A Dash of This, A Sprinkle of That: The Perfect Relationship
Relationships have been a central focus of my life in particular this year. I think it's safe to say, they have always been of tremendous importance to me (perhaps more than is healthy); but in 2010, I've experienced a shift of focus from feeling I need one - to examining what I want from one.
This seems like a healthy and typical question that we ask ourselves: "What do I want from my ideal relationship?" and/or "What do I want my ideal partner to be like?"
I've recently stumbled across a question that is completely revolutionary to me: "Who/How do I want to be in my ideal relationship?"
I am sure that this question isn't revolutionary or new to many of you - but for me, the focus has always been shifted outward. Now, I am trying to truly take ownership of myself, in the hopes of having a successful, open, honest, rewarding relationship - because otherwise, I rather like my freedom. Perhaps it's because I'm an Aquarian with so much Aquarius in my chart, or maybe it's just my personality and life experience...
I wonder, if you've answered this question for yourself - what does that answer look like? I appreciate and value any of your input, and realize that it is unique for all of us. I'm just incredibly curious (Aquarian in me again!).
Thanks to all who care to share or just get in on the discussion!
Yes this is similar to the Lovers card; choice values beliefs and relationships, what is it you want in a partner and a relationship. First a security and inner peace shall be made along with purpose and hapiness in ones own life. Self grounding. Once this occurs there is no "needs' and self balance along with self application to attain harmony as an entity independently; then you can carry that energy into a relationship. Ones you seek and find what it is that fills your hearts desires; you will then know what you want by knowing you and what will balance; I counsel and most relationsahips that do last hold sharing of a cause or faith together along with each partner acheiving independent grounding first.
Asking yourself questions.
What are my personal goals? Who can give me empathy not sympathy? Who can understand and feel me? Who can acknowlede my inputs? Who can benefit from my dignified talents? Who will benfit from what I desire to give and who can offer what I desire emotionally, spiritually and physically,............Really its just who is your balance; just know you, when you meet the right person Love Finds you but your life with have a sense of more clarity as if this is your other half. We have many soulmates that all hold different demeanors but one heartmate that is this lifes balance in synchrony as well. Timming is key.
Honestly my answer is the balance to me; the more I seek about me the more I will know it and the more I was able to cut out dead wood. It took me 6 and a half years of living alone till I found the right one but I knew it and yes my life made more sense and this person compliments all I am and countors in areas of where i desired to seek and experience....
Thanks for your input Cap444 - input from many is what this thread is all about. It gives all of us something to reflect upon.
I think what you mentioned about both people being grounded and centered in themselves first is key. I find a lot of relationships fall apart when one person is far too dependent on the other. The kind of girl (because i honestly find girls do it the most) who will forget about friends and even family and focus all of her time and attention on her boyfriend, relying on him solely for companionship and support. This puts WAY too much pressure on the other person, and usually makes them feel suffocated. Then, when they up and leave, the other person is left desolate as their life is almost nonexistant without the other person.
But, when both people are confident and secure in themselves, and have their own space and their own lives outside of the relationship, it leaves a healthy atmosphere. The amount of time they spend with each other is balanced, no one feels too much pressure, and people who are confident in themselves don't get overly jealous or clingy. So...love yourself first!
Definitely a good point, MariaRia.
I used to be that clingy girlfriend - completely absorbing myself in the life of my partner. Now, it's quite the opposite: I definitely love myself, and am all about learning who I am (which is a life-long process, right?). Also, I've got a reminder (artwork) that I look at daily which reads: "Belong to Yourself"...I've really taken this on...and I guess because I don't have experience with a balanced relationship before, am reluctant to get in one now. However, a great love of mine really wants me back...
this is why I am asking myself so many questions. I think it's important to be certain what I want, express that without fear, and then see if it's possible. But I also wonder: WHO do I want to be in a relationship?
