Captain, can you please help?

  • This is a re-post from another forum in here:

    "2010 was not a very good year for me, emotionally or financially. I found myself pregnant at the end of February and the father left me a month into the pregnancy. I went through it alone, and had a baby son in November.

    After finding out I was pregnant (I was living abroad at the time). I had to come home and live at my parents throughout the pregnancy. I'm starting school in May to better myself so my son and I can move out and have our own life.

    What I was wondering if someone could do a reading for me and see what is in store for me this year in love and school/career. And if the Father of my son will be a problem or not. He can't seem to make up his mind about what he wants. And if I should let him come back if he wants to.

    my birthday is April 15, 1986

    Thanks so much!"

  • This man will be indecisive all his life, torn between wanting a family and hating to settle down. If you let him come back, he will not stay for long, so why put yourself through that when you have been managing alone by yourself without him? He would just cause more confusion, frustration and despair for you. He would not make a good dad, he is too self-centred. Find yourself someone who knows what he wants and is more relaible and trustworthy.

    if you want to go back to school, you should as this will be a great year to improve your mind and body. An improved health routine would also help you feel better about yourself and your life. Have a makeover if you can. Get more exercise and fresh air. You need to boost your self-esteem so you don't just feel like a stay-at-home mother ,but see yourself as an intelligent attractive woman. To the degree you help yourself this year, you will prosper.

  • Wow, you've got him pegged alright. I've been talking to someone new and am absolutely terrified to open up againa fter the year from hell with my son's dad. Should I give him a chance? Or will my ex act like a jealous jerk and ruin it by toying with my emotions? And will he ever stop wanting to be a part of my life romantically? I really want to move on but I honestly do not know how if he keeps the promise of being a family eventually as a bargaining chip. It makes me devastated for my son...I want him to have a father. When do you see the man I settle down with coming into the picture?

    I agree with exercising, I've recently started again and feel a lot better, but a friend told me it can take up to a year to feel back to normal physically after I take that in mind.

    Thanks again for all the clarity you've provided on the situation. My life's been a clouded mess.

  • Captain,can I have a reading please.. I just met this wonderful man online and I really do like him alot.We have been chatting to each other going on 3 weeks and we have alot in common..To tell u the truth hes the man of my dreams...Im just wondering if we are a match or not...and if things are going to go any further then thay are right now..I hope so...My bday is June 30,1963 and his is June 27.1965 thank u Roni

  • Tularegrl, please start your own thread by clicking on the "Create a new topic" button at the top right of this page and I will answer you there.

  • AriesMama, unless you open up to someone, you will never know the joy of real intimacy. Instead of mistrusting others, believe that you have the strength to survive whatever other people throw at you. Trust yourself to be able to share yourself completely with someone yet still remain open and joyous, even if the other person proves unworthy. All you can be is loving and honest yourself - don't let how badly other people behave make you change your own caring and sharing ways.

    And your ex can only affect and move into your life if you let him. If you don't want him around, be firm with him and shut him out. But you have to really want to do it. Don't be in love with the man you wish he could be - face up to what he is now and don't let some romantic dream keep you tied to him. As long as you are giving your son love, that is all he needs. Having an infrequent and unreliable dad is not going to make your son happy and may even cause him irreparable damage. It's time for you to take charge of your life and do what you want and feel is right for yourself and your child. Believe that you deserve the best and don't settle for less.

  • You're saying things that I say all the time, like being in love with someone I feel is in there somewhere because that's who he portrayed himself to be in the beginning. But it takes time, I fell in love and now I'm falling out of it the more I see who he's become (or was all along...) he is so heartless.

    What the heck is he here for? I've been wondering that all along.

    I am getting stronger, but I feel like it will be a lot more easier if he has to go back home and doesn't get citizenship. Will he get citizenship?

    I feel like it's time to work on myself, (like you said) and heal a bit so I can open up and trust again. I've been put through the ringer emotionally. And reeeeally don't want to drag that into another relationship.

  • I can tell you have a strong life force flowing inside you - all you have to do is believe in yourself. Whether your ex gets citizenship or not shouldn't matter - you have to be determined not to see him again. Even if he is pounding at the door, don't open it or answer him - just call the police if he won't go away. If he is seeking citizenship, he won't want to get involved with the law.

    I think you have an issue with being alone - a fear that leads you to hook up with anyone, even this loser, just to avoid loneliness. But you can feel just as lonely if you are with the wrong person. I know you really want to connect with someone but it has to be a nice guy who will love you as much as you love him. And before that can happen, you have to learn how to be your own partner first. By getting to know yourself better, you begin to do the things that bring you joy and increase your level of self-nurturing so you feel strong, confident and supported. As you treat yourself more fairly - rather than expecting everyone else to do it - you will feel the sense of balance and justice that you seek. Only at this point will you be ready for a healthy relationship wherein two people share equally with each other without feeling debilitated or cheated.

  • Thank you so much Captain.

    Here's to getting stronger!

  • Ok, I've done it - and as you can guess, I'm a bit of a mess right now.

    I really hope I can come out of the other side of this a strong woman who not just deserves to be treated right - but demands it.

    Why is he so insecure that I'm moving on though? From everything he's said you'd think he'd be happy. He's made this new girl out to be so much better, and it's really taken a toll on me emotionally but I just don't want to believe she is. And I know I shouldn't care and focus on my son, and I am, but I'm still a person after being a mother. And that loneliness issue comes into play...most of the time I'm fine with being alone, but times like this makes me hate it.

    But I guess tonight was a step in the right direction, I just want to feel better about it already.

  • Good for you.

    Your ex is worried that he might need help in the future to settle in to his new home. He thinks that having a baby with a citizen might cement his efforts to stay.

  • And you believe he's going to try and play on my sympathies because of that fact?

  • Yes.

  • I came back and read through this thread again and appreciate the good advice.

    He wanted to hang out on Sunday, after everything.. and of course I said no - and I feel good about that decision.

    Why did he want to "hang" after we decided not to see each other? We had a plan worked out and he just brushed it aside and behaved like nothing happened. Nothing is going to change my mind - I'm moving on, and only want POSITIVE people around me while I do so...but I'm still curious.

  • He needed something from you, something to help his issue of staying in the country.

  • Haha and here my Mom thought it was because things fell through with the girl he's living with now, and he was looking for some "comfort". If that were the case, I don't think it was the kind of comfort she had in mind...

    They're pretty solid last time I was told, by him in fact. My Mom is the eternal optomist though.

    Thanks again, Captain.

  • He wants some contact with his son but doesn't want to give up his wandering lifestyle, either.

  • I gave up mine.

    It's a shame he'll never grow up, he's already missed so many firsts. He'll probably never get it unless he settles down with someone else, and has kids with them...just badly he messed up.

    But, like you said - that'll never happen.

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