I need a push..

  • Hello all,

    I am 52 yrs young and am at a crossroad, I feel. For the past 2 years I have not spoken with, or seen, my best girlfriend of 10 yrs.

    It started about 8 yrs into our friendship. My hubby and I moved into a diferent home, and my friend was obviously jealous. My hubby and I never fight and that too made her jealous. But, I could overcome the jealousy and we remained friends, although other friends of ours were not accepted by my girlfriend and her hubby. My friend and her hubby did have other friends that we accepted and had no problems with.

    My girlfriend and I considered ourselves sisters. We did everything together. We chatted about life, hubby's, friends. Everything good friends talk about. My friend always talked about the one big thing that she wanted but her hubby would not purchase. Our friendship was getting less and less because of life and being busy, and finally, during a celebration for my 50th bday, she sprung on me, once again, that they were looking at their big purchase. I did a horrible thing and did not support them, nor was I happy for them. The one time I dared to speak my mind about their big purchase, I was not supportive.

    My actual 50th bday came and there were a few of us that got together. Girlfriend couldn't come because she had to do her grocery shopping (?????). Hubby and I then found out that her hubby was talking very nasty about the both of us. I wrote girlfriend a letter, telling her how disappointed I was in the way we were being treated and talked about. I have not heard from her.

    My problem now is that I miss her. I've never been able to feel close to another girlfriend like I did her, although neither of us has communicated to each other.

    I'm afraid to make the first move because I'm afraid of getting shot down. Although if that did happen, maybe I could close the door on that part of my life. I don't know what happened to our friendship. I wasn't the perfect friend, for sure, but did it have to come to this?

    Any words of widsom would certainly be welcomed. I'm at a loss.


  • Sorry about your predicament, but in your post, you say that your friend was jealous of your new home. You said that you overcame her jealousy (for your good fortune?). But then, when the friend tells you they are about to take a major step, you became non-supportive and this obviously upset her. Seems that the positions have changed; you are now jealous of her good fortune--have you asked yourself why that is? Do you really want your friend to experience the good in life that you have? Have you tried to call her? Have mutual friends made any statements about your relationship with this friend? If the friendship is truly over, then you need to move on. But do remember, just because someone was not supportive of your decision, doesn't mean that you should not be supportive of theirs. As long as the other person is comfortable about their decision, then there is no reason to knock a hole in it, is there? Let me give you an example, a person I did not even know stopped me on the street and was so ecstatic about her new shoes, she just bubbled when she asked: "Aren't my new shoes just beautiful; I just love them." Not even knowing this young lady, and at looking at the shoes, there was no way I would wear them. However, I told her: "They look just beautiful on you." She was so happy as she wandered off to, perhaps, her home. Why should I take the happiness she felt away from her? Hope your problem is rectified soon.

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