Against the odds

  • Hello anybody...I need somebody to talk to right now. I am in love with a man for more than 3 years now. And I can see he loves me too. We work in the same company that's why we can't show to others our true relationship. All in all, we were ok and reached three years and a half. He accepted me even if I am separated and have 2 kids. He is single and is 9 year smy senior. It could have been so perfect because no doubt the love that we share was so right. Only that now, his parents are looking for a girl forhim to marry. He is from a culture that until now resort to fixed maariages. I told him to tell his parents that he doesnt want to be arranged with anybody because he has me. He said he told them he doesnt want to marry but it seems they are persistent. Now that he is back home for a vacation , his parents are doubling their efforts to find somebody for him to marry. My life is falling apart now. Although the moment I fell in love with him I know it will be difficult for us to be together, but I was hoping, all these years hoping that it will change. But now, I dont know what's going to happen and he seems to have no choice. I don't know what to do. He is a Taurus and I am a Scorpio. Believe me we are so well together, Only problem really are his parents and his culture...although some people in his country are already very modern and going for love marriages..,somebody I need your advise. I spoke to him not to give up on me, to choose me, share tomorrows with me and he said he will try his best. Anybody out there familiar with this kind of things about fixed marriages I need your help.

  • Hello Love, I don't know that I have a lot to offer but an ear and a little info. I feel your anxiety though and for that I am sorry. First please forgive me if I sound pushy or ask too much. I am a bit curious as to why you are not divorced yet if separated for so long and in love with this other gentleman. See I feel that there may be a good reason that you have not done so and so there is a seriously locked gate standing in front of your love that he holds no key for. Arranged marriages in so many countries are still happening even in the states. The problem is even though the individuals may be legally able to make a choice; the families are very set in tradition, their own values and the sorry integrity and money as well. This visit with his family is going to be very hard on him and he could..if he loves you enough...loose his family...OUCH! His family is obviously set on him marrying and love you are not available for him to ask. Am I right? So, If the two of you together choose to stand for your love...then you both have a lot of rough times ahead as you rush to get a divorce and he tries to regain family and friends. Not knowing his culture, this could be an assumption, you my dear may not fit the choice of woman THEY want him to children previous marriage...and maybe even a virgin still. I know it is 2011(almost) and yet culture and faith are hard to change. I know this is no answer for you Purpleair but I feel you and am here to talk as you wished love Hugs to you.

  • Forgot something else. If this is a village his family is from he could be outcast too. I would/will pray for truth and courage to come from him to his family as well. Sorry that was not positive just very true.

  • "Could have been and was" " " I spoke to him not to give up on me, "to choose me", share tomorrows with me and he said he will try his best"

    Re read that.

    Number one; when he is old enough, he can choose whatever he wants. His parents cannot rule his life forever.

    You have been married, seperated but divorced? Have kids. His age? This started as a work relationship.......................

    Nothing can be Judged here as we do not have his facts and his tesitmony.........and your true situation, only your desires.......................

  • Thank you to both of you Feangelikah and Capricorn444.

    @ Feangelikah- I am working on an annulment and he knows that. It will be over by early this year. Yes, I think he is from a village and he says if he goes with me, he will have to run away from his family and probably become an outcast. I just can't believe I can't do anything I'm used to fighting for what I believe in. I feel so helpless. I don't see myself in a tomorrow without him. I know this may sound cliche but really...I know even if it is 2011 there are still traditions and faith like that especially in India where he is from. So hard Feangelikah...I have been through a lot of tough times in my life but losing him to somebody he doesnt even know is too hard to bear.

