Feangelikah, "3rd Knight"..........



  • Fe, what happened? 'saw, you, "stonyeye", what, has, 3rd knight, done? Cat



  • He has heard and is being more open about how he has really been feeling and my 3rd and final marriage is coming to it's end. It is time that we stop holding each other back and move on. He do not love me and it has just been too hard for him to admit it. He also made a commitment and now feels bad that it was a bad choice for him. He does care but he does not love me. I wish we could have opened up better now that it has been over 15yrs. Oh well lessons learned and I really got a great kid out of it. He will probably be seeing someone tonight if he already hasn't been. I hope his finds himself...he can be such a great guy!



  • I am hugging, you right now; is this(3rd knight, etc.,) salvagable?, other, than parting, of the ways? it is," good", your, kindness, towards him, but, what, of you? Cat



  • We will salvage as friends...not the hanging out type but we will be nice ...I hope. So far so good. This as a marriage is not. There is no need for the bitter words and attitude we will both be able to be who we really are. We are good business partners and that has really all it has been. Sad but truth and reality often are. As for me I am already getting inner peace, resolution and freedom inside that is. Outside I need MONEY! oh boy ... but the Spirit will walk me through and will provide the ways. We are VERY lucky to be in no danger. He has a heart it just isn't mine to share. There are and will be more tears but this really is a good thing...I feel it deep within and Cat...I slept for 5 hrs straight without the dragon ...just peaceful sleep.



  • Fe, I am 61, as mentioned, you, are, 50's? your words, are, "wise", perhaps, from "internal" maturity, not, age? There, is "a change", in demeanor; before, you "sounded", as previously mentioned, "young , "new"! now, the "person, speaking", (you) the "demeanor, is wise, and elegant! a, gentle soul, of compassion, understanding, and Grace; you, "wear' this, well! I can believe, this, may be, "right", even, though, hurtful/painful, to bear, which, you, do with, "great dignity, by the way! You, don't need, "Women, who run with Wolves", so, don't bother, if you, haven't, as yet, obtained it. My neighbor, has had, "day care", in her home, for decades, she does, very well(money), perhaps a thought, or perhaps, something, employed, at a, daycare business, as a start, or side, part time; I, believe, that, people, have "to earn", the life, they're meant, to have, live,(Live...), and, I believe, you've "earned" your "opportunity", to have yours, and perhaps, this" door ", seemingly, closing, is really, another, "Opening), and I believe, it is, and, it seems, as if, you do too! I said, I'd help, be here, for you, that hasn't changed! How, old, "is great kid?" Hugs! Cat



  • Thank you Cat you made me cry 🙂 I am 45yrs old. Just a bit hard headed and slow lol. I am finding Spirit in me again very quickly. once my heart and soul both found the same path. I cried for years that God had deserted me, Not even God wanted me...I am too much of a screw up..can't do a blasted thing right and I let myself believe that not only was my opinion, feelings and words futile and worthless but that I was and also an intrusion to others. Amazing how low we let ourselves get. This is what happens when we let man and fear come before Spirit. Thank God I am not Moses ...40 yrs of this last journey almost killed me lol.



  • You are, lovely, Fe! and, 45! is, a wonderful, age! God, never, deserts, us(Spirit), sometimes, we, just, "forget" where, we are! where we were going! how, to "get back"home; You, will be on your way, "home" now! here, is a nice book, for now "Anam Cara"; you, will, find this, both, comforting and useful! Cat



