Maybe a silly question but..please
I am in serious need of speaking very seriously to my Aquarius and cannot get him to be still and talk about us. Is there something I am not getting? Part of me just wants to say "OK, You haven't wanted to talk for ever about us so now neither do I" and just tell him what I have to say and see where it leads. The other part of me says to not cause more trouble and confrontation. Is there just no way for us to communicate or is there something spiritual, energetic, universal that may be affecting him at this time that I am unaware of. I don't know when to speak to him ever. I am a Leo and I am very aware that signs do not mean everything and we are very much polar opposites ( often rejects). Still any ideas on how to bring the talker out? I thought they were talkers.
Oh wow CLASSIC MISUNDERSTANDING of how women perceive men.
Youre WRONG. Men aren´t talkers at all.
Its a common misconception women have of men,. Women per se are talkers so naturally they believe so is their man,. WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men are THINKERS! Everything is processed topside. So when he aint talking it is NO sign he HASN`T heard ya. he HAS n he is PROCESSING. So he remains SILENT.
Another common misconception of women. They feel he no heard them, he ignores them, that he doesnt care one bit. NOTHING IS FARTHER FROM THE TRUTH.
This communication mishap is common among men n women, signs apart aint got squat to do with it,. its gender based.
Sweetie, after a tirade, yes bc when it comes to relationship issue we tend to tirade yab yab blabber motormouth long row of information questions, thoughts ideas ponderings, suggestions u name it. any of ur girlfriends would have followed n replied u. Men dont. He HAS heard all u spewed forth BUT he mind is in a jumble. So he keeps silent to process it bc he dosent wanna say the wrong thing that will tick u off more. So he nods, scratches his chin n stays silent. This ticks u off even more as i mentioned above.So after a tirade, have u EVER allowed given him time to process n reply at all`? or have u become ticked off n yelled at him?
THis also why women when they need to air frustrations need someone who will listen n not come with a solution on how to solve it. WOmen process by talking n come to a solution during it, while men process by thinking it over n first then n in some cases not even then tell u hus choise to solve issues.
So u have a man who listens n whom not gives out solutions, n yet ure not satisfied. I swear quite a many lady would be thrilled to have a guy that listens n not solutions.
Another is that even in modern times not many men has followed the flow to show emotions or to speak of it. THOUGH this does by NO means mean he doesnt feel or wish to speak of it.
My guess is u blew his mind with ur tirade, and to boot he had not enough time to process b4 u lost ur head n yelled.
Im not saying u yelled as in yelled bellowed n i hope u know what i mean.
I stronglyu suggest u read Men are from MArs n women r from venus by John Grey. Its a book on why genders are different n how things are done as they are n how to combine them. Another u could look into in communicationpsychology.
I hope this helped u dear.
You know Charmed it has been 6 weeks since I even mentioned our big talk from 2 months ago and he told me that he didn't feel like dealing with it. I do not hardly ever raise my voice but he has stated that I scream at him. so, I give room for him to think but he asked me to move out of the room, go to counseling, and work on things. That was Nov 24, 09. Christmas(this yr) he told his brother that we haven't really worked on anything and he doesn't care to take a barter as to were we are. I feel that I must stifle him and he seems revolted and very uninterested. I guess I need a bit of same page clarity and we do still have a child at home. There so many things to get into order or else he too will fall. I guess I just felt like our marriage was important...or should have been. He keeps me so far out of his world, he does talk to others so maybe it is just me and I should just leave him alone some more. I am just tired of the same old living situation. Thanks Charmed...maybe I am pushing him too hard. ~hugs /Peg
Peg thats not true some men do talk about their relationships. I think your husband is making excuses to not talk to you by saying you are screaming at him. Sounds like he thinks hes got you where he wants you and he is going to make it sound like it is you who has the problem when in reality it is him who has the issue. Maybe he doesnt want to admit he made a mistake and should not be married to anyone. He is treating you like a doormat. You are not something for him to wipe his feet on at the end of the day. If I had a husband that treated me like that he would be hearing alot more than just screaming from me. Oh no. Do not let him treat you like that. You deserve an explanation and if he isnt willing then it is him who failed not you. You are not doing anything wrong or pushing to hard. He is acting like an a*s. There is nothing spiritual about this. He is being selfish you deserve better period. Some people men and women included are real good at making it seem like its the other persons fault when in reality they are being selfish, manipulative, and bullying. Sounds to me like you might have a common case of emotional abuse. I would go to a counselour and ask an opinion if you think this marraige is worth salvaging or just to get some validation that you are doing the right thing... Honestly I dont know why you are tolerating this. I was married to a man once that would fight with me any time I tried to have an important conversation. He would turn things around on me all the time. and say things like I just cant make you happy no matter what I do...truth is he didnt do a dam thing for me..I finally wised up and kicked his selfish manupulative ass out. He still tries to this day to make me feel guilty. I decided when I lef him that he no longer had any control over my emotions or thoughts. So now when he tries to bring me down I laugh. Not everyone is a sweet patient person like you are...especially your husband. He is taking advantage of your kindness and he knows it. Grow a pair and tell him where to go!
