Helpless Gemini

  • I am in a crazy situation with a saggitarius man. We have a very strong bond and our relationship was perfectly great until I found out he is living with another woman whom he irrationally moved in with 3 months before he met me. We started out as friends and our bond and chemistry was amazing. We started spending so much time together and it was bliss. He claims that after meeting me and how we grew so close he didnt want to risk losing me by telling me about the situation. He says that he realizes that he made a bad decision and as soon as the lease is up he plans to move out and wants us to have a future together, and me to be his wife and have his kids but that is another 2 months away before the lease ends. The woman is aware of our relationship now he has told her he loves me and there situation didnt work out. But at the same time although he says he wants to leave that he got them both into the lease and agreed that he would be there financially and didnt want to leave her high and dry although there relationship intimately is over. He keeps asking me to be patient and realize that as soon as the lease is up is will be gone but I cant trust him and wonders if he really even plans to leave her eventually.

    I really dont want to lose him because I really believe that he loves me and wants future with me and he doesnt want to lose me. How to I deal with this situation??? What is the best thing for me to do for the best outcome?? I know everyone will think he is a jerk but he is actually not on the inside. We have a lot in come intellectually and spiritually and if this situation wasnt the case I think we could be happy and the sky would be the limit. He has no kids and is not married to this girl but he doesnt want to do her dirty because he did get hisself into the situation and when he talks to her about leaving he throws fits about all the things she has done for him and how he agreed to be there and got the place with her and would be a terrible person to just leave her. What should I do??? I really dont want to let him go?/

  • She is the one throwing the fits and not him. That was a typo and wanted to clear that up. She has also been looking up my info on facebook and myspace as well as calling my phone at all hours and hanging up and sometimes just texting me saying crazy stuff. I try not to be disrespectful because I understand how she feels because I have been hurt too in this but she still acts like a maniac. I dont feed into any of it but I feel like I need to just back away. But I am just honestly afraid of the relationship going down the drain.

  • My friend has a sag boyfriend. When she met him he was "separated" and she just had to be patient...

    Five years later, turns out the jerk was married (I warned her but she wouldn't listen - she's a gold digger and he's rich) and not only married, but convinced her to buy a house with him! She believed when she found out he was married he'd leave his wife for her, not only did she buy a house with him but she found out he had several mistresses! After purchasing the house! Not to sound like Queen Sage of the Universe I warned her about the other mistresses but she still did not heed the warning. It's not like I am that brilliant, it was obvious to many people but she refused to listen because she had ulterior motives - the gold digger thang. What she conveniently did was cut the other friendships off as they warned her, myself included. Now she is stuck with this house that was originally worth $600,000 and it's down to $400,000. She is living in a little apartment where she can barely afford the bills along with the mortgage on the house as she had to rent it out because she couldn't afford to live there. She was financially independent before she met him with a house paid off and over 2,000 a month in child support. She didn't have to work and stayed home with her kids until Mr. Married man with money.

    While all this was going on the exact scenario you're telling is what the other mistresses were told while he still lives with her, and the wife, and has an apartment with two other mistresses. Who eventually got apartments with him.

    The bottom line is you are not the only one in the relationship. She is there too and whether it was an irrational move or not, he was living with her and committed. Of course she is throwing fits, he is cheating. Of course she is checking you out you're the other woman and she is jealous and hurt. This is why I don't get involved with attached men.

    What he did was just rotten. No one has to stay in a relationship they don't want but he should have left her before moving on to someone else. He could have said, "This living together was the wrong idea. I am moving out when the lease is up." And gave her the respect and time to grieve and adjust.

    I don't know man, it's insulting to leave and let the person your in a relationship know you've already got someone on the side. It's really traumatic and it's called abandonment, even if he completes the lease. If he's abandoned her he is going to do it to you. Some people get off on abandoning others. It's their form of abuse.

    Please leave him.

  • I almost totally agree with LibraLibraRising with a few adjustments. First of all the whole lease thing is a bunch of BS. He should have come clean with her, moved out and completed his financial responsibility with the last two months of rent. Where there is a will there is a way. I don't trust this guy, it's my gut instinct, and my gut is rarely wrong.

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  • Been accused of witchcraft in my custody dispute that I won.

    I got news for her, it's called freedom of religion. They can't touch you on that. The restraining order is serious stuff though, she better watch out.

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  • I totally respect and appreciate your replay LibraLibrarising and the rest as well. This whole situation has been totally emotional rollercoaster and I am just ready for it to end. He has told her that the "living togethere thing was a mistake and that he would be moving after the lease is up" and I do believe that he is having a hard time with abandoning her despite the fact that he would like to begin to move on.

    At this point I know I have been through enough in this and I do have sympathy for her feelings as well because of the situation. Ididnt know about her and she didnt know about me for like 7 months and she was only in a relationship with him two months before I met him. She basically moved in with him one month after meeting him and so i definitely think the move in thing was a mistake on both there parts.

    I have told him a few days ago that I am not willing to be a part of this anymore and to call me once he fully decides to get out of that situation. This has just been exhausting!!! And I am so sad because I do believe that we have such a strong emotional bond that hard for either one of us to let go of. I guess if things are meant to be then they will be and if he really doesnt want to be there he will eventually get out and hopefully I will still be here. I have said all this to him. He says he is trying to figure out a way to leave earlier and not seem like he is just trying to leave her high and dry. But I am not doing this anymore.