  • I, am thinking, you are in England/UK, somewhere, and, if this, is correct, it must be, almost, 3am, there, and you have, probably, logged-off, for the evening, and hopefully, will sleep well, this evening, better, anyway! So, I imagine, you will, not "see" this, till, tomarrow; No one, is "a screwup," if they learn, to make foresight, out of hindsight; life, is meant, to be experienced, and, in this experience, we come," to see", ourselves, through, this "experiencing", and who/what, is ours; "ours"(you&yours) is communnal; it is a "reciprocal" agreement, and is also, an equation: you=yours; what/whom, is yours, must, also, equal,choose you, as you choose them/it, and this, is necessary, "To Be", who "You are", and recieve, "The Meant Life". Sadly, everyone/everthing, has," it's time, it's season"; some, not, as long, as we would've, liked, or wished for; what has been, for you, and your spouse, seems, to have, or is coming, to "season's end," and perhaps, that is simply because, "that was it's time", but there is "the Kid", and he(?), may have, been the point, and what, youve learned/experienced, clearly, is a "BIG" point, so, try, and keep these thoughts, keep as much Clarity/ Reason, in mind, as you can, right now, rather, than allow, feelings, to make, you, feel afraid, less than, you cant do things(remember, good old Barac Obama? EVERYONE laughed at him, made fun etc., and all he kept saying, "was, YES I CAN!", and "YES HE DID!") Hugs! Cat



  • I wish I were in England Love or better yet Ireland. I have never been out of the States. I have such a drawing to go but maybe not in this life but I have awake dreams that I think are there???? My blood line is Irish/Scot on Mum's side and English and newly found German on Father's side. But I am CA raised in old world standards. In live 2 lives lol.

    The kid yes Keanu is 15 and he is good. He just came to me last night and stated that he understands if we have to live here as room mates for a few months. He chooses to live with me and my mum(she is disabled and I care for her. She is blind, on oxygen and we are looking at a lung transplant we think...more tests. I have chosen to stay in the same subdivision for a while so that our son can freely see and be with his father. This is not about their relationship except for making it better. This way is hurting him. He doesn't like the way his father speaks to me or treats me so I need to remove me not him from his father. Make sense? He seems relieved and hopes for more peace and normal? lifestyle. He drives me bonkers at times but he sure is a good soul. I love his heart and his eyes so unlike mine.

    Cat you have made me cry, smile and feel very important today and the last week, Thank you for your openness, your spirit, you are so precious and sincere. I love that you are in the Light. I am in good Hands and thank you for your touch Cat. BTW I am only in Oregon. AND I Hate Snow and Cold and Cold Wind...I dislike a lot of 4 letter words. Lol ~huge hugs and warm wishes / Peg



  • PS Anum Carta got it. I am overcoming fear especially FALSE fear!



  • FEANGELIKAH, "PEG",

    SORRY FOR POPPING IN ON YOUR POST PEG, AND OF COURSE YOURS CAT, i just wanted to thank you Peg for who you are...thank you for all your healing prayers...Your heart is huge and your soul is even bigger..While suffering with the pains in my head, i read your posts on your relationship, first I'm sooo sorry it has come to this.secondly you are an amazingly strong women, you could give some of us that wisdom and strength you have, thirdly you could of continued your marriage because of fear but you have made a choice to walk through it! You might have a feeling that has left you a few bruises,(which is a natural process) but you just watch this year is going to be all about you and your truth and love for yourself...I'm sorry that your mom is ill but you have such a remarkable love inside of you and i could not see you doing anything differently, from what you are doing now...Your son sounds like he is very mature for his age and he must have the same heart as his mamma...:)

    Thank you again Peg, may you continue to have love in your heart,peace in your mind, peace in your heart,abundance, light and laughter to surround you and your family always...

    Namaste'

    Sheila



  • Aww Sheila First I am so glad to see you! Second thank you! Your prayers and encouragement mean a lot to me. This year is new and the Spirit is moving....me out of my Dark!

    Our Healer I thank you for Sheila and her loving spirit. I ask you to continue her healing, bring her comfort when pain tries to take over and renew the stems, nerves and neurons throughout her. God please bring her total healing and may she feel Your warmth of love while You bring her energy and strength.