Well Peg darling ............................... I cant claim expertise on male behavior. Cat Cat ´s hubby Billy has sane voice on male beahvior. Ill ask em to look at ur situation. In meantime ask ur gut what u asked on here n me just now. listen to the reply n use it. I also today found out my gut aint wrong even when it seems that way.
cwb ill be back!
Thank you both so much. I am going to go pray some more and I will be back. Huge hugs Ladies.
The book that CharmedWitchBente mentions is definitely a good book to read. It really helps clarify a lot on how different males and females are. I tend to think the book really helped me view the male and female communications a bit differently. The "man cave" and need for space parts have really helped me with my cancer soul mate. I have found that if you give them the processing space they need, if it was meant to be they will come back... the hardest part is not doubting during that time apart.. I wish you well Feangelikah
well, ok! "good news! you are, "ALL, RIGHT", it justs, depends, on, what person, "specifically", you're, speaking, of, and, possibly, at what, specific point, in time, you're, talking, about, in that person's, life; the, failure, in my experience, others, I've known, that, seems, the common viral, strain, of, eventual, failure, of relationship/ marital bliss, is in large part, due, to certain, "illusions, misconceptions, "lots, of nice Culteral Rubbish", that, we all, male/female, alike, have been exposed to, and "spoon fed", since, we "could say, and the Prince, and The Princess, Lived, happily, everafter", there, begins, the "The Problem" "WE"(ALL, no gender, barrier, here....)"believe, we seek, "WE EXPECT"; when, "reality", shows, up, we see it, as "breakup/breakdown", and "certain irreconcilable differences", which, can, be true, or not; the prom queen, the cheerleader, the trophy-wife, the Valedictorian, the "upwardly mobile, high-heel, on the wrung, executive, in the making(with, all those perks! great big cash flow), looks, "pretty-OOOOOOOK!) to a guy; and of course, "all the rest, of those really "GOOD", Extra Perks! and benefits! (here, comes "EXPECTATIONS) until, "Wedded- Bliss", and, the reality, of "REAL LIFE", arrives! (same, with the counterparts; the jocks, the trophy husband(oh! yes, there is!.....) the money-guy, the car-guy, the sports guy, the muscian/celebrity, guy, .....)and then, it's, houses/mortgage(s), keeping up, with, the peer-group; furniture, continous, expenditures, on all manner, of "things", one(either) probably, previously, hadn't, given, much, thought to, like diapers, tires, water heaters, health insurance; sound much, like Happily, ever after? As, there is a Child, envolved, the parents, should, as possible, "take it outside", do not expose, children, to Marital Discord; attempt, to reach, "Parental" agrreement, about, this, and, attempt, to set up, "Agrievence Time", and develope, formatted, procedure; ask, for input/what do you think(to him)if, you, need assistance, ask, perhaps, ffor, Family Forum; a form, of "Professional" councilling as, might apply, and also, some form, of planned(as finance, etc...will allow)adult-together night, and where possible, adult/apart(with friends, family etc.)day, afternoon; also, remember, if 'something, doesn't work" quit, doing it; new perspective, new tools! anyway, Later! Hugs! Cat Cat
Cat in the Moon: "well, ok! "good news! you are, "ALL, RIGHT", it justs, depends, on, what person, "specifically", you're, speaking, of, and, possibly, at what, specific point, in time, you're, talking, about, in that person's, life; VERY GOOD:)
SO the only person who can make a choice is.................................................................................
