• Pfree: Thank you. I am not a nutritionist. I worked In a gym for a while and I am knowledgable in that area. I live with two people now as well. I wanted to figure the cuase becuase that needs to be healed. That is important , its not an exuse. My behavior started as a teen ager 18 and went for alomost a year, then stopped and started and its been clear but I find myself struggling in the mind and do not want to fall into it as now I live with two people. It is very common for anyone to relapse. Really I stopped this year in January and been seeing a inner light healer since last year 2009. Thank you guys but in no way did I tell you I binge purge all day currently. This is not helping me. I really think I am in a phase where I need to be proactive about the cause as smokers are there when they quit, they can easily be tempted back to that addiction. I was told I need to heal the inner cuase, the emotion and the need that was not met when I endured the loss of my mom. It went ignored.

    Thanks though guys

  • Phfree; before I go from this thread, I do want to thank you as you have said a few things for me to dwell on in the mind tha help the anxiousness I recieve at night(thats when I did it once a night) I am implimenting chakra healing when I get in bed, so far that has even put me to sleep.

  • "Transition" I read through your posts. It sounds as if you just need one to talk to.You mentioned no mother and you clearly take the time to be wise on your choices as I have read all your post especially concerning you rather be alone and get inner peace before you bond with people. Your right its not bulimia or any othe addiction, as you may rid bulimia you may pick up another; its the healing of what causes the need to utilize those things. What are you lacking or needing and what are you supressing. It sounds as you may need love and compassion. Do you have a female to talk to?

  • Capricorn444: well not all choices but thank you. Yes you are correct about the mother thing and no I do not have a mother or female in my life. Yes I do not feel loved, actually I feel out in the cold. Much of my family is dead. Most people only come when they want one to listen anf they bail when they have a relationship, its need then they go. I am in a perdicament as yes I did pick up smoking after I stoped bulimia; now trying to quit and then the urge to purge comes back. Its a catch 22. My healing teacher also told me the same thing. Really ; I have been up all night and fel so unloved now especially when your only sib is afar and says" This christmas I have all I need, my little girl and girlfriend". I have spent so many years paying, taking him out, getting loans for thanks no love. That hurt:(. Well...anyways yes so just want one to care other than myself. I am on the world to just like everyone else. Thank you for your time:)

  • See, the issue is not your smoking or the purging its something else. The cycle will just continue. You went from one addiction to another. You mentioned that your not out and about alot, socially? Along with that "intergration" and feeling out in the cold....that could be the lack of "love" you feel. I am assuming that started when you were in your teens, you said 15 years old. I recomend that you keep talking to your healer and a compassionate cousel at a local church. It can be hard, most 21 year old girls are out partying and dating a bunch of boys. Youll be better off in the long run if you can get over this underlaying issue. Unfortunatly smoking is very difficult to rid. I am a smoker but have not experienced an eating disorder. Well all disorders are the same but with different effects, the all are emotinal issues. Transition; remember that you will gain out of this experience. Claim your power over it mentally. Put thoughts and phrases of positive thinkin gin your head. Where are places you like to go even of alone....? Maybe you can meet like minded people, a church sounds good as many in church do not go waste time getting wasted lol. You are different you have no parents and need to get a foundation for yourself. Dont listen to anyone else who thinks different they are clearly ignorant to your situation. You said you do sports to but Transition, what are you really seeking? I think your seeking intimate rapport?

  • Capricorn444; I do date but I keep it casual. Meet out at a coffe shop, canal walk etc. I have a few guy friends near here but I am not from this area. I work Govt and am actually going to be leaving town again for 7 months under health code regulation. Which is good and I leave in mid Jan. I cannot smoke their either. Your on page; I have not yet to meet a respectable woman with good. caring intentions. I can understand I am not ones "daughter " technically on earth. So little importance to someone intimatly but important to humanity and my associaters as I am in a leadership position. I think I came in with a bit extra as a child to cope with than average, but I know God does not give his children more than they can handle. Overcoming this emotional void I am trying to fill will only make me even stronger than I have been since today. I feel you understand me and are intelligent in these mannerisms. Do you councel professionally?

    Thank you

  • Thank you, I am. I started my education in astro studies but inside I knew that it was not the way to live a life. " If you do not stand for something you fall for anything". Your on the correct path of self understanding, so many people are "lost" no control" , "no self belief", help me", "confused" could be worse. If you continue too seek farther into yourself and reach your higherself awareness, you will replace substances with what is in existance that serves your higher self. Some people have addictions becuase they have no self hapiness, many people rely on relationships and impact others negativly because their selfish needs or self ignorance needs them and many relationship become use. Your smoking habit will not be easy to quit but your time away with your "govt" job will be as a retreat and almost a rehab from the smoking.

