Seeking guidance.. nowhere to turn...
i was here only a month ago explaining my break up with my fiance and father of my little girl, looking for some source of renewed hope.
now, i need it again. it seems even harder, because i am no longer angry about the situation.... but mourning the loss of a life as a happily wedded wife and mother. i am stuck in a mindset where i can do nothing but sulk. i seem to be surrounded by nothing but my past. every where i go, i am reminded of a dream of love and family that failed. i cant stand to be alone, but i feel like my emotions are too intense to be able to properly engage myself socially. i feel vulnerable, sad, desperate and petty. i want horribly to just leave, leave, leave.
please, is there anything to look forward to in the new year? i am trying to tell myself that nothing anyone can say or do will heal me, only time. but that is so much easier said than done... none of my actions feel right anymore. everything feels wrong, and i worry about sabotaging my chances to enjoy life.
birthday: September 15, 1990 in Lawrence, KS
thanks for your time...
I'm no seer, or at least not an expert, but I will be damned if I'm letting this thread fall into the depths of the abyss. Last thing I want on my mind is neglecting someone who obviously needs someone else's assistance, even if I can't be the one to give it. I'm bumping this.
I truly wish I knew what to say but... all I can give is my sympathy. Anything else I'm thinking of saying could possibly seem like a personal attack if taken the wrong way >.<
I would like to give you divine advice. At the end of each storm there is always a beautiful rainbow. Unfortunately, as young girls we were sold on the story about the Prince and Princess living happily ever after. Well now we are adults and have experienced very turbulent heart wrenching relationships that have ended on a bad note. Hey Ken is no longer promoted with Barbie anymore Its all about Barbie's independence!! That fairy tale is long gone! We know the reality of true relationships surviving the test of time is slim to none. Not to say it isn't possible. Please look at what you have and not focus on what you don't have. You and your ex-husband came together for divine purpose and that is to have your beautiful child. I know it's not easy to move on. But dust yourself off and try again at living your best life now. Don't put all of your energy into the past. You need to live in the NOW...Your child needs you NOW. Your child could feel your discomfort. Show your child that you are strong. Your child's smile could light up the world, enjoy it! Tell yourself you are a divine spirit here to experience life and not death. So with that said, be thankful for the things you do have and don't focus on what's no longer here. Go out and spend time with your girlfriends. Write a journal about your feelings. Light a white candle around your house which would bring a peaceful vibration. Lastly, write a letter about how he has let you down, then end the letter by stating you will release him into the universe and that he will no longer have power over you anymore, then burn the letter in fire. I know all things will be well with you, May the divine bless you and your beautiful child because at the end of the day that is all that matters! Peace beloved!
Thank you, DivinityEye... I do keep a journal, and I do hang with my girlfriends. But it doesn't seem to help anything, except avoid the inevitable... coming home to an apartment that still smells like him. The only time I feel good about things is when I'm driving away from home, which is rare and short-lived as a young working student mom.
I appreciate your optimism, I only wish it could rub off a little better.
and OCain, thank you for your support as well. You lent me a smile
Dafphodil, this is not a time for fear or depression but for joy and enthusiasm. Global events are revealing how the side of the angels has won against the darkness in a battle that has been raging for some time. Watch the news - corruption, secrecy, greed, dishonesty - it's all being exposed. Even governments that used to be the supreme power in the world are toppling or very shaky. We are entering a new era of light when those who have kept the faith and lived good honest lives will now receive their rewards. Yes, things have been very tough but the tide has now turned. Expect great things to start happening in your life.
According to your numerology, 2011 is a new start for you, with heaps of new opportunities and new happenings that you could never even have dreamt of. 2011 is the beginning of a new nine year cycle for you. It holds the promise of being an exciting new adventure, with life taking on new challenges that pave the way for the next cycle of nine years in your life. This is a time to clarify your goals and it is a time to act on them. Hard work may be necessary to get a new venture moving but your physical strength will be up during this year, perhaps higher than it has been for some time, as you have some special needs for this extra energy. If you are unable or unwilling to answer the call to change and make the move in your life that appears necessary now, your prospects may be delayed until the next cycle in nine years. Because of this, you will feel like an adventure, a major change in your life, something new. New goals should be clearly set and worked toward, as this is really a new beginning of a new cycle and it is best not to dwell on the past at this time. This will be fairly easy for you to do because most of the problems and disappointments of the past will tend to disappear, leaving the way open for these new challenges. This is a great time; use it to its full advantage.
thank you for this. I'm sorry I'm a little late to respond. I have kind of been avoiding the computer, and tried to let go of finding the answers. I needed someone to kick me in the butt, and tell me to look up and to look ahead.... I needed to know there was something to look forward to and I appreciate it. I don't think I grasped it right away, but within the last several days - this exciting energy of change has at last made its way to me.
I'd like a few thoughts of yours, if you don't mind about some of my ideas for the next year.
