Advice needed on how to deal with a cancerian male!

  • Hey all,

    I’ve seen some your posts on cancer males and I would appreciate some advice.

    I am a Libra (Gemini asc. Moon and Venus in Leo), who recently got out of relationship with an Aqua man. I have moved forward from this relationship and I am meeting various types of men and dating some.

    But recently I met this cute Cancerian (Scorpio asc. Moon and Venus in Leo) with whom we had instant chemistry when we first saw each other. He asked for my number and I gave it to him with pleasure. He called as he said he will, only that I didn’t return his phone call because I didn’t had his number and I rarely call back unknown numbers. A few days after I accidentally ran into him, and we ended up spending the entire day together and we had a lot of fun (we were with a group of his friends). We also agreed to see each other later in the evening. But he didn’t call. He called me 2 days later, when saw me outside the place he was at. Funny enough I was going to the same place for some lunch and we got to talk face to face and we said to meet in 2 days. He gave me compliments on my looks and was real cocky with me. Then again he disappeared for 2 days. So I text him to see what he is doing and we agree to meet that evening and we met. We only went first base. He was really sweet and touchy, but quite straight forward. He made the first move and he did it a really bold way (which surprises me after reading your comments on the Cancerian man). Yet I could sense the sensitive soul behind his masculine security that he will pursuit me. The deep look in his eyes captivated me. And based on the conversation flow, he gave me a hint that was not going to be a casual fling. Then he disappeared again.

    After a few days I text him and asked him on a drink. He said he was busy. So i told him to call/text when he will be free. 2 days later I ran on him again in a club. This upset me and i text him that i don’t like seeing he is not busy, but he has not called. He text me back he is out on a business event (his job involves a lot of events) and thats why he didnt call. But i didn’t respond to his text.

    Next day i found out that indeed he was out with business partners and I text him: “I would like to see you tonight. Would you like for us to have a drink this evening.”

    He calls from the meeting he is on, to say he has to finish with the meeting, then he has to attend an event; and after he will call because he wants to see me too. But he didn’t call later that night. That was 2 days ago. And since then there has been NO phone call, NO text, NO nothing.

    So I am confused big time!!! What the heck is going on? why call if you do not intend to see me?

    I really do like him, and i feel drawn to him and I can sense he is drawn to me. But should I stay or should I go. Should I text him or should I ignore him?!?

    Please if you have any advice for me share it with me. I would utmost appreciate your thoughts on how to deal with this Cancarian man.

    Thanks a lot and please accept my apologies for the length of the post!!! :)))

  • It’s really not a Cancer male thing. You’re not officially dating yet so whether he’s busy or not, he does have the right to choose when and if he calls you. Unless a man gives you his number and says call him then it’s best to just let him initiate. If he’s interested then he’ll call. Being too aggressiveness can be off-putting. It’s coming across as needy, sorry to say.

  • AquaBubbles, thanks a lot for your response. You have a point and you got me thinking.

    As you say, we are not officially dating so I should loosen up and go with the flow...

    However, I am a strait forward person and I do not like games. As, in the romantic equation, we should act sincere and openly say what we feel because life is too short to waste time on playing games. Plus there is nothing we could loose.... we can only win.

    Of course, as you say, we should be careful not to cross the thin line that separates straight forward and confident attitude from desperate/needy attitude.

    And to me, I have not crossed that line. I have just openly shown my interest to see him again. But, I have stopped initiating contact since the last time we spoke (when I was the one that initiated the contact). And after reading your reply I am glad I have done so. 🙂

  • Remember, he does have a Scorpio Asc so he will like some semblance of control. With his fiery Moon and Venus (like yours) and depending on how they’re aspected, he would pursue, but this is all tempered by a Cancer Sun which is not straight-forward. In the initial stages it might appear so, but in the long run straight-forwardness is not a Cancer trait. I don’t really think he’s playing games, but the time element is maybe a little different from what you might think is reasonable. As you said, you have let him know that you’re interested and now it’s his turn.

  • AquaBubbles, I have always liked what you have to say about cancer men.

    With everything I have read and my own experience with Cancer men, they are the hardest to get to know.

    Its been 4 months mine disappeared with no word, and to this day I don't know what went wrong.

    It doesn't matter any more, life has to go on, it was a part of my life, I have to be thankful for the experience and I did learn some things from the situation too.

    XXLConfusedLibra, everything is done in their own time, what you see is what you get.

    One thing I have seen over and over is only a few have successful relationships with these types of men.

