. Always remember on your worse days it's just you being tired and emotional and it does pass. The man in your near future will have a very grounding energy to offer you. Check out the spiritual center or church idea--and keep at it--go with no expectations--if one meet up is hohum just keep at it---it's the energy of intention that will get you there. Instant gratification is not important---moving in the right direction is. BLESSINGS!

  • Dear Blmoon,

    Okay I guess I am ready for the answer I wasn't sure I wanted to hear, I am so scared of the future and of just about everything, but tell me please.

    Will Ron and I ever be able to put our marriage and our love back together.

    We have talked about everything else.

    You have assured me he will want that, and will try to come home, but will it happen, will I be able to beleieve, or even want it by the time he is ready?

    I still dream of the moment he says he always has loved me and he made a mistake, part of me knows that is true.

    I have dreamed of our family being whole again and my boys being able to have their dad the way they should.

    And yet a part of me says it is gone and he will never be who I need him to be, we need him to be.

    I don't know if Collen would be a part of my nightmares or if he will be over her so completely that I could forgive that, or if I even want to.

  • First your family will be whole--but not in the way you imagine--but better--honest! Thing is despite the past sweeter moments you cling too you where not whole. Ron is going to reach out to you--at first though it's not a good reaching out because he will be just grasping for a life line as he is forced into a very uncomfortable place--but he'll be wanting YOU to be the old you--he will want the old situation and still be thinking why did any of this have to go this far--in his mind everything was just fine. It was not. Hard truth? By the time he really has taken responsability for why he needed her in the first place you will have fe;lt a spark for someone else. But you can't imagine that yet. I told you many times he still has not accepted that you mean it? He has a way of just lying to himself--taking for granted what should be but is not. I still he him coming to you as a better person if you hold out and not need him too soon because if you do your reuinion will be short lived and you will be in the same place of never fully having a committment as he will repeat his need to go outside the marriage for a fix---the fix is what he needs to figure out. Do not be afraid of a new man--it is going to be a gift and you will feel very free--in a way you never have--without that anxiouse feeling of needing to please--hang on. When Ron heals he will be able to connect in a real intimate way and his sons will be a part of that. Everything will be very different nothing like the past--so do not long for the past. Spirit does not show me your choice--only that you will be happy--either way Ron will be part of the family in a more positive way. Try not to imagine how as it is new and will only bring up the fear factor. Heres the bottom line universal truth---when you make the right choices--the universe backs you up. So keep moving towards love and trust that. Give it up to God--release it. Ron is just now beginning his crises towards healing--you are way ahead. You can't stop and wait without sacrificing your self. Trust the process--allow yourself to be happy--to be loved in a way you've never known. Get yourself out there--you have earned rewards. Let the gifts come to you. Spirit still promises you will get that heartfelt true remorse from Ron but not soon--if it comes soon do not trust it as he will desperate but not ready to change. You tend to think too much. Be brave. Trust your hard work. Choose love. You can't controll others so do not get hung up on a love lost when there is love out there for you--choose love.Let Ron go through his pain time. If you give in and feel sorry for him too soon--another woman will always be in the pictture--it is not about Colleen---she could be anybody really--it's his need to hide and avoid intimacy with you--see, he has to learn to choose love just like you! You as his life partner--shapeshifter lead the way. You heal your shadow side--your wounds and choose love and it helps him to do the same. Spirit is not going to tell you your choice other than you will be happy with it. BLESSINGS!

  • Dear, Blmoon,

    Well I did it, I sent my taxes last night. I thought about it for along time, weight the decision over in my head for hours and pressed the button.

    Before I did I reread the proposal Ron brought to the lawyers meeting, on how support should stop when Ty gets out of high school and how I should sell my house and give him half.

    I do understand that he is not happy about the money thing, but I have to survive and I didn't do this.

    I know alot of peope don't get what I am supposed to get, but I will fight for it forever.

    I don't know if it is fair for him to have to be broke, because he made a choice to not be married, but he is the reason the morgage is so high and the loan is for so long.

    He was right there while we had 3 kids and he promised me he wuold take care of me forever.

    There was alot of years he asked me to quit work, but I always wanted to be able to help.

    I can't imagine where I would be if I had listened to him on that one.

    I am getting to a point where I don't really care what happens to him most of the time, mixed in with the need to know he was wrong.

    I honestly don't think at this point I will ever fogive all he has said and done, but mixed in with that is the fear that there is no such thing as true love , and the pleasure is not worth the pain.

    Tylers friend from school and baseball caslled the other night and his partents are splitting, both moving far away leaving him to go to a new school 3 months before graduation. What is wrong with people that kids don't matter.

    I don't want to give up on him, but I can't even get a clear picture of him in my head anymore.

  • Dear Blmoon,

    WEll almost time to go back to work and things are not so great for me right now.

    I don't know if you read my last post, but I sent my taxes, haven't heard from Ron since the nice call a couple of weeks ago.

    My sister and I aren't speaking now and she is the one person who is always there for me, calls me 4 times a day.

    She has a horrible living situation, but it is her own fault.

