I am 21 and have been going through a transition, I am aware of my emotions and have done much healing work alone. I asm aware but as you know once we become addicted to a drug, behavior etc...we now have to work on ridding the behavioral addiction.

    I became bulimic at 19; I am aware on why I did it, i lived with another girl who did it and well curiosity kills the cat. Lol I am aware of the emotional void I had to contuinue but it comes and goes now, I have sought councel but it is very sry and objective, I know its my will strength but I am open to anything from a divinatory perception for advice..

    thank you

  • You have been told, I presume, that controlling your body and what goes into it is the symptom of someone who feels they have no other control of their life and situation?

  • See your food as a way of loving yourself. Choose only the healthiest and stay in the moment when you eat do not go into unconscious eating binges but be aware of your body and it's needs. Stop before you are full, pay attention and you will not need to purge. Get help dear this is not something to walk thru alone.

    When I was much much younger I lived w/ some fellow dancers who also experienced their need to control their bodies in such a way. It starts out simple but can graduate to true unhealthy lifestyle.

    Myself I've used exercise extremely for that "control" in some circles that too is considered a form of bolemia. Our egos can get us to think some pretty petty stuff. Personally I am grateful for my love of movement and exercise cause it has kept me going and strong in my older years but it can be addictive and overblown (ego stuff). I learned recently when I broke my knee and could not exercise (walk) for about 8 weeks that I still am who I am no matter what my body does and I didn't gain tons weight or loose a lot of strength. What I mean to say is our fears are pretty blown out of proportion and unreasonable, look for balance dear in your eating, eat your spinach and remember to be thankful for it. When the focus is off of the body and "controlling" it it makes room for so so much more!

    Cheers P

  • I am aware and I have a stable life. I am very stable in a career and education completed already. I have stable work out regimes as well but at times the urge still comes back. I know its an addictive behavior. Captain, you presumed a bit wrong but thank you. I eat very balanced . You guys forget to ask the cause. The case really was just curiosity. I was also influenced by another and I liked the high I got froim it. I never go for a binge. It was once a day with little food, I liked it becuase it made me black out so I could fall asleep. I had insomnia for a very long time. I have a certification in nutrition as well. I am informed. I gues I neeed to recognize what triggers the urge then..really. I have practiuced many months without the behavior but it creeps up every now and clearly there is still more work to be done.:)

    Thank you Guys:)

  • phee-thank you though becuase you did reinforce habits I am aware off and your self love has motivated mine!

  • I have to wonder how good was the help that you got if no one linked the need for control with your bulimia. Eating disorders are never actually about food at all. There is more here than just idle curiosity. It;s very worrying that you used it to blackout into sleep. Why did you have trouble sleeping anyhow - that might indicate some other source being at work here.

  • TheCaptain is entirely right--you might be correct in saying that you began because of curiosity, but you acknowledged yourself that you liked the high it provided, and that you need to discover what triggers the urge. Have you tried meditating on it, Transition?

    Best of luck to you, I hope you can overcome this!!

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  • To clarify; Captain presumed I had no control over life and situation. Not correct. I am in control of my life. I have urges to do it again but it is a past issue. We all know that we can still get urges. I am reaching out becuase I am aware that urges still can pull you back and its also healing to reach out an discuss. It did ocur becuase it did give me the instant gratification of sleep. I was physically attacked and once had one come into my apartment while asleep and I also have lost a parent at a young age. I know those are causes. The need that created the emotion was being young alone and feeling anxiety. the emotion creates teh urge so if the emotion is uncontrolled there is no control in thebehavior if it is incessantly repeated. No I do not feel out of control as I really manifest my future and am accountable for my choices. The emotion needs to be more disiciplined. I did not have control on sleep thats accurate. I honestly cannot control all of my life becuase I am asssociated with people and organizations that I cannot control.

    I am in the phase now similar to quiting alcohol or ciggs; we have a two year window where one can relapse.

    So I find the best way is to reach out and to reach out to others.

    JlinAngel; you are accurate about allowing to be out of control becuase you have to be in so much control especially in your emotions around others and need to be stable as we all do, but we do need time where we can let loose....aha i just figured one thing out. I am too disiciplined and often I do not get many chances to just go out and party lol........we need that fun and let loose in our life times we get in this mentality as we grow to adults, its ok for adults to let loose.....

    Jlin; you did make a big impact here!

    Thank you to all:) I means much that all have taken time to address my concern

  • I did a reading about this: based off the cards even with 9 swrds as well I can say anxiety was definatly a cause.

    My episodes were once a day and at night, that also dipicted the need of sleep and my way to unwind. I did not have family around or a social outlet.

    those are key factors.

    problem with any addiction is it becomes a habit,like brushing our teeth. So we need to be concsious and aware of the causes but instill new behaviors to cope. Cognitive behavior.

    Really it boils down to will power as well.

    I have reaches out to others and for some it is about body image and they develope a negative relationship with food.

    For binge eaters they take stress out and unwind with overeating.

    For myself it was discovered but gave me a rise and a releif. I did not have much intention other than curiosty but I still had the cause of self worth as well because i still tried it and allowed the influence at my young age, that also impacts it. It then gave me a sensation I like and curbed my sleep issue.

