I need alittle insight - Can someone help?

  • Here's the sitch. I work with a woman I haven't worked with for nearly ten years. I feel that she has always been competitive with me and I feel that she is currently stabbing me in the back. Here's a quick rundown: My boss and she were co-workers for several years. When my boss had a position open up, she immediately hired my co-worker Kristina (BD 09/11/75). The dynamic changed immediately. I was respected in the office by my other co-workers and one by one she damaged my working relationships with these individuals by cursing me out in front of them. I was so shocked I didn't defend myself but I didn't feel I needed to. Long story short - there are two camps in our office now, mine and hers.

    My boss also swapped our assignments and now there's not enough work to go around for the both of us. My duties will be going away in a couple of months but hers won't. My boss has "reassured" me that I have seniority but knowing how she's slowly pushing me out the door, I don't believe her. Here's what I would like to know. Are my feelings about Kristina stabbing me in the back correct? What can I exect to happen when the workload goes away?

    My BD is 01/05/74. I really need assistance. I do like my job and would like to stay here and be on good terms, but it's getting very difficult to not be paranoid.

    Thanks to anyone who responds.....

  • If you don't display more firm self-assertion and initiative, you will lose your position. You have become complacent with your position and mistakedly believed you were so secure that you didn't have to fight for it. Well, you do now if you want to stay on. It's a business at heart, so the person who shows that they can earn the most money for the business will be kept on. I don't feel this woman is back-stabbing you so much as simply believing she is the better person for the job. She proved this to herself and everyone else when she was able to browbeat you without you standing up for yourself. Instead of presuming you know how everyone feels, take this as a wakeup call to stop being overly self-satisfied and fight for what you want. Stop worrying about what this woman and everyone else is up to and focus on improving your own efforts at work.

  • Thank you Captain. I did already know that and I have been asserting myself more over the past few months and I am definitely at the top of my game with regards to my work. The problem is I was out on medical leave for 5 months and when I returned, everything had changed. I became very insecure when I returned based on what I had noticed. While I didn't state everything that has gone, please know that I my atttempts to get back to where it was prior to my leave have failed. I do believe she knows my insecurity and uses that to "prey" upon when it's to her advantage.

    Again - thank you for your response. Now I have a decision to make. I have been offered a temporary position somewhere else and while it would give everyone a sigh of relief, I personally would like to see her leave, instead of me because I feel as if that would mean I am surrendering in the fight.

  • Then fight for what you want.

  • It's not this woman who is holding you back but your own insecurity. I feel you have a need for others to listen to you and understand you, and this need may become so obsessive that you defeat your purpose of proving your integrity and intelligence and end up just looking silly. But you aren't silly so put aside your fears and just go for it.

  • Yikes Captain. You nailed me on the insecurity. I recently had a baby, I am not at my normal weight - I'm tired and cranky and my relationship has been suffering because my child hasn't been the most precious baby ever - all these have left me insecure at home and it flows over into work because my spouse doesn't hear or understand my frustrations.

    My jaw nearly hit the floor on looking silly trying to prove my integrity and intelligence. My co-worker constantly gives me these looks like I just told her a hippo crossed the room whenever we are discussing certain work matters. I know that I am right in what I am doing but because she gives me these looks and when I question her on it she looks around with an "I didn't say anything" look on her face and that makes me feel even worse.

    Thank you! Thank you! I guess I needed someone else to put this into words for me to realize that I need to fight for what I want. I needed that..........Thank you.

