Hanswolfgang....after long

  • Hans, you are a paradox of the verbal, to say the very least! A pilgrim of the heart, a wanderer of the soul and mind, and you challenge those you "read" with aplomb, minimal verbalism and an almost cryptic tone to your readings. I think I know what you mean though without you having to explain it (?) I'm a Cancerian - think I mentioned that once before - and us crabs need explanation 99% of the time 🙂

    You are right about the west being in too much of a rush. I've often thought about how wonderful it might be to spend some time tucked away in the Himalayan mountains, or hiding out in Lhasa with the Dalai Lama, but then look around at where I live here, and I'm surrounded by trees, mountains and wide, wide spaces. I have my piece of paradise 🙂

    We don't stop and look at the roses often enough do we? No wonder western society is drug-addicted, overweight and hooked on prescription drugs. Not to mention alcohol over-consumption. The material world cannot be sustained for too much longer.

    Our thoughts need to turn to the spiritual. Our focus needs to turn to the spiritual. Our lives need to turn to it.

    It is good you are able to look at the trees, and be one with all you see. Even I forget to do that, too often sadly. However, when I'm not working, I'm sitting admiring my space; lying on the grass, watching clouds ...

  • Moon50,

    every evening I am sitting in meditation. What am I doing? In my first part, I am throwing off all my diseases. I throw out all my thoughts. The empty mind is the empty boat and I can go in this boat to the further shore. The mind full of thoughts is so heavy, so sick, so divided, that it cannot go anywhere.

  • Moon50

    We ALL die alone! No earthly person or thing is with us all the time. It's life's tailchaser to yearn for completion by way of attachment. Love is when and where you choose it and it is easy some times when love comes to you, other times it is work --an intention--in that we tend to feel without it most during times of loss. If you are greiving a relationship, loss becomes your perspective. Truth is love is around you but it is hard to participate because loss can be all consuming because it is an emotion that tends to have a lot of wounds and bagage attached. The pain we alow into our perspective is often equal to the pain we have burried and often we attract from that shadow of ourselves situations that present an oportunity to purge and heal. There is no random bad luck going on in your life in the relationship dept. Letting that DOUBT into your realm of possability--to live and die without love is already planting a seed of intention. Moon50--yes you will die alone like the rest of us. But you will love and be loved. PERSPECTIVE PERSPECTIVE PERSPECTIVE. It is the only power we have. Right now you are inbetween things. Life is offering you up a bit of down time to look back and see paterns with a kind heart. No regret bashing or at least a fair truce--a good thought for every bad. This in itself teaches your mind that it has a power to soothe your own pain--be your own best supporter and positive friend. This empty space in your life is also an oportunity to build--to have vision--dreams--to balance reflection of the past with a sky's the limit look forward. In a nutshell, do not ask permission for the future you want as if it is written in cold stone. What we focus on most is the reality that grows. Energy is real. Focus on fear of dying at a loss and THAT is what manifests. Fear is a blind spot and deaf ear that cuts us off from blessings and abundance. Fear cuts us off from intuition. Fear is a very loud voice that drowns out possability when it comes stomping on the whispers of hope. Tame your fears and meditation will have room for whispers that come on the wings of butterflys. Spend time in nature and do not let this lull in your wheel of life be a fearful emptiness but a gift of guidance for the wheels next rise up. Honor the cycles of life. It exhists in everything for a reason. You are not empty right now--you are fertile! BLESSINGS!

  • Blmoon, this week has given me a great deal of clarity and happiness. I have spent time with my children, been out with my friends from work and learned that I am not alone.

    I have been enjoying my space alone these past few weeks. I have allowed the anger, disappointment, sorrow and loss to do what it will and this week, I have felt that I've allowed myself to heal at last. I don't know if I'm actually healed, but sure feel better than I did a month ago.

    I see great sense in what you, and Hans, have been saying. Things that make you think, question, even dig deeply at your core to the heart of your fear, are the things that teach the most. I am lucky to have had the opportunity to be able to do all this.

    I still fear being alone for the rest of my life, but that is slowly dissipating too. I think that being alone is a state we choose, rather than a circumstances forced upon us. Loneliness, however, is another state entirely. I have felt lonely when I've had people around me, like we all have.

