Hanswolfgang....after long



  • I can't recoil from it because I don't want to this time. I closed myself off from my ex husband and remained in the marriage that way until it ended.

    With my last partner, I opened myself as completely as I was aware of being capable, while knowing his heart wasn't really "mine" as such; it was still with his passed fiancee. But I still loved him and didn't pull back from showing him that. He withdrew from me months ago, but I was still prepared to stand by him. He has gone now, and that is the reason for my current state.

    I don't know that I'm trying to find words to describe this feeling of loss/sorrow/pain; however those three words sum it up if words are necessary to describe. I am aware too though, that my inner child has been hurt and needs to emerge and merge with the adult who is now.

    I have always believed that love itself never hurts, but rather, the expectations placed upon it by those who are in it are what makes love seem painful.

    I want to operate from a place of heart rather than a place of ego, but also understand that I am human and made up of both. I am not Buddha or as advanced a soul to be even close to that. At least I'm not aware of being so 🙂 So I resist the idea of sitting under a tree for days purging myself of human experience.

    I am however, aware that my capacity for compassion has been heightened even more in the last two weeks post-relationship breakdown.

    Will he come back to me? I can't know that for sure. I am in need of being alone as often as I can be. I'm not afraid of being alone. But I am afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, while trying not to allow that fear to take hold in case I bring that state to me.

    Your words enlighten the soul and bring comfort. Answers seem out of reach, but I guess those answers really dwell within the querant anyway. It sometimes makes the world of readings, etc, seem a bit futile doesn't it?

    If we "knew" what we were going to face at times, we would never venture out and take risks. Challenges to our very core would be something to fear.

    The not knowing is the challenge.

    Not knowing and keeping faith strong.

    Today I want to know. Today my faith feels weak.

    Tomorrow I may not remember today 🙂

    One step at a time ...



  • All the houses that you have rented have blown away many times. This time also you are renting a house, and it will blow away one day. But you are going to continue.

    You are an eternal pilgrim.

    Your pilgrimage is not going to end anywhere.

    Pilgrimage itself is the goal, there is no goal to pilgrimage.



  • Hmmm, I think I'll have to think on that one. By "house/s" do you mean my personal house/body as in the mansion of the soul?

    Otherwise, I hope I'm not in the house I do currently rent when it, too, blows away ... 🙂



  • I also find it ironic that in life, I've been the one who is left behind when others have gone.

    To see myself as a pilgrim, again as said, strikes me as a strange irony ...



  • This is the paradoxical logic of life. With "houses" I mean your personal relations. You would like to settle there, but the others go and this makes you a pilgrim again. I call this blessing in disguise.



  • I thought you did mean that, but was making a pretty weak attempt at humour on this lovely tearful day 🙂

    The thought of not being settled with anyone in the latter stage of my life doesn't make me feel all that keen on being a "pilgrim" to be honest. One day I might see this whole thing as a blessing in disguise. For now though, I am tired of being the one left alone.



  • Hi Hans,

    Long time not been here and love to get some feedbacks from you.

    What's going on with T at the moment ?

    What do you see between T and me in the future ?

    Is he going to be back at pursuing me ?

    How about my work search ? will I be able to find a job these coming months ?

    what do you advise me at this time ?

    Thank You Hans !!



  • Art10,

    What's going on with T at the moment ? Laughter is beautiful, but shallow. Sadness looks ugly but is very deep. If he knows how to enjoy laughter he will know how to enjoy sadness also. Then, if he is enjoying, sadness does not become a destructive force; then he is not disconnected from existence. Rather, in his sadness also, he is deeply related.

    What do you see between T and me in the future ? Spirituality will be the ultimate in luxury.

    Is he going to be back at pursuing me ? No.

    How about my work search ? You become very puzzled. You are just fresh and it seems that this first encounter is undoing all your learning. Is your science wrong? What has happened? Why should you come here?

    will I be able to find a job these coming months ? yes.

    what do you advise me at this time ? Art, nothing is wrong with you, but if you want to live with garlic you have to renounce life. Garlic is simply dangerous for any communion, for any communication. It is very medicinal; it will keep you healthy and it will keep you alive longer than you would have lived without it. Or maybe because you will have to live alone your life will look longer!



