Cancer male has me clueless...

  • I'm a Taurus woman who has been friends/seeing a Cancer male for about a year and a half. From the time that we met initially I gave him about 3 months to ask me out on a date. I often hinted that I wanted to see him outside of his apartment and I'd like to take a walk or a picnic but we never did, so I cut it off. Two weeks after I did he started to call and text asking was I okay and what happened, did I cut him off. I told him no but i did not tell him anymore info I just talked to him from time to time when he called or text me. One day out of the blue he called and told me that he loved me. This was weird because we had not seen each other in over 6 months. I laughed and asked where is this coming from, and hung up on him. A couple of months passed and he started to call again wanting me to come and see him. I blew him off again for about a one month period. One night I gave in and went to see him after work, he wanted me to see his apartment, and stated how he was doing things differently in his life. I went over and it was like old times, never anything heavy just genuine friendship first. It was like we picked up where we left off.

    We started to date soon after, speaking to one another in some form daily (call or text) but we never called what we were doing a relationship. He has not had a "girlfriend" since 2003 and that girlfriend cheated on him. He dated other girls while we took our first "cooling" period and complained that they would get very angry that he would not get into a relationship with them, yelling and cursing at him. I was fine without a title and he has always expressed his love for me. Soon after we started this current phase of dating, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. He was the person that I confided in, he had been my rock. After the diagnoses I began to have mood swings and just became very needy of him. Whenever this happened he would retreat for a few days and then come back. I always would apologize and he would tell me not to lash out at him. Two weeks ago, I was feeling really bad and I texted him expressing my concerns about him not commiting to me because we had recently started having unprotected sex. He got very angry and told me that I knew that he "didn't do the commitment thing". I tried to tell him that this was important to me, esspecially with my health issues. We had decided together that we would get tested and I had my test and was fine and he still had not kept his appointment. He got stuck on the commitment issue and hung up on me. I tried to text him and call him for a week after and he still would not respond. I finally emailed and Facebook messaged him last Friday April 10 and his response to that was to delete me from his Facebook and MySpace profiles. I to this day do not understand this, just two weeks prior he expressed how he wanted to be their for me. I am 31 and he is 33 so it's not like we are teenagers. This is so childish. I really need him to be a friend to me through this sickness. Is he totally done with me? I have been on his Myspace account for a year and a half and I know this sounds silly but we have argued in the past and he has never done anything so drastic. I feel like he is trying to erase me from his life. Sometimes I think that he can't take me being sick but when I was diagnosed I told him that I would understand if he did not want to see me anymore because he always liked to keep things light and carefree but he assured me that he would be there for me. Now I jst don't know...Should I just forget it? I feel like I am the only person who is really trying to understand what he is feeling because everyone is telling me to forget it and move on. I've always seen other people so I'm not putting my life on hold for him but I feel a strange connection to him that keeps tugging at me telling me that he is going through something...he is a Cancer so he never fully opens up but in all of my years of dating I've never felt this weird spiritual connection I have to him and he often says the same about me...I love him as a friend first and a lover second. But this is weird, are Cancerians experiencing a cosmic change during the months of February, March and April...weird things have been happening lately. Please help. His birthday is 7/8/75 mine is 5/12/77.

  • Yes Cancers are having a really tough time of it. But you need to use your full strength on fighting your cancer. I was by myself fighting mine and my girlfriends were my strength. They did long distance Reiki on me and would always call and check on me and they were there for me. I had friends in several states calling and checking. It meant the world and they knew there were days when I just wasn't strong enough to even hold the phone and talk. So they just made contact till I was stronger. Every 28 days I got a treatment and so from June to Dec. I was forgetful and weak as a kitten. But they cheered me on. I wasn't depressed but very weak. You'll be fine whether he is there or not so don't put all your eggs in that basket. You have a team pulling for you. Love and Light

  • I am sad for you. I feel deeply for you but I do think you should let him go. My brother is a Cancerian and they are indeed very deep creatures. It sounds exactly like a relationship I had once where I kept feeling this spiritual tug but yet the man in question was giving me very little.