    I wish you all the best!

  • This is all very hard for me. XXLConfused Libra, I truly believe the man you are dealing with is not in the mode of finding someone special. As a cancerian male, it feels to me like he is playing the field, if he truly has a cocky nature around you, he is trying to ignore the aspects inside of cancerians that are hopelessly romantic, he is trying to be a "ladies man" and pull you in by pushing you away. I will tell you that a cancerian male in this zone is not going to give you what you want, he is trying to get what he wants and that is his only concern. Honestly though, after reading all of these posts, I have lost a lot of my cancerian pride. We are rediculous, almost hopeless at times. We know not what we do, we just want it to be amazing. There is no secret to us, no way of working with it, it is what it is, and dont ask us, becuase we dont have any idea either. We react to every miniscule second of life, and we dont know why. Im just praying that someday, Ill be able to find someone who can put up with my insanity, and that I will also be able to make them truly happy.

  • Passionate - I so understood your post. I have been with my cancer guy for almost 1 year. And I think all that truly matters to him, is that I love him inspite of him ! He has pretty much said that exact same thing. LOL

  • PassionateCancerGuy,

    I like what you just said. You sound very sincere.

    The Cancer man I was dating is 50 and he was doing the push/pull, hot/cold, thing, I couldn't understand this. (especially at that age).

    All I know, I would have given him the world if he let me in.

    I don't hate him for what he did to me, (just disappointed), after all, he is who he is.

    I am a water sign (Pisces) without a shell, I am sensitive, I do get emotional and do like my space at times just like cancer's do, but I know how to control that without hurting anyone.

    You sound like a good person, maybe when the right person comes along for you, you will find the happiness that you are longing for.

    Never give up hope..............its possible that you will be one of those successful cancerian people in a relationship!

    All the best

  • One of the first thoughts I had when I started typing out the first post is that every man I know wants to plan out at the very least, that first date with someone special. Maybe when his first call wasn’t answered the feeling then passed. Yes, it’s likely that he’s not in the search for someone special or he doesn’t allow himself to recognize the person as such because he is in that zone. A true hardcore player is easy to spot just by looking at them; there is a definite feel to them. So, there are differences with each.

    Thank you PiscesStar. I cheated and looked for your story. I do think yours is in that zone that PassionateCancerGuy alludes to. A nasty divorce will put him there so he will only go so far without allowing himself to get attached. Unfortunately, being 50 doesn’t matter if the wounds are deep and fresh.

  • AquaBubbles YOU ARE SPOT ON AGAIN!!

    I do believe my cancer guy has deep wounds stemming from his divorce.


    A nasty divorce will put him there so he will only go so far without allowing himself to get attached.

    Perfectly put!!

    My hope is he heals his heart someday, being the Pisces gal I am, I really hope he finds happiness.

    Good to hear from you AquaBubbles, I hope all is going great for you!

  • Thank you all for responding to my post and sharing your thoughts with me. Its really helpful as I am not discussing this matter with my friends much.

    AquaBubbles: "I don’t really think he’s playing games, but the time element is maybe a little different from what you might think is reasonable."

    Passionate: "As a cancerian male, it feels to me like he is playing the field, if he truly has a cocky nature around you, he is trying to ignore the aspects inside of cancerians that are hopelessly romantic, he is trying to be a "ladies man" and pull you in by pushing you away."

    I think that he can sense my strong will and independence and he is trying to pull me in by pushing me away as Passionate says or it might be that he has a different timing than I do as AquaBubbles says. I am in question marks these days!

    Imagine I have given him the "smooth operator" nick name after the 3rd date (when we made out)... he has a way with girls I can see it.

    Then again, during the 3 times we've been together I saw that he is a polite guy who has a lot of love to share, but he might not be ready to do so just yet ;). Also I am not sure whether I want a relationship with him until i get to know him. The problem is that he is not around for me to be able to get to know him.

    As I have mentioned, recently I got out of a relationship which ended with a separation instead with a marriage (as we and all people around us were thinking). And i am quite vulnerable myself and I am not sure whether I need more emotional games on me now.

    And the other day I found out that "my" crab, has also gotten out of a long (4-5 yrs) relationship and things didn't end nicely for him.... so we might be in the same situation...

    Also, it turned out we have a lot of friends in common, and some of them told me that he is asking around about me.