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  • Hey, I had a very similar situation years ago. Except I hadn't been on leave or anything. I had a position that I worked very hard at and did very well. High praises all around, great reviews. I lived for this job. Then a woman came into an admin position who had once been involved in a company that did something similar to my job. Not that SHE did the work, she just worked for someone that did. Well, she could sell an icebox to Eskimos, so she started undermining my decisions to the partners and placing doubts in their mind about our infrastructure. She was quite crafty and manipulative and even though I was able to counteract many of her measures because I could keep a step ahead of her, it was just way more work than I wanted and made my job "not fun". My final straw was when after 5 years with the company, I was denied a raise for failure to perform certain functions of my job - which were NOT functions of my job. I demanded written documentation showing that I was supposed to do these duties and that I had failed, and watched her scramble to produce them (I was the network administrator and could see her creating the docs on the network AFTER I asked for them). I was denied access to my personnel file until she finished the bogus documentation (ie she brought the HR Director into this as that's who denied me the file. She became "unavailable" every time I asked until everything was neatly placed in it, then it was suddenly and sweetly hand delivered to me. It was almost humorous to watch them at this). Even bringing this proof to the partners - who NEVER had an issue with me or my work was not enough to get me anywhere. I was eventually granted a paltry raise and had already been looking for a new job. When I gave my notice it turned out only the head partner knew of the issues, one by one the others pulled me aside and were in shock that I was leaving because of her. They asked what it would take for me to stay and my request was quite simple - let me report to the head partner as I used to. That was it, simple. I didn't want more money, I just knew I was doomed if I continued to have to report to her. The head partner didn't feel that would work so that was that.

    Now...... she told me I would never be worth what I showed her my job was worth when she gave me no raise. I didn't even ask for what the industry showed the job was worth, that's how much I loved my job. When I got a new job, not only did I get myself a 15K raise, but it was 10K over her salary. The look on her face was worth it. 🙂

    Long story short, the new job was miserable. I was not cut out for corporate america but I did get my bills paid off and it pushed me to seek other outlets for work. My project ended in 2004 and I got a "fun" job for 1/4 of the pay and expanded my own business that I had started in the last year of the project.

    I have since gotten divorced, work 3 jobs and run my own business still. I am very poor but so much happier not dealing with crap like that. I am more in charge of my time and destiny. I have more debt than I'd like but I am working hard on that.

    It amazes me that people act like this. I don't understand what they get out of it, but I do know this woman was very submissive to her own husband. And she had just had a baby and doubled in weight. Perhaps it was her way of making herself feel better, by making others miserable (though I had many vendors almost threaten not to work with me anymore when they discovered she was with us, so her attitude proceeded the baby and weight gain for sure!)

    Sorry for the long post but your post and the comment by Jlinaangel really hit home with me. It STINKS that people just can't go to work, do their job and go home. Sometimes you can't fight city hall, but it just may open a new and better door for you. Temp jobs are not bad and may lead to something great! It is a great way to "try" a job/company with no worries if you don't like it - it's TEMP and you can leave when the assignment is done.

    I wish you the best,


  • First, I would like to say thank you to YD - your post describes nearly to a "T" what I am going through (except I'm the one with the baby and the weight gain - lol!!!) I couldn't have said it better. I had worked so hard to get to this position and here comes this woman who was illegally hired because she was friends with my boss and it's been hell ever since. I say she was illegally hired because she never applied for the position. No resume, no application (which are all required BEFORE the cut off date), just my boss saying to me - she's going through a really rough time and she might lose her job. They fabricated her information and put false dates on her hiring paperwork. Not only that, but when I went out on maternity leave, my boss felt that since this woman was filling in behind me, she should get a promotion and a hefty raise so our pay matches now. She was never on the same playing field as me, but with the boss in your pocket it doesn't really matter. Thank you for helping me understand your situation as well.........

    To JLinaangel - I was thinking about the "fight" this morning after I posted to Captain. I don't know if it's really worth it anymore. I think I'm in a situation where it was doomed from the start and you and YD are both correct in that the new job might be better in the long run. This boss has and does lie - I have caught her in lies many times and she has also thrown me under the bus at least three times that I know of. However, the people above her - they think I am exceptional. One executive who recently promoted to another location wanted to take me with him. I couldn't because the location was about two hours away. I feel that I have great relationships with those above the immediate realm and they know the work that I do and my work ethic. I would LOVE to hear about your book once you are done with it - if it's in interesting read please let me know.

