Advice wanted



  • I am set to meet with the father of my unborn child tomorrow. We haven't seen each other or talked in three months. His bday is 5/21 and mine is 2/17. Can anyone give me an idea of what to expect or how I should handle myself?



  • This post is deleted!


  • The pregnancy was planned. We split because he cheated. I left him. I have handled myself appropriately by backing away from the situation since I'm pregnant and the situation was emotionally charged. He didn't show up today even though he said he wanted to be involved. I was asking for some spiritual advice and not judgment. That whole response was pretty judgmental.



  • no it was noy it was objective advices, not even pertaining to just you it is objective advice that pertains to all of us and is good to discern in all situations.

    I am set to meet with the father of my unborn child tomorrow. We haven't seen each other or talked in three months. His bday is 5/21 and mine is 2/17. Can anyone give me an idea of what to expect or how I should handle myself?

    Re read this and be honest next time with yourself, spiritual advice is not astrology either.

    IT IS NOT JUSGMENTAL TO SAY WE MUST HANDLE LIFE AS ADULTS. THAT IS FACTS. IF YOUR ASKING HOW SHALL I HANDLE MYSELF THAT IS A CONCERN ANY MOTHER WOULD HAVE, IS SHE ABLE TO HANDLE A CHILD?

    no put down or judgemnts were layed to you, now if I said you were irresponsible imature and self ignorant unconfident etc.....those would be judgments....

    I offered words that said to be honest, ethical, fair and respectfull.

    you said I am set to meet the father and you said, tell me what to expect; so that shows you dso not know him well. Or else you wouldnt ask in that way or ask that at all. I do not get fooled.

    again; I advice you to be honest.



  • Again; you at most know what to expect and clearly he was not ready to be a partner or a father. He may be afraid and he may run from it as well. If he ran and cheated from you ; he may the child but he is still responsible and will have to pay child support. He will endure much guilt and shame if he does not become a part of this childs life.Best to practice hard control and to remain diplomatice and open to his veiws of the situation. Find common ground. See where both of you can compromise. Start with the energy of compassion and take in consideration all he may be feeling and acceptance of your actions as well. Help him to understand his choices and its affects on HIS son or daughter that HE helped create.

    Divine blessings and light to you:)



  • I always believe the best about him. Sometimes he lived up to that and other times he hasn't. He didn't show up and he hasn't responded to any of my messages. I've tried to tell him that the baby will need a father. I know he's running but this baby came from a promise we made to make a life together. He freaked out when it came time. I have forgiven him for cheating on me and have not mentioned that at all. I just wanted to know how he feels and what he plans to do. I thought we'd be able to talk about it but he's disappeared again. I'm deeply saddened but what can I do? I just see all these posts from people asking for readings on relationships and life and I thought maybe someone could give me some clarity... maybe a little hope. I'd even take a little closure if that's where we are headed. I just want to know something... anything.



  • And I do know him well... or I did at one time. I don't even know who he is now. I don't know this person he's become. It wasn't a new relationship. We were together over a year when I got pregnant and I'd already known him at least two years prior to that. He was once the person I could be 100% myself with... he loved me for who I was and I loved him. It was all stolen away from me so quickly. I can't even tell you what happened. I don't want to move into the New Year with this level of grief. I can do this on my own and I'll be fine.. I just didn't expect to have to.



  • you do not have to hold greif my dear. He may feel unworthy, at times people leave because of their own self and he may feel unready to embrace fatherhood. I respect you trying. People often alter to attain a relationship for a security and later on truth comes out of who they are in reality. You have such a beautifull grace coming your way and it wil uplift you and grow with you. This child will allow you to expand so far within yourself.



