Friend went off and married?

  • I have a friend who supposedly got a girl pregnant (he is supposed to be sterile). Every since she found out about the baby she has demanded he marry her so she can get a green card to come to the states. He said he wasn't going to marry her until he found out for sure the baby is his. No one has heard from him since Tuesday and we are all worried. He has been depressed and just broke up with his closest friends. We think he may have taken this girl up on her offer to get him a ticket home so he could see his family (they're from the same country) and then he will marry her. His Mom was supposed to come for Christmas but she ended up having to go back home for a friend's funeral. He has been talking about dying a lot lately so we are even more worried. He says this often but never did anything. Any insight any one could give would be appreciated.

  • Hi

    THis is what i get. I dont feel he has taken her ultimatum at all. Its a loose loose for him. Demands never stand well with anyone men as woman. I feel more he has taken himself way solitary o figure out how he has landed himself in all this havoc chaos.

    Depression hist every one n has its phase. Those talking ending lives hardly ever do. One mys b more careful with those that has a depression n stays quiet. Talking while depressed is a healing measurement. take it from one who knows.

    I strongly feel he is alone and tries to sort his issues n this chaos out on his own. U see often when friends hear of it, theyt all have advice, stories, inputs, hearsay of equally stories good n bad, I feel he felt they meant well but he got more confused n more overloaded.

    As women we expect men to do as we do, talk talk talk n by it find a solution. it doesnt work with men AT ALL: Men are celebral, meaning they THINK a lot n LONG about issues n pros cons until they have a solution a path to walk down.

    This man chose to go off alone, stay solitude and work him self out n see whys wherefores n so on´. Kindly allow him his time n space. If he has a depression as well, then no amount of nudges helps n good advice can help, in fact it makes the depression worse.

    Breathe, relax, be patient n do allow him this time.

    Ask urself, wouldnt u want people to get off ur neck if u had depressions n was facing his issues? N NO, NON knows what he goes through.U may have a inkling but honestly u truely dont know. Just please let him be n he´ll come around when he is ready.

    That said when he is ready will he be in touch with one of you n you can spread the word. I also sense it will go most of january before he´ll return fully. So please know he is ok, he sleep somewhat well, eats, drinks not bc he forces himself to, but bc he knows he needs n has to-

    Accept this as this will b a huge part of him from now on.

    Hope this helped.


  • cbw thanks very much. it does help a lot to calm my fears. And you are so right about him. He does withdraw when he is trying to figure things out.

    I also know what you mean about depression I deal withit myself at times.

    Thanks again.

  • Yw sweetie!

  • cbw. I was rereading your reading and I recall that about 3 weeks ago he said he had talked to his biological mom and she said "a bunch of stupid stuff". When I asked him like what, he said he didn't know he was so confused about everything now.

    A few days later he and I had a fight during which he said we should never have been friends because I won't tell him I was in love with him. I was falling on love with him a few months past but then he really changed and started pulling away doing things that where not him like having one night stands with any girl who would, getting drunk and staying drunk for days. I still love him as a friend though but not romantically.

    He's been having fights like this with other friends, coworkers and neighbors. He has broken up with other friends as well even taking punches at them. He is diffidently not himself. Hopefully he will find peace and clarity while he sorts these things out.

    Thank you again for your insight. I feel more at peace myself as well.

  • Best thing u can do is just stay his friend. Stay put n once he return he will also know ure one of the true friends bc u stuck to him when he had a fall into the darkest of pits.

    That what i do to my friend Alden. Even when he is pissed off, depressed as hell passive agressive that u wanna slap him around lol, i stick to him, n when he comes around he is the more appreciative loving n all that jazz. N its bc i didnt leave him when he had his "spells".

    We all need such a friend. N ur friend is no different.

    best of luck dear

  • Thank you.

  • According to the girl he did go down and marry her. The friendship between he and I was what kept him here. Turns out he was in love with me and she forbid it so he had to breakup with me or she won't let him see his baby.

    I have had the strong feeling since we found out about the baby it's not his and he is going to get hurt. I can't get rid of it either. Can I pray for the feeling to be taken away? I don't want to know anymore since I can't do anything about it. He made his decision.

  • Question my dear, has this girl, person withheld information from him? Is she , person one that easy tells a fib to get hey way? Some will tell a lie to get what they want. i somehow feel this girl loves to fib in order to set people in tumoil. her own life sucks n by it all elses has to suck to. we call such people vampires. as to why well they feed of misery, they project it to all n everyone so they can feel good about themselves. BUT the feed never lasts long. Like vampires they need to eat frequently. Consider what u know of this person n feel in ur gut wether she is truthful or a vampire.

  • Ok. I don't know her and he doesn't really either. He said he just met her one day and had a one night stand with her then never heard from her again until she called to say she was pregnant. My gut just tells me something is not right about this. And it won't go away.It still holds that something isn't right about all this.

    Thanks, CharmedWitchBente, I will go with what I know is right - She is up to go good a vampire as you say. Thanks again now I can sleep.

  • yw babe

  • Got a bad feeling. Talked to him last week and he said that everything I say anymore is to offend him. How is my saying I see us still as friends an offense? He said he was getting back to us being friends but know he doesn't know. His reasoning: he heard I said something and I can only lie so he won't listen to me when I tell the truth. The source he heard it from doesn't even know me. One minute he wants to be friends again and then the next he's not sure and eveything I say or do is wrong.

    He says he knows what he wants and can get it anytime he wants. But he doesn't know about us being friends? Hopefully this is part of his depression.

    I know I'm getting impatient and need to calm down. Going to go to bed now and try to think about something else for a change.

  • Best thing to do right now is to lay low, give him space n time to figure it out. As far as lies goes they eventually solve themselves unless one messes with them too much. Its like playing with a fresh pile of doggy poo. Messier n smellier.

    So lay low, give him space n know in ya heart u KNOW u didnt lie, ur conscious is CLEAR.


  • Very much Thanks. Again.

  • yw sweetie

  • I just finished talking with my friend (we're friends again) it was a long day with him emailing me this morning calling me a stalker because I looked at his Facebook page and tonight he emailed me and said we need to talk. So we have been since 10:30. We signed off with a Goodnight, It will be for me. I have been worried about him more lately. But he reached out to me like you said he would. It's a good day (night).

  • Keep up the good work! as u saw for urself it does indeed work. Well done sweetie!

  • Thanks.

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