New to Forum Captain and very Confused. Please help



  • Hello. I couldn't help but read other peoples topics and replies captain. I don't know if you will be able to read me. I am going through a very hurtful and confusing relationship. I dont know if i should keep in this relationship. Its been a relationship for over 10 years and i am not completely happy but I still love him. Please guide me if you can. My birthdate is 2/19/81 pisces and his birthday is 1/31/77 aquarius. Thank you kindly and God bless.



  • At the very heart of this relationship lies an acute need for self-acceptance - for the relationship to accept itself as a unit, and for you two to accept yourselves as individuals. Both of you have a dark side at the centre of your personalities that you would just as soon forget about. You both have built sunnier outer personas for yourselves, often at great psychological cost, and you simply don't want to be bothered with upsetting subjects. Yet in doing all this, you may have denied an important part of yourselves, which will plague you later on until you finally recognise and accept it. Your relationship amplifies and echoes this need for self-realization and true honesty with each other. You must both find out who you really are and accept that person and each other.

    A love affair here can thrive once any disturbing elements are acknowledged and shared. You both must be completely relaxed and free to be your real selves in this relationship or it just won't work. Sexual interactions are often intense but also marked by a lack of consciousness of the forces involved. There is a certain fear that once you two understand the true basis of your relationship, your passions will dissipate, but this is not the case. Awareness and understanding will build more closeness. Holding back only leads to isolation and separation. If you wish to proceed to marriage or a long-term relationship, then increased acceptance and trust must be developed so they can unlock hidden areas and trigger a whole new renaissance of sensuality.

    You must rebuild your relationship on a much more solid, honest and sharing foundation if you want it to survive. Pretending to be someone you are not or hiding part of yourself is the way to the exit door. Share your problems and issues - don't ignore or neglect them or they will just grow bigger and bigger until a disastrous sudden release or simple disintegration of the relationship occurs.



  • thank you so much captain. It is true what you say. Acceptance is the beginning and communication trust and honesty is next. I am feeling very depressed and i am scared. Also his male ego is interfering. happy holidays.



  • What are you scared of - that he might not like you if he sees the real you? If he doesn't, then he's not the right partner for you. True love is accepting and unconditional.



  • Were going through major relationship problems right now and last night i kind of had it with him. we are apart right now because he is working and trying to make some money. I went out to a company christmas gathering and i sent him some pictures to show him what he was missing and how beautiful i looked. he asked me to take some more because i guess what i sent him was not enough and he wanted more close up pictures. i said i was aleady in bed and had pj's on. he said if i didnt do what he told me he would not call me again. i finally had it and said do what you want. he said i disrespected him and never had and to dont expect him to call me again. it seems as though its over. so i am really depressed. sorry i am venting i dont have anyone else to vent to. do you know how many times he has told me to do what ever the hell i want? i dont like being threatened and disrespected. yet when he has told me that in several occasions i have not done anything or said anything. christmas is around the corner and feeling very cold and lonely. i said i will not call him or back down from what i said. it was just time to be firm. i guess i grew tired of him gettting his way all the time. Well thanks for listening.



  • Hi HURT2010,

    I am very sorry for what you are going through, it really hurts I know. I'm with a guy with the same attitude, not all the time because they can be very sweet and loving as well, maybe because they are Aquarius?....Same here, I love my guy and been with him for about 10 years, yet there are times that I just want to be separated from him. I think we are on the same both, not very easy, I feel for you.

    Try to enjoy the Holidays.

    Kind regards,

    SD



  • Hi SD. Thanks for replying. It hurts to think itsover u know when u have struggled a long time to keep it together through thick and thin. aquarius are very liberal and do what they want. they really dont like commitment and hate getting all mushy. but its true they can be very sweet and loving as well. it just sucks when u put ur all and try and try to not get anything in return. somtimes i feel like i am better off without him but at the same time i feel empty without him. what to do??



  • You are better off without someone who treats you badly. You were honest with him about how you felt. If he can't be a better kinder man for you, then you will have to find someone who can. I think maybe you're just depressed because you broke up at Christmas which is a traditional time to be with people. So go out and party with your friends and family and keep on socialising.

    I feel like there is someone who is only a friend or someone in the background who wants to be something more to you and was waiting for you to be single. This will come as a surprise to you.



  • Yes i will try to lift up my spirits and enjoy christmas. i need to make it special for my kids. Its gonna be hard but i need to do this. Thank you.