This is not a what or who question this is an answer on a choice to make and who is responsible and who is in the situation in reality?
This isnt about MR AQUARIUS.....its about who presented the issue to us....The only percon that has the perception in any sense of truth is Feanglikah. We onlt have "OUR" senses from our experiences but we in no way have the real percxeption as we do not have his tesitmony. This isnt about him either, its about Feanglikah and what she choosers to move foward with, truth or denial and then make her choices. What do you hold in self worth and ascension? Are you settlking and compromising to hold on to this relationship?ALL MEN TALK TO WHO THAT DEPENDS:)
I agree with Capricorn444, Feanglikah you have been in this situatuion for a while and you aren't happy. Make a move act for your own happiness and maybe this husband of yours will realize how much of a jerk he has been. You've been loyal for what ever reason but don't happiness you are entitle to. So make a move of gaining happiness on your own. It can be being more active in taking your child out to the zoo, gardens etc. Start there find happiness give him the chance to join then if he doesn't then make a move that you feel is right. Marriage couseling, staying with family, or divorce. If he supports the family look into supporting yourself first. Things will be hard to face but can go smoothly for the better.
Fe, you/yours, have to"grow", with the life, you/yours, have chosen; if, you/yours, do not, "your life/lives", will, continue, to "GROW", with you, or, without, you;, without, means, someday, you will, come, to understand, "being on the outside, looking in", and this is, "trust me", "The Dark Night, of the Soul", or in my/our, case, "Dark Decade" Yes, clearly, you, need, to adher, to who/what, you are, but so does, your spouse, and the two, of you, need, to accept, yourselves, each other, in that manner, to include: agreement, agree-to-disagree, compromise, mutual tolerance, acceptance, for what, one party, may not find, so, acceptable,etc.,etc., etc., .................. Husband/wife, "spouses", in some manner(yes, I include, homosexual/gay, here, "commonlaw", etc...)are in reality, assuming, we are speaking, "till, death, do us part", ARE,"travelling-companions", life-partners, business partners, best friends/worst enemies, (oHHHHHH! LORRRRDY! could, I Tell, on "US"! oooooooodoggie! at, least, "that's", "starting, to be "funny"!!!!, now, we "argue" about, which one of us,is "stupider, dummer, more at fault, more responsible/accountable (for dysfunction, disaster, dozens, of "Crashing Towers", of all types/sizes, blah, blah, blah....)and, the point, is, we are all here, "to experience", LIVING, as humans, on this particular, planet, in it's entirety....... I have to, leave, for a moment, 'will be back, shortly, to be continued: Cat
continued, anyway, "EXPERIENCEING LIFE", is also, a complete, "run, of the Tarot"(dahhhh....)0-78, to 0; it, has taken, me, 40 years; I thought, for a while, that meant, I had (took, "Billy" 55, years!),been, slow, maybe, on the "uptake", something, then, so, I'm , back-reading, "women, who, run with wolves(again, again, again.....) "and discover, research, statiscal, information, clearly, gives, credibillity, to this, including, the 40 years, and, as it occurrs, "I have arrived"(just in time, apparently...) to get, my next, "connection" (begin, at "0", start, over, but, this time, not as the FoolCard0, but, having been, The Fool, and everything/everyone, in between, this time, becoming, a portfolio, resouce file, of "EXPERIENCE",to make a library, jealous, and I, and of late, we, have done/doing, the work, severely, " PAINFULLY PAID", for, PAST/PRESENT&FUTURE; what does this, have to do, with you/yours, this: "if we're, lucky(that's funny!)"This" is where, we all, you/yours, "are going", assuming, we live, long enough; life, comes, in increments/"STAGES, in its' own TIME, OWN SEASON; figure, roughly, "every 10 years, re-evaluation, redefining, replanning, etc.,etc....to include, both, circumstance/conditions, of our personal making,(inside-out, perspective) and those, "delivered" to us(outside-in.....) everytime, "something, is added/something, is lost , to it"(Tarot:Death, tower etc...)RECOGNIZE these, occurrances, see, "their" reality, and learn, to work with them, build, with them:you&prince meet!