Major Victimization Pattern I Can't Shake--Help!

  • I'm having trouble being in my happy place and moving forward from some big betrayals. From jobs to spiritual groups to ex-husband and ex-roommates, people take from me.

    My self-esteem wasn't so great to begin with but it made me ask what is so wrong w/me that people want to ruin my rep, take credit for my work, turn people against me, not want to pay me wages for my good work, steal from me, and break into my home.

    I was very intelligent, fun, active, competent, and adventurous but then withdrew from everything after my ex was so vicious to me while he was secretly dating someone he married after I divorced him. I was with a spiritual group and I woman turned people against me so she could be in charge. An exchange student I took in stole from me, sabataged my computer and I think he also broke my windshield.

    I helped all these people a lot! I was told by a psychic that I was playing out my slave life from the Temple of Artemesis. Somebody else told me that he is angry that I helped him too much and I need to express my anger better. Also that I lack self love and I need to love myself. It's hard to ignore what people think about me when they're doing such crappy things and I'm going crazy dealing with it all!

    I do better but then have to deal with paychecks 2 and 3 months late and more breakins from an ex-roommate which takes me out of the present and into the past. I've changed the locks twice and I don't even know how he got into my locked bedroom. I'm going to have all my locks re-keyed, yet another expense. It's hard to not take this personally when I discover groceries, supplements, skin care products, sheets, essential oils, CDs, etc. taken by someone I helped out alot. The police can't help as there's no sign of breakin.

    I am a Cancer, Leo Rising, Pices moon, Wood Horse. Do you need my birthdate? This person's birthday is 7/4/70, born in CA but I don't know any other specifics other than he is a lying, manipulative sociopath.

    Could you please advise me what's going on and what I can do short of moving to another locale, changing my name, and living in an ashram? Thanks!

  • There's only one reason that people take from you - because on some deep level you allow it. You need to get to the bottom of why this is such an ingrained pattern in you. I feel you may have established this pattern of letting people walk all over you while you keep on helping them way back in your childhood (or in a past life). You learned to smile and be a good girl while others take and take and take from you without giving anything back. Somewhere you learnt that it was right to be a slave to others while giving all that you had. Time to re-educate yourself! You do NOT deserve to be treated like someone's punching bag or lackey. You ARE worthy of love and happiness. You do NOT have to give your all to others - you must keep enough back for yourself. This is not being selfish, just showing some self-love. After all, you are a person too. You must use your sensitivity to discern who is worthy of your generosity and love, and who isn't. You cannot win over selfish people by giving them everything they want and more. When you stand up for yourself and pull back your energy and efforts from those who don't appreciate it, you will no longer be a victim. You have to learn you can't buy love and respect - you can only earn them. This is not about other people - it's all about YOU. Change yourself and you change your life.

  • You still are very intelligent, fun, active, competent, and adventurous! No one can take that from you. You have learned that sometimes a hand out is a hand down.

    If he is a sociopath then out of sight out of mind is the way to go. NO CONTACT regardless of how tempting it is in soooo many ways. Don't look for him online either. A sociopath attempts to control you in these little ways. Refuse to be controlled. Leave a note in your home telling him/them to take it all, it's just stuff, but please smile for the camera on the way out. No need to buy a camera. It is better if they can't find one. The other alternative is an alarm system. I have ADT.

    If you think getting rid of bad people is expensive, try keeping them.

  • I have to say I kinda admire your strength. What your not understanding is all this is making you a stronger person, we live through many things in our lives and they are lessons we are meant to learn. The woman in your spiritual group sound jealous of you, what you put out there, don't be upset take it as a compliment and don't worry about other peoples thoughts they don't define define you.. As for the Ex many women can share that experance, my own Daughter has the Ex from hell..And don't let a few bad apples take away your kind heartedness and caring spirit, as crazy as this sounds they too have lessons to learn. I believe we are all connected in one way or another and are briefly in each other lives good or bad to learn things from in other..Remain true to yourself and in your heart..Things will work out and karma will prevail...Love and Light

  • I agree w/ Captain you need to take your power back. Set some firm boundaries and try not to cross them. I admire your strength too. You will see your pattern and stop behavior which is ultimately draining to you. If you have co dependency issues there are tons of books out on it and support groups. And as darya says try not to lose your kindheartedness. Resentments are unhealthy (I know cs I've carried around a few) I trust you can find good folks in your life.Good luck


  • You should think about installing a spy camera in your house if the breakins keep happening, so you have proof to take to the police. Your ex-roomate has two faces - a quiet unassuming outer face he shows to the world and a completely different scheming inner one. His mind is chockful of illusory fantasies and grandiose dreams where he is the ruler of the world, free to do what he wants. Yet he is also very materialistic and capable of well thought-out plans and tricky strategies. So fight fire with fire - be as cunning as he is and catch him out.

  • Captain, thank you for the reminder about's been hard to do when I've been getting so much negative feedback from these people. It really pushed my buttons about "not good enough means try harder!" This is why I did pull my energy back from my ex and also from a controlling "Yoga" group I was with up to a couple of years ago. The "Yoga Masters" were adept at manipulating people who just want to fit and and do good to spend their money and every free moment "volunteering" for their cause to build more studios.

    It was all about my being too sensitive about what others thought of me and then I found there I was, spending all my time and energy outside of myself, trying to please people who told me how much they cared for me with no time or plans for me. I never had a close family of origin so my marriage and spiritual groups meant a lot to me. I felt rejected and betrayed but soldiered on the best I could.