    After writing these things down and reading everyone's great responses, I realize that this is stress I really don't want or need in my life and I guess I needed to "see" it in order to understand it. I am planning on accepting the temporary offer today, it would mean a small raise and other "perks", so I think it may be the break that I need to get back on track.

  • missphaven74, congrats if you did indeed accept the new job! A raise is always a good thing. 🙂

    I do realize you said you were the one with the baby/weight gain and that it caused insecurity issues and I do wonder if perhaps this was part of my old bosses problem as well. But I do know vendors hated her so her general attitude was bad.

    Sometimes people will think you are wonderful, but trying to make the "right thing" happen undermines too many people so they just go with the flow. That is exactly what happened with me when the head partner wouldn't give my the one thing I asked for and the other partners, while telling me how disgusted they were, really didn't do much other than say that. They made their comments and backed away. Easier I guess to ruffle my feathers than many others, sad as that sounds.

    Here is the "best" thing. The lady that hated me gave my job to one of her best friends from her old job. I saw many of the resumes that came in and he was NOT the best qualified. She also gave him more than what I asked for or even made. And I was there for over 5 years and only had ONE day of network downtime. He had DAYS per month, changed the entire infrastructure at a huge cost, very unstable, etc etc. I know they would never admit it but I heard this from many people I was friends with - she actually cost them a fortune between his salary and all the changes SHE wanted to make that he went along with. I didn't think they were in the best interests of the company and documented why (and delivered a package to each partner so they would be informed). It was all I could do. I walked away knowing I did the best I could with the hope that what goes around comes around.

    This was in 2001. Last I knew she was still there...... but it doesn't matter because I am happy in my life now. If happy to her means making people miserable, more power to her. I don't need to be the bug on the bottom of her shoe, and I was, for 14 very long months.

    I also recently worked for a man for a year, till this past September. A couple weeks back he "made me an offer I couldn't refuse". It really wasn't a good offer, I'm sure many WOULD like it but he expects me to be "available" for about 18 hrs a day which includes weekends. He may only have 20 hrs of work a week...... but the stress of knowing I may run to the store for the 30 mins he may decide to call me that day? So not worth it!

    We do learn more about ourselves and life as we get older, and it's a wonderful thing. 🙂

    BTW, you may find that you cross paths with that person that's 2 hrs away sometime in the future, and the distance may not be so great anymore! Keep your options open... I'm actually working 3 jobs plus my own business and am MUCH happier not having all my eggs in one basket! Yes it's stressful juggling everything but it's MY stress now! 🙂

    Keep us posted!


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  • Hey I did say I was piss poor didn't I? 🙂 I'm on state health insurance, energy assistance and food stamps. Well the health insurance isn't a handout but it is a sliding scale. I think of selling my house but I won't gain much, and rents aren't much less than my mortgage and I'll then lose all my deductions. I struggle with decisions like that daily. Just filled out my food stamp app tonight (every 6 months) and wonder if they will nuke me because I didn't tell them I got two new jobs. I'm really making the same money and my case worker seems to be human, so I think I'm ok. Frankly I was more concerned with finding work when I lost one job and the other slowed down, then telling them I was making less money.

    My main priority right now (besides paying basic bills of course) is paying off my credit cards! I will be working more this year than last and hopefully that will let me afford more of my own food at least. I really just want to be self-sufficient again.

    What I DON'T want is to sit in a job that doesn't keep me busy. I absolutely love one of my current jobs. It's a job similar to something I did in college. No matter where I stand in the department, I can hear guys giggling. It just makes me laugh! I have a job further away that pays a little more (which is eaten up in gas). He wants me to work 3 days a week and I thought all of 5 seconds before saying I needed that 3rd day for my own business, which is true. But when I don't have work for myself, I go to the local giggling job. Job further away doesn't have the work to keep me busy. At least there are no politics in either place! My 3rd job has a bit of politics but the worst offender is retiring this year and we mostly work off-site.

