• I feel I've lost the man I love forever. We've been seeing one another for nearly 2 yrs, each time getting more closer. Only last week he toasted "to us". But 4 days ago we had a misunderstanding and he yelled at me that it's my fault his 21-yr-old daughter is in the hospital. He said if he hadn't come to my place that Saturday, his daughter wouldn't be in the hospital. (His ex-wife took her to the Mall and she ran away......). I was so angry he was blaming me for it, I lashed out at him, we had words, and I said "I'm sorry I ever became friends with you." I know that upset him, as he said "You...are...sorry...you...ever...became...friends...with...me...? In that case don't see me again, don't ever call me, I never want to see you again." And I said I didn't want to see him neither. And he got out of the car and walked away. I yelled "You have a wife. Go home to your wife!" He said "I don't want her. I'll find someone better." To that I yelled back "And I'll find someone who'll want to be with me!" He just shook his hands and head and walked away. That's the last I saw of him. He hasn't called since whereas he used to call me every single morning. (By the way he hates his ex but his adult children brought their mother home for Thanksgiving and looks like she'll be staying, and that's when all this friction started between us, just as we were getting closer and closer.) My whole world has crumbled. I called him 3 times this morning, but he didn't pick up, so I gave up. This has happend to us many times, but we always managed to make up again. But this time this was a very big fight. I think he's had enough. You see he was going to come to my place that day, and in the morning he was all lovey-dovey when he called me, and I was so looking forward to that night. Then when he came to pick me up from work (he had borrowed my car that day) he said he wasn't going to come up as he was tired. He had errands to run, and then he went to visit his daughter in the hospital, so he was just going to go home, have a shower and go to sleep. So I said well then, I'll go get a nice takeout, dessert, and have it with wine. He said "and celebrate", I said "Yes, and you're going to have a nice shower." To that he shouted at me "You mean with my wife!" I said no, I didn't say that. He said but you meant it! That's how all this stupid fight started. He's always misunderstanding me.

    I'D LIKE TO KNOW IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS TO THIS STUPID AND POINTLESS FIGHT. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM. WE WERE GREAT FRIENDS UP UNTIL NOW. BUT SOMEHOW I FEEL HE MAY REALLY NOT WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN. If he hadn't come to pick me up that night (I told him to keep the car, I'll walk home from work, if he was tired), but he said no he'll come and pick me up. What if, what if. I'm going to lose my mind any minute. And pls don't say forget him, move on. I'm 63 yrs old and to have found the love of my life at this late stage in my life, I can't bear to lose him. I lost my husband 4 years ago (he passed away). But it was nothing like the love I feel for this man. It's the first time I'm experiencing these feelings. Please someone, say he'll come back.

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  • Hummm, this is a tangled web. A couple of thoughts come to mind but first I must fight the urge to call him on his bull s.h.i.t. The kids are adults. If they want to see their mother they can do it elsewhere. AND, he should stop cooking! Why should they leave if he won't kick them out of the nest and force them to fly. I didn't realize he is divorced, whew. BUT! then she does NOT need to be in his house, particularly if she has expressed desires for him.

    Set some boundaries. Again, the daughter is no one's fault. You guys have been seeing each other for 2 years! Stuff happens! Although, he clearly cares a lot about his children to be such a doormat. Wow, keeping the kids and now the ex-wife! Is he a Taurus? If he is, he'll be back for you too.

    But, let's be clear on one thing. Just because HE CHOOSES to be a doormat does NOT mean you should be one too. This was not a stupid fight. I see that now. This is about him being torn and you establishing boundaries that you, as the love in his life for 2 years, are entitled to establish. I'm sorry but the ex-wife moving in would definitely get me upset too. Of course now you feel left out and lonely.

    You have something she doesn't have! You'll see Monday.

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  • If it appears that is the reason don't worry about it. It's just an excuse. He needs to cut the strings and make the boys fly. He hinders their growth. Unfortunately though only he can decide when enough is enough and IF he is lucky you'll still be there waiting. But when you talk to him be clear and let him know he is hurting you and at sincere risk of losing you. The boys will eventually fly and so will the daughter. He will be alone and it may be too late to come for you.

    Here's a test for him. Offer to stay with him while she is there. This puts you in his bed and stakes your ground as his woman. She won't stay long then. If he denies you then point out to him that he is giving her rights to his home and none to you. Thus, there is no place for you in his cozy family and wish him well. That should be a wake up call. If it isn't then he isn't worthy of your loyalty for he has none for you.

  • Statistically it is written that 60% of men and 40% of women are adulterers at any given time. With speculation that the numbers for women are probably higher, they are better liars, less likely to get caught.

    It sounds like the two of you are wallowing like pigs in a trough of your own making, here is hoping you both get more than your fair share of misery.and many more years like these.