    She lives in a filthy house with her daugher who is in and out of jail, her grand daughter, who is 17 and pregnant, and her grand son who is 5.

    They all have big messy pitbulls she hates, and they all treat her badly.

    She does nothing about it so she takes it out on the rest of us all the time.

    I have been feeling down, and we went out to dinner on Sunday for her sons birthday. WE got there, and we were waiting for him when she told me Chris ( the manager that pulled me out of produce and then left the nstore never talking to me about it) was coming to dinner and I better be nice.

    I informed her, that I needed to tell him how wrong he was to do that to me and he owed me more respect then that.

    She then said that if I said one word to him she would never speak to me again. WEll you know I hate threats and I told her she says that too often and if she is fine loosing me then so be it. I have been left by better people then her

    I was going to just go home and not take the chance of seeing him, when she said he is not coming,.

    I guess it was a test and I was not in the mood, so now dhe won't speak to me.

    Last time she did this it was years before she did andn I had to kiss her a.... and this time I won't.

  • I did read your last post but passed on a response but sent a big prayer hug--you are doing very well really. OH my we have much in comman--the family thing. AND the new you--with boundries--the new you who has the nerve to respect your own needs--this new you comes with a backlash--when the old crashes into the new. I have a sister exactly like yours with a few differences of course but oh how I connect with her. I lost a sister early in life so have tried to have a relationship with my only sister left but right now we do not speak--haven't for almost three years. No bad words on my part--always her. Her life is always a mess and mostly if I let her she will hurt me. Your sister hurt you--no loving friend would spring that on you. She was very wrong---- good for you! for not backing down. Love and family can get messy--with the should be's and loyalty thing but reality is--family can be toxic--you protect yourself now and keep it up--I'm very proud of you. I know it doesn't make the situation any less cr appy--meaning sometimes it is what it is and we just accept it and stay out of denial because family can pull on our hearts when they are still toxic and sometimes yes we must cut them loose. There is nothing wrong with this as long as you are not feeding any revenge or hate towards her or letting the event consume you. You can be loving yet firm about what is acceptable. You would have never asked the same thing of your sister--YOU would have been more protective of her. You are a caring compassionate person who looks after others first--but now you are wise in understanding it is not selfish to include yourself top of the list because you can serve better when your needs are met first. You never told me about her knowing this manager--when I discussed seeing a female sabotage way back--was that her?. Nancy please know your are not alone in your journey--many of us "caretakers" have had to grow through the same issues. You did the right thing! I'm very proud of you--spirit is applauding. There are two perspectives here--choose the one that feels good--sad your sister would not see the harm----but not personal--she has issues and is a very detached person emotionaly---she is actually held hostage by emotions--her fear of them--the more she shuts down the messier her life gets pushing to force her to connect. Your new boundries--and your committment to enforcing them will get you confrontation--but you no longer fear that confrontation demon---your life is already attracting abundance. Stay brave--BLESSINGS! Buy yourself a treat!

  • Dear Blmoon,

    WEll my treat will be pink paint, I have decided to paint my office in 2 shades of pink, afterall it is mine now, not Ron's.

    My sister knows Chris because he is friends with her son and she has always protected what he did to me. I never got to confront him and it makes me angry, I don't dwell on it, but if I ever see him I will tell him how wrong it was.

    Pam (my sister) is a very angry person, she isn't happy at all. She looks a mess al the time down to having a mustash and really bad teeth, which is sad because she once was so beautiful, but she got her heart broken and decided she hates men and doesn't care what she looks ike.

    Don't worry I don't hate her or want revenge, I am sad because as awful as she is she was there for me always.

    We did disneyland every year, but this year she says she won't go, and we talk on the phone and shop together alot, but really we only do what she wants.

    I will miss her as I am still sovery lonley, but she also hates Ron and I am tired of hearing that one too.

    I am thinking maybe I need to go back on anti depressants, because I am not doing so well.

    Blmoon you are the only person in my life who believes this is going to turn out good, and the only person in the world who believes Ron will ever want anything to do with me.

    Can you belive I have cried every day for over 2 years.

    No one ever sees me, but I do. I pray something happens soon to pull me out of this and give me some hope for the future.

  • You are just in the valley at the moment--you will be fine and as for your sister--it was inevitable the split because people who let themselves go in a very extreme away are in a sense pushing others away. It's like the dog who rolls in his own shi t then is miserable no one will pet them! And crying for two years was not a bad thing--grief has to go somewhere or it turns on you in depression. Read the book EMOTIONAL FREEDOM---great advice about the need to cry--crying is good for you as long as it doesn't consume you. My son has been gone now almost three years--I cry a lot but it is not all my life is about. Your in the train station right now--staring at the clock--not a clue when the train is coming or where your even going--just that an ANGEL gave you the golden ticket. Try to resist making things happen or looking through muddy glasses. Keep that idea open about hooking up into an activity. This is universal for many --not just you--I just found a Jazzercise close by! Finally! The teacher is one I enjoyed for many years. I'm hooking up--have been kinda in the lull as well feeling the urge to group up doing something that feeds me mind body spirit and now it's here! Keep your positive eyes open as well. You sound like you need a good cry--go ahead then gather your strength and move on. BLESSINGS! ps--Enjoy the power of pink! Balance it with manly wood.