    Tai Chi and journaling help...I use writting to curb an urge..whenever I get an urge I implimenting new behaviors

    I was really curious to see if a tarot reading could actuallyt configure truth I am not yet fully buying into the tarot

  • Of course being attacked and losing a parent makes you feel very out of control - now you seek severe unhealthy ways of keeping control as you see it, but when you have to cling so tightly to something that you damage your health, it's not really very good control at all but instead is fear. Until you can admit your problem and get out of denial, you will never cure it.

  • What is my fear? Fear is only an illusion. Captain tell me whats my fear? So are you telling me that having urges is damaging my health? I am aware from professional pschology that their is a vulnerable relapse time frame. We all loose parents, thats life. I believe that becuase I had done it, that it became the habit when the emotional trigger was set off. I do know anxiety was the emotional trigger. The attacker is out of control, not me! I still had control of the situation, the way I proceeded. But post partum creates anxiety. I accept I cannot control people, its not me its them in their choices and that is to be accepted. INow that I am older I do understand why I lost my mom, she was incapacitating....heavily induced with alcohol and harm. So better off, without harmfull influences. I really am sensing its more of an emotional issue concerning anxiety. I need to discipline the emotion and my perception of situations that may be jumping to conclusions. Perceptions of situations can create anxiety especially if they are not percieved rationally. Or even intentions. I gave my problem in my first post and I did say that nor I have urges, thus problem in the action of doing is in the past. Tell me honestly really, where do you see the denial......I may not be aware..Can you tell me:)

  • I discovered this: Anxiety does not only consist of physical effects; there are many emotional ones as well. They include "feelings of apprehension or dread, trouble concentrating, feeling tense or jumpy, anticipating the worst, irritability, restlessness, watching (and waiting) for signs (and occurrences) of danger, and, feeling like your mind's gone blank"[8]

    Thus also I would agree anxious. I have always been that way and anxiety has an underlaying emotion; first intuitive response to the question is perception of events. I have been one to get myself hyped up a bit too much for something I was always capable of doing. "Mental blockages" mentally I percieved situations to be more difficult than they really were or I jumped to a conclusion expecting people to not show up and do their part in circumstances in which they did not have obligation, or I projected tests to be more difficult than reality becuase I did not believe in myself enough.

    Believing in self is important:

    Anxiety is a natural reaction to stress, its normal for us to endure stress but at my level it was too high in concern to my anxiety, "perceptions"

    If it was controls as the root cause ; I think I would be more manipulative and less reserved. I tend to be engaged in purposfull causes btu not a ton of parties and so on.....Sports is one large endeavor. I think my weight would have been either too high or low but my weight is 122 and I am 5'6 its been stable a few pounds or so less or more for 4 years now. What is life if we do control everything? Really we need the unexpecteds...thats how we can challenge ourselves and test our reserves....

    Honestly I really think its anxiety and anxiousness along with my perceptions.


  • Captain I am really trying to be fair and get you control thing; I spend about an hour a day assessing my emotional needs.

    If I maintain composure and one attacks me, who really has no control. I made a choice and was in a situation but the way I handled the situation was diplomacy. Its sick to think we can control others and ignorant to think we are in full control of the world. And I was not a know it all at 16 either we make mistakes concerning our living and social groups and learn. Not one person can control all circumstances acquainted with choice because much of life is relations, all have a relationship to something and we cannot control anothers will, thats unethical and not moral. We do have choice regarding how we handle a situation. So our perceptions of a situation must be accurate, anxiety only feeds inaccurate perception and I also tend to not trust in demeanors regarding reliability and permenance.

    I do not fear being alone becuase we are not really alone, our higher self is with us and that fear only resonates energy that manifests lonliness. I at times prefere to be alone, I like my introspective time and know that false securities weaken us and its correct to initiate with ones inan intimate relationship who exalt self worth and self help along with grounding themselves independently.

    So now, knowing that my perceptions are off relating to reliability and permanance, that connects to the lack of permanance of my mother. A mother is a nurture and love relationship so my emotion is also related to sense of abandonment. You can be stable healthy and so on....but we cannot control the will of others as we this also connects to my desires to embrace that energy in my life and trusting in it...........

    So I dug farther.....Made progress:)

  • So anxiety from my reasons(reliable, permenance, difficulty) connect to lack of trust.

    Did I trust in my self answering the test questions.

    Did I put trust in my boyfriend.....

    The perceptions are being infringed by the roots; Trust from the early abandonment. The perceptions caused the anxiety..





  • Dear transition,

    I lost my mother at a very young age too but I do not feel the need to gain control or to get addicted to anything in order to fill that hole. I ask myself why you, aged 21, do not have time to go out and party. That is not right. I agree with Captain, from reading your posts you are in denial, will not admit a problem and until you do you will never be able to combat it. And as a nutritionist at a young age of 21 which I wonder about, you should now the harm you are doing with your body. Who are you hoping wil, sit up and pay you attention once you get hospitalised? We abuse ourselves to get other people's attention.

  • I sense from your writings that you are giving lots of explanations to the "cause" as you say. And you are right there is "cause and effect." But we have choice. You are making excuses and what you need is a better choice while you are still young and healthy. The losses you speak of are a natural part of life. People leave us and disappoint us. Life is stressful. Sit w/ the anxiety. You will learn it cannot hurt you. It is uncomfortable but the running away from the anxiety by your binge purge is just that running away. Sit w/ it long enough to accept how it feels w/o doing anything destructive. Just be w/ yourself. Nothing bad will happen. You live a very ordered life in the world and this is commendable. A healthy choice now would be to seek help around this self destructive behavior.

    You will be fine just relax into things a bit.

    Cheers P

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