Captain, a compatibility reading please?
He is: 4-21-75, time unknown, born in Port Huron, MI
I am: 11-17-76, 4:30pm in Fort Riley, KS
You did a reading for me in the past and it was quite accurate, so if you have time to do another one for me I greatly appreciate it!
If the issues of authority and the balance of power that are so deeply embedded in this relationship are to be dealt with successfully, a concentration on developing faithfulness, trust and honesty will have to emerge. Both of you must feel free to speak your minds. Since you are both weighty individuals who are quite serious in outlook, the relationship's tendency to keep its partners upbeat and looking on the positive side is a definite plus.
Both of you like people who have the inner resources to pull their own weight and pay their own way. A love relationship here can be both attractive and quite romantic. But no matter how strong the sexual chemistry may be, deep involvement will not develop unless there is a solid bond of trust. Repressed storms of passion often rage inside you, Solarity, forcing your partner to either react with similar emotions or perhaps to turn off completely. Fortunately, your partner has a patient and understanding side, but he will still be troubled by your tendency towards possessiveness and jealousy. Such tendencies may have to be mastered or given up if the relationship is to move on to marriage or a more permanent living arrangement. A lot depends on your willingness and ability, Solarity, to open up to your partner in the personal sphere. This might be difficult if you find him too imposing or if your feelings of inferiority are aroused. You do have a strong need to be honest with another human being at a deep level, however, and if you can show your weaknesses and doubts to your partner (who is a good listener) without feeling threatened, you will receive some valuable advice and guidance in return. Admitting weaknesses can be a sign of strength.
Thank you so much, Captain. So far we have been very open and honest with one another, and it's made a huge difference in my feeling secure with him. He does not provoke my insecurities, which has definitely helped me in trusting him. I will keep your advice in mind, and should any negative feelings arise I will do my best to drop the fear and discuss it with him. I can tell he is a very understanding person, and appreciates any and all feedback, whether it be positive or negative. I can also tell that he genuinely cares for me as a person, and I do for him as well, and that's a fantastic feeling. Thanks again and have a wondrous holiday!
Hello again, Captain -
I am wondering if you would be so kind as to advise me again about the same person above. We seem to be stuck in a cycle, and I need some advice.
We've been dating for four months now, and recently we've hit a weird patch - in which he breaks up with me bc he "needs to focus" on himself and the wine bar he wants to open, and/or I break up with him because I don't want to be a side project (that damn possessive streak I am still trying to break). He then tells me he is still so closed up from his last major break-up two years ago (in which they were engaged and he was madly in love with her, unfortunately she was not in love with him - and I suspect that vulnerability scares the bejeezus out of him). I listen while he goes on and on about all of his messed-up-ness and how he doesn't want to be unfair to me, or hurt me since he isn't ready to focus on our relationship, nor "waste (my) time". I am trying to TRULY listen to him, and trying to believe he means what he tells me, but I can't help but suspect there is much more beneath the surface - mainly a cover up of defense mechanisms for uncertain feelings. We are a lot alike in that we are both very guarded with our feelings, and I possess similar flight responses (which was our first break-up), BUT I don't want to assume that just because we are a lot alike that I truly know what he's feeling deep down.
If he lacks the feelings for me that every person deserves in a healthy, loving relationship then I don't want to kid myself, and I don't want to keep allowing him to paw at my door whenever he misses me (aka lonely). The most confusing part of our break-up's is that it only lasts a few days, and then we miss each other and so we get together socially, and by the time the night is over we've talked and decided we both want to give it another go - bc deep down we genuinely like one another and we have a natural comfort around one another which is fairly uncommon for both of us...and for a few days we do really try, but we both cherish our independence and freedom and this seems to be both of our struggles with being IN a relationship. It's not that we struggle with our commitment to one another, but that we both struggle with the label and responsibilities of a relationship versus our fear-perceptions of our personal freedoms getting lost in the relationship.
We are also both starting our own businesses, and need to focus on those projects - as well as ourselves, personally - so there is quite a bit of struggle with balance going on in our personal lives. I could give you a bunch of excuses as to why it won't, or doesn't, or possibly can't, work in the end...because I'm better at that than I am at trying to make a relationship work. I need some guidance though, some insight, some advice, some direction, please...because my intuition is torn by my head and my heart right now.
Thank you for any words of advice or insight you can offer, I truly appreciate your kindness.
Obviously the issue of trust to which I referred in my original post has not been dealt with from either of you. Which one of you is going to start to trust - one of you is going to have to have the courage to either let go (in your case) or move in closer (in his case)? Actually you both have to try harder or the relationship will fail.
The relationship failed because he didn't have feelings for me. He pretended he did when it was convenient. He met someone else whom he says stirs feelings he hasn't had since his ex-fiance, when, as you can read above, he had told me he couldn't access feelings after his heartbreak. He was stringing me along while he got to know her, and was only honest about it to me last night because I brought up my feelings for him, and he felt guilty because he knew he had been misleading me the entire time. Then he confessed about her and his feelings for her, so that's that.
I WAS trying to trust and let go, up until that sucker punch...sometimes things just don't work out, or they work out perfectly for reasons yet known. I'm hoping for the latter. Chin up.
When I read my entry for March 10th I can't help but see the glaringly obvious truth that I so naively chose to ignore. So foolish of me.
Sometimes you have to trust your instincts rather than your emotions.