    And may your respective Xs continue to enjoy their lives, having finally shed themselves of the burden, misery, anguish, pain and likes of you and your beloved . And may what you have sown continue to be visited upon you tenfold.

  • you got the definition of loyalty ass backward

  • skinnymarink-that wasn't very nice was it. The woman is heartbroken. Have you no empathy? Stupid question-obviously you dont.

  • Skinymarink,

    I am so sorry that you feel betrayed right now by your husband and the woman he spent time with. I personally believe in monogamy and too have been hurt by adultery in my past. But we do not OWN our spouses and no one TAKES them. Please try to refrain from attacking people. You are misplacing your anger. It is OK for you to be angry and to hate this pain you are feeling right now. But be wary of wishing others pain and suffering. We have all suffered. To wish those who harm us to "enjoy their lives, having finally shed themselves of the burden, misery, anguish, pain and likes of you and your beloved. And may what you have sown continue to be visited upon you tenfold" is no different than if I said you deserved your husband's cheating.

    Please try to read the threads entirely and carefully before you post. The person you said the above to in the other thread is not the one who cheated. The man is not actually married. His wife left/divorced years ago leaving him to raise their children alone. Now, when they are adults and he is happy with Librachild, she has returned (the EX).

    Slow down and breathe. We are here to share, not to berate. We are here to love and accept, not to preach condemnations. We are here for you if you let us be. But attacking us and/or people you don't know is not the way in.

    When we make the basic assumption that people are bad we will never feel safe or good about life. I understand you have had the rug pulled from you, you are angry, and you are reacting right now from that hurt. Please allow us to accept you, love you, and help you talk about what has happened. And please allow me to suggest two books for you. Actually one is for him and the other is for both of you.

    The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman. You deserve a sincere and true apology and until he learns exactly how to meet your needs for this it will never be over.


    Hold me Tight by Sue Johnson. Try to read it together, a little each night. It will help you begin talking about what happened and how it has made you both feel and it will help him understand how a woman feels when this has happened as well as give you a venue for expressing those feelings without attacking.

    Thank you for beginning to share your pain with us. We are listening....

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  • Librachild,

    Call him at home anytime you wish. Like you said, his kids are grown. Your lack of calling him may actually make him feel not needed. If he's your love, man, lover then call him and let him know. That is, unless you want to lose him to her because she certainly has no problem intruding into his home.

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  • Librachild,

    He may need time to miss you. The problem is with so much hustle and bustle around his house he isn't alone long enough to think about being alone. I am saddened that he had a great relationship with you for two years and is now so easily taken back in by his past. I have to be honest with you and tell you that I personally would not tolerate this. The man has his ex-wife in his house and refused to acknowledge you as the woman in his heart. He may be working out some past desire he didn't get closure on in wanting her to return. And all five of them are united. His mother may see this as what's right and is trying to discourage you.

    The bottom line is we could all speculate till we run out of oxygen and you can get one reading after another till you find yourself broke and more confused. If it were me (might not be best for you) I would request a few minutes of his time to talk and get straight to the point and ask him if he has reunited with her. If he says no then ask if you have any future potential together. If he says no you know where you stand. If he says yes then request some boundaries that demonstrate you are his woman. If there is nothing going on between them then it is perfectly acceptable for you to have dinner in his home regardless of if she is there or not. If he can't do that then I would dump him. If he has no respect for you now he won't likely have any later. Find a better man.

  • Dear Librachild

    You have received so much good advice here from Salient aand Watergirl (and an unprovoked attack), that my thoughts are superfluous, but I do agree that this is you versus a whole family. That you are being blamed for the daughter's overdose is obvious and would be laughable if it weren't so patentlt and ridiculously unfair. It's a good thing you didn't run into the daughter...I bellieve she would have turned nasty.

    The family is united and they will all live happpily ever after (not). Your Cancerian LIKES being a martyr to his family...it makes him feel wanted. Being a Libran, you cannot understand how hatefully distorted some of their ideas are and believe everyone is as fair-minded as you.

    I feel your pain; you have now suffered another loss and there is nothing you can do to alter your fate and you feel helpless and impotent ......but you are neither and so much better than he; you deserve so much more than the crumbs from this man's table.

    You cannot win at the moment...the ex is back and they are playing happy families. This man is a paper-tiger;please find a real one who can make you purr again...you deserve happiness and good timese, not the misery of others' inadequacies. Love to you Librachild.

  • Arghhh...excuse the typos................

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  • Dear Librachld

    Ahhh...it's so painful for you I know, but I can feel the reality of your situation dawning on you......you have been so kind (and consequently been taken advantage of), but you deserve a more equal relationhship with someone who cares and has something to offer you - other than heartache and debts. You are several social classes above him I feel (forgive me, if I sound like a snob -I'm not)....he will reap what he has sown - as you will. You will receive kindness and support; he will receive disrespect and disappointments. I hope 2011 will turn out much bettter for you than 2010 ended. Love and resepect to you.

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