    I have found that I can go out and about, and not feel bad at being the only unpartnered person there. I have felt very exhausted when I've got home, but take that as being part of the process. I felt high as a kite when I got home after being out with my son and daughter and all their friends though! They were like tonic and I always feel uplifted and magical around these young ones. Their jokes and sardonic senses of humour are truly awe-inspiring 🙂

    Now the one thing I need to do here is stop chewing my nails and give up the smokes!!! I have been a nervy little thing for quite a few months, and it's annoying the crap out of me 🙂 Whether it's to do with the coming shift we are anticipating, and/or that I knew things were going to end in my relationship, I don't know for sure, but I'm tired of doing these two things. Still, I know why I clutch on to the smokes: They're a habit I've had since 17, but one that has slowed me down and made me sit. Plus the familiarity of a routine I have not had the strength to give up or change.

    As they say though, intention and desire are the precursors to change, so ... hopefully I'll get brave and let this go too.

    Thank you, you and Hans, for your words of wisdom and the sheer poetic way they're written.

    Ah, the clouds are grey today, but maybe I'll get that car washing in after all ... or maybe not!

    Cheers, love, blessings, hope and peace to you both 🙂



  • that's exactly the whole work that is needed

    to get rid of the junk

    that others have stuffed you with

    to clear yourself completely

    to clean yourself completely

    so that you can find your real being

    that you have brought with yourself.



  • By jove, I think she's got it 🙂

    Not quite there yet, but will ...

    Thank you Hans xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  • Smoking is a hard one! I quite thirty years ago and broke it down into phases as smoking is attached to many other habits. There are trigger habits--a smoke after meals--a smoke on the phone--a smoke in the car etc. I stopped one habit at a time over the course of several weeks. Don't remember exactly it's been too long but I think the first week I made a rule no cigerette on the phone--next week added no ciggeret after meals then no ciggeret in the car--the last week only ciggerets at home--once outside the house no ciggerets. Then a limitt to how many ciggerets. My husband was different he quit and quit so many times only to go back weeks later after already enduring the worst.. Finaly, I said you need a doctor and medication as there is something different about your smoking. I also had noticed when he stopped smoking he replaced it with something obbsessive. In an OCD way. My husband was not a doctor friendly person--he never got sick. I usualy did not force things on him but I had such an intuition about it--prayed for the right doctor made an apointment--all the while him yelling across the house he was not going. But he did and the doctor gave him medication--zyban--which is realy welbutron a treatment for variouse anxiety disorders. Not only did my husband quit for good but was a much better person on the meds! But the true miricle was during the exam this doctor felt something in his abdomen and turned out he had kidney cancer! And because he had no symptoms it had not spread yet and they removed his kidney. That was twelve years ago--the kidney specialist remarked that my husband was very lucky as most doctors would not have felt that and I really feel the doctor I prayed for was indeed intuitive. I just had a friend who lost her husband to cancer and facing 60 she quit smoking as well with meds so if you feel you need help--see a doctor. Bad habits are our way of toning down energy. Really we tend to find a fear based discomfort when in full power and energy. We choose habits that sedate us or drain us. It's too deep to explain and I'm tired1 I did a 5k with my grandson this morning and did not train at all. Just got in the game--a happy birthday tribute to my father who passed ten years ago--he was a hard ass coach both local and olympic. I'm my father's daughter today! BLESSINGS!

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  • alenabrz,

    How are you? I am very happy. Perfectly right! You have understood me.

    I'm thinking about getting I masters degree, going back to the uni. What the cards say about that? No, the way is blocked. Learn from the mirror: no past, no future... the mirror is always in the present; whatever happens, it simply reflects.

    Anything else about the rest of the year the cards want me to know? No.

  • Blmoon,

    I have spent a few very pleasant hours this day talking to a fellow I know from the hospital where I work (he's the son of one of the residents who was with us for a short while before he died).

    I feel uplifted by talking to someone who is real; not fake. While I know I have a way to go until I feel at ease with my new-found solo situation, I found myself feeling very attracted to this guy. However, I'm aware of that need a lot of us have (especially after a recent breakup) to have someone to say "i love you" to. I'm happy being attracted to him. Don't know if he feels similar, but he's been out today and yesterday for a few hours each time, and, well I don't want to push things, which is not like Ms-Impatient-Me 🙂

    I think I have been sent this man because he will be part of my healing process. And I of his, truth be told.