  • Hi Nancyeann,

    I hope you don’t mind my butting in, but I have a few things I would like to share with you.

    First, regarding your sister, I know it is difficult but try to remember that misery loves company and sometimes people who are unhappy actually delight in other people’s misfortune because it makes them feel better about their own life. You can love your sister and hope the best for her, but I personally think it would be much healthier for you to keep her at arm’s length at least for now.

    Secondly, with regard to Ron, what if he did come back? Would you really want him coming back to you sitting at home licking your wounds – having never carried on your life without him while he carried on his with someone else? Is that really all you think of yourself? That without him your life has no meaning? You are soooo much better than that! Wouldn’t you rather he came back to a vibrant, happy empowered woman with an active social life who doesn’t NEED him? Get yourself out there – start living again. Enjoy yourself – your life – the people around you. Break yourself free from the shackles of the past and any disappointment or regret you may feel. Life is too short!!!

    Lastly, I heard this song on the radio today and thought of you. Here is a link to the video:

    And the lyrics are below…


    To the left, to the left

    To the left, to the left

    Mmmmmm to the left, to the left

    Everything you own in a box to the left

    In the closet – that’s my stuff

    Yes, if I bought it then please don’t touch

    And keep talkin’ that mess, that’s fine

    But could you walk and talk at the same time?

    And it’s my name that’s on that Jag

    So go move your bags - let me call you a cab

    Standin’ in the front yard tellin’ me how I’m such a fool

    Talkin’ bout how I’ll never ever find a man like you

    You got me twisted

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I can have another you in a minute

    Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute (baby)

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I can have another you by tomorrow

    So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

    So go ahead and get gone

    Call up that chick and see if she’s home

    Oops I bet you thought that I didn’t know

    What did you think I was putting you out for?

    Because you was untrue

    Rolling around in a car that I bought you

    Baby, drop them keys

    Hurry up before your taxi leaves

    Standin’ in the front yard tellin’ me how I’m such a fool

    Talkin’ bout how I’ll never ever find a man like you

    You got me twisted

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I can have another you in a minute

    Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute (baby)

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I will have another you by tomorrow

    So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

    So since I’m not your everything

    How about I’ll be nothing

    Nothing at all to you

    Baby I won’t shed a tear for you

    I won’t lose a wink of sleep

    Cause the truth of the matter is

    Replacing you is so easy

    To the left, to the left

    To the left, to the left

    Mmmmmm to the left, to the left

    Everything you own in a box to the left

    To the left, to the left

    Don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I can have another you in a minute

    Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute (baby)

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I can have another you by tomorrow

    So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking baby

    You must not know ‘bout me

    You must not know ‘bout me

    I can have another you in a minute

    Matter fact he’ll be here in a minute

    You can pack all your bags – we’re finished

    Cause you made your bed now lay in it

    I can have another you by tomorrow

    So don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you’re irreplaceable

  • Spirit has one word but it's a mighty one and you are on the wavelength--for many of us the spring song is ATTITUDE! Feel it? Nervy Guttsy--tail feather shaking ATTITUDE! Colorr mine red shoe dancing hot pink with black undies! BLESSINGS!

  • Dear Blmoon,

    Well I am going back to work today. I am ready, feeling a little nervous because it has been 6 weeks, but I went there yesterday to get my schedual and everyone was happy to see me and giving me hugs.

    Having to wake up to an alarm was hard and I will miss my naps, but I feel the need to get out in the world and talk to people and I miss my friends.

    I am going to accept any invitation from my friends to go out and get busy, and I am done sitting around waiting for Ron.

    Watergirl is right and so are you, I am so much better than that.

  • YOU GO GIRL---despite our different stories, we are also using the energy pulls out there to best serve us--it is the divine mystery of the cosmos how this happens. There are certein planetery influences that create a timing for healing certein wounds and fueling dreams timeliness. Right now the universe says if you are coming out of a period of selfless servitude or any kind of oppressive situation--if you are ready for a complete map change--NOW the universe will support you--give you the extra fuel. I'm joining Jazzercise this week! A lost love and one that really feeds me mind body and spirit! Empowering. I feel the pull as well--to move out into the world--connect as this is not easy. As much as I am wild and adventurouse and love people--I am sooooo much the homebody--I just love love love my own space! I can be the hermit! It is easy. Sometimes it srves me with permission from the divine to be a hermit but we must trust the spirit urgings when it's time to leap OUT THERE! Spirit knows best. Nancy--do the right thing and the universe will support you. I believe you will see your job in a whole new perspective and people will notice a new energy about you--protect that--keep the toxic zappers outside your energy field. I'm excited about the energy available to those who have listened and are ready to leap. I'll be dancing again--feeling the energy of other strong women---filling the room with power--woman who give to themselves first---I love strong woman! BLESSINGS

  • Nancyeann - Another video for you!!!

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