Captain - what do you think this is leading to?
Hi Captain - I hope you can help a little. I was told to try to look at things in a more positive light and that things would start to be better. Things were really starting to move in a better direction,
then the universe whacked me again.
I have worked at the same place for almost 15 years as a Pharmacy I.T. pharmacist for the pharmacy part of the hospital's computer system. Because I have had head injuries, I need a quiet place to work and flexibility of hours - which also helped me to take care of the needs of my developmentally delayed daughter. Last November the hospital suddenly decided to change computer systems due to some government incentives. I thought that I would be rolled over into managing the same sector of the new system as the old system. But everything was hush, hush and I was kept in the dark. I only found out about thinks from other people in other departments.
Now, my supervisor has been changing my housr and reassigning my duties and taking away my accomodations (which may turn out to be illegal and I may have to hire an attorney) The new job duties and schedule are causing me a great deal of anxiety. I come home exhausted everynight. Now because I cannot get up early on SUnday morning when my almost exhausband goes to play golf - he is saying that I am incapable of taking care of her (much less the 15 year old) and I should move out and let him take care of them (he does not even know what is in my daughter's files for special education or what I have done to get her what she needs) He was supposed to move back out in May. I was going to let him stay longer so I could pay off some remaining debts, but now I am afraid he is going to try to do some nasty things and take over the house and my little girl because my jobs has suddenly turned on me. Not once did he ever go to counseling or a group meeting to try to help me cope with my head injuries and when I cam ehome in tears last week all he and my 15 yr old did was to mock me. I have no friends and no social life because when I come home from work, I have to take care of things and the kids at home. He goes out 3 or 4 nights a week bowling or wherever he goes and gets up and goes to play golf early Sunday morning and gets back at 1 PM. WHat little time I have I spend advocating for my daughter or trying to fix things around the house my husband would never fix. So I have no time to seek any support in a group.
Do you think that things will continue on this way? Is my job really going to be this way now? Perhaps they are trying to make me fail so they can fire me or make me quit. That seems to be my husband's goal. I feel like I have been on a sinking boat for the last two years bailing for my life. I get something patched up and another leak springs and I have to start bailing again.
I am exhausted. Can you see if I even have a friend at all who might be able to help me out just a little ? I am afraid that the dark side is catching up to me and that I will not be able to handle this myself much longer. Thanks!
What - you think you can learn a lesson and not be tested on it? That's not how this Earth school works. It's no good if you know that being pisitive is what works for success if you turn negative at the first challenge.
Why bother contimually patching a sinking boat - why not just get a whole new one? I feel you do know what you have to do but you are just trying to avoid some messy or nasty situations and a lot of hard work. But the path of least resistence offers the fewest rewards and the longest journey in the end.
That should be 'positive'.
If I had a shuttle. I would abandon this ship and let it self destruct. But I haven't got a shuttle and
EIther the communications are down or I am so far out in space that "no one can hear me scream. So I guess I have to just go back into survival mode and watch and wait.
Afterall, tomorrow is another day!
Actually you have to come back to earth and stop running away from your problems. How much longer are you going to use your head injuries excuse to cover the fact that you have a deep insecurity about managing life on your own? It's why you let your useless waste of space of a husband and everyone else walk all over you and keep you in the dark - because you don't really want to know things and deal with problems. You want to climb into your warm cosy bed, pull the covers over your head and let some saviour solve all your problems for you. But you have to be your own hero. Why do you think you are being tested with all this strife in your life? Spirit knows you have it in you to succeed. These trials are designed to bring out those very qualities, skills and strengths that you don't think you have. And they won't stop until you throw back the covers, get out of bed, and say "Enough is enough! I will take my own life into my hands and not allow people to do with it - and me - what they want. I will not be a doormat any longer just so I can have a quiet untroubled life (which isn't how it's been working out, anyway). I will stand up for myself and fight back. I will not be taken advantage of any more. I will not use excuses to avoid living. I am a strong capable person. I will get what I want by myself NOW!"
Thank you Captain - I know really that you ar right. It seems I have been trying so hard to save the ship that perhaps I have forgotten that I have to save myself.