POST TRAUMATIC STRESS READING?
I hope some one can tell me what I am doing wrong. Male, born 2/13/1958 6:10AM, Blyn, Wa. USA I started out being outgoing and very social and hung out with my older brothers until I was accused of spying for my mom when I was 4. A few months later I recieved my first concushin (sp?) and lesson about the family hiarchy. A few months later, my second reenforcement came from a brother born 12/1/1948 and he has barely controlled his anger with me since, in fact the latest was during a Christmas eve phone call to wish them a merry Xmas.
At the end of 5th grade, I stood up to my friends that cornered this really irritating guy after school. I had nothing against 1 on 1 fighting but no unfair fights. They backed down but it cost me all of my friends, and I wish it had never come up.That was in June of 1969. In 1970, my favorite brother in law scammed me out of 3 months pay while I lived on beans and bread. When I came home in Sept. my Moms first reaction was extremely neg. A year later I could no longer talk to people. A hypnotist saved my life at 19 and I had the happiest year of my life, until A taures lady stepped on my heart with highheels on my 21rst B/day.10 yrs. later I was still recovering when A one night stand with a libra looking for an income knocked me on my butt. Four months later I was looking at a paternity lawsuit and had my first pancreatic attack. I have had debilitating chronic pancreatitis since April, 1991. In 1994 I fell in love with a Virgo, born 9/19/1960, we had a daughter on 4/14/95 and in a bout of post-partum, she moved out of my life the same day. My mom, having disowned me in 1985, died 2 weeks later. By Xmas, I was evicted and living in my 85 toyota corolla with my dog.
I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, my mom kept me socially isolated from my family, my church wrongly accused me of crimes and tried to have me sent to Juvie at 15, nobody my age was allowed to be friends with me, (small town) I have spent my last penny trying to get my pancreas fixed and on Jan. 12th, is my last attempt. After that I will lose my insurance because after expences I have 210 to 265 dollars a month to live on.My rent and insurance just went up. oh, i have a 1/4/11 trial date for assault because I was scammed for $800 last March. I hit the guy to keep him from hitting me, not hard, just to keep him back. But he started screaming he was hit and drew a crowd. And finallly, last winter, I found out I was seriosly in love with a married friend. She doesn't know and I will not tell her.
The time of my birth is a semi educated guess, my birth was recorded 70 days later. out of all this can any one devine my birth time, and maybe a reason for my life to be constantly under some sort of attack? And can things ever get better for me?
It seems as if you have a very repetitive, life cycle.
or your telling the story wrong ? Is there any good things that happend?
was there any exciting moments of your childhood ect ?
what did you learn from ? If you didnt learn from anything than maybe
thats why your making the same mistakes..Why dose it seem your each time'the Victim
that gets the wrong punishment ?
STOP BEING A VICTIM!
Lots of us grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and had brothers, sisters, so called friends reinforce the value of keeping our mouths shut. You wrote lines and lines of your past and very very little of your present. Why? Is it easier to focus on the past? Well, OK. Being a close Aquarius born February 11th I can say you probably aren't very discerning, always looking for the best in people, and being too forgiving when they run over you again and again and again. But is it their fault or ours? Hummm, let's ponder for a moment. Did you hang around the kind of people who would do that to you? Yup.
I will tell you like I tell myself. We don't get to pick our parents or families but guess what YOU are NOT a kid anymore and you DO get to pick your life right here right now. You can chose to keep blaming your bad luck for all your troubles. After all who could go through what you've gone through and succeed? Reality check, the only person truly attacking you is you. STOP!
Your life s.u.c.k.s. because you decided it does. Learn the freeing power of forgiveness, INCLUDING forgiving yourself. Limit the time you spend with unhealthy people. DON'T try to save people. Just accept their choices and let go. Let go and start the rest of your life now. It's all that matters. Stop blaming and Stop being angry. It's a waste of your time and energy. Be grateful that you still have time to ..... LOVE.
Hi, The more you live life, the more problems you'll have. Patterns (parents) will follow you. I have friends who have had horrendous childhoods. It will follow you. I sense that you feel hyper. Stop and take a breath. Try to picture a calmer life and although it's hard, try and release the past. We put our hopes in people, we respect people only to be trampled on. You become the rock. Your past may not have prepared you properly but let your own knowledge be your guide. I've had to endure some horrendous experiences. You don't have to endure it anymore. OK--hope I've helped.