  • Agreed. I have a healing appointment tommoro. I have reached out to christian counseling as of yesterday. It looks as the smoking will continue but only for so long as I cannot in a few weeks but I still need to find a consistant way to fill that "void". I think this is a good path for me now, the counsel from a church and healer combined:) I have a friend I see a few times a year but she went to the same church as I years ago and just quit smoking last year and is still doing good. As far as your words on astrology, I can understand that. I along with many people have at least viewed it; its advetised but I do not use it, my life and self are too deep. The truth of me I believe can be found in meditation and healing. I contemplate much and actually record my counsel sessions to replay what I say. It actually makes more sense and gives me clarity.

    Well I smoked about 8 ciggs already:(

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  • Tell me how your healing went, what else did you seek within?

  • Hello Capricorn..I just got back:) It was so nice and I got to give healing too. 6 hours no ciggarett, just water. Yes I had a few today but I got a week left actually and then no more! I was actually getting a chakra balance and the pendulume over my chakras..all was good just a tid bit of fast energy in my third eye....My guides cam in and revealed that I must keep my daily affirmations going and they showed me the Strength Card!

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  • Ah the strength card; in this card it means to hold soft control and personal courage; this is a life phase and lesson happening now:) Keep your daily affirmations.....just monitor your smoking and reduce it as much as you can until you leave next weekend.....then you wiull start your ceasation.....

  • Its coming close to that time, I am a little concerned that the smoking will casue me issues in my training thoug but I just ran a mile today and was alright. I have to do a total of two but i will have much encouragement in training and restrictions concerning no smking. Soft control internally for me I think:)

  • Transition,

    Focusing on your training will be a positive I think. Exercise is good for anxiety also. I feel I need to caution you to anyone who tells you to "not listen to anyone" that's a bit manipulative. Take what works for you and leave the rest. You seem much better. You are one of the lucky ones to be looking for healing and desiring to change the compulsive behavior so young many go on for years before they find they've truly hurt themselves.

    Society breeds this compulsive thing be it food alcohol s.e.x. drugs people stuff...I've done my share of grasping and filling up the void. But in truth dear the void is where Spirit is it's your friend. Any good counselor or therapist would tell you to gently lean into it not avoid it. What will be will be,

    Cheers P

  • Yes, are you referring to capp? Cap did not tell me to avoid it. Cap told me not to listen to ones in reference to judging. Which is true. The real issue is underneath becuase I have went to bulimic then ciggs, I even did sleeping pills for a short time too. It is a deep wound that must be healed. I really think its rooted to no mother and loss of father, no love or comfort. I have been trying as hard as I can to vconnect to my higher self. My spitrit self.

    Thank you.

  • Transition I have faith that you know what to listen to and not, if it hurts and does not help; you are entitled to forgoe it, but remain true to self. I have good faith in your discernement as you have chosen at such a young age to seek inner truth and get counsel along with spirit. I appreciate you opening up to the areas of your self to me and elaborating on how the void" has moved to ciggaretts and you first untold big endeavor. You are making such a courageous choice and I can tell you have it within you to win and to fight. I have full faith you will transend during this phase of your life:) I undestand at times people are aware and do not need to be told what the problem is, they come to get help when they have already faced the truth; they want to express it and get it out. Its healthy and part of the healing phase. It takes courage to come out and tell truth on the issues we have held in alone with oursleves, that sthefirst part of finnaly putting it behind you. As far as the continue of ciggarettes ; you have your "rehab" basic training will allow you to be clear of it for many months. Thats will be be such a good support and assistance on your ceasation; now by you understanding the root issues you can keep it behind you into your many years to come:)

  • Transition,

    Thank you for clarifying that. My apologies it felt "off" but that could be my "off" perception. I meant no judgement just be careful but If you are happy w/ support you get all the better.

    Best of luck and all in your new "service."

    Capricorn444 I also saw your blog you seem to have a lot to offer especially around this issue.

    Cheers P

  • Thank you phree. I wanted to creat a public blog on this issue becuase it is so common and so many are afraid to reach out and they at times jump to other voids. Psyche disorders are so jusged now a days you know. Maqny people critasize others who seek help but really the ones who seek help are the ones that have the right idea; they are not in a denial:) I think ego can be a big downer for people and spirit really opens us up:)

  • Yes I am very happy with the support exempting one which I will not say to remain cool. Phree your mentioning the inability to let loose helped me much an dcapricorn realy has given the indeoth councel; I too have seen some of capricorns counsel come up with my healer as well during my chakra balancing and meditations but consciously your input about the having loose time has given me thought:)

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