Grieving over loss of father



  • My father passed away at the age of 81 on December 17th. I was his primary caregiver and was with him 24/7 for the last six months of his life. He fought so hard to live and feared dying, although he had a strong faith in God. I talked to him often about looking for the light and I pray he crossed safely. I miss him more than I ever thought I would and am at a loss as to how best to pick up and continue my life path. I am not happy in my marriage but my husband is totally dependent upon me (has PTSD from being attacked by student, was overmedicated and we are now trying to adjust meds). I felt a strong urge to submit this post and appreciate any insight from anyone in this forum. Blessed be.



  • Someone will help you, 🙂



  • CLady, right now, "my sincere, condolenses", first, off! Always, under these circumstances, is "that", "at a loss, for words"; the older, we all get, it seems, there is even "less", that can be said, and what people, in their "well-meaning" manner(s), attempt, to say, after, a while (age) either, becomes, "moot", or offends, offers, some feeling, of resentment, irritation(ex: they had a good life; it was, for the best etc., etc.,....)and, that type of sympathy, while meant, doesn't offer, much! so, I will, move, right on by it, and instead, look at the "grieving/mourning" process, which may be at least, useful. It has been my experience, that any loss/death, is not something, a person, gets "over", and trying to, is a kind of resistance, to it, which, is probably, why, it hurts, so much(more) takes so long...etc., I find, that, it's, more a matter, of getting use to what/whom was, but is no longer, then, getting use, to that; in other words, there was a time, you expected your Father, to be in his favorite chair; it is a matter, "of getting use to", not seeing him, in that same chair now; we exchange, one normal, THEN, for another normal NOW/FUTURE; "time" does not heal, all wounds; what it does, is create, a"new normal", that is all, that changes. That there are problems, in addition, with your life circumstances, marriage, is just, "more" to deal with, add, to the mix, and clearly, not palatable, in addition, to mourning, especially, for a parent's loss, but somewhere, in there, it is necessary, to "grieve/mourn; sieze your self/personna, and reevaluate, life/marriage circumstances, as to where "you/yours" are "going", and how, you are going, to get "there" As life, changes, we have to change with it; we have to (especially, the older we get...)redefine, priorites, for one thing; redefine definition, for another, and redefine "ourselves/ours" relationships, marriage, included. Example" remember, what your idea, of happiness, was when, you were 5? would that, get it at 10? probably not, so before, maybe, you think about being unhappy, in your marriage, see, if the definition, needs changing, first. for me, one thing, I've found, is part of the new, redefined "happiness" (priority) is a(oddly) return, to "basics", simple living; more home time; less other people (Pleasing) time; considering, the best ways, to live, with a sense, of fullfilment, security & protection etc., for me and mine. so instead, of thinking, something, doesn't "work" any more, maybe, look, at it differently, why doesn't it work? what can you/yours do, to make it work? We all, may have started out "bride/groom", but eventually, what all of us really are, is life-partners; some days it rains, others, bright and sunny, the key is what you do with both either, to balance, or enjoy! A lot of it, is perspective. Again, I am sorry, for your loss! Cat in the Moon



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