Hey Captain here's an update!



  • Back some time ago both you and Shubby told me I would meet a guy that would be jolly or possibly be met in December and that he would possibly also have a J in his name.

    I was recently reunited with a friend of my from years ago thru email and we have talked a few times since. He has asked me to go out with him and I was just wondering is this the person you two told me about before?

    I started talking to him in December and even though he goes by his middle name his first name starts with a J. I think we would be a good match for each other!

    Just wondering if this is him!? Me and him used to be really good friends didn't talk for years but all of a sudden he comes back around and my heart is wondering is he the one? And how does he feel about me? Is he wanting a possibly relationship with me?

    I really excited to say the least but don't want to make a fool out of myself either!!

    Thanks!



  • The man I sensed was not someone you had ever met before. I think you may be trying to make this old friend fit the 'profile'. I feel it can be a very nice short term friendship - just don't put all your romantic expectations onto it. Keep it light - I am getting the feeling there is another woman in his life whom he hasn't gotten out of his system as yet, but he is feeling lonely for someone's company. He's not yet ready to go out with strangers.



  • Thanks for the insite.

    I've been thinking maybe I will be around him to help him grieve and go on concerning his pending divorce. He was married three years, had a son last year and separated about 7 months ago. I am figuring since I went thru a separation/divorce that maybe that is why I will be in his life basically as someone he can talk to and trust as well as maybe help him get his "feet wet" before he starts over with his new life dating strangers.

    Could I be correct there?

    I guess the benefit on my side is to at least have someone younger then me attracted to me so maybe I won't feel so bad about myself either after the way my ex left!?!?

    I'm a thinker sorry!! lol

    More then words can say Thanks again Captain!



  • That is not the way to make yourself feel better about yourself. No one else can do that for you but you and it would be wrong to take advantage of this man's vulnerable state, even in a well-meaning way. You don't want a rebound relationship - it will only make you feel worse if you find out you are just a substitute for someone else.



  • I'm not looking to take advantage of anyone. I'm not like that all, I have better things to do with my life. Just thought if me talking to him about my misfortune in life could help him out it would be worth my time and maybe bring him some peace about his situation!

    That is part of my life mission to share with others the stuff I've been thru so that they may be inspired in some way. I feel like everything that I've ever been thru in my life was worth going thru if I can use my life story to help someone out. I spent hours on the phone last night doing that with my cousin and I went to bed peaceful feeling like I'd let someone know they are not the only person in life thats ever been thru the situation and that they will make it too!

    BTW...............I feel the best I've ever felt about myself at this time in my life. I've accomplished a lot and I know that. I don't need or require anyone to make me feel good about myself.

    Thanks again



  • You are deceiving yourself, Cns, about your true motives - of course, you want something back for your efforts. You want to be loved and appreciated and feel like a valuable human being, like everyone does. No one does anything for nothing, not even a saint. If you don't face your own needs and deepest drives, then you will never truly know yourself. Only brutal self-honesty will lead to success and survival from now on. Look into that deep inner aspect of yourself that is desperate for approval from others and it will help you understand why you do what you do.



  • Interesting thoughts. I don't expect anything from him if I just look at stuff the way I normally do and that as as a giver not a take but of course it would be nice to be really loved. Everyone in my life that has promised to love me unconditionally from parents, to spouses or friends has always left me in some form of way. I give and I give and do my best but it falls flat. I've been working on learning that honesty and love for myself and God is the thing that matters most. I can encourage any body to do it, but sometimes it's hard to accept my own words.

    I guess what I'm saying is maybe we are both right in this situation. I know how I feel but yet everyone is always a work in progress until the day they die.

    If you don't mind me asking I haven't heard anything from him in a few days since he said he'd get back to me any thoughts?



  • Yes he is still hung up on his ex and is pondering a way for them to get back together. He really miises her a lot - but more for what could be, than what was.



  • Makes sense, I remember doing that myself.