    I'm sitting here now looking at issues that have kept me back, kept me making the same mistakes in relationships and love way too often, and I believe that is what is making me stop wanting to push things too quick with this man. We've talked about everything to do with our past relationships, what went wrong in them, how we felt/feel about them and even managed to laugh like silly kids about stuff.

    After the week I've spent, I can see that I've been sent so much love and support from friends (on here and in my "real" life - if that's the word), my daughter and son, and all this in the midst of me doubting I'd ever feel part of anything again.

    I'm going to be grateful for all of this, rather than fear it'll be taken away. I've learned enough (from you, the Captain and Hans) to realise that what we fear is what we manifest. So along with what you said about PERSPECTIVE, PERSPECTIVE, PERSPECTIVE, I'm going to turn my own perspective around and be GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL, GRATEFUL.

    Yes, I need to turn my life around from negative expectations to positive ones.

    In truth, I can see myself falling for this guy, but not for a while. As for him ... who knows? As I said to him today, his thoughts are his private space and no-one can know what he's thinking unless he offers it freely.

    Life's a box of chocolates, and I intend on getting a WHOLE FACTORY of the ones I like 🙂

    I thank you, Hans and the Captain for the wisdom you've shared. There are others as well, but too many to mention. You three have been the main ones, and I am grateful to you.




  • Life's a box of chocolates! Go Forest Gump! And yes--either eat the whole box and get sick or be happy with what you get, or be a really good guesser or do like I did as an uncivilized child--I would break a crack in the bottom and peek then put it back I was that kind of child! I very Much believe in gratefulness--it does change fear energy and that energy that says not enough. It does clear a lot of toxic vibes and attracts abundance. It's the opposite of victim energy because it is an intention that uses the divine will. As for looking for a man or seeing men as possabilities-- that can work against you as men pick that up and it can be a burdon they wish to step away from. men are icing on the cake YOU bake. After 40 plus years with the same man I can tell you that marriage does not cure being lonely. Marriage is WORK. We get fed as women a false message about love--from fairytales to romance novels and silly romantic movies. Passion is a very powerfull emotion to manage. And men are not women. Women need to get that--that men are not like a good girlfriend. If I could go back to my younger days I would most like to change that expectation--that if he really loved you you would not be sad and that he would be all you need. My once young husband lamented that it was a burdon to be anyone's whole world. And in old age I get to return him that wisdom as he has aged and home is now a good place to stay. Life does have it's twists! Women tend to cling to home and family tight only to become more worldly and independant after fifty. Men are opposite--young men ride that tetesterone train fast anf furiouse when young and suddenly want to settle down more later.My advice to you is to find your bliss---have a dream and great joy for something and it will make you beautiful and attract some icing on your cake. Bake the cake first. Do something you love and be busy and enjoy men but try and not to latch on to that idea-- is he the one?--is he the one? A good man shys away after awhile if he feels he is expected to fill a womens life--it also attracts the controlling and the abusers so if you have a history of that know that it is not random--abusers choose women who are empty on their own. BLESSINGS!

  • Hello Blmoon, Moon50, Hans!

    Hey Moon50 just wanted to tell you some good news. That busboy that I had a crush on FINALLY asked me to hangout with him this past Sunday. It was AMAZING! We hung out all night-cuddling, kissing, listening to music and watching movies. He asked me to call him and we've been texting ever since but he still acts a little reserved and shy around me sometimes but nonetheless talks to me. I just don't like it all the time because I can be impatient (especially when bored) and aggressive (but not over the top) but I feel that I really don't need to be this way because I should take my time with all the other things going on in my life and I want to enjoy the ride while I can without crashing lol. I actually have respect for his dreams and goals and reserved demeanor because it calms my more agresssive side down. I know that I would prefer someone more agressive but I know that is not what I need right now and just need to take it one step at a time.

    I just hope he like me as much as I like him-I just get anxious at times but I guess thats the fun stage.

  • Asia, that is great news indeed! And yes, don't rush this one; I'm getting that pretty strongly. Try not to worry whether he feels the same as you. Go with it. Think I might've said that to you before.