    Think of the things you have done in your jobs - think outside the box!!!! When I was in my corporate job I read so many books. I just pulled one out of my bookcase called the Practical Dreamers Handbook.

    Also: Country Bound!: Trading Your Business Suit Blues for Blue Jean Dreams

    Your Money of Your Life

    Ugh, there is another one that I was reading the summer before last but it's fallen out of my head and I don't see it in the other room. It may be stuck in a box. I swear his last name is Brown and it was published in 1973. He really lived off the grid but it was fascinating. This is what I did when bored in my big money job - I read and dreamed and planned.

    AHHH - How I found freedom in an unfree world

    Something I enjoy doing now is bookkeeping. What I want to do is get a bunch of clients where I just do their books. I found one this fall but it was a month after it was posted. 4 hours a month doing bank recs. Not much but this is a job that doesn't pay minimum wage! I don't mind traveling to an account, what I don't like is sitting there doing nothing. I want to go in, work and go home (or to the next) when I am finished. Actually one guy said he'd mail me a package every week and I'd only have to go in once a month or so! That's what I want! My further away job wants us to answer the phones - which never ring! When my 3rd job picks up, I will ask him if I can do just the bookkeeping. If not I will quit. I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS IN MY LIFE!!! But I discovered that it was not the job I thought it was plus I am not busy so....... Yes, I feel a little bad but I am learning it's not my job to make everyone else happy. It's my job to make me happy. 🙂 When I've stayed in a job to make everyone else happy, I've made myself miserable and it really didn't matter to the other people.

    I have placed ads on craigslist and in local papers stating exactly what you said Jlina: "Are you looking for a conscientious worker that will come in and do their job without getting involved in office politics and water cooler gossip? I can provide you with bookkeeping, debt paydown advice, general office work, reorganization. I won't waste your time!"

    I have not done this often and I won't tell you I've gotten a ton of jobs this way. But I HAVE gotten feedback and likely would have had better luck if I kept reposting the ads. Downfall of craigslist, they fall off that first page often. Also LOOK AT ALL THE ADS even if you think it's something you are not interested in. I have watched my dad and a close friend go from being business owners (brick and morter) to working for others. They both thought they didn't have the qualifications but when they broke down their SKILLS they did.

    I hope everything works out for you! I know from experience on both sides that unemployment typically takes the employee side (I've even seen it when the employee was fired for stealing) so you shouldn't have a problem. Government wheels just turn slow sometimes.

    Look everywhere and don't be afraid to keep looking once you find something. As you have found out, employers don't have your best interests at heart, so YOU need to. I think the world you remember (and myself as well) is the world of our grandparents, when employees were rewarded for being faithful and working hard.

    Embrace this opportunity - the world is at your fingertips. 🙂


  • Hi, This lady who is cussing you is actually the insecure person and is projecting that on you. People have babies, get sick and go on leave etc. How long has she been with the company. Probably not as long as you. You do need to stand your ground but I think chances are it'll make her worse because she has insecurity issues. She may be narcosistic as well. Seems like it's become a battlefield. I would seriously consider taking the temporary job. Because it's such a bad economy, I hate to give t hat advice. I think the boss is right w/the senority issue. Might want to think about transfering, if possible. All people and situations are different. This is where I see this going.

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  • Just wanted to add a note - SEND THOSE RESUMES OUT!!!!

    Friday at 6:30pm I got a call from a guy I sent my resume to in November!!!! It was the week after I interviewed for a job I am at 2 days a week (and he doesn't have that much work so I am really bored).

    I didn't remember all the details except they were looking for FT or PT and bookkeeping. I told him Friday that I was not interested in FT work as I enjoy the diversity of my other jobs. He said they are looking for a couple of people, asked if I could to every day but flex hours, and then he asked if there was a job I'd be willing to consider replacing and I said yes, but I am only there 2 days a week and I explained why I was bored. I don't want to lead this guy on or anything, I don't NEED to get a new job right now (but I did need it then).

