How do i get over my fear of commitment?
Well my last post Ive stated Ive gone through some rough things but looking back Ive always been closed up. The guy Im interested in we've been back and forth for months. We finally got really close in Sept. Its been a roller coaster. Right now we are at a place where things are going slow. He says hes not ready for a relationship as hes too busy. I can understand with all the pushing & needyness Ive put him through in the beginning but he understand Ive gone through so much. Anyway as of now... Im still hesitant to call him constantly. I mean hes says definitely call him. I should be comfortable with him & know I can talk to him but honestly I am scared to call him sometimes.. Like this morning I called him & he was busy told him Id later tonight then I hesitated to call til 1030.. Hes sleeping now or probably tired of my disappearing acts. I didnt call him at all yesterday... but we made clear we'd talk soon. I do have strong feelings for him but Im very cautious right now.. & at the same time I need to get above this fear but I feel so scared that Ive messed up too much already. This is just my chance to make a new start in a better way... with him getting to know me more & same for him but deep down I am a nervous wreck & have been since the day I met him. Very hard on myself. I constantly feel like throwing my hands up with it that I do fine on my own.. but he keeps me grounded he keeps me in reality... He just something very different to my life that something is tugging me to keep him here.. to reach out to call him ... I dont want to go cold again & I dont want to find someone else.. I just want balance between us.. I wonder sometimes if hes thinking the same thing. We both love our independence & freedom in relationships & the both of us have been going it alone for a loooong time. That it just feels the natural thing to do... He said the same thing he just feels he is not meant to be with anyone but at the same time I can really tell hes just fears giving up his individual life which the same for me...
It has taken me a lot of time since I met him to really rebuild my soft side back up... Ive jumped & backed up... & over again... I dont want to go back to being a brick wall again... I feel like a 12 year old getting all nervous & insecure calling him... I mean him & I never had problems with communication never... he knows so much about to the point it makes me VERY nervous which is probably a huge reason Im backing up...
Carmela, we are all repeating over and over circumstances from our early lives until we become consciously aware of it. The cycle only stops when we dig into and resolve the issues that have followed us from our childhood. Only by facing old 'demons' do we clear the way for our future. Subconsciously you are projecting childhood memories or habitual roles onto your present relationships.
Basically it sounds like whenever you tried to show your love as a child, you were pushed away so now you have a fear of rejection or abandonment in the present.