BLMOON I took your advice
I finally stood up for myself when it came to my scorp. I was tired of the manipulating and guilt trips and feeling like I was being used by him so I finally told him no. For 5 months he's kept me at one level and that's been a casual s e x relationship. Everytime I tried to complain he would give me reason as to how he's not in it for just the s e x he just doesn't have "time" for a relationship. Yet he had plenty of time to dedicate to his guy friends and only a few hours a week for me on his time. Everytime I would leave he found a way to get me back again. Keeping me in this hold pattern.
Well I told him if he doesn't have time for a relationship thats fine but I'm no longer giving all of me i don't recive the same back. He threw a fit. He got mad because I said no to s e x and got very rude with me to the point of trying to ignore me in his own house. Instead of asking me to leave he choose to act like a child until I finally excused myself. I think he was shocked when I did that because I usually cave into his guilt trips. Not this time. I was tired of the disrespect and making me feelas though I'm not good enough for him. I care about him but not enough to keep making myself weaker.
I tried to walk out his door with out a hug or anything because I was very turned off on how he was acting but when I tried he said "what your not going to hug me". I did but I left it at that. I don't plan on calling him unless he's willing to be respectful but if all he wants is sex than I rather pass that's not who I am. It never was I just liked him so much I kept on to hope.
But your advice and reading helped a lot. I did this on my own but your encouraging words gave me a bit more confidence to do what was right for me. I feel so much better now and happy. I feel in control of my life and emotions again. I don't feel weak and I do see my self worth and what I do deserve. So thank you so much for your reading. It truly helped me in a positive way for the new year:.
Ps. Sorry for the spelling errors! Lol. I was typing fast.