Open to anyone or capricorn444
I posted on the second page and relayed some factual info on this but the cards I drew shed some interesting facts.
I did not realize that there was a second post on this until today. I will have to read it further. From your cards you have pulled and some of the information that you have provided in later posts on this post, this is what I am seeing.
The Heirophant is the wound itself of which you have had to reopen to heal. Sometimes when wounds such as the initial one you mentioned, it branches to many other areas of our lives and sometimes has a rippling effect much much like waves upon water. The molestation is the root but the deeper wound you speak of is the rejection, condemnation, and to some degree abandonment of the authority and family influences in your life at that time in your life.
You sought comfort and support from both authority figures in your school..the counselor you mentioned... who did not provide you with the shelter you needed once you went to someone outside of your immediate family circle. Your immediate family also condemned you, did not believe you and did not provide the support that you needed and sought at that time. That to a degree feels like rejection and abandonment as you feel as these are the people who should keep you safe, who you trust, who help you... you were left on your own to deal with it to a degree alone. No wonder you have some degree of problem with authority figures...you went to those to whom you should have been there to trust... only to not receive the support you should have. Kind of a deep insult added to injury so to say. The deeper wound is from how those who should have been supportive and protective for you...were not there so to speak. The King of Swords and Queen of Swords are your parents. That kind of betrayal by those we love can leave either one feeling helpless and defenseless or can to a degree leave us detached and cold and to a degree trapped.
Strange enough the feelings I see associated with your healing and situation are similar in depth to a situation that was different but had the same depth of emotional healing as what you are and will be encountering that took me over 23 years to totally heal and find closure to. It took me to the darkest depths of the well... so to speak and I just found closure when I found the lessons and wisdom to growth to be gained from what happened. I ended up bumping into this person so to speak again 23 years later before the closure happened and this just happened around a month ago... The effects of that relationship trickled and resonated throughout many areas of my life for years. Before closure was obtained, I had to track down each and every area it affected and heal it. When I was not able to totally heal from it, things in life would reappear to force that karmic lesson and healing again... a soul wrenching experience is the best term i can think of to describe what i went through as a teen. due to the trust issues that i experienced from my experience, i attempted this healing process pretty much alone...that is one reason i do not recommend attempting this depth of healing alone.
I am still feeling out the other cards and their meaning...
You now have a starting point from which to retrace your steps to the beginning and the depth of any wounds that have resonated from this molestation. Your healing process is headed in the right direction. ( where you are now) To a degree this healing process will be a transformation or rebirth of yourself in which you will be like a phoenix rising from the ashes which will set you free and you will develop a new way of looking at things once the process is complete. This process may not be a quick process, it will truly depend upon the depth of the wounds that you have developed and your ability to truly process and heal the wounds and resonating wounds from this. ( where you are going)
8 of swords - you have a calmer exterior while the true turmoil is inside of you of which not everyone is aware of and can see.... the universe has guided those to help you to your path.. don't be afraid to allow the true turmoil inside show to those that have been sent to help...you can still keep the calmer exterior to those around you in your life without totally letting all see the turmoil you go through during this trying time in your life. Keep in mind the whole healing process that what does not kill you makes you stronger...and the serenity prayer.... two very encouraging items during this type of healing... don't forget to be gentle with yourself during this process as well.
I hope this helps you some further.
Irony that you say that; cap444 asked me if I noticed any signs or resurfacing clues;
My step brother who was involved was at my recruiters station it happened in August this year and his mother requested me on facebook in January of this year. I also keep seeing cardinals, they show up every where! You know what cardinals signal:) I started thinking about this the eavning after I saw him, He said; you remember me; I am david. I did not even notice or recognize him. And my dad called my uncle ; that was the first time I talked to my dad since 15! I havnt seen him in 10 years. Then the next day after my father dec 11th; my step sister from my mother that I havnt seen contacted me on facebook; its been umpteen years since I seen my mom. This is a big rejection and abandonment issue. I started going to a healer last year and been seeing her on an doff then cap444 and now going strong at it.
My cards are showing that This wil fully resurface later this year I am sensing august or september..............
Thank you Grey star
You are very welcome Transition. Healing from something like this is a major undertaking. At least you are wiser than myself in that you are not attempting it along. All these cardinal signs will pop up on and off until each area that it resonated to are also healed. About the the time you think you have tackled all those resonating areas, there is one more... By the time it is over, you will shed outdated beliefs and patterns that were caused by such a thing... These things will be severed away one at a time and each time a piece of freedom and peace will be obtained.
My soul mate that I am dating picked up on pulling out more of the resonate areas in my life one by one.. If I had not realized the healing that was taking place and that it was holding myself to a higher standard and growth, I would have ran a long time ago.... But as time has taken place, I have been able to start acheiving the level of intimacy that I have always wanted but I have had to work through a lot to get there. The funny thing about Karma and healing is ....if you don't get it and work through it...something else in life will pop up again to try to teach you that lesson. You are very welcome.
I hope you find the peace you seek. Don't be afraid to let the inner turmoil inside you show to those which the universe guides your way. I also have that trait...it can also slow the healing process if your not careful. If you use that trait well, those around you at work, and family will not see the turmoil inside while those you chose to share it with will. Having an outlet for that turmoil to heal is important. I had a tendency to have that cool exterior in my youth even though things inside were not calm...a somewhat detached approach... It can hinder true healing and intimacy if you are not careful.
Transition and Grey Star: Here is some knowledged condensed I learned from a healer and counselor who also writed books................
Recovery involves bringing to consciousness those beliefs and attitudes in our subconscious that are causing our dysfunctional reactions so that we can reprogram our ego defenses to allow us to live a healthy, fulfilling life instead of just surviving. So that we can own our power to make choices for ourselves about our beliefs and values instead of unconsciously reacting to the old tapes. Recovery is consciousness raising. It is en-light-en-ment - bringing the dysfunctional attitudes and beliefs out of the darkness of our subconscious into the Light of consciousness.
On an emotional level the dance of Recovery is owning and honoring the emotional wounds so that we can release the grief energy - the pain, rage, terror, and shame that is driving us.
That shame is toxic and is not ours - it never was! We did nothing to be ashamed of - we were just little kids. Just as our parents were little kids when they were wounded and shamed, and their parents before them, etc., etc. This is shame about being human that has been passed down from generation to generation.
There is no blame here, there are no bad guys, only wounded souls and broken hearts and scrambled minds."