    So, you go girl! Let me know how this goes, and thank you for your feedback!




  • Blmoon,

    I did have the thought that this one could be THE one ... then pulled myself back from that and asked myself "the one for what?" Over years, I've learned that no man can be all things for a woman and that we shouldn't expect that. I was like that with my husband when we were young. I felt empty when he went away with the Navy, and full when he was home. It is a burden we dump on these poor men without meaning to. It's a bit sad that we don't learn that lesson until we're much older, which is where I've come to agree with something a wise person said years ago: Marriage should be reserved for middle aged people.

    I'm enjoying this feeling though, and his company. However, I know I've still some work to do on myself and that he can't be part of that. I need my space and alone time and will cling on to that like a rottweiler methinks 🙂 I love my house, love my wide open space here and most enjoy being alone in it. All the processes I've gone through last week, plus how I felt on Sunday morning when he hadn't rung to let me know if he was coming out made me realise that I'm still only part way along the road to my own bliss. While I'm over the man who left me a month ago, I'm not over that sense of being abandoned yet. So that pulled me up quick I can tell you! I don't want to be needy with this one. I don't want to take any neediness into any relationship that could form.

    So, I'll go with what comes I reckon, and see what actually comes out of it. But I've attracted this man for a good reasons, whatever that may be.

    I just wish those hormones'd stop trying to take over!! I sure don't want to rush into anything stupid like I have with all my major relationships in the past. It's a case of me telling myself DOWN GIRL!! Jeezus, it's usually the blokes with that problem innit??? Pfffttt ...

    Again, thank you. You are right and I have finally realised how right what you said is.




  • Hi Hans can you tell me if: He will bring me daughter around this other woman "n"? Will he go back to work to his regular job?

  • SagittariusGurl,

    can you tell me if: He will bring me daughter around this other woman "n"? No.

    Will he go back to work to his regular job? No.

  • Thank you Hans I worry sometimes about having my daughter around that lady since she didn't worry about erring I the middle if the relationship we had. Will she ever get out of the middle?

  • SagittariusGurl,

    Will she ever get out of the middle? No.

    Life exists in polar opposites and exists beautifully.

  • MOON50

    You cracked me up! Hormones? No it's called liberation---just can't figure out what God was thinking though. Older men with younger women gets a pat on the back but an older woman and a boy toy--well not so aproved! Women still feel the need to make it respectable. But something changes after fifty! Ain't nothing wrong with you honey! Keep the inspiration--the energy--did you know that creativity and s exual energy reside in the same chakra? You may not have a beautiful manly work of art to rock but you can use that energy to create and move mountains--build a dream. Redirect thats all. BLESSINGS!

  • ASIA

    HELLO! haven't talked in awhile. Spirit says get to the point. Are you takling your medication? Unfortunetly, you really do not have a steady eye watching over you so you really need to work extra hard to know yourself--and honestly that's a hard one. You can't help yourself when your medication is off or you miss a trigger. You need an advocate you can trust. Keep a journal for two months before reading back. Are you seeing a counselour who you feel a bond with? Can you find a local support group for mental illnesses? Your family can't help their inability to understand how out of your control your disease is. You do not want to find yourself in a deep deep dark hole when the crash comes. That burst of invicible energy that feels so good needs to be on guard as it can be a false sense of power that feels positive but takes you to an intensity that can't be sustained physicaly or emotionaly then it all starts unraveling. Do you have a close friend to be part of your doctor relationship? The doctor can not monitor your medication as well just on your input as when you are in the thick of it you do not see the reality. This is doable--you do not need to suffer these intense highs and lows. You are a bright and talented woman with a disease that you can not help. You are not alone. You need all the understanding back up you can surround yourself with. Many great minds have managed mental illness. Treat your disease seriously but with positive faith. Be diligent about medication and know that it often takes many many trys and changes of medications and dosage to keep ahead. If your doctor is not helping you find another and look up that support group. You need to take charge of your illness. Do that first and formost always and the rest will be so much easier. You are suffering more than you need to. Please join the support group--it will open doors to better treatment and you will see yourself in others in a kinder more positive way. You are too isolated. BLESSINGS!

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