HAns Wolfgang...would you pklease?

  • Ok, so I know better than to write about this stuff. I want to be zen and cool and detached enough not care but I DO! I'm heartbroken.. Please could you humor me..read my story and tell me what you think? As straight forward as possible would be great. Anything you might have toi say would be helpful really.

    SO.... I know better than to write about these relatiojnship things. Either they work or they don't. I'm just devestated. I became involved with a man who was really gung ho from the start. A few weeks later he let me know that he was mending from a previous relationship and had lost a lot of self sesteem and felt as though he lacked judgement aboutr who to pick for relatiojships from the nasty previous experience (about hald a year ago) For two months, he called me every day and night , went to breakfast and we talked about everythig. He confided in me trhings that he said he had never confided in anyone and I felt very close with hmi. He did tell me that he was getting over his heartache though and that he wanted to give our relatioship a go but that it was going to be tough for me as he was fragile..... A few steps forward and a few back as he put it. I was ok with this and said I would give it a go. I loved his scompany, found him fun, witty, engaging and for the first time felt as though I had met someone with whom I could actually communicate on a deeper level. He admittedly was honest enough to tell me his hesitations and fears butv his action showed someone who truly loveed being with me and talkong with me and spending time. I thought we recently made big progress as he invited me to several close friends houses for holiday dinners and he came and stayed with my family for the holiday. He even hinted at the fact that we might be living with each other in a few months time. At the same time he pulled me close though, he would push me away and say something cold and hurtful about not being sure he saw me as relationship material. He admittedd he felt hollow inside and depressed and wasn't sure he could be with nayone ....except for perhaps his ex. Grrrr,.... Anyway, tis puly back of his always happened after a BIG event when we were seen as a couple or became especially close the night before. He was also unwilling to say we were an official couple yet as he felt he wasn't emtionally ready for that. This guy has gone back and forth with me. One night telling me that he didn't see things going anywhere with us and then the next day writing a long e-mail saying that he had thought about it and realized that he wanted to give things a shot and he liked me, could confide in me and I made him laugh and feel happy and he wanted to spend mor etie. Basically he was confused and a roller coaster but i lked him as persdon, I like our concversations and hge made me feel alive. I think I made feel the same. Tonight, though was different, He broke things off much more definitely and said that he felt it was false to even try with me because he wasn't mentally ready to be in a relationship at all because he was still in love and missing his ex girlfriend so much and that it wasn't right o keep me on a tring whiile he wolred through his issues. I offered to work through them together. I liked hm that mcuh. That was not ok for him though. He said he liked me too uch to put me through that...or some kind of BS. I'm heartbroken, I was falling in love with him. He expressed remorse that we would probably not be able to stay friends after all this and i said, "yes, lose my number. Don't contact me again." Of course, I regretted that aftetr saying so and desperately wanted to be in his life and make him see how right I am for him. I know we could be so good together. Anyway, I was hurt and felt betrayed. he had just spent the holidays with my family and seemed to enjoy himself and hgis actions and words seemed to point towards something serious.. I'm hurt and not sure how to move on. Do you see this one as being finally over? Do you belive trhis is the last i will truly hear from him or will he miss my contact ( we talked or saw each other every day for two months( not a long time I know but long enough to create a bond, share intimate information and become emotionally attached. I had suggested a few days ago that he was depressed and get therapy for that and he agreed, I said i would stand by him and support as long as he could make some kind of committment to me. He was reluctant to do that. Make a committment. he admitted that we were involved in a romantic relationship of some sort and said that if he didn't care about me he wouod just lie and tell me what I wnated to hear to get me "ahem" in bed. BUT was sacred of saying we were exclusive. I don't kno wwhy? I feel like his friends were also questioning his relationship with me sin ce I was suddenly around so much over the holidays and this scared him. Please could you give me some insight.? What you think happened, orcould happen (if anything). Do you thihnk he might get himself together and then contact jme down the line. Does he miss me? Wil I hear from him in a few days. He actually seemd almsot reliant on my stability and the fact that I was there for hgim. Did I handle it correctly by telling him to no longer contact me? I want him yto! Just not to tell me that he doesn't care enough about me to be with me tp bne with me exclusively. I knpw thi sounds like i want to own or control him. In a way this is true but are noyt most relationships a little like that....built on trust that two peopl ewnat to be together solely? I can't help but feel like I blew thigs by pushing him too fast. I just don't now want him to have the priveledge to talk with me and gain comfort from me ( and I cheered him up and gave a lot of comfort and listened) without my getting a return. I wrfiute that and that sounds terrible. I jsyt want it to be equl and it seemed that I did a lot of giving. I'm so heartbroken. Please help with any insight if you can. I juist can't believe I will move forward from this and meet someone else who i feel as comfortable and easy with. It was so natural and fun and inspiring to be with him. He is the first man EVER who I have felt was an equal as far as topics of conversation, intellect, deepness of thought etc. I truly though he could be "the one" ridiculous as that may sound. It is really over? Will he miss me and call me and want to try again? Should I give space and then call him? Do I just leave it alone and let the whole thing go? If so,k will he have time to think, get squared away and call me or move on to soneone elsel. I truly feel like I made an impact on him thopugh and vcan't imagine that if he were ready to start a new relationship (finally) that it wouldn't be with me. Does he experience remorse at his decision and miss me? A lot and think of calling me all the time? At times I truly felt he was in love with me, despite what he said or if he pushed me away, If it IS over, will I meet someone else and how? I need comfort BIG time on this one. I'm hurting. I know we've all been there. Thank you fro reading my novel abnd for any response. I need help. I hurt and feel like I am missing what could have been a wonderful, safe, compatible, passionate, equal relationship. Thank you.

  • By the way ...if it helps I am am a Libra October 1 1974 and he is a Gemini May 24 1974. Sorry for all the typos above. I tried to proof read but feel a mess.

    Will he come back to me Hans? On a few days,. weeks or months? Did he ever have true feelings (maybe even love) for me that he just didn't realize? Will time away make his heart grow fond and realize what he has missed or just help him forget me? Does he miss me now and think about calling me and caving in? Is there any action I should take other than try to move on with my life? S hould I tell him it i s ok to contact me if he wants and I'll be there when he is ready .... or does that just make me deperate? Thank yoiu.

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