Any advice Cancer man
I'm a 35 year old aqua in love with a 29 yo cancer man. When we got to know each other we had sex the first night and then several times during a 2 month period. Then he left to another city and we stopped seeing each other, but communicated daily and sometimes all day long through texting, IM. He made it clear he doesn't need a relationship at that moment for the reason that he's not settled yet. After about 6 months I found out he had a girlfriend in a dif. country where he just had left. I was immensely hurt cause he lied to me about having a girlfriend, but we continued talking at the same pace. He was back home, and I said I wouldn't see him, but he insisted and I gave in. We've seen each other several times again with no sex, even had a quick vacation together. He's now back to seeing her for couple months, but before he made it clear he had feelings for me but he's unsure what he really feels. From a strong independent woman he made so emotionally unstable that my mind cries "run" all the time. Been in an emotional depression for more than 2 weeks now and still can't decide what's best, bear with the situation and stay friends or stop all the communication altogether. He wouldn't let me go though, I'm tried to disappear several times, but him contacting me makes me rethink my decision. This whole situation with him made me so indecisive which was never a trait of mine. Thought venting out would make me feel better. Any advice, anyone?
Hi! Im an Aqua, was in love with a crab and also in a relationship with him. I had to realize one thing: there are definitely great people amongst crabs (like in all other signs), but that does not mean that all are mature enough or emotionally healthy.
I still could not figure out what were the real intentions of the guy i was with together. sometimes i think he was honest, he is just emotionally handy-capped, other times i think that he is a heartless manipulator... no idea, but i stopped trying to figure out, cause it drove me nuts.
He broke my heart, backstabbed me, left without a word, then pretended he hadn't done anything wrong.
i tried to maintain simple friendship (as we had the same circle of friends) but i realized that him manipulating or mind-f-ucking me won't stop until i break all contact with him or put the amount of meetings/contact till the minimum...
i say people that are sooo confusing, stay so confusing most of the times... consciously or unconsciously and you being an Aqua... IT WILL DRIVE YOU NUTS...
you say things that i went through too: i was an independent woman, he achieved that i became completely emotionally dependent on him and completely indecisive....
i say (without any hatred), if you wanna gain yourself back... STAY AWAY! And good luck!
Thanks Katie, I appreciate your prompt answer. It makes me feel stronger when I read comments like yours.
My situation is not so complicated. We never fight or argue. I understand him perfectly. He just got me too much emotionally involved because I didn't know about his girlfriend so I thought it was safe to develop feelings for him and since mostly because he was initiating the contact most of time. So, my thought was he felt same way, but we couldn't do it because of the long distance. Still thought it could be resolved in time. News about his girlfriend shocked me, but we are very good together as friends so we continued to be friends. After about 6 months he starts telling me that we are more than friends. There was and incident when he drove 150 miles without letting me know to see me in the morning when I told him I was going on a date that night. He acted jealously. I will never forget how he stared at me when I told him we should stop talking.
I don't know what to do. I see that he's emotionally cheating on his girlfriend. The guilt I feel, the pain and frustration that he's with her now, and the good times we have together is what make me so indecisive. When I finally decide I should let it go, several days go without talking and I feel like i can't breath. It even hurts physically. He says we should wait and time will show, that he needs time to figure out his feelings. I believe I'll be the one who'd end up even more hurt in the end. He's been with his girfriend for 6 years. And even if he chooses me one day, I won't feel happy either. I hate even thinking that I can be a homewrecker. For the period we were said to be just friends everything was fine, but when he let me know about his feelings, all I feel is he's emotionally cheating on me. I know that's not right cause she's the girlfriend not me, but why in the world would you want to be involved emotionally with 2 women at the same time. I blame it on him for the situation we're now and he recognizes his mistake but still doesn't want us to part ways. I know i'm strong and led by him, meaning if I decide to let go I would do, but it's already my indecisiveness that is the major reason. He's the indecisive one and I started acting same way. I want to feel independent and strong again, but the pain of not having him in my life is stronger. He brought many good things into my life, we have common interests and I got a friend like no other. Is it possible that the whole situation with the feelings now can ruin our friendship? And is all this pain worth being friends with him? It's more not of a "cancer" question, but more like a general relationship advice.
Hey! i'm glad if i helped at least a bit.
i have to say that i've learnt that some people act in ways like they had emotions towards you, at least that is what you with your Aqua ways deduct.
For me it is impossible to pretend or show love or emotions towards someone... when i actually don't have them. I can proudly say i never ever manipulated anyone...
so it is hard for me to imagine that some people do feel good with manipulating others. i don't say that this crab is surely manipulating you... but ewwwwwwwww... let me tell you i've seen enough from my cancer guy over the past one and a half years.... it is like he had been 3-4 different persons, changing all the time...
about the gf thing... please.... i mean he did lie to you with sleeping with you but not letting you know he is not single... (cause if i understand it right, that is what happened)....
that is a really ugly thing, cause for example i really NEVER would want to have anything with a guy who is not single...
of course, if you feel you can handle a friendship with him, go for it... i know i could not....
and you can wait around until he finally decides what/whom he really wants... but in your place... i would gain some self-respect and cut contact to him... (that is if you want more than friendship).
oh sorry, you had two questions at the end.
my opinion about those:
1./ Listen, if there are feelings from both or at least one side which are more than friendly (friendship) feelings, then it WILL NOT work as a friendship EVER. (that is until you have stronger/different feelings)
2/ No pain is really worth i think. i mean... i know that i could not live with constant pain and heartache. maybe some people can. you have to decide for yourself i think.
I agree with katie1982.... He wants to have his cake and eat it too and thats not how it suppose to be. You deserve more than that...
Cancer guys don't like to let go.... I finally got rid of mines havent heard from him in 3 weeks But it took me saying something that i didnt mean to get rid of him....sadly went on his level but hey it worked... i'm finally left in peace to get over him and spend time with myself.
Run away while u can before it gets ugly... There's someone out there who you can have all to yourself....
I am sorry you are going through this. I totally share your pain. I dated a Cancer man for about 5 1/2 months and it was definitely an emotional rollercoaster ride. He was increadibly presistent and came on extremely strong to the point that I felt smothered. I am an Aries woman so independence and space is very important to us. He was very loving and romantic despite all of his insecurities. I started to fall for him and when he saw that I was no longer a difficult target and I was now vulnerable....he quickly ran for the hills. Like Katie 1982 said and I quote
"sometimes i think he was honest, he is just emotionally handy-capped, other times i think that he is a heartless manipulator... no idea, but i stopped trying to figure out, cause it drove me nuts. He broke my heart, backstabbed me, left without a word, then pretended he hadn't done anything wrong. i tried to maintain simple friendship (as we had the same circle of friends) but i realized that him manipulating or mind-f-ucking me won't stop until i break all contact with him or put the amount of meetings/contact till the minimum" This same thing happened to me...maybe we were dating the same crab...LOL They are very loving and have kind hearts but tend to be over emotional and very insecure and this can end up hurting the relationship. I have gotten over it but I went through the whole blaming myself thing since he left without any explanation. It was emotionally draining dating this guy but now I am a better and stronger individual because of it. Oh and I also have my sanity...
He made a very important statement “…he’s not settled yet…” and because of this you could very well end up in the same position as his current girlfriend….the one being cheated on. That’s not to say that infidelity is inherent to his personality, and since he has already indicated that he isn’t ready to settle down yet, it is a conscious decision he is making. He put you in a position of either being compliant to this behavior because by accepting it you also have to take some accountability for any role you decide to play in it (now that you know), or to hold true to your own beliefs and let him go so that he can figure out what he wants.