  • I understand the need to make closure, men can be cowards! Getting closure from them can be like unscrewing a cork out of an aged wine bottle with your finger tips. You are a woman and you have to be the one in most cases to lead the way in these cirumstances. the best thing you can do is take charge of your life and initiate all appropriate actions and just info him on your progress. If he does not engage and you do follow through to inform him, he cannot argue. He may even come to a realization if he is going to make amends by seeing you ruel your roost:) If not; you will have your answer through his actions. There is time, take corrective actions and just delegate the info pertainingto the child only for now; see how he responds. Keep him infod with diplomacy and concise information. Once the baby comes, there will be a realization. He will go one way or the other, now sadly he is biding his time. Be strong and have integrity, you will get through. I know you can:)



  • I understand the need to make closure, men can be cowards! Getting closure from them can be like unscrewing a cork out of an aged wine bottle with your finger tips. You are a woman and you have to be the one in most cases to lead the way in these cirumstances. the best thing you can do is take charge of your life and initiate all appropriate actions and just info him on your progress. If he does not engage and you do follow through to inform him, he cannot argue. He may even come to a realization if he is going to make amends by seeing you ruel your roost:) If not; you will have your answer through his actions. There is time, take corrective actions and just delegate the info pertainingto the child only for now; see how he responds. Keep him infod with diplomacy and concise information. Once the baby comes, there will be a realization. He will go one way or the other, now sadly he is biding his time. Be strong and have integrity, you will get through. I know you can:) set and lead the example.



  • See page two as well:)



  • I meditated for you. Now that we have the logical things in place and understanding.

    Remember; love and acceptance are yours, you hold that and you choose who or what is worthy.

    Seek to embark your endeavors from love and compassion, be sensative to the feeling of others in this circumstance and be ready to embrace and put baby as number one.

    Your next phases are going to require much hard control and focus. Taking command of your circumstances and you do have a good purpose. This is a coming challenge and lesson. Direct wil and control.

    His attitude now is liberation. Freedom.In need of self clarity and removal of blockages. Possibly turning face to the truth.

    your mental cources of actions: A reminder to be aware of our actions, lest we are faced with undesirable consequences. Examine the tracks of our tears - follow the path our emotions have taken us down, and calmly navigate our way to solutions.

    Lesons and growth: what this can bring you

    use your mind creativly and be truthfull and have fortitude- Think of them as trials designed to test your mettle. If you accept and prevail, you will become stronger and more resilient. In meeting these challenges, you are encouraged to use the tools of the Swords suit - honest, reason, integrity and fortitude.

    your interactions with whom are involves and your challenge-

    involve truthfulness, ethical behavior, discouragement or matters of the mind. This relationship is likely to be troubled or difficult in keeping with the challenges..

    Your entire situation is one suffused with the spirit of learning, discovery, and mental activities of all kinds.

    Give it time and really reamin calm and diplomatic there wil be opportunities later on for the both of you to meet with a common ground here. Have faith, just keep control of emotions and remember he is biding time. Keep leading by good example. Have faith.

    Affirmations

    "I embrace divien communication with........" "I embrace divine opportunity" "I am true to my divine self" " I embrace divine clarity and truth in all my realtionships"

    Keep your affirmations going; every day, these help to manifest. Stay positive:)



  • Hi Queen,

    I'm sorry to hear of your time of need in this way, but please be assured that you are not alone. There are unseen angels about you as you begin this new life with your child. There are avenues of support for you as you undertake this journey.

    It appears that the person that cocreated this child is not going to come to the fore in responsiblity and support. You may have to request a paternity test to bring him forward if he hasnt agreed to have one already to establish his responsiblity.

    The fact that he cheated is note enough that you can't trust him or that he takes you seriously.

    Personally, I would view his position as he is making it clear. He really doesnt want the responsibilty,is running as you have put it, but it is your right and the right of the child that he share in the financial raising of the child.

    When he went astray dear he identified his true intention and character; he isn't/wasn't ready for committment. I don't think it beneficial to have him involved in your personal life. It will only add to the confusion.

    The baby needs a father, but if the father isn't willing to be a father in a viable loving relationship, it would be best for you to provide the loving and nurturing for now.

    I know of single mothers who have raised their babies very well and one of them is now married to man who loves the child as his own.

    You have a life ahead of you dear, please don't worry.

    Do you have family close by? Parents? Siblings?



