Strange turn of events

  • Just when I was starting to get comfortable living alone, life takes a turn. My x (Bill) and I had broken up 5 months ago. It had been a had lonely time, but it had to be done. I had kept myself busy with excersize programs and seeing to my elderly mother. Since I was always part of a couple for the last thirty years I didn't have any single girlfriends. On the one occasion that I did go out with friends night clubbing, I met a young man (David) that seemed to be instantly attracted to me. Once he started talking to me he did not leave my side the entire night. He was very respectable and never did anything off color. He was honest about a relationship he was currenly in that was failing. He followed me home that night to make sure I got there saflely (my girlfriends was staying the weekend with me, she was there also). Two nights later David pops by to get my telephone number that he lost from the first night. After that David would call first then drop by but only for 15 minutes, because of his girlfriend. I advised David that I could only be friends, Ididn't like the situation. From then on David would come over, mostly after a night of drinking to cry on my shoulder about his girlfriend that had turned cold, while making passes at me. David is a nice man when sober and wouldn't normally make any advances when sober. I told him that I just broken up with someone that I was still in love with and I was hurting bad. Well David came to me one week ago begging for me to rent out the back half of my house to him, it is only to be the latest until the end of February. Davids heartache is so huge that I am getting negative emotions about my heartache, when I was doing so much better before. I have even allowed myself to take calls and make calls to my x atleast 2x a day for the last week. I have even cried daily about Bill for one week. I know Bill is bad for me and there is no future with him. Bill is just looking for personal gratification. How do I block all of the negative energy from David in order to get on with my life?

  • Boundaries dear,

    If you aren't comfortable / this David person how can you consider sharing a home w/ him? It sounds like swapping one dysfunctional mate for another. 5 mos is not a long time. Your still healing. Putting guys in the way to distract you of your progress/feelings won't help. Learn to stand alone and hopefully you'll attract a stronger person later.


  • Pfree's right, LuckySue, and so is your intuition. Red flags are waving in every direction. This man is an emotional leech at best, and he'll drain you to whatever extent you let him. If you allow him to live in your house, you'll have no escape from his negativity—and based on his persistence so far, I'd venture to guess you won't find it nearly as easy to get him out again. And what if his bloodsucking behavior turns out to be not only emotional but also financial? As Pfree observed, you're already uncomfortable with him and the situation as it is. That's a clear sign from your gut not to get in a single step deeper with this guy, and to consider disentangling yourself altogether. He's not healthy for you.

  • I agree, tell Dave to take a hike. You dont owe him ANYTHING, and not to freak you out, but I bet he 'followed you home' not to make sure you were safe but to learn where you lived. As you can see, he's taking full advantage of that information. I'd put as much distance between the two of you as possible.

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