Love or obsession?

  • I have ridiculously strong feelings for my boss. I have worked for him for 4 years and find that my feelings have grown stronger during the years. We are both single, the same age, and click on a lot of levels. I have never expressed this because there is a company policy that forbids our having a personal relationship. He is too ethical to ever cross that line, and so am I. But, nevertheless, I find myself thinking about him all the time. Now, I am going to work in another division and so he won't be my boss anymore and I'm free to tell him how I feel. But I'm afraid to know if he feels the same way. If he doesn't I have to let go of this dream of him. It makes me wonder - is the dream more important to me than the reality? How do I know? Do I risk making him uncomfortable and ruining what could be a continuing friendship to find out? Do I risk the dream for whatever reality is?

  • I'd take the risk....most definitely! You don't know until you try...and if he doesn't respond, there is no need to discontinue your friendship - you may both be embarrassed at first....but it will fade! Go on, go for it!!! Good luck!

  • I would take the chancee too... best thing you can do is try and find out.

    Good luck also

  • Do you want to think what if? Do you want to take a dream to reality? Being honest about your feelings and taking a risk promotes growth no matter what the outcome and if he's a real friend it won't take anything away, it will bring added dimensions to an already (seemingly) positive relationship.

  • Hi, Why don't you work for awhile in the other department and see what happens. See how he reacts. Give it some time. Continue on a friendship basis for awhile. See if he shows interest and wants to know how things are going etc. Be sure you are excited that he asks... I think it's good that you kinda got away, knowing how you feel. I would feel uncomfortable in the previous position you were in. I've been in a position where this supervisor would stare at me. I would look up and he would still be staring--even from far distances. I think sometimes a man can be faithful, just has the "visual" problem sometimes. Everyone is different, however. Also, sometimes a workplace romance can be tricky. I don't even desire to go there. Got plenty to deal with as is. I would test the waters and be careful.

  • This is a very tricky and at the same time very sensitive situation. I'm in the same boat as you Midnightlady 313, but he's not my boss but works elsewhere in the building. We became very good friends (through my own doing though) but it's been 8 months and he still hasn't asked me out, though I kept throwing hints at him. Every time I asked him to go somewhere with me, he came up with an excuse. (He's divorced by the way.) There were lots of problems at work and I used to get so frustrated because I so much wanted alone time with him outside of work, as you can't really talk at work. And he kept giving me hope, and everytime we got closer he put a barrier between us. A week ago I got so drunk that I called him up and asked him outright if he was ever going to ask me out. He said he didn't know. I said you men are all alike ...... To which he replied "I don't know what you think it is, it's just friendship." The next day he was fine with me as if nothing had changed, and the next day and the next day. On the fourth day when I went down to see him, he looked straight in my eyes angrily and told me he was busy. I said OK, and left. I haven't gone down since to see him. It's been one week, and he hasn't made any effort to see me, and it's killing me that I ruined a very good friendship because I was too impatient to go out with him. He's a Cancer man by the way. How I wish I had left things alone. He knew how I felt about him, and I know he has feelings for me. But I should have just waited, and eventually he may have asked me out. In fact I know he would have. But I kept pushing him, and pushing him, and finally I guess he ran the opposite direction. We had such a beautiful friendship. I don't know what I did to him for him to be so rude to me that day. My heart is broken. I guess he never really cared, but he kept sending me mixed signals. My point is, to Midnightlady 313, don't say anything to your boss. If he truly feels anything for you, he will miss you and he will want to get in touch with you when he's not your boss any more. Please don't risk your beautiful friendship (like I did mine) to find out if he feels the same way about you. If he does, he will tell you. Maybe he's shy to talk about his feelings, like my friend had told me he was. We also had so many things in common, and I truly believed he was my soulmate. Even the psychics I have consulted, they all say the same thing. They all tell me not to give up, that he will be back, not to chase him, let him come when he is ready, to give him this time. I know how you feel. I can't stop thinking about this man. He's divorced but his 3 kids live with him and he's still supporting them, so he has a busy life. I'm divorced too but my ex passed away 3 yrs ago, so I don't have any committments. I hope everything works out for you. I don't think it's an obsession. You're with your boss all day and so you got very attached to him and your feelings have started to grow for him. Who knows, he may be feeling the same way. But as you said there's this company policy. It's the same with us - I hate company policies. He can't even come up to our offices, it's against the rules (I won't mention his job in case someone from our building is reading this.) So do let us know what you decide to do. Whatever you decide to do, don't ruin your friendship with him. Just wait (I know it's very hard to wait - I know from my own experience - I wish I hadn't pushed mine so hard!!) and see what his next move will be once you move to another department. (I am still hoping that next week my friend will make the effort to see me at work and ask me why I haven't been down to see him for one week. I myself will never go down to see him again as he hurt me so much by telling me rudely to my face that he was busy. It's not like him. Someone must have said something to him. You know how people talk at work! It's not like him to ignore me like that.) Anyway good luck Midnighlady313, and I really hope you get to be with your boss if your heart is truly set on him.

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