How to avoid victim mentality in relationship?



  • I have a dilemma right now and hope to hear your point of view on the situation...

    My friend (female) was dating for three months. The connections between two of them was not very good. Her expectations from this relationship did not meet and she told that he is a jerk and move on...However, I know both of them and do not see that he is a jerk. In different situations the same person may behave differently.

    Naming badly the person with whom one spent the time (good or bad) lead to victim mentality. Will be the next partner the same then?

    However if one refuse naming the person by bad name and move on: will she/he got a lesson from the relationship? Or put herself/himself into denial of whole situation and again being in denial bring no lesson from relationship but the same kind of partner in the future?

    What would be the best reason to move on from unhappy relationships then without naming the partner with bad name?

    Will appreciate any thoughts about this situation



  • It sounds like your friend may have too high or unrealistic expectations of her romantic partners. Check to see if she is being practical in her choices and not looking for an impossible-to-find perfection. Does she have a pattern of doing this?



  • Yes, she does. The reason that I posted it because I disagree to treat her ex- differently after her break up. All of us have ups and down but it it is difficult for me when my friends break up choose the side: I like them both as they are.



  • Hi Independent, You know we don't always know everything that happened in a relationship. Sometimes people can appear one way and behind closed doors it's another. Hurt feelings can lead to name calling. Personally, if someone hurts me, it's a lot better if I can turn away and move on. If I allow myself to get upset, it seems to increase the pain. If you can turn away, it helps alot and it's easier.