  • I don't have family here but I do have three other children that are more than willing to help. My oldest is 19 and my two girls are 15 and 14. I've been divorced for 11 years and on my own the whole time so I know how to do this alone. I just didn't expect to have to do so. I thought he loved me. His actions up to the cheating led me to believe that he was very serious about our life together. I don't regret my baby and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to have another child. I love being a mother and my other kids are past the age of needing me 24/7. I didn't want that experience to end yet. I asked the Universe and him for a child (specifically a boy) and I got my boy. So maybe he was meant to give me my baby and now I need to let him go. I don't want to struggle with him or any man. I struggled with my ex husband for years. I've been more happy alone than in relationship. That's not to say that I don't get lonely from time to time but being a mother has been more fulfilling to me than being a wife or a lover to someone else. Maybe there is something wrong with me... I don't know. I think I'm getting to a point of letting the idea of us go. I finally got a response text from him and he told me I was being annoying. Never mind the hell he's put me through over the past few months. It's not worth it. Thanks for the advice and kind words.



  • I have already been making arrangements and planning our lives without him in it. I was just hoping that he would decide to be part of the life I'm creating for our baby. I wanted to give him one last opportunity to be part of our lives. I have every detail taken care of. The furniture has been ordered and my girlfriends have been so generous. I have three separate baby showers in January from different sets of friends. I'm sure we'll get everything we need. I have a sitter and a back up sitter. I have detailed how I will take care of hospital bills and bills during maternity leave. I couldn't leave all that to chance or to blind hope that he'd come back. I think pain is turning to resolve. I'll do it on my own and in gratitude for my child. I am really grateful for him. He's going to bring even more joy to my home than we already had. My kids are awesome and supportive and we live a good life. Thank you for your words and insight. I'm beginning to feel less hopeless and more hopeful



  • When Capricorn444 says that he's biding his time I feel like he feels like he's having an extended bachelor party. I think our life together and the baby was a great idea to him while it was just that... an idea. When it came to the actuality.. he wasn't ready so he's now taking the time to do what he wants and will deal with me and the baby when he absolutely has to. I can't see him completely walking away from his son but this man is very stubborn. This is part of the reason why I stayed away so long after he cheated. The more I tried to talk to him or reason with him, the more he withdrew. I should have left well enough alone and not contacted him at all. All it did was lead to feelings of rejection on my part. I put my intentions out to the Universe for the New Year. I will now pray and let it all go. Say a little prayer for me though. I don't want to be selfish and take my frustration with him out on the relationship he could have with his child. I never did that with my ex husband but then again when we divorced I didn't love him anymore. I still love this man... dearly.



  • You have presented much important info concerning the situation. You have it all down. 🙂 Thats great your children are around:)

    Trust and forgivness and new understandings from others views are still in large possibility.Expressions of honesty and gratitude keep others around us:)

    This keeps coming up when I meditate for you.

    take care:)



  • So I found out he's leaving to Denver for a month and I texted him to tell him to remember what he had when he compared me with the other woman and he told me that she's going with him. Then he proceeded to say cruel and mean things to me. I fed into it and I told him that I didn't deserve that and all prayers for him stop now. He can now go to h*ll and go to jail for all I care (I prayed to keep him out of it for a long time... he was on a bad path until me). It's over now isn't it? There's no coming back from those kinds of hateful words on both sides. I also told him that if he chose her there's no way I'll have her around my child because I didn't trust her not to hurt him (and she's a really dark person so I'm not exagerating) so he good luck with seeing him. How did we get here? How did we get from how happy we were to this living hell?



  • Hi Queen,

    Catching up with the posts, I have two things impressing upon me.

    1- You are a wonderful mother and your family is a testament to that fact You are taking care of business and very together until it comes to your heart

    2- You are hopeful, loving, nurturing...in fact so much so that you took someone into your heart and tried to give them better than what they had; trust, love, a future.

    The down side is you saw what was there and perhaps forgot to consider the consequences of involving your life with somone who perhaps didnt have the goals in life that you do. When the paths crossed, you took his world and yours on your shoulders.

    Almost like....well....almost like a child. You wanted to nurture him to a better place.

    Now, through the hand of experience (as alas we must all learn) you know when you are ready what kind of man to consider inviting into your realm. You will choose a mature partner who will value you and work as hard as you do to foster a loving family environment from the get go.

    This is a brand new chapter. I think you handled the closing of this one beautifully. Hold your head high Queen. You deserve the best.