Need Insight. End of a 5 yr long loving relationship between Pisces Man & Woman.
I am a piscean born on the 28th of feb, my partner was born on 26th of feb. We both are pisces, he's 34 & I am 31. We have been in a long distance though very loving relationship for 5 long years, despite differences in our religions & our nationalities. We had thought we will overcome the cultural barriers with time. But unfortunately, things deteriorated post april this year, due to immense pressure from his family. The communication reduced, and despite putting up a fight, my partner, started falling weak, and eventually under severe pressure gave into demands of his family and married someone from their community.
What hurts me the most, was he never faced me since, he didn't even tell me he got married. In his last mail to me, he said he had no courage to look into my eyes or face me, but he loves me a lot and will never be able to love anyone else ever..... I am devastated, feel at severe loss, feel completely shakened from within.... I have all kind of thought running in my mind... and sometimes I think if he even loved me all these years. I don't want to believe that he didn't. For I feel, he would have not waited this long, if he wanted to leave anyway. Please help me understand this, give me some insight, and please let me know, if we have any chance of getting back together again... I really believed, he was my soulmate, and I am not able to believe, we will never see each other again in life...... please help! I really need some guidance.... God Bless....
I can understand the kind of trauma and emotional upheaval in your life beause of this incident, these feelings are very natural. its healthy to grief for any kind of loss in one;s life and then to accept the loss. i know it is very difficult for u to let go of a person whom you thought was your soul mate and you still feel that. The point is not what he felt or what he did, it's about the impact of those actions in your life. Even if you see each other again sometime in future the things have changed because he is married. even if he has feelings for you it is not fair on both your sides to take it any further because there is another person involved. I beleive we all have immense amount of strength within us and all we need to do is to tap that strength when we need it the most to take us through situations like this, I am not denying the fact that you might have been soul-mates but it is not always necesary for soul-mates to be together. There are always reasons for people to come into our lives, i am sure there is a reason why he did too. Soul-mates are there to make us better people, to understand ourselves and to be happy with what we are and not to be with us forever. Loving yourself might sound like a cliche but that is what you need to so now, your heart and mind is feeling very needy at this moment so u need to make them realise that you are there for them because no matter what happens you are a strong, independent, loving person and you are there for yourself.
there might have been thousand reasons why he did what he did. but please remember one thing it is what "he" did. no matter how much you break your head on thinking about the whys and what ifs the fact always will remain that this has changed your life. Now it is upto you to either move on slowly and steadily or clinge on to the memories of yesterday about a person who has already moved on, This might sound harsh but is a reality so hope you take it in a right way, Store the good memories and take it as an experience in your life. If you want to talk please drop an e-mail to . I have also started a blog on love and relationships, please visit, u might find something helpful.
It was really kind of you to have bothered to go through my post...... everything you say definitely makes sense..... but I dont know how do I gather pieces of my life on my own...... I am not left with much strength..... On the exterior, I have always been a fiercely independent & strong person all my life, always sure of decisions I made...... but deep down inside me I know how many scars I have.... and for how long I have been trying to heal those wounds.....
Recurring personal loss, seems to define my life! Everytime I loved, I lost! [Not strictly a romantic alliance!]
So far, everytime I lost, I gathered strength and kept walking..... but this time around, it seems too difficult...... for the first few days I just couldn't cry, for I was too numb..... and now I can't stop myself from grieving all the time..... You know, when things got too difficult, 2 weeks back, (when my partner almost hit the bottom, and I had to figure out things at his end, from his uncle - that my partner's step father had stopped communicating with my partner's Mum to trick him into getting onto his agenda of marrying a friend's daughter, and not me...!) I stepped forward, and asked both my partner and his mother, to not put themselves through much pain & take a wise decision.
I knew, I might lose him, but at that point of time, I couldn't see him suffer. The next thing, I was communicated by his uncle was that my partner was getting married, as per his father's wishes.
I sacrificed my happiness, my dreams, my life, for my partner's MOTHER!
Now I am told by everyone (like you have) to let go off everything, for now there's a 3rd person involved, HIS WIFE!!!
I wonder, so strange are the ways of world..... I loved, I sacrificed, I lost and nobody ever thought even for once, that I am the one who's battered completely, brutally & needs all the love, concern, security & comfort.
But instead, not one, but all, have asked me to think of others, who apparently wronged me! Betrayed my faith......
I wonder, why is God & everyone is being so harsh on me??? I am too ordinary..... though I did everything I could.... I gave whatever I had..... everything I wanted was snatched away from me brutally...... nobody then cared, for how would I survive the pain...... not God, not the man I loved, not his mother, not anybody!
Earlier, I was asked to be considerate towards my partner & his mother's trauma, & now his WIFE.... .... it kills me..... I think, its only them who's got a life, who get affected, I probably, have no soul, no heart, no life!
God & people alike, make me feel, am dead!
Deevee, you have had a lucky escape. This relationship would have been disastrous for marriage so you can stop pining over it now and move on. Together you two would have found it very difficult to fulfill your domestic responsibilties to each other in the home. Both of you need a more grounded, practical partner to make a living-together situation work out. At long distance, this relationship seemed perfect but the reality when you actually got together would have been far different than the fantasy. It would not have been at all a common sense or reliable arrangement. Your relationship was very complex emotionally. Needs and wants may have become confused to the point where you two didn't really recognize the difference any more. Your changeable qualities are so pronounced together that you would have had difficulty sustaining a constant feeling for very long and would quickly be lured away by new prospects or lovers. Your relationship may have suffered from being alternately over-optimistic and cynical, at one moment lost in the clouds, the next having a frim grip on things. When not balancing each other in this respect, you are both prone to getting carried away by a new trend and to sinking into a seemingly bottomless well of depression. Though it might seem wonderful to have someone who understands you and is a dreamer like you, remember that your weaknesses of a detachment from reality and emotionalism are also shared.
The truth is that this relationship looked good in fantasy and at a distance but would have been completely ineffective up close in reality - you two would not have stayed together for long. Look for someone more pragmatic who can help you make your fantasies real and bring common sense to your dreams of an ideal life.
Dear Devee, what Captain says makes complete sense. most of the times what we fantasize and what is the reality are two completely different things/ when we have deep feelings for somebody we tend to overlook the more practical aspects in a relationship which are required to sustain it in the longer run
what i also believe that there is a reason for everything that happens in our life, when we weigh all our problems it might look like we have the worst in our plate but when we compare what some others have we would happily take all our problems back. Be strong and be thankful for what u had instead of regretting what you did not have, Fantasies are always figments of our imagiations with which we try to build our future but what is the hidden truth no one knows. If Captain says that you have had a lucky escape, i would take Captain;s word for it because he/she is never wrong at least i my case. God bless and take care
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