    @ Capricorn444 - He is going to be 30 this May . His parents are finding a girl from him because since his culture is different, he never told them about me. I am 9 years older than him, have 2 kids and my marriage is due to be annuled soon. I told him that he should decide on his own but it seems that in their family and society it is different from what we usually are used to. I don't know what to is so hard to see him with another person. It is so cruel that his parents are running his life and playing God. It is his life anyway. He went home for a vacation and I told him not to go because once he is there, his family will force him more. But he told me he will say no and fight for us. He told me he spoke abou tme to his parents and his parents refused me. But why do we have to feel this feeling called love when we won't base our future on that? With all due respect to faith and tradition, this is just tearing me apart too much. In all 3 years I was waiting for him to tell me that we will go somewhere else and love together but those talks about working in another country where we can be together were always suggested by me. And just last month he told me that they were starting to make a search for a girl to marry. I wanted the ground I was standing to just eat me up. Terrible. Really terrible.

    Thanks to both of you for giving me an audience. I am so lost. So lost.

  • Your not lost, its not your choice, its his. This situation is mostly in his hands. You say your in love with man and you work in the company but cannot show true feelings; so have you actually held a relationship outside work? Does he and your kids have a good relationship?

  • Losses are gains becuases losses are false securities. If we cling to false securities we leave ourselves blocked from possibilities and are not open to divine love. He is not even thirty. He was not responsible for starting a work fling number one and not telling you about "his Supposed issue". You havent met his family and its been three years? He was not respectfull in that demeanor either.

  • Purpleair, I don't know how to tell you this but Sweety really I feel the best thing for you to do is

    1. BREATHE and slowly keep breathing until you can focus and function as I feel your emotions are rolling so fast that everything is jumbled.

    2. Concentrate on getting YOU to stand in yourself first. I mean setting yourself up for a single period of time. If you cannot be strong for you, happy with yourself alone you will not be for your children or him...if and when that time comes

    3. I lost a man too due to circumstances.. that was the Summer of 1982. We have spoken a few times over the yrs to find that he had a journey to go on that he was very glad that God chose not to answer our prayers. He knew that the road he had taken was his personal choice and it destroyed a marriage and hurt his 2 children. He was very glad that I wasn't the one he hurt. It is hard as to this day I have a special love for him. He is an awesome man. He even found me 2 name changes and 13 yrs later, so anything is yet possible...but... Sometimes we just do not get our way and then we need... to try and accept that there is a good reason that things did not work out and what is in store for me now? If you two are meant to be then it will come love but you will make yourself very ill if you dig a hole and wait. Think of the children and You. The rest will come. I am sorry but for now Capricorn is SO VERY RIGHT. This is his decision. There is nothing there that you can do. Now go find a board game or book and let the kids love on need it and so do they. Deep breath and mount up honey...I am right next to you putting on my armor.

  • Ok so e-shaddia is now valaimcoming....he or she has results coming based of her causes as she or he knows that all are interupped by her or him; so know I know the intention is sinical as well.

  • @ Feangelikah and Capricorn 444- thank you for listening to me...after a few days I have become stronger now. When I wrote this I was in a very dark place.

    I am trying to be ok and I have to. I have no idea and vaguely know you two but God used both of you to speak to me. I promise I will try to be ok...and wish someday I would find somebody who can fight for me . With my whole heart and soul I thank both of you for listening and sharing your advise. No words can describe how I feel right now but I must learn how to leave it all to destiny.

  • Purplair, You do need anyone to fight for you love. We all desire love and someone "special". Please remember to love You first, grow in Spirit and He will take care of the rest. Let Him/Her fill the void for you. Have conversations. I am a nutcase but...I actually sit at the table and have a cup of coffee/tea with Spirit. Yep There are 2 cups and settings. I then begin to talk to me Friend, Healer, Lover, Counselor and Truth. I never get lied to or cheated on or anything but good conversation. Now don't let other adults catch you doing this as they then think you are totally off your rocker. lol It does become so easy to do. You would be surprised how much You open. You will be well and thanks for joining us. I hope to see you around some of the other posts. We can all fight WITH each other in Light and Love~ HUGE HUGS

  • OOPS You do NOT need anyone to fight for you.

  • Yes love finds you, if you seek it you abandon self love.............if you inquest it , it resonates its a need, youll see once you hit that inner harmony youll know nad have a new percpective of life and that when boom it occurs!:_)

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