  • You sent me more wings...Thanks LOve



  • I agree, also, with My Journey(really, nice Angel! boy, do I "know"her!.......) and, "Anam Cara", it is, archaic Celtic, meaning, "Soul Friend"; The Sarah Ban Breathnach, books, are very "good", too, especially, as a day book/thought, "Simple Abundance", and "Something More"; these, are specifically, for woman(non-denominational) you, would find comfort, insight, focus/direction, and "quality"; also, practical suggestions, for, "getting in touch", with you/Spirit, without, expense, more, than, notebooks, etc.Your Mother, I am so sorry; your son, will, always, be there for you, will, help, re-establish, the renewal, of "Family", in a new way, as you have, already mentioned, so, there, is "good seed", for, the "new, planting time", ahead! I will, check, with you, morning, as now, and, later, in the day/early evening," leave, you something" did your, parents, immigrate, (California) for, "Aerospace", or the "Flower Child/Art" movement? Funny, how, "California" Happened, isn't it? such, a paradox, that State! Anyway, sending you, "Good Vibrations"! Cat/Kathleen



  • Good Morning Cat..yep it is still morning here anyway. Yes my parents and their families immigrated and My Mum's family wagoned across to California. My Nana was fascinating. Many stories and she even spoke Gaelic. I loved her Spirit she was SPECIAL. I miss her so much. We lost her when I was 14 and She has never really left me. Such impacts others can have on our lives. It is awesome. She was elegant and strong, set in her beliefs and yet nonjudgmental and FULL of unconditional love...I wonder what happened to my Grand-mum?? lol It is not too late for her though she is still with us and just turned 90! The women in our family seem to live forever. Even Father's Grand-mum insisted on Cataract surgery at 99 and lived to be 101. Amazing Ladies they both were Great grandmother was a lover of nature. we would sit on her swinging bench and feed the deer and birds out of our hands. She even fed the skunks..not me at that time...they were not clean ...smelly lol. My GrandPa Wilcox had a barn and the birds of all sorts would come in. I loved being with them. It does seem that the ones who understood my differentness amongst the family were also very different. They had a Special Love. I think and hope I have inherited that from them. I wish I could have learned to speak the language Nana knew. It was pretty to my ears. My aunts used to dance for the nursing homes and Nana would dress me up and I would think I was the best Irish dancer in the room. I love a child's mind. Looking back I looked like a little girl having the time of her life. I hope I can find a piece of her again...I miss her too...been too long. I may be a little old for River Dance but I can still Dance!

    How about you Cat...where are you at and from? Care to share? Grandchildren? I LOVE Grandchildren!!!! Too much fun! Gifts?



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  • Just stopped by, Fe- you are what you believe you are, believe in yourself! You are loved unconditionally! 🙂



  • I love grammas, great grammas! yours, sound, wonderful! much, like, my Lithuanian/Russian, "Nannys"! they've, been gone a long time, now; I wish, I could, have had them longer, especially, great gramma; it would, have, been such, a comfort, the past ten, years, "stumbling/fumbling" around, coming, to "grasp", the "later" stages, of life, not just, for me, but for William/spouse, just, 73, and, he, has "resisted", "aging", "rights of Passage", for, maybe, 10 years(talk, about someone, not talking........ AYE! YIE!YIE!......) with, her Wisdom, Strength, courage&compassion, yet, a person, who could, clearly, defend, protect, and naturally, command, and control, "the family", but, with no, hint, of either, command, or control; the "Love", of her life, after, great grampa died(plus, her first born and last born "baby Helen" at 3) in consideration, retrospect, clearly, was, Life itself! Her Family, The Planet, roses, flowers, trees, "all creatures, great, and small", she 's, always, been, such, a pleasant, thought, of "good times", and, her daughter, my grandmother, we were, much alike, and, as I grew, she and I grew, into "Friends" , shared, "secrets", what, her dreams, had been, why, they, had never grown, so much more, but anyway, I always, felt, so honored, to be grammas, "BBF", and she was mine; sadly, my mother, never, had that, kind, of relationship, with her (or me! that's funny!) I like, certain, things, on PBS, one "gene" studies; My mother, strongly, manifested, Austrian genes, from her Father(Bavarian German/Austrian), and I've come to believe, "the genes", are likely, responsible, I have to leave, for a bit, and I don't want this to, "disappear", as sometimes, does (i've, been told, adm., there, can be, a time problem, and I don't type(silly art classes!) anyway, I will, be back, shortly to be continued....... Cat



