Perplexed Piscean...reading or advise greatly appreciated.
Don't know what's up lately- Working in field I love (with MR/DD adults) house Manager, also Supported Living Coach. Ex walked out over 5 yrs ago. Thought I was doing darn good all things considered. Moved to new area, two of three children came with. One went back up North-other one moved down here. She's expecting my first grandchild (but in a disastrous) relationship. Continuing to raise youngest son (now 15). Potential new position- same field with friend who is opening own company and wants me in on ground floor. No man, don't want romantic relationship. Feeling like the more I do it's not enough. (My perception) Can't fix daughter's relationship know that much, but seem to be losing myself.... Used to feel very connected to my parents even though they are deceased- don't feel it nearly as much- kinda seems like I don't "feel" much anymore. Grateful daily to be healthy and alive, just feeling lost-guidance please? DOB 2/27/1958.
I cannot give guidance but I can give friendship/support. I have a daughter on the autistic spectrum low IQ and can tell you how much folks like you are valued. You have chosen a profession of helping that is admirable. I did not choose to have a disabled daughter (on a conscious level anyway) altho she's been my best teacher. People who choose this particular profession astound me and w/ family of their own. From what I experience there is a lot of drama attached to these folks something I am not always comfortable around.To choose to work w/ them again I have to say is commendable.
From what I have seen it is good to make changes occasionally. But do I hear hesitation on your part about the new possible position?
With my daughter routine is very important(change can prompt meltdowns) but can feel very boring and repetitive to us other folks and I imagine the rewards working w/ them are mixed.
As for your perception on doing enough I think as responsible adults it can feel that way, we want to help fix take care of, we can over do sometimes we simply must stop. You may just need to simply shore up some energy for this future new position.
Do you feel you are losing yourself because your focus is not on another? Children or clients or man? If so this can be a good thing. Peaceful. No drama. May I suggest you find something you enjoy that is yours alone that feeds your Spirit. Nourishes your soul. Could simply be a hobby or exercise. Reading and exercise are top of my list I always feel so much better after exercising and getting lost in a book is bliss for me. Being in my 50's also I find I can finally give myself permission to stop doing so much for everyone and just be. Best of Luck and thank you for all you do.