    I really don't know what to say... I do want to give him a ring and see him these days and I am almost certain he will respond in a positive way, but every time i pick up the phone my feminine pride comes in and I give up calling him :). Then i think: "the hell with everything I cant loose anything" and I pick up the phone again, but the pride comes in again and I leave the phone... and so it goes... on and on....

    Have a good day all :). Hopefully we'll sort out our love situations we are in :).

    PS. AquaBubbles I don't think that when his first call wasn’t answered the feeling then passed because when we have met he gave me his number and told me that he has called me the other day but I didn't answer. And I explained to him that I don't return calls to unknown numbers (when the call is after 7pm i.e. work time is over) and he understood my point.

  • They don't really give you a chance to get to know them, they are very private.

    It can be very tough to communicate with them.

    I went through the same thing you are going through now, and I stuck around, patience and taking it slow, and it wasn't enough.

    i am not trying to rain on your parade, but it took me over 2 years just to go out to dinner with him, then, he backed away, I kept the lines of communication open, (our daughters went to the same school so we would see each other), definately not pushing anything, they do things in their own time.

    Please look at all the cancer threads that have been written on this site, like most have said, be ready for a rollercoaster ride when dating a cancerian man, if you can stomache it hang on tight, if not don't board the ride!

  • Dear Piscesstar, thanks for your response. Apparently things are as you state in your post. So the best way for me to deal with him is to live my life and if it happens for him to get into it OK, if not OK again.

    Thanks so much :))) have a good afternoon!

  • XXLConfusedLibra,

    Its really hard especially when you are attracted to the other person.

    I got great advice on this site, and it truly got me through those confusing moments.

    Remember too, when a man really likes you, you will know, no guessing, no confusion, you will know.

    Get on with your life, NEVER settle, YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE!

    Good Luck to you!

  • this site is awesome. I have gone through a lot of forums while trying to figure out the crabs actions and thats why I have decided to open a post.

    Reading through all these posts I have analyzed my relationship with other cancer people I have in my life. I have noticed that the closest male friends I have are both crabs and they hold the same trait as the crab that recently entered my life i.e. they rarely call me to say hi or initiate a meeting but whenever I call them they are genuinely happy to hear from me and would gladly meet with me if the time is convenient for them. Also they rarely contact me to cancel a meeting even if I ask them to give me a ring/text me to let me know whether they'll attend a party I am organizing or the like.

    As tomorrow I am going on a business trip, I will let the crab at peace... but next week when I return I think I'll give him a ring to see how he's doing :).

    thanks for your replies and your thoughts :).

  • I am an indian girl and my boyfriend too is indian.he is cancerian1 july b`day.we were together during our 4 year engineerig course.1st he use to tell our classmates that he had a grlfrnd nd he loves her.i became frnd to some other guy but me nd he were teased by other frnds for eachother.slowly he became my frnd.but when i came to know abt his feelings(which our common frnd has leaked to me)i started ignoring him nd started giving his frnd more attenton.this led to breakage of mine as well as his frnds frndship too.latter we gone lyk off nd on for 1 year in which i used to stop talking to him for 1 month even being his lab partner.then later he called my best frnd and told her how its killing him and asked her to make me call him. nd we had a huge fight after which he said sorry.then we talked whole nyt on fone being in vacation but as soon as we reached college he stoped calling me but always insisted that he want to kiss me which i always resisted that its absurd we are frnds.then on our picnic trip of 4 days he kissed me at lips and that nyt he was very emotional.then again i remained only his frnd while he asked me that shud he talk to his mother about me.after coming frm that trip he again stopped calling and being lovvvy- duvvy.he always made me jealous wid my frnd.after sumtym me nd him were alone in our hostels because of some project where we chatted a lot and he confed his love for him and i fallen for him.everything was good but when my frnds returned from vacation he again stopped chatting nd became distant but told every1 about our relation.after that also he be sumtym loving somtime ignoring.1 year went and he told his mother about me.we kissed slept together but not done we are apart for 1000 miles.he is in college for masters nd is superbusy me doing job.but problem is he never calls.when i stop calling him he wud call after 3-4 days nd wud talk lyk chatterbox ask about me.he has written in a relationship in his facebook and tells me that he has told everybdy there that he loves me nd wud marry me.becoz of frustation i had broken off him nd said i wud not marry him he was all hot with anger.but next day called me nd talked to me as nothing happend and said i was knowing u wud have cooled down.after that i called him after 4 days and he called me and now i called him after 3 days he was all chattering.he talks abt future but i feel bad why he never initiates anything.why???????


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