  • i just want to know what romance is in store for me these next few months? like who what when where how lols . thanks 🙂

    and theres this guy fawad and mergim. anything happening soon?

    janet t.

    2.7.1990

    thanks!



  • fluffyninja,

    i just want to know what romance is in store for me these next few months? If you are open and vulnerable; you may catch it.

    like who what when where how: Turn On, Tune In and Drop the Lot

    and theres this guy fawad and mergim. anything happening soon? no.

    janet t.,

    you are not able to make a beautiful life of what you have right now. But this is more important for you than any romance, which would make your life even more complicated.



  • hanswolfgang,

    you are not able to make a beautiful life of what you have right now. But this is more important for you than any romance, which would make your life even more complicated.

    when you say this do you think you can be a bit more specific? because this is the feeling i get. that things are difficult. but i just don't know what it is.



  • HI Hans - I wonder if you could shed a little light on my job search? I am a nurse now, and I just started looking for my first real job a couple weeks ago. As is my way, I am impatient with the process and want to know )now) what my job will be! 🙂 I can see the value of learning patience and even getting some downtime between my rigorous schooling and my job starting, but I am hopeful that I will know and start in the next month or two. Get anything? 🙂

    Nice to see you again... how are you doing?



  • fluffyninja,

    when you say this do you think you can be a bit more specific? no.

    because this is the feeling i get. that things are difficult. but i just don't know what it is: that's good. That is the moment... this time you are not to know what it is, you are to feel what is easy and easy is right.



  • firehorsecrab

    firehorsecrab,

    I wonder if you could shed a little light on my job search? no.

    I want to know )now) what my job will be! But there is a danger: you can get so involved in the study of body that you forget that it has anything to do with changing the internal states of the mind. Then you become an adept in the science of body, but the mind within remains the same. Remember, this is only an aid; the actual transformation must occur within. Take as much outside help as possible, but concentrate on the internal change.

    Get anything? No.

    Nice to see you again... how are you doing? I am being patient to be in the process.



  • Hi Hans,

    Thank You for the reply !

    What do you see between me and A in the future ?

    does T love me ?

    what does he think about me ?

    thank you !

    art



  • Thanks Hans - I do agree with you about holistically seeing the body and soul. I will work to help people heal both - within my ability - I promise! 🙂



  • Art10,

    What do you see between me and A in the future ? I see that in the future A has a late night at the pub, and when it closes, he staggers outside in a drunken stupor. He wanders around the streets trying to remember which way to go home, and finally gives up. A sits down on the street and looks all around him until a taxi pulls up beside him.

    "Ah!" groans A, clambering into the back and lying down on the seat. "Can you take me to number five, Fergus Street?"

    You, being the cabdriver look around at A and reply, "Hey, A, this is number five, Fergus Street!"

    "Ah!" groans A. "Alright! But next time, don't drive so fast!"

    does T love me ? no.

    what does he think about me ? that now, if you want to die, no society allows you to die. They say, "It is illegal; you cannot commit suicide." That you want to die because your existence is simply torture. The society seems to be very sadistic... they say, "You are not allowed to die; you will have to live." Now, you are hanging on, for no purpose. You do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Just hanging on and hanging on and hanging on.... Can she think of the misery that I feel...? That then there will be the need to commit suicide. That you will have to find ways and means. That you may have to bribe someone; effort will be needed.



  • firehorsecrab,

    yes, a bud should not remain a bud, but the bud needs no religion. It needs to go on growing the way it has been going on. The way, the same way as it has become a bud -- it has to go on the same path -- and the flowering will come of its own accord. And remember, when flowering comes of its own accord, it has a beauty, a grace. When it is forced, then it is just painted -- make-up -- but not beauty.



  • Hi Hans,

    I like your stories but this time I understood nothing how they relate to me!

    so another way to ask is will i have A out of my life in the future?

    will T ask me out in the future ?

    why T is sad ?

    Has T found love ?

    Am I in my path as I am ?

    thanks !!

    art



  • Art10,

    will i have A out of my life in the future? no.

    will T ask me out in the future ? no.

    why T is sad ? because all the rubbish has been removed. He feels just a clean and clear consciousness. This is the answer...

    Has T found love ? No.

    Am I in my path as I am ? No.

    Come to know your vanity.


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