Need kind of a reading about my love life. I don't know what to do.

  • Everyone knows about my Cancer man drama, it's been no secret. He cheated, lied, ignored me, played with my heart, and basically treated me like dirt beneath his feet. He finally contacted me again only to blame the entire situation on me. He said he wants nothing to with me anymore, and finally my Leo pride kicked in and I am stepping away from him. I have no respect for him anymore. And although I am a caring person, as it's in my nature, I am just too proud to continue wasting time on someone who treats me badly.

    I have been talking to a Virgo man for awhile online. He is extremely intelligent and funny. He has also asked me on a date and out of desperation for... well, a good guy I guess... I said yes. But was it the right thing to do?

    Some issues:

    First of all he isn't physically my type. I know that sounds horrible. Second of all, my Cancer man was much older than me with kids. This guy is also a bit older than me and has a kid - I swore I'd never talk to guys with kids again. Third, I just feel weird immediately dating after such a crazy relationship.

    But I know that people are placed in our lives for a reason. Regardless of how I feel about this guy physically, maybe it won't compare to what I feel emotionally. I already like him and we have amazing conversations. Maybe this is meant to happen?

    I need some advice. I don't know if this what I'm supposed to do or if I'm just making another stupid mistake. I don't want to hurt this guy and I don't want to be hurt. But the possibility of actually finding the right guy..

    I want a reading. His birthday is September 6th, 1984 and mine is August 9th, 1990. Is this a good match? Is this what I should be doing or am I being selfish?

    Please give me advice.

  • Bump. 😞

  • Hi GoldenEgg,

    Unfortunately I don't have any "reading" skills, so the only advice I can offer is from my own life experience. I think you need to listen to your gut, and by your posting it sounds like you have a lot of doubt about seeing this virgo guy - not only because he's not "physically" your type, but the kid situation also serves as a warning to you. While the conversations may be fantastic, conversations with anyone can be just as fantastic so long as the other person engages you intellectually, and you don't have to feel obligated to take them up on dating you. Ultimately, it's your choice, but listen to yourself, trust yourself, because YOU are your best guide.

    Over a year ago I dated a cancer man who threw me for an emotional spin, and left me the most wrecked I'd ever been - mostly because I wasn't expecting to feel as deeply as I had, but also because I had allowed myself to get involved at such a deeply emotional level. After our break-up there was this very good-looking guy who began pursuing me, and I had some hesitation over petty things, but decided why not?! and dated him. I felt nothing for him though, and I couldn't force myself to even try to feel something that simply wasn't there. He was a nice guy, and I could tell he liked me - which, after going through my cancer tailspin, was a refreshing feeling - but I think he sensed my holding back, and it fizzled out quickly. I was left feeling rejected again, and I put it on myself. It wasn't wise of me to go into dating when I wasn't prepared to invest in someone who wanted to invest in me, and I got nothing because I gave nothing. It left me feeling more empty, and while it was only a minor scratch to my ego it was ultimately an unhealthy decision, and it added to my emotional set-back of re-building myself. Now, I'm not sharing this story to say this will happen to you and your virgo man, I am sharing it to illustrate that just because you meet someone doesn't mean they are "sent" to teach you a lesson, or are necessarily supposed to be in our lives - sometimes the lesson is that we need to listen to ourselves, truly listen, because if we don't we can attract other lost souls that set us back in our path of re-connecting to ourselves (I realized later that my guy was truly lost, and that was why he was attracted to me, because I was lost too). The cliche of "time heals all wounds" is only powerful when we allow time to truly heal our wounds. My advice is to let time heal yours, and do your part to focus on yourself also. YOU are your wisest investment.

