Captain, I would like some insight re: my marriage....
Hello Captain, My birthdate-9/6/1971, my husband-5/14/1968. We are having communication problems. Actually the problem is with me; I can't seem to open up and speak my mind. He is an educator and loves to talk and exchange ideas and is frustrated that he can't have that with me. He has been chatting with other women online and his cellphone and texting them, and says it's because he can't talk to me, so it's my fault, but assures me he hasn't broken our marriage vows and I believe him. I love this man and I need to know if we will get things back on track. Why am I so stuck when it comes to expressing my feelings?
Thank you very much for doing this service.
Yes, this relationship can work but only if you are able to trust enough to open up and share yourself. Otherwise it will self-destruct. You must both learn and grow together. You must both supply what the other person needs. You GreenMomma want more romance and fantasy in your relationship and more recognition and approval from your partner, while your hubby wants more closeness and sharing and for you to help him know himself. He must give you what you need so that you can satisfy him. You must get control of your dangerous escapist dependencies and your husband must deal with his fear of change and abandonment.
You GM have real inner strength and a natural sense of discrimination but your tendency to prefer to work out your problems on your own (thereby revealing the more personal side of your nature) won't work well in a relationship. You can become enslaved by your pride, high standards, and rationalizations. Objective unemotional self-evaluation and learning to share what you discover is your challenge. Though letting go will not be easy, you are nevertheless blessed with the stamina to cope with even the most traumatic events and setbacks, even if coping means taking things one step at a time. As you come to recognize and appreciate your ability to endure, you will develop the ability to tear down the barriers to your happiness and fulfillment. Once a problem or unfortunate pattern of behaviour or belief is identified, it is unlikely you will repeat it. Release your subconscious need for suffering and your tendency to nurse old grudges and hurts. Forgive and forget past relationships that have made you so gun-shy to this day. As you learn to let go and forgive the past, you will be able to relax more and become more joyful, trusting, and lighthearted.
Your husband must release his need to fill the expectations of others and his need for security in favour of personal fulfillment. His search for self-knowledge can take him far and wide in his travels but he may fail to absorb his experiences on an inner level or analyse what they mean - a tendency that can result in instability and aimlessness. The key is to find his own sense of passion without pausing to second-guess himself, and to develop greater faith in his own judgment. If he allows his naturally fine instincts to be his guide to finding a middle ground between self-knowledge and social awareness, his life journey will be fruitful and enlightening. Through his life he will undergo some profound changes - from an early life of much social participation and rebelliousness to a later life of more solitary acceptable pursuits. His attitudes, beliefs, and desires can change quite radically and, as his wife you will have to be very patient with his transformation if it occurs during your marriage. It's all designed to give him greater awareness about who he really is. Be his mirror, helping him to see himself more clearly, even as you look inside yourself.
Thank you very much. You are right about my "subconcious need for suffering". But I have been working on that as well as most other things in my life, as I am in a constant quest for self improvement.