    I just want him to finishe whatever he needs to and then come find me when he is fully available to have a real and full relationship with me.. Letting him go isnt a easy thing and not contacting him is even harder!....I miss him already and its only been fews days since I have said that! I do want to be the mother of his children and his wife but not of that can go on is this stiuation anyway. I guess we just have to see what life has in store for us but I am just sad for now.

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  • "I miss him already and its only been fews days since I have said that! I do want to be the mother of his children and his wife but not of that can go on is this stiuation anyway. I guess we just have to see what life has in store for us but I am just sad for now. "

    Please, believe me about this...You will get over this. And the more distance through time you put between you and the break up you will find all these little things you ignored will surface to your conscious mind. You said you can't trust him. That is the wisest thing you could say. You can not trust him. IMHO Respect should be given immediately but trust is an earned thing. All human beings deserve respect. But trust is earned.

    Chances are because you left he will stay with her and fool someone else into his little ego tripping trap.

    We women must start supporting each other and quit being so desperate for relationships that we tolerate this behavior from men. If he is not concerned with your happiness now, he never will be. NEVER. Not unless he leaves, lives alone and goes to a counselor to find out what makes him so insecure he is willing to string multiple women along just to satisfy his immediate gratification needs.

    Another thing if he is willing to lie to you about her for 7months he is more than likely lying to you about her only being with him a few months before she moved in.

    My friend I told you about above has had relationships while living with this married guy and he had the audacity to be jealous.

    1st guy. Emotionally distant and never called her after a date and rarely treated his own son with respect.

    2nd guy. Would show up at her house only for sex and when the married guy was gone.

    3rd guy. Really cared about her but for her he didn't make enough money. She broke off - remember she is a gold-digger and is willing to compromise herself for money. Then a year later they started up again and he's now got a live in girlfriend. And he keeps telling her the same thing Jerko is telling you, he can't leave her high and dry.

    4th guy. Is nice but is a recovering drug addict whom she verberally berates because he only - catch this - earn 60K a year.

    Not surprisingly, married man hates my guts because I am frank with her like everyone on this board. Married men cannot stand me being friends to their wives or girlfriends because I see the obvious. I see how people compromise just to keep a relationship going whether it is fear of loneliness or money or abuse. Those are the big three reasons why people stay in relationships. The other is refusing to let go because to admit one is wrong and was played is difficult. But it is not your fault they played you. They are expert players at it and can sense emotional vulnerability like blood in the water.

  • Well when I spoke with her directly once we found out about each other is when I found out that they had moved in only a couple months after dealing with one another. She told me that not him. She also told me that he that he has admitted to her that he loves me and what not. Either way you are right. I need to just move on because I cannot trust him right now at all. Maybe he will stay with her and find someone else to fool with on the side but if so then whatever feelings he seemed to have for me wasnt real anyway. I am just trying to continue to be strong and be true to myself so that I can move on.

    He has a key to my home that I would like to get from him but dont want to even contact him in regards to that. I doubt that he would just come walking in my house though or at least I hope not. I figure that once he calls and if he ever does I will tell him to just put in my mailbox while Im at work. I just hope everything we had and felt wasnt a big lie.

  • ambi15 - I just want to say that I was in the similar situation as you. My guy was a Leo & his ex girlfriend moved in after 3 months being together...and he realised it was a very big mistake. She had a grotty bedsit that she gave up so he felt really bad about chucking her out. She stayed at his house for a few weeks until she found somewhere else. I had my own property so when she was sleeping there my guy stayed with me. I played it really cool and remained alert....but he definitely was finished with her and 2 years later we married.

  • "He has a key to my home that I would like to get from him but dont want to even contact him in regards to that. I doubt that he would just come walking in my house though or at least I hope not. I figure that once he calls and if he ever does I will tell him to just put in my mailbox while Im at work. I just hope everything we had and felt wasnt a big lie. "

    End the drama and change the lock. It should only cost around $90 if you get a locksmith or go to a DIY store and get a new lock and replace it yourself.

    Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall if he tried to use that key and he didn't know you changed the locks??


  • I dunno rnrchick. I just don't like getting somebody else's sloppy seconds. I wouldn't feel like I won anything.

    I am not you in your situation but I just don't trust two-timers. Yup he made a mistake but jumping from one relationship to another just doesn't sound right. And two wrongs...yadda yadda yadda. How do you know he won't do it to you?

  • He didn't two time me - He had finished with her before he met me but she didn't have anywhere to I played it cool until she finally disappeared. However we dated for 2 years before getting married....and for a year of that we lived together. Its been 6 wedding anniversary today...and we have 2 little boys aged 3 and 2. No, I don't know if he would do it to me....but its a chance I was willing to take. This is both our 2nd marriage. When I married my first husband he was a clean cut,law abiding,deeply religious young man.....I trusted him 100%, he was very prudish and very critical of lots of I was deeply hurt and astonished to find out on my 15th wedding anniversary that he was having a full blown affair!!! Since then I have taken one day at a time and am currently enjoying the attentions of my husband....

  • our intuition always guide us, through many different kinds of situations we face, follow your intuition and what it is telling you to do. believe me, the man that is right for you, will come to you at the right day and time.

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