Please help- so confused with gemini man!
I am a libra, and I have been seeing this gemini guy long distance for a couple months or so, but we were able to see each other often. Things were literally perfect, I hadn't experienced any of his mood swings and he was head over heels for me (which I still am for him). He is not normally the type of guy that settles with a girl or is even exclusive, which proved his feelings for me. Things moved very quickly, but perfectly. He is leaving May 4 to spend two months in Paris (and I was originally supposed to visit him there). Anyways, we were supposed to go camping over Easter weekend with his family and I was pmsing and we got into an argument which was initiated by me and just dumb. I figured we would still go camping so I left in the morning as planned and drove four hours. Apparently he had changed his mind and didn't want to go anymore. Still pmsing, I was literally begging him pathetically to see me and not end things with us. I gave him his space for a few days and he finally initiated conversation and we made small talk. Things were short, but okay. Yesterday he was telling me a story and I asked where he was when it happened and he said that it wasn't important. But he had clearly stayed at another girls house. I then asked him if he still had feelings for me or if last weekend ruined everything. He just said things moved too quickly (even though at the time he was also insisting they did). I made sure not to make the conversation sentimental at all. Later on that day I told him I would be in town Monday/Tuesday for an appointment (which I don't really have) and asked if he would like to get lunch. He said "ok." This is where I continued to mess up. I told him that if he didn't want to see or talk to me, then he shouldn't. I kind of went on a little ramp. I know that this only pushes him away and it is why the whole mess started.
Anyways, I am wondering if I should actually drive 6 hours and hope that he will want to see me or if I should just continue to give him his space. And could one little thing like that really take all his feelings away? I really want to see him before he leaves because I feel like it will make things better, but I don't know what to do. I feel pathetic and embarrassed and just so confused. I am sorry this is so lengthy, but please help.
Well indecisivelibra I would tell him that I still care a lot for him but I am sometimes not the best person I can be once a month. If he can't or doesn't want to be understanding then thats up to him and then tell him to let you know your leaving it up to him because he knows how you feel. Then let him go. Absence make the heart grow fonder. If he still cares you'll hear from him otherwise you will make him run even harder.
Hello indecisive libra.
After my huge brake up I've learned the hard way how I pushed the love of my life away from me.
I've just learned recently why men do what they do , how they think and how we women screw up perfectly good relationship. It's a matter of timing, instant expectations on our part. We do decide much earlier that he's the one than men do about us, they taking it much slower, in fact they can act like they are in love without been committed to you in their head, therefore they feel free to sleep around.
We women start to invest our emotions much earlier in relationship and when men don't respond the way we expect (!!!!!!!!!) we panic, because we assume he's commited without checking with him if that is so.
We start to come from the weak place and become the convincers which automatically creates resentment in men , imagine salesman trying to sell you a car, what's your reaction?
Did you reciprocate the feelings of that boy at school who was mad about you?...Exactly.
When men decide you were the one, he temporarly withdraws, he needs to make an important decisions now, how to become a good provider for you, he has to think about making space in his life for you, so weaknesses of loving matters are in second place to him at that moment, he withdraws to think.
And we women in that crucial time panic and put pressure on men...I know...guilty as charged.
He starts to wonder if he's making you happy.
Remember , men as well as women will make the decison on commitment ,based only on the way they FEEL around the other person not on the amount of convincing or just because you are telling him how great you are together.
Stop convincing him, he'll loose respect for you.
The only thing you can do now is to ask yourself what do you really trully want from your relationship, what is important to you regardless of the outcome with him, you have to belive it, you can't fake it, he will sense the dispair, belive me.
Then you have to bring him to that comfortable place where he can open up: keep calm, create the atmosfere, draw him out, have a bottle of vine ...etc
Say, ( without attatchment to the outcome!!!) I respect your feelings darling and I appritiate you respect mine, but I would like to check with you if we are on the same page and if we want the same things in life, relationships....... and so on
What I want from the relationship in my life and from my man....for example: commitment to grow together, honesty , space to do my own thing, total fulfiment etc...and I intend to get it, (say it like it has nothing to do with him, beliving strongly you deserve it and you intend to get it with him or without him.
Go Girl....GOOD LUCK
Libras lier ...great advise.
Most men decisons are based on fear ...
I wouldn't drive the six hours. That would probably make you look more desperate and turn him off more. It's sounds like you guys are pretty young. Good for you. He's commitment shy to begin with, and he doesn't seem to understand women's emotional outbursts. Or perhaps doesn't want to be understanding of them. If he truly cares for you, he'll eventually look past this. However, if his 'interest' in you was just in a 'passing fancy' then he may move on. But in the end, that will be better for you anyway. Then you can also move on. If his caring can't look beyond you being 'moody' then it really wasn't truly there to begin with. That's up to him to decide. In the meantime you've got to try to show him that you are not so 'unreasonable' and 'emotional' and that means not getting upset with him. Try to show him that you can be very 'loving' and understanding towards him. This may flatter him and allow him to think more favourably towards you again. Or if he has moved on in his mind, he may use this as an opportunity to inflate his ego and may dis you and make you feel foolish. I don't know how mature this guy is. But at any rate, driving the six hours to see if he'll talk to you may look somewhat 'desperate', and may make you seem even more 'emotional'. Something that seems to be a turn-off for him.
But then again, I could be wrong. Nothing certain when it comes to people's emotions.
You know, it could also be something as simple as he doesn't want any commitments during his four months in Paris. When he gets back, he may want to start things up all over again.
LibraLair give you very good advise, create warmth not drama. Make him miss you and think about you. Men are like mascara they run at first sight of emotions. He have to make the decision of comittment to himself to be comitted to you, can't force it on him, if you do you wouldn't have the relationship you want.
