Question for the Captain: dream messages and help ignored



  • Captain, I'd like to ask for your wisdom here...as usual : ) I receive many messages in dreams (I expect that's at least partly because I'm not yet open enough to my intuition to receive messages as easily when my conscious mind is active). A dream from a few nights ago has been much on my mind--I'll share just the piece of it that's troubling me:

    I find myself in the (imagined) house of a man I was involved with in 2009 and have had no contact with since last spring, although on meeting our connection on numerous levels was instantaneous and strong (and I have since moved on, as you may be aware). There was no acrimony between us at that chapter's closing (by his choice), just bewilderment and sorrow and a struggle to let go gracefully. In the dream, I'm cleaning (washing clothes, doing dishes), and am in the bedroom stripping the sheets off the bed when I hear him coming up the stairs. I duck out of sight (into a windowed, cozy cedar closet nook, filled with warm sweaters and winter clothing, and open to the hall without a door) while a neutral party alerts him that someone is here to see him. He appears in the hall entrance as I emerge from the closet. He is limping and disheveled--hair shaggy, wearing a thin and tattered parka--and looks drained and exhausted. We hug, and I say lightly--I see you're limping, good thing I found these crutches in the closet. I hand him the crutches, and as I do I see they have the shape of wooden scepters. He gives a weak smile and shuffles across his bedroom to the bare mattress, where he collapses in a huddle on the edge of the bed, against the headboard, staring into space with empty eyes.


    Most of the symbolism here seems pretty clear to me, and the scepter-crutches make perfect sense in that when we were dating and afterward still in contact, I several times offered to help make it possible for him to attend an intensive workshop series which is based on the principle that we all hold our own best answers, and provides tools to help people tune into those answers (i.e., their own power). This dream seems to say (you perhaps can shed further light on this?) that he would be unable to accept any assistance from me now, just as in the past. But I'm also convinced, though I have no other evidence, that he is indeed in a very difficult place in his life right now.

    What I'm struggling with is this: Should I renew my offer of help, knowing it will almost certainly be declined or ignored?

    A 3-card tarot reading on this question yielded a querent-card Star, confirming that the message here did indeed come from a higher source; an Ace of Staves situation (echoing the scepter symbolism) seems to say that action for collective good is called for and I shouldn't question my own power to initiate that...while a Nine of Swords challenges card suggests that he is indeed living a nightmare at present, but also perhaps (?) that I need to acknowledge that I can be of no further use here, that he must find a way to open his own eyes to the light of day.

    Do you see anything here that I'm missing? And in a larger sense--not merely as regards this particular dilemma--I want to ask how you personally cope with such a response--when you gladly offer the tools a person could so clearly use, yet they can't, or won't, or simply don't accept them? I feel that, sharing as much of your wisdom here as you do, this must be a situation you often encounter--and given that you continue to extend yourself, you must have found ways to let go of the need to have your service rendered useful. Of course rationally I know that we each must walk our own paths, at our own pace, in our own way. Still, it feels so heavy and helpless to me in this moment. What helps you lay that burden down?

    My sincere thanks, as always, for taking the time to read this and for any insights you feel moved to share. May peace and love and light, gratitude and blessings all be yours—gd



  • You can't help anybody who doesn't want to be helped. And you can't take on anyone else's responsibility for their own well-being. Even if they are in desperate trouble - sometimes it is only by hitting rock bottom that people put aside their pride and fear and seek help. Your connection is still strong with this man which is why you dream of him. But as the dream showed you, there is nothing you can do for him but send him positive thoughts. This is probably the best thing you can do for him at the moment so you should feel content about that. There is something within many of us that feels saddened by people and animals that are weak and helpless and we want to reach out to ease their pain. But adults cannot and should not be treated like children or that is the state they will remain in forever. It's really only by suffering that we learn and grow so you cannot take that valuable lesson away from your ex.



  • Sigh. You're right, Captain. I think I knew that deep down, and certainly all the info I was getting tended to corroborate it--I guess I just didn't want to accept that that was really the answer.

    Commencing with those positive thoughts...for M, and for your family and those trapped in and affected by the floods in Australia, as well. Heaps of thanks and blessings! gd



  • I think a part of your feeling you want to help him is that he was the one who broke up with you and you want to show him he does in fact need you.

    Thanks for the well wishes for my family - they are certainly being tested at the moment.



  • You may well be right, Captain...I'll have to muse on that one. It's not a conscious desire, as I'm thrilled that the person I'm now exploring the path with is so ready and able to meet me as an equal in every aspect we've touched on so far (as suggested by the compatibility analysis you kindly supplied last month)--whereas the man in this dream, although I think not intrinsically weak, was certainly weakened by circumstance and not in a position to contribute equally to the relationship. But given my 17/8 life path, power and control are certainly core issues and I can't dismiss lightly the suggestion that they're involved here.

    Something interesting happened later today, though. The lead facilitator of those workshops sent out a request this afternoon looking for one more person to join a men's workshop happening in a couple of weeks (these are small groups, scheduled only two or three times a year for five days each). It was just too synchronistic for me to ignore, so I suggested that they contact him directly (he knows about these, was very interested in attending one in the past, and is on their mailing list)--it seemed like the universe had delivered an ideal way to send positive thoughts-with-reinforcement, reminding him that the option is there should he choose to avail himself of it, hopefully without infringing on his right to do his own work, or compromising either of us by having it come from me. If my dream interpretation is accurate, he'll likely decline in any case. I hope I did the right thing--at least this does make me much more content to release it now.

    I hope your family continues safe and rescue operations have been able to continue for those stranded. I found video and photo coverage of the flooding--just devastating. Wishing for strength, resilience, and relief for your loved ones and everyone in the region... gd