    Concentrate on yourself and get well you are a strong Taurean (like me) you will get through. I have just finished with a man who treated me in a similar fashion its been hard but I feel stronger for it. This 'I dont do the commitment thing' is just an excuse. I do not want to hear that one any more! Anyone reading your message will pray for you. He has let you down and you deserve better. Us Taurean females are forgiving to a point........ it is his loss he will regret it one day maybe he does already....

  • Thank you for the support! I've decided to get over the romantic side of the relationship, it is too emotionally taxing but I guess I'm just really curious about what is going on with Cancers during this time. His behavior is typical Cancerian behavior but it has been very extreme lately, I just want to know what is going on with Cancerians this year or during this period.

  • The cancers I know are having majoy financial problems. Not small ones either its the kind where they go bust. But they are good with working it out. You know rob Peter to pay Paul. It pretty difficult right now because Peter's pockets seem to be empty. Hang tough girl we're all pulling from our end. I have you surrounded in the light everyday.

  • I've been dating a cancer for 3 years now , I have put up with a lot of hurt feelings off and on during our relationship. He has never been married and has no plans to get married, which is fine Im not ready for that again either. Cancers in my opinion are really good at looking after themselves first, although can be very giving at times, which always kept me coming back.

    I think the only reason he has hung with me so long is that I have never pressured him to commit. I know he is not right for me but we have become very close in the last year and he was able to tell me he loves me without being afraid. I'm an Aquairian and if I wasnt so lonesome for a buddy I would have not stuck with him this long , I love him for what he is and figured him out early on but not without some heartbreak along the way. A couple of months ago he moved backed to his hometown because he lost his job. Ever since I moved here he was always there for me , some I really had a hard time saying goodbye and letting go, but I know it is the best thing for me. I just wanted to respond to you because your situation is soooo familiar to me! I feel your frustration,,,,,

  • From my perspective, and I have had many Cancer's in my life, It makes no difference if there is something in the stars that are causing cancerian's to behave inexcuseably, they are very complicated people and it is extremely difficult for them to express their feelings ALL the time, not just when there is a shift from an atrological stand point. It is true though, that cancer's are very loyal people. I would have to say based on your post, and his prior behaviors that this cancer is not a keeper. I also sufferred from Cervial cancer and thank God almost zero people succomb to it. Let this man go, at least for now, and take care of yourself. One door must close before another can open. This whole thing about being friends never, ever, works once you've been lovers. I will pray for you.

  • You guys are very helpful. Thank you. I just never thought that he would do that to me and I just was a little confused. He has always been VERY loyal to me and supportive. This has been very odd, I have always been a good judge of people and i'm very good at cutting BS people out of my life but this just came out of left field. Like I stated before, he has never been someone that I saw a future with, I've always respected his need for space and privacy. Last year when I distanced myself from him before he was have a ruff time financially so the fact that that was mentioned is interesting. I really care for him and I believe that he cares for me as well, for some strange reason, I feel like he is monitoring what I'm doing from afar even though he has deleted me from the social network. I know it sounds weird and most of my friends and family do not fully understand what I'm feeling about him. They don't understand why I am not angry with him but truthfully I don't feel a need to get mad. This is how he handles things. That is the reason that I came to this forum for some possible answers. I'm not the type of person to make excuses for people when they are wrong, I know his actions are inexcusable but I really feel that something deeper is going on with him. I'm focusing on getting well but these feelings that I have are sooooo weird.

  • I will also add that the fact that we had a physical relationship does not change the friendship for me. I can say that truthfully.

  • Go read All Things Cancer and see how they say that they pull back into their shells when things are going well with them.

  • I guess what I'm not making clear is I'm truly fine about not having him there romantically but why the drastic move to delete me from FB and MySpace? He has never done anything as drastic as that before, I feel that the friendship is stronger that the petty argument we had.

