Captain, I have a question for you. Hope you can help me.

  • Hello Captain,

    Read at lot of good things about your work. I was wondering if you could give me a bit of clarity about someone. This person I ask about has helped me tremendously, more than anyone (except my mother), when I needed it the most. However, there is a side of his personality that clashes with me often and because of it we are currently in not so good terms. Have I been too hard on him? Have my own personal problems clouded my judgement? I really care about him and do not want to lose his friendship, but fear that perhaps I over did it this time. Thank you for taking the time. My DOB if you need it is 06/04/1976 and his is 01/25/1975.

  • This is an excellent relationship for friendship, but you two must work on confronting your problems, not escaping them. It is not a deeply emotional relationship, but it is strong socially. You two are well suited to interact with others in clubs, family gatherings and community endeavours. Your friend's quick wit and your communicative skills coalesce to develop an effective and respected social expertise. The relationship is characterized less by empathy for others than by an objective understanding that guarantees the success of group endeavours. Since you are both original thinkers, it would not be surprising to find you working quietly together to bring new or innovative ideas or trends into a more visible social position.

    But although the relationship shines in certain areas, it is woefully deficient in others - the great challenge will be for it to confront itself, deepening and enriching itself interpersonally. Recognizing and grappling with problems, meeting painful situations head-on, and coping with grief and loss will offer opportunities to make the relationship a less lopsided one. You two are usually less interested in your own development and interaction than in leaving the door open for friends and family to join you in social activities. Whether entertaining or just enjoying conversations, videos, games, TV or the internet, you often include a third or fourth party in the group. Going out is a big item and among a circle of friends you two often take the lead in organizing tickets for concerts, shows and films etc. You two should not be seen as superficial by any means, for you often serve an important function in the group dynamic, lending a sympathetic ear to those in crisis and also, by example, helping others to acquire social skills. You two can bring a liveliness to everyday activities - with you around, there is rarely a dull moment. You just need to dig deeper and improve your relationship when you are alone together. Your relationship is as interesting and important as the rest of the world.

  • Thank you so much for the response. My friend and I are in better terms now and I have made a promise to myself not to over analyze every one of his thoughts or opinions (I believe that is the root of the problem) so that it stays that way. I speak of friendship because that is the only relationship i want to keep with him but we have been more than just friends, is just that we both know there is no future in that and maybe that is why we have so much conflict.

    Again, thank you for taking the time.

  • You must focus more on your (and his) emotions and feelings rather than thoughts and opinions.

  • Thank you. I will try my best to follow that advice 🙂

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