    In any case, he convinced me to interview with him Tuesday. So weird! I have no idea what will come of it. It is half the distance of my boring job so that alone makes it more attractive LOL. I think the pay was in the range I am getting now, the job posting has expired so I can't see it.

    If I can convince him to let me do BOOKS then it may work out well! But I couldn't believe he actually worked at talking me into the interview - 2 months after I sent a resume in a tough job market for workers!

    Moral of the story is...... send the resumes, you never know what may happen! 🙂

    (also be wary of craigslist scams, I was getting really good at spotting them without even trying LOL. When they try to get you to run a credit check - scam!)

    Have a great week everyone, I have to try to find pants else I am wearing nice jeans and boots!

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  • I was thinking black jacket - I did save one from my purge! Have a pair of dark green pants that doen't look so denim but that will require a complete changeover once I get to my other job. It's a heavy equipment company so I am not really worried about it but I do like to wear something "decent" for an interview.

    Just today, the job I am bored at asked if I will be able to go to four days/wk when the other lady retires. Not gonna happen (there is not enough work for 2 days). I know I will have work at 2 other jobs but one of them won't be in full swing for me till April so I am just keeping my mouth shut till then. Perfect world, he lets me do bookkeeping only and hires someone to be a chair warmer. Not-perfect world, I move on. Either way I'm good. 🙂

    The part time gig really works well for me. It is serious juggling but so worth it!

    I know what you mean about the ripples!!!!! Sometimes they are not even my decisions LOL. I don't have anyone helping me financially and it's really really tough. Sometimes I wonder if one FT job would do it for a year or two but then I worry about trying to get back into the PT market again. Best of luck with your choices!!!!

    BTW I could use a good sports massage these days. 🙂


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  • Hey, sorry it's been a crazy week! Hope I don't have another like this one this year, life has cost me too much $$ and there is yet more snow on the way.

    Anyway, the interview went great. I ended up wearing just jeans, boots and a really nice longer zip up sweater. My black jacket was in serious need of ironing. Everyone else was in jeans and casual tops, the girl there had on leather pants. And it was snowing like mad. We agreed that if I had applied for his job 4 years ago we would have loved each other (as employer/employee LOL). But they really want more than I am looking for right now, it would seriously impact my other jobs, as in I'd likely have to quit two, not just the one I want to quit. I told him to throw something at me and who knows, it may stick.

    Another lesson learned..... I have a job that is not on my resume in full. It was a merger and I have the OLD job listed with the original boss since we were both at the new place together for 9 months. Anyone who asks about that job (which really only happens if they know I used to work there), I just tell them the merger created a different culture that didn't work for me (I was there for over 5 years). If I know them well enough I'll say the old boss quit and the new guy fired the rest of us, which is true. Turns out the guy I interviewed with knows the NEW owner (who I actually despise, which is why he is not listed on my resume). He knew of the merger and everything and actually admitted he knows most people hate the guy. He was going to invest in the company when it merged. He kind of talked over me as I started to say something about the culture and I clamped my mouth shut lol. Anyway, my lesson is that even when you think you have a neutral way of answering questions, it may not be as neutral as you think! Kind of wonder if he'll contact that NEW guy I don't like that much, because one of our main differences was in how the bills are paid, and the interview was for bookkeeping. Also turned out he used to print newsletters for a company I left in 2001 for someone with my same name but he didn't recognize me - lol she was right across the hall from me.

    In any case, it was a great interview and I'd probably fit in well if I wanted to work 5-6 hrs/day in one place. If he offers me something for 2 days where I can quit my boring job I'll consider it. He said he had a few more interviews and he'd get back to me.

    In your case - WOW what a crazy test! I agree, why on earth would you need to know all that for that type of job???? Did you hear anything back yet? Would you be willing to move that far?

    I am on a cleaning spree right now before the weather hits again - will check back later - hope all is well with you! 🙂


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