Recently in life, I began to see myself as "The Empress" from the Tarot deck; my idealized version of this archetype is a woman who can handle life alone, is generous in all ways, lives in abundance and fertility, and loves all equally. Somehow, I guess I feel a relationship takes that away from me...
It takes time a few years of consistancy where you now have iot down managing your life then you can bring in a union. Self ascension.
WildPlaces (love your name BTW!) - I found quite the opposite! I was always so independent, wanting to do my own thing when and where and how I wanted that I attracted the wrong men to me. My first serious I'm gonna-marry-him guy had values SOOO opposite from mine (he wanted someone just like his mom who would stay home, have 2.3 kids, a cat, a dog and a quilting club. He got one too, just wasn't me thank god!). Then I really went off the wall in my early 20's when I dated a guy that was such a SLIME (always out drinking, coming home with girls numbers in his pockets - IF he even could make it in the house - I'd go to work and find him passed out in the driveway). He taught me that basically I couldn't count on anyone but myself. Which is a good thing until you take it too far and don't know how to let someone who wants to GIVE to you in.
I need to learn balance as well. I don't want to give up who I am, but I know I need to learn to accept love better than I have. Because I learned that man and the two after him really didn't know how to GIVE love - nor did I.
I tried to look for the art you mentioned, found some but not sure it was what you had found. I did find a journal with a womens head on it and the saying on the front. Would be inspirational to write in that (though at $17 I do like my paid for laptop and other already paid for notebooks. )
Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
You are welcome YDL - thanks for the thought-provoking share!
Oh WildPlaces~I love running into your threads!
I am posting so I can keep an eye on the comments. I am VERY interested in learning more on this topic.
I did make a resolution this coming year to be more vulnerable (for lack of a better word). I have a bad habit of only letting people in so far. Could it be the Aquarian in me? (its in my Venus as well) But my Cancer moon keeps my heart soft. (its in my Lilith as well). So I have opsticals in my personality it seems. hahahaha
Hoping to overcome a lot this year! SMILES
Aqua2378 - I love seeing you on the forums! We do have some similarities: the keeping people at a distance, despite wanting them close (thanks, Cancer moon)...
Astrologically, and practically speaking - I'm a complete cluster-f-u-c-k:
I've got Scorpio in me too; and my Mc is Capricorn...
In other words, I love everyone, but not too much; I have an eccentric view of the world - and charge full steam ahead with it; I can dish it out, but believe me - I can not take it! : )
All of the elements combine to make this girl one confused and Wild Woman.
Yes I have recently started asking myself the same thing...Who am I in a realtionship. How do I benefit another person...instead of focusing on "the list" of requirements from another person. I threw that list away and started focusing more on what I have to offer. Instead of the other way around...The results: I did end up meeting a great guy and there was alot of give and take and some very rare blissful moments. The thing that was wrong though was an unbalance in the way we spent our time. It was either too much or not enough and conflicts from that came about. the conflicts turned into splitting. Very painful, yet still some satisfaction in knowing that the one tweek in my perception by looking at what I had to offer instead of the other way around actually opened the door to recieving love that I had not in a couple of years.
Hi WildPlaces and Aqua,
I feel drawn to your posts because of your sharing about your Venus and Moon signs and not letting people in... I wonder maybe I am like this? well, I'm a Pisces, with Cancer moon, Virgo rising and Aquarius Venus. What do you think about this combination of signs? :))
looking back at my past relationships, I let in some people too soon and too much and then, sooner or later, 'fell out of love' - in the vast majority of cases, I think. Now I'm appalled at myself.
Happy Peaceful, I thihk this is a common problem of moving too fast when a perosn is exciting and new. Not so much having to do with astro signs. You move too fast and things burn out. I am guilty of this myself. My last relationship we tried to find a balance and it was difficult because at first we wanted to spend every second of our time together. This led to resentments and confusion when we took time apart it seemed that our realtionship was either too hot or too cold. I was willing to work through it and try to find some kind of resolution but my partner was seemingly already out of the picture before a resolution could be found. This led to an outburst of anger and guilt on both sides. I felt cornered into leaving the relationship as it seemed to be the only option I was given. Probably should have just remained silent and let my partner work it out in his own mind. Instead I did the opposite which I now know was a mistake. Live and learn.