(yeah!) DATE, romance, excitement, "live", on each other's every breath!(yeah! yeah!....) the ring comes(BIG yeah), the rest comes(yeah.....) Family comes(Yeah! and as the beautiful, Chrissicat, would say, "Blessed Be", yeah! maybe, I should've considered, "cheerleading, afterall?" naw, 'still, terrified, of "cartwheels", that's, funny!.....)ok , "new" stage, is all, and right, now, it seems, a little mystical, little foreign, probably, very frightening, perhaps, certain days, a lot like the Twilight Zone? any of the above? Good News! Fe! "IT, is suppose to, and you are probably, right, on schedual; you just need, spouse just needs, time, to get, use to it, and to get it(there's Charmed.....) sit with it, absorb it, make "friends", with it, figure, out, "what", it's trying to tell, you, what it needs, what each of you need, where you are going,,, ETC., ETC., ETC..............and, two, more things:" temper" (see card please, if in doubt) your priorities, in this manner, to obtain, "BALANCE" , "never give up"; "don't beat dead horses, bury them" and don't dress-up, your/his skeletons", and invite them to live with you! are you, Confused? I hope so! It'll, make you think! and please, see card 9of wands! Later! Hugs! Cat PS I will "give" you, something, "nice", when, I come back; 'gotta, think, about, it a bit, something, appropriate........
- "a temper/ to temper" use, your, "temper, TO TEMPER": CARD14, Temperence; Card 12 Hangedman/paradox. The best way, to communicate, is to speak, the same language; within, a given language, there are always, sub-languages, always, with "variation", use, the same "dictionary", for one thing, same definitions; also, remember, "emotion", has it's, own language, too, and, is not always "verbal", and, sometimes, shouldn't be:perhaps, (again, reread, Charmed, at this point, lot of truth, there......) give, some thought, to this: (in whatever manner, similar) you(Fe), want to "talk," a little, relationship/romance- talk; he's watching football; you,"quietly", go in kitchen, get a beer, make a sandwich, give it to him, kiss him on the cheek, smile"enjoy, the game"; you, go do your nails, play on the Tarotforum, whatever; this is, the action of relationship, the proof, of the talking; we, all, seem to forget, words, are just that, words; without, "actual action," the words, really don't mean much. things, will, get easier, better, for you/yours, if you figure out, which language, to use, and for what; really they will Hugs! Cat
" I embrace the divine truth of my higher self and all my relationships"
" I embrace the divine opportunities that serve my higher self"
WOW.. a little overwhelmed here..Breathe
I guess I shall start by saying THANK YOU all for your responses of honesty and love. I believe what has transpired in a very difficult night of prayer and of course trying to push in a direction that "I" thought was right turned out to make me ill. I guess Spirits new way of telling me to be quiet and listen...It worked to a degree. You are all right. I do feel that this has always been a marriage of convenience and not maybe the right love. As I opened my eyes to the past I do not feel there has ever been a balance of love with us. I do feel that I have been walked on but guess what..I have allowed it. I am afraid of doing the wrong thing ALL the time...my fear. He is a verbally abusive man...his father was a very ugly man. He was very young and I had 4 children when we got together...NOT fair to him...tooo much to handle...I stole his life. I am not happy...maybe I should try telling him outright what it is that I am needing. I need to make this choice and either way we both could lose. Yes Cat Cat I am confused so...