  • so, my fathers' (mother) English, descended, but, for centuries/US, pre-American Revolution; his father, Irish, but recently, found out, they, were, originally, "Scottish Pilgrims", called, today, The Ulster Scots; I had, the most marvelous, stepfather, (sadly, gone too soon, also, too long...)and, I always, thought, he, and my father, seemed, kin, and, now, perhaps, they might have been! I love, to dance! Michael Flatly, just "the best" I watch, Lord of the Dance(and Close Encounters, of the Third Kind) annually! still, looking, for Lord of the Dance/London) Iwas raised, North Burbs, Detroit, which was wonderful, "In theDay"; I'd(we/the kids) "sneak" downtown, go to the "Motown", type places, and "beg", to be shown, "how to dance", great memories, from that time! And "CARS", oh Baby! I have, a natural, inclination, towards, classical, heavy, on Russian ballet type, Big Band, especially, Glen Miller, and anything, 50's-70's; I loved judy collins, abba, heart, joan jet, stevie nicks, jefferson airplane, of couse the beach boys, most of Motown; BTO, and the "Awesome" from England, but especially "The Stones", who, me and my BBF, saw, in Detroit, on there first, American Tour, we were so excited, we couldn't sleep, all night! and, now, I like, "the Celtic" traditional, very pleasing, to me! so, you can see, I have, some rather, "unusual", tastes, in music, but anything, I could figure out how to dance to, was deliscious!, even better! We relocated, to, Rio Rancho, NM, 151/2 years ago(adjacent to Albuquerque) "THAT"S AN INCREDABLY LONG"(weird) story! I do, love the mesas, the canyons, all of the high desert/mountains, and all the "Oddites" (things, you don't see much, or at all, in Michigan) like "Vega"(closest star/sun, to earth, with planet, possibility) certain, weather phenominum, ", sundogs, mare's tails" the most amazing thunderstorms, ever; and all the flora&fauna, and on, and on....blah, blah, blah! It's been, "AN EXPERIENCE", I'll say that! verdict, not in, yet! clearly, "need to write, a lot more chapters, to this story......" be back, to be continued...... Cat



  • that's(above) quite long; anyway, "how many tears, in a day......." sometimes, a deluge! It's a "damn", breaking, and 20plus years, of a reservoir, built, and backed up, tear- by- tear, and year -by- year, until, it all, must, simply flow, away, before, "the damn" bursts; "pressure" being released, to prevent, collapse, and the start, of the healing cycles: grief, remorse, mourning, to name, a few. Right, now, the pain, is indescribable, I know this, I've been there, and there, and there......It is beyond, the heart, through, the bone; on second thought, maybe, you should, get, Woman who run with wolves; there is a story, "Skeleton Woman", you, are her, right now! I've been her, for so long, "I love her, to the Bone", and that, is required! it is a tear, of sorrow, compassion, of "one of the flesh" living person, that, she hungers/thirsts, for that, restores, her to "flesh"; sometimes, these, books, I've mentioned,(except Anam Cara) can be found, in resale shops, garage sales etc....) also, (if you don't do this, already...) get some kids, old fashioned, "comp"books (walmart $1) start, a day journal; right it all down, "get it out" into the open; meet it, (feelings/thoughts) greet it, what, does it have, to give to you, start, slow, when it feel "right" write, you'll start , to feel (a little) better, you'll, have record, next year, you'll reread, this journal, of your hand," in these times", next year, and be amazed, at, your own salvation, survival, and revival! Amazed, at who Peggy, is and who, she is meant to be! Hugs! and Hands! Cat