HappyPeaceful - I am not sure if your love style has to do with your natal chart; but with Venus in Aquarius...I'm tempted to think "YES". This has happened to me my entire life. I fall into what I think is love immediately when all the right pieces are there: intellectual stimulation, physical attraction, philosophical/aesthetic interests and provocations, etc. I'm not appalled by myself or anyone else like this; by now I'm simply wise enough to know it's not love: it's infatuation.
I think Aquarians are easily infatuated with others, because we are so keen to learn and absorb information in all aspects of our lives. With Venus in Aquarius, this would only be intensified - but I think the detached side of Aquarius, the side that doesn't want to be held down and loves everyone - would definitely make it short-lived.
That said, it's also not a curse. Like I said, I have the exact same tendency, as do many others (Aquarians or not); the key is awareness and control. It is hard to control the heart, and take things slowly...but I've found you learn SO much more about yourself and the other person in the process when taking your time. If things are meant to be, they won't fizzle out. (That's for you, lovinmylife - it sounds like you're two steps ahead here with the perspective and reverse list, although it didn't work with your first relationship since the shift in perspective - it doesn't mean you could have/should have done anything differently.)
I feel, lovinmylife, that the lesson from your story (and I thank you SO much for sharing) is to achieve a balance between who we want to be/what we want to give and what we hope to achieve in a relationship - as well as recognizing that to each yin there is a yang (i.e. don't toss out that "man list" just yet) ; ).
My rising is Virgo as well. And I have to agree with "lovingmylife" as far as moving too fast. I have only done this in two relationships of mine. One was in my teenage years and I married him out of comfort and stability. My home life was cruel and he felt like a rescue. I divorced him after 12 years (I was very dedicated but knew he was never really my true love).
I then dated a man that was my picture of perfect my whole life. I got so excited and wanted everything so quick. I ended up feeling rejected and broke it off.
But with any other:
Just for me to give them my number is a challenge. They have to prove some type of worthiness to me. I am not sure exactly what I look for~but I know when I see it. Don't get me wrong~I am in no way a b*t%h. It's like a hook and lure method. I walk in a room, demand attention, reel em in, throw em back, wink at em on the way out, then do it all over again another day. It actually sounds really awful typing it out O-o! Once they get past this stage then my emotions can take forever to come out. I can be passionate, loving, and show I care like no other. But to tell you is another thing all in itself. And if you try to tell me how much you adore and like me......I shrug it off with a cute giggle.
Words feel permanent for me. I hate to back out of things and I hate feeling trapped. It is much easier to not get caught in the trap then to get out of it.
**So sorry for babbling on. bad habit!
Yes WildPlaces~for Aquarians it is getting to know people.
Maybe playing the game for me is to see how far I can push people. Playing the mind game to see their intillectual side. Seeing how they will respond to my nature. It's like an undercover research project almost.
Ha! Aqua2378 - my brother is a Virgo Sun - he does the same thing! LMAO right about now...
I WISH I could play that game, alas - it is always me dangling on the damn hook. Ugh.
Love is Strength. First we must attain self grounding with inner harmony and peace; no blockages and be open to love; we shall achieve this independently and allow ourselves to remain open and not reserved...........
Much of love is integrity; pateince and perseverance........................if we rush; that means we are not attuned with inner peace and self hapiness....that actions resembles an in steadfast inquest; as if we are searching to get the "what" securness?...or answer tat it is what we want it to be even though we should evolve it and manifest it through in the now creation with our own finess of harmony.......................
Can I email you? I have something I'd like to share with you personally.