I feel the need to prepare and while preparing I will try to come up with different ways. He seen me reading Men Are from Mars...last night and got a little upset but left it alone. I am trying to get to the car and hope that I can get to the library today yet trying to get Women who run with wolves. I will also go and check out the 9 of Wands Thank you Cat. Lovinmylife you were so on with the upset, feeling waled on, not of real value with him and I thank you for getting it. We do stifle each other. I have seen him laugh and joke with others and have hours away from me acting a child again, comes home in a great mood but doesn't care to share with me his excitement. There are sometimes lies and he just tells me that he didn't want to make me mad so he didn't say who he was with or what he was doing. Often he is right it did in fact make me mad and then I was mad that he lied. So..I do stifle him. He doesn't like my spiritual side at all and it makes him angry for some reason..I don't pray in front of him but I cannot even talk about it around him....I make him nervous or he thinks I am off my rocker. So I do not trust him and girls have been in the past but I though I had forgiven and moved on but I am not sure I meet his needs at all either. SAD I want him too be happy. I really do. Capricorn you are also right he spoke to a couple of the guys and just found out that he has spoken a bit to his mother but no one will speak for him or even help with a "conference". So I feel that he just does not wish to or just does not know how to say what he needs to. Charmed I never know what you may say...lol On time I wonder if it is a hang in there grow some and stand your ground for once or Are you out off your mind get a bar of soap beat the neighbor to a pulp and smile while having a cocktail on their front lawn. He wasn't happy about the book ( I already own it and read it) hoping I missed something...Or am I. Took it to my room though and will read when he is gone or in my room. Jtini, thank you too for sharing and yes part of me is done too. The other is that I did make a to death do us part commitment and want to see it through. This is my third and final marriage though...now I feel like a S***! So I must take a really good look as to whether I just just never to marry, What am I doing wrong to destroy these marriages . Although the others are also on their 3rd marriages.. weird. Or why do I attract these type of men. In other words What the heck is wrong with me. How much do I need to change? I just don't really know until I find a way to get him to tell me what he needs, wants and has decided and then still whether I can trust, respect and believe him again really. I may not be being fair to a degree.
Hey Cat, The 9 of wands wow. I do feel my peace I just don't like the walk down this path. I don't like the message I am getting. I don't like the pain. I hope he doesn't feel this pain.
Charmed, I do go on too much when we do talk because I have to tell him everything and then He may not speak to me for another 6 months about ANYTHING to do with us...Maybe too much blah blah blah. Too much info means push it out the ears and run!
We each speak from experiences, I speak from the hundreds of women who are puzzled by the male behavior. Im no expert BUT this issue u mention ive crossed so many times that if i had charged a nickle per time i´d give Paris Hilton a run for her money. Kidding.
When it comes to feelings and emotions ive experienced men aint keen to say it. U litterary has to blow them out of the water. All else they are like blabbermotormouths, cant get said told informed fast enough n lonmg enouigh. U can hear em sit down, gewtting comfy for a LONG deep talk of n on ALL ELSE BUT feelings n emotion unless its a what u feel about that or this politicians bs or that books message. what emotion did u get from ahm watching forest gump n van the man or singin in the rain?
As for change, u need to reinvent u as u. Get back to what made u happy bc ur live b4 ur man didnt evolve around him no?so u need to find what made me happy n go for it, then let him wonder wth happened to my at times complancent at other times red in face hair all over hands on hips voice the envy of a operasinger doing the highest c ever wife / girlfriends / fiance / partner in life?
Another tip i ALWAYS ALWAYS gave the women i adviced, if u aint happy as u how can u ask ur man to make u happy? Fuirther. to regain what once was, u need to get it back somehow. u do ur part of it n see if ur man aint follow suit.
As a man once said to me, we men are at times VERY dense, we dont get the issue b4 u hammer a shovel at our heads.
So in short, find ur happiness in hobbies that u once did, revive them
Stop making him ur "project"
What u lack in ur marriage relationship, hate to say it but if u let it die, ure in charge to enliven it.
If man no follow suit, consider investing in a shovel.
2 uses for a shovel. 1. to hit him with n he wakes up. or 2. u kill him with it n then u need it to dig his grave.
best of luck LMAO
Do NOt Give me ideas Love I have a well in the back. Just kidding lol