  • When things are going well with them or they are not going well? Where is All Things Cancer located???

  • NiceTaurus - I had to jump on this one.....I haven't spoken to my Cancer for a month now. I agree with LibrasLair - she's one smart cookie!!! (wink!) You need to focus on you. Don't look to only one person for your support - take care of yourself and your needs first. Period. You will be surprised at how many people are praying for you and standing behind you as you move past your illness.

    As far as the Cancer goes - he probably deleted you because he felt that you "pressured" him too much and he couldn't handle it. Cancers are very SENSITIVE people. Yell at them once or twice, they store it in the back of their heads and remember it FOREVER. If you do it again - they're gone. It's too much for them; because they are so sensitive, they get their feelings hurt and draw into their shells (just like a CRAB). Then they get angry that you "hurt" them, whether it's perceived or real and they hold it against you - but remember -I'm talking worst case scenario. If he deleted you then he has made his decision and it probably had absolutely NOTHING to do with you and your illness. My Cancer (much like all the others I know) is going through one of the WORST times right now and he can't deal with it. Their first instinct is to retreat and work it out on their own, but if they can't work it out, they may get depressed.

    I wouldn't worry too much about him though - he'll be back. If you had a strong friendship with him, he will want to continue that friendship, you just need to give him space. The things I know about Cancers is that you have a loyal friend for life.......

  • Thank you Paulaj! It seems like you really understand the situation, you and LibrasLair. Our friendship is very strong and I'm just a little worried about him, that's all. I'm not putting him before my needs or anything like that. I've really enjoyed reading other peoples post about their relationships with Cancerians, I've really been like WOW! I also read a blog written by a Cancerian woman and she is such a commitment phobe, one minute she wants a commentment the next she is like what's the point...WILD! They are strange characters but I guess I have the Taurus curse of really wanting to understand where they are coming from. I read somewhere on another forum a Cancerian male stated that Taurus women where the only ones who truly understood Cancerian men.

    I'll admit that at first I was hurt but then when I stopped personalizing my feelings I started to feel that something was going on with him. Blame it on the curse of the Bull! lol

  • nicetaurus at the top of the page on the left you will see just under where it welcome you something that says show me. Click on it and you will see discussions. Click on it. A list of discussions shows scroll down. Its not a topic that shows at the moment so under those are more all you need to do is click on each number till you see the topic come up it is probably on the 1 page. Good luck. Thanks for the nice words Paulj talk to you later.

  • Its on page 2 nicetaurus my mistake.

  • Cancers really must be acting strange during this time period, seems like all the top forums are focused on them! lol

  • Yeah, they really seems the closer I get to my Cancer, the less open he is with me! This is so backwards it makes my head spin. We used to talk all the time, but recently he's clamed right up. Like, he'll still approach me, sit with me, stand beside me, same as always....but wont say a word unless I speak to him!

    And as for the All Things Cancer...yes, I definitely suggest reading some of the peoples post on that forum. This website has helped me understand cancer's so much its unreal.

    Though, I have to say one thing....I know it might be part of his personality, but it was really shitty of him to be so selfish as to cut you out when he knew you needed him. So, yah, give him some space and what not....but if he does come back, damnit, I don't care how freakin sensitive he is, you talk to him and tell him how completely uncool that was! No one should be allowed to get away with stuff like that just because they're a certain zodiac sigh. HMPH!

  • No direspect,but now is not the time to be worrying and guessing his reasons. You need to concentrate on yourself and your health right now. Negative thoughts tends to wear you down and drain your energy,you need all the strength you can get right now. So weed him out,he's a big boy! Because right now he's not acting much like a man. Be strong sister and God bless you.

  • Thank you I am focused on me right now. I just had some real concern for my friend this week and he was heavy on my mind and heart. But I am totally dedicated to beating this thing!

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