Don't beat yourself up for having emotions...you are only human Gem..I know what u are going thru,,been there,,done that,,don't regret what is happening,,just go with what feels right..only you knows your soul..your heart..your mind..I'm not supporting breaking the 7th commandment,
just saying that we seek out what is missing in our selves..cheating is wrong..you can't be in love if you cheat on your man..you need to get your relationship in order before you audition replacements..because you don't want to hurt your hubby that way,,but obviously you are unsatisfied or you wouldn't be confused and seeking companionship elsewhere.. BUT...YOU MUST KNOW THAT WE GEMS ARE HARD TO KEEP SATISFIED..AND YOU MUST FIND WHAT YOU SEEK FROM WITHIN..or you'll be seeking the elusive forever.Good luck and my best wishes for you are sent via this post.
Hes a GEM...Don't believe hes going to be with you alone cuz hes just not capable of it..let him go..if he comes back to you,,then hes yours,,if not,,SO WHAT ?
Oh AquarianDragon it wasn't that many years ago I would have been doing the samething she did. But with 60 years under my belt I have learned a few things. So I have grown.
Interestingly enough, I (female) and am a Gemini and my husband is a libra, and we are the perfect match for each other. But reverse the two like in your case and it can be an explosive mess. Gemini men will run for the hills when things get tough, Gemini women, are so commited to doing the right thing they'll hang on forever. It's time for you to pick yourself up and move on. If you have any chance of salvaging your relationship, it's the only way to get his attention because Gemini's (men and women) hate rejection.
Hope this helps.
I have a Gem...myself and believe me they can be real hard -heads sometims...give him some space ...alot of space.Go focus on something else,like a hobby or another friend.Eventually , he will come around. They always do.....but DO NOTdrive six hours to see no man...he is not worth it.
Hi, You know, if someone tells you that they spent time at anothers house, you can basically assume (I think) that this relationship is not very solid. I have had a different experience in relationships. Usually the other person wants intimacy and a commitment early on. I don't trust this. Better to get to know people. Nobody can function living how another perceives how the relationship is going to be. In time, you can decide if this is best for you, so can he. However, concerning this guy, I think better to walk. Jumping into anything is a bad idea. There are a lot of people who make their day to day decisions this way. I'm not one of those. It seems, that you are always meeting him. Let him meet you. Let him drive the long hours. Put the ball in his court. Have hope for something better.
GIVE HIM SPACE!!!! I am a Gem (female). I am currently in a marriage with a man that has NO LIFE!!!! (except me) Some would think this is great. It is suffocating!!! And nothing will make me want to run more is someone trying to keep tabs on me every minute of the day. I have been accused of cheating (which I have not). I am called toooo many times a day and demanded to call back. I can't even call him before his is calling me. When we met, he wanted committment right away. Before we were married, I had my own space. I feel now like I should have kept it. I am constantly being told that he needs me to make him feel loved, needs me to make him feel wanted, needs me to make him feel needed. This is alot to put on another person. I agee that what ever you are looking for in him, you need to look for in yourself. I also agree that Gem's are supper commited when they LOVE. Almost to a fault. I have been there too. Which is why I am where I am today. I am a very creative person and very spontanious. However, when someone demands that I do something, I will back the @@@@ off. It is like a bird in a cage. If it is messed with enough, it will starve itself enough to squeeze through the bars to get away. When my husband acts so desperate, I feel like I loose all respect for him. I have a 15 year old daughter that acts more mature than him at times. I feel like I have a boy, not a man!!! This may sound harsh, but I have been on the other side also. I totaly pushed my ex- husband (9 years he put up with me) away. It has take me several years to see this. It is a very ugly thing to see myself in the actions of my current husband. The one thing I do know is if there is no trust, there is NOTHING. I don't know if this helps but I hope so. My current situation is that my husband wants a divorce because he can't control me. HE is trying to control ME out of my life. LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!
I am a Libra married to a Gemini. He drives me CRAZY! He is such a needy, whiney, i want i want i want, when are you gonna do this for me child like MAN! and he is 46!!!!
The more he says and does those things to me, the more I resent him and want to leave. Not to mention that he has become emotionally and verbally abusive. He loves to play his little mind games on me and if he gets suspicious about anything WATCH OUT!
I feel like I am too old to play these stupid games and he puts me down telling me that I don't do anything right! I get yelled at because I have some medical problems right now and "when are you going to or are you ever going to get better"!!!
Now mind you, my Dad and my youngest sister are both Gemini's and I get along with my dad better than my mom and my youngest sister is the one I talk to out of the 3 I have.
I don't know what else to tell you, I am just telling you what I know.
I am also very experienced in long distance relationships.
I am from Canada (Vancouver..West) and met a Scorpio from PA that totally turned into him almost stalking me around the house and keeping tabs on me everywhere. After 2 1/2 yrs of that I left him and now I am with this gemini that i am in the works of figuring out how to leave (in MD)
Also I get smothered and find I need my space and he has no understanding for it. Always wants to be on my tail ARGH!
Good luck to you..just watch that Gemini for some pouting and game playing, also holding grudges no matter how much they say they don't! ...seems to be common.
Every Gemini needs his/her space. Trust me, I know.
Second, you should know that Gemini guys usually hold grudges on ANYTHING (I've got an older brother; he, being a Gemini, can't keep a relationship working for a whole week, because he gets upset for some stupid reason and turns his back on wonderful girls).
I understand that you got angry with him, but to him, that's a huge turn-off. He may be afraid that'll be the way you'll act everytime he makes a mistake,
He could also be afraid of the fact that things moved on so fast; your relationship could have led to a commitment he most probably isn't prepared to sustain.
My advice? Give him space. Loads of it. Act like you don't give a damn about him. If he cared for you, he'll eventually come running to you.