    P.S. On the upside of things, after that experience I stopped dating, moved to get a fresh start, and spent a year truly focusing on myself - doing things I enjoy, surrounding myself with positive friendships, enjoying a new career and meeting new people, writing in my journal whenever I'm struggling (and/or coming here has also helped), and it's been an awesome year of self-discovery. I attracted another cancer man half-way into my healing, and again he had issues - however, because I was stronger this time I realized it quickly and got out before I fell into his emotional sway. Afterward, I re-grouped and focused on myself again, and now I feel the strongest I've felt in a very long time. I noticed that recently I am attracting some wonderful men whom I have many shared interests (as that's important to me long-term), and am now in a very emotionally healthy relationship with a man who mirrors where I am within myself, as he is in a similar happy, strong place within himself. The universe will send you all sorts of people along the way, but you'll know when the right person truly IS the right person once you learn to trust yourself, and feel you deserve it.

    Best of luck, and have a wonderful holiday! Hugs! 🙂

  • Solarity,

    You are an amazing person!

    What you wrote is so true, and even though you wrote this to GoldenEgg, I feel like you are speaking to me too.

    I am in a far better place now after my cancer man, I focus on me now, I still have some inner work to do and doing it at a pace that works for me.

    Very importantly as you said, listen to your gut, we know when something is right or wrong.

    I was attracted with the outside appearance with my cancer man, but it turned out he is a deeply wounded soul with many issues.

    GoldenEgg, I think some cancer man only come in lives to teach us some sort of lesson, I know its made me so much more wiser having gone through that situation.

    Hope I am making some sense here.

    Happy Holidays to you all.


  • I know this is going against your advice but I feel in my heart, after truly thinking about it, that I SHOULD go on a date with him. It doesn't mean anything has to happen after that. But I am connecting with him on a deep level. We both talked about it and we agreed that if our first date wasn't successful that we could be great friends. He is very understanding of my situation and I don't think he'll take advantage. And if I sense myself taking advantage of him, I will stop. I am tackling this with sensitivity. I think God put this guy in my path for a reason, whether it's to be friends or more doesn't matter. I am just realizing that my feelings for him are genuine, I really like him and I can see that increasing in the future. His kid is still a cause for concern, but.. one step at a time. I trust God to lead me in the right direction, I just have to loosen my grip and let go.

    You guys are amazing! Thank you so much for your insight.

  • GoldenEgg,

    Sounds like you are going with your gut!

    Go for it, take it slow and get to know him.

    Enjoy his company and see where it goes.

    As for his kid, be gentle, be understanding.

    You will be just fine.

  • Strange you said, "I just have to loosen my grip and let go" because I was just listening to the song "Let go" by Imogen Heap and reflecting on how important it is to allow ourselves to do this. I think you are listening to yourself, GoldenEgg, and that is the moral of my story above. I think you have a good heart and sense of self, and if you feel you should go on a date with the virgo, and by the sounds of it you are both being realistic and mature about the outcome, by all means go for it, hun! 🙂 Keep us posted!

    Piscesstar, good to see you again, hun, and wonderful to hear you're doing so well! You sound like you're in a much better place within yourself, and that's gotta feel good. Big hugs! 🙂

    I hope you both have a wonderful Christmas!

  • Good luck on your date, I'm glad you decided to go! I am also a Leo, and your post sounded familiar to me; I used to write the mental laundry list of reasons why things won't work out too--so I hope you don't mind my input here. I just wanted to remind you that it's hard but sometimes so worth it to keep an open mind. Instead of continuing to tell yourself "he's not my type, he has a kid, he's older"........try telling yourself "I don't have a type, I accept love in all forms in my life!". As far as his kid goes, you don't have to be a stepmommy on date #2, and chances are he'll want to keep that side of himself distanced from a dating relationship for a while anyhow. Finally, age is just a number (most of the time!) and if you have a soul connection; whether it's on a friendship level or more, age will be of no consequence.

    I hope this helps you and you don't feel I'm insulting I said, I just read your post and it connected with me. I sometimes think about the several people I "laundry listed" and talked myself out of what might have developed into something good, and I often wonder if I had been more open minded if my life may have turned out differently had I not done that.

    Have a super time with this guy, and best wishes to you in 2011!

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