Regarding my x, he will be released from custody in a week and I have set up a protection order so I do not need to worry about him getting in the way of me trying to move on. I don't know if you remember, but I want to move in June to Oregon. Well, custody was a subject I had not really acknowledged, wishfully thinking it wouldn't be a problem if I ignored it. Unfortunately, I eventually accepted that not to be the truth and looked into an attorney. Turns out, because of the background of abuse between my x and I, I qualify for a free attorney from a domestic violence shelter I stayed in in the past. I've taken this as a kind of omen that my success is assured in this case, and I was curious about your own thoughts on it. A part of me is reluctant to be too selfish in this custody case, but another part of me feels like it really is for the best that as I take my life elsewhere - and my daughter should come as well.
Please, don't feel obligated to respond. I know I should be well on my way from all the advice you have given me. However, this road of independence is all very new to me...
My final question, if you have any more time, is about the Scorpio I became intimate with a few months ago before he left for New York. Well, he's back and our relationship was strained and awkward for a moment, me going through an especially emotional time. But recently, the flames have been rekindled as has my optimism. And I'm recognizing a real attachment for him, and an attraction that is unusual for me. As you may remember, this Scorpio and I are childhood friends, but I never felt very satisfied with him as a lover. Recently, that has absolutely and completely reversed. I feel now more than ever, a great appreciation for qualities in him that I had once taken for granted. He's a really good person... However, I continue to feel the desire to leave this town in the dust. My past here runs way too deep, and I need a change of scenery. I'm almost desperate for it. I can sense a real pull at the heart strings though. I have family and friends here, that have come out of the woodwork with such intensity and... I think this relationship could go somewhere... If I want to move though, the time for arrangement is drawing closer - especially with this custody case. I would be so gracious to receive some of your enlightenment about these choices, and their consequences.
I hope to hear from you.
If not, no pressure and I thank you for everything else you've told me.
Hi Dafphodil, I'll get to a reading for you by sometime tomorrow.
Hi Dafphodil, I drew a lot of 5's, 5 of Wands, Coins, Swords & Cups. Five is a number of Change. Change is not bad. Just the beginning of something new as your near future cards point to. In you current situation, center, it's saying to set goals for yourself. Arguments, struggle to survive, competition, can't fully agree amongst several people. In your past, recent past shows you need stress management. Financial strife, Situation of adversity, feeling of abandonment. You have been in a struggle. The struggle isn't worth the effort. Your not gaining a prize. You aren't earning a reward in this effort.
You reading points to getting good help in future. The Sun, a major benevolent arcana card is over your center. It's totally opposite of what's below your center which is the 5 of cups. I don't have my own deck of cards so I have to look at the whole reading--I need to get my own deck. Be careful what your bringing to the situation.
Show your inner lite thru all of this. You make sure all your intentions are clear (good.) You are able to brighten a situation. This can be overcome. The Sun is over this situation.
I feel you are a conventional person as a drew the Hierophant in your near future. Don't compromise your values. You want deeper bonds. Quest for meaning in your life. This shift to a higher spirituality is going to significantly help you.
Next to the Hierophant in your future is the Two of Cups. This is great. This points to partnership, engagement or friendship. Working towards common goals. Learning what romance really is.
This reading is showing the moving from one extreme to the other. What seems to cause this shift for you is your search for a higher spirituality. Whatever form of spirituality, you may look to what you have grown-up with as tradition. I believe this higher spirituality is watching over you.
Oh, the reading just made things ten times more confusing...
Yes, change is in the air. No doubt of that. But maybe you can answer my questions?
My choice to move is completely unconventional, but I am moving along with a sisterhood of a few of my girlfriends. We want to revolutionize the way we live life, going to school to expand our interests, travel, and help raise my daughter. Perhaps that is why the Heirophant continues to show up for me.
However, when you say the Two of Cups, the lines are blurred. Yes, I believe I have stumbled upon someone special as I explained above. We're connecting in a way that has surprised me and caught me very off guard. It's much more pure than any other relationship I have experienced. If I want to move and begin a more spiritually enriched life in June, that would mean leaving this relationship behind. I foresee myself being torn between the choice to stay or go, and the time to make the decision draws nearer with my custody case for my daughter...
According to your reading, can you help me draw some conclusions?
Hi Daph, Are you running from the custody case. I need to know if you are as you may need another reading on the custody to help answer. Also, may need to ask specific questions for the relationship as I just did a general reading. This reading I did talks about change, spirituality and working together--maybe a relationship but not specifically. I would have to ask a specific question. Sounds like you need to be more specific. I can address another question for sure.
I am fighting a custody case so that I may move away with my daughter in June across several states. My question is what am I expected to get out of this relationship if I am planning to move? Should I expect this move not to follow through? There are all tied together, see. I can't ask one question without the other.
Don't worry about it.
I had to go to court to be able to move out of a state and into another w/my son. Courts can be different. Some of the things that they take into consideration is if the move is for a job or education etc. It's a lot easier if it's a mutual agreement. I wasn't clear what the question was as I do general readings. Because I only read cards, my guess would be to stay where your at and continue your education. I get this from the Hierophant. Spirituality played a role in this reading, also. You had a lot working against you in the past.
I would be moving for my education, thats what makes this double more confusing. Thank you for your input
Daph, Again, I'm guessing and then I'll leave it to you. I'm guessing that the Hierophant will be the court's decision. The rest will be up to you.