    I left these situations and could not believe I attracted the same thing! Yes the ex-roommate is a scheming trickster with more than an unhealthy sense of entitlement. He supposedly spent 3 years in a silent retreat at a temple in India and his parents were actors in the old movie The Sound of Music (he's named after his father's character). His mom's a teacher who practices Yoga and his brother's an opera singer. So I was totally fooled and felt like I was such a loser for getting into another situation like this.

    I don't want to play cat and mouse but webcam it is. I tried not to give this situation any more energy but he apparently thinks I'm weak and stupid for not doing anything and has become emboldened to act more brazen and frequent in the break-ins. My work situation is not steady so it would be difficult for me to move but I'm appreciate any insights you can give to me regarding hiring a private investigator. Thanks for your help!

  • Thanks Salient Living, for your kind advice.

    We were not in a relationship outside of roommates so I don't want any contact. It is difficult to see how not doing anything besides changing locks has so far served in my best interest this past year and feel I have to take a stand to put a stop to the situation. A person doesn't turn 40 and then suddenly becomes an adept burglar...he probably has a record and may decide that fast-talking and burglaring is an easy llving.

    I like your end quote!

  • Thank you, Darya and Pfree for your uplifting comments! I also believe we're all connected and that we're brought together for a purpose. I used to think this was all for me to learn more patience, more trust, and to turn the other cheek. But now I think it is for me to stand in my own power.

    Moving on and not feeling resentment has has been a challenge for me with many planets in Cancer. But esp. in the roommate situation it has been difficult because it comes up every week as I discover yet something else missing, although it's hard to say exactly which time it was taken. I actually feel more anger and frustration than fear or victimization at this point and want to put a stop to all this.

  • I doubt you need a PI - if you can provide the police with concrete proof of his thieving, they can do the rest. Sounds like this guy needs a good taste of the law to wake him out of his dream of entitlement.

  • You explained who your roommate is, don't you wonder why he takes your things. Sounds to me like he doesn't really need them or does he? Is he short on cash to keep up his image or does he have a problem with stealing things? Maybe you will find your answer in those questions and I know you probably don't want to think about this but maybe your supposed to help him? By confronting him or by catching him and turning him in, help comes in many ways.

    love and light

  • Hi Darva. Yes, I do wonder why he's doing this...I really helped him a lot while he was here to the point where I had to remind him he wasn't my boyfriend or husband or child. He was a goldbricker and mooch and moved out when I confronted him about my supplements and personal skin and health products missing. He felt indignant and basically villified me, saying that I "ruind a good thing" and that he "couldn't live where he wasn't trusted" and would move out at the end of the month (one year ago). He did pay rent on time and I never loaned or gave him money, loaned my car, ran errands for him, or offered anything like that.

    The last I heard, he moved in to some other place for a month, then quit acupuncture school and went to live with his mom about 2 or 3 hours from here and was working on a farm or something.

    I think he has an overblown sense of entitlement and is doing this to bully me or get back at me for "ruining his good thing" here. He obviously found easy pickings stealing my money personal belongings in a way that made me doubt what I was seeing and I now sleep with my doors blocked with chairs and lock my purse in the shower with me when I bathe.

    Meanwhile, a dowser I know has been doing distance balancing for him so he can release disharmony, his fear of his mom, and other things. I blessed and smudged my place, have been getting healings, gave his picture to neighbors, set up a video camera, and am looking for a new place to live.

  • The trouble with trying to help someone is that they have to WANT to change and be open to it in order to receive healing, and I feel this guy thinks he is just so right in believing he is entitled to a privileged life where people wait on him hand and foot and he doesn't have to lift a finger. Bet he was Royalty in a past life coz he's still acting like it! He doesn't even think he's stealing from you - he has convinced himself he is 'entitled' to the good life so he thinks he is owed everything anyway and is just taking back what's his. He is very deep in delusion but now that the Ascension days are upon us, all those who are selfish or greedy or superior like him will get their just desserts.

  • Amen! I'm looking for a new safe place to live now. I think he is also doing mind-control and remote influencing tactics. 2 of the locks I had re-keyed I placed in a bag under my bed in my locked room, waiting for the new security front door screen to arrive and be installed. The locksmith and I double-checked these to make sure the new keys worked.

    After the door was installed 2 days later, I went to take the locks out of the bag but the deadbolt lock was missing and the doorknob was one that was not re-keyed. I'd given the extra deadbolts and knobs to the locksmith so called him up in the extreme off-chance that I somehow gave him the wrong ones (as I remember feeling some period of confusion sorting the locks). He came and we both re-checked but the re-keyed locks were not w/him either. He re-keyed another deadbolt and the doorknob with a different key, we both re-checked the 2 new keys, and minutes later I left the house, locking the new locks on the screen door behind me with the new key.

    When I came home that night after class, I saw the front room light on and called 911, a minute later I recalled that the new light timer wasn't working because I'd turned the lamp off at night so had turned it on that morning and forgot. The police came anyway and tried to open the screen with the new key and it didn't work. They came in the back way with my keys, even opening the chain to the back door easily. The new key on my spare key chain I hid inside my house still worked but the one I had locked the door with just 2 hours earlier did not. What the...?

    I think he's energetically screwing with me and sending me bad vibes, especially after I'd called his mom and brother. The day after my cat went missing for 4 days, he found where I hid some money towards rent, and he stepped up the frequency of hits. Last night I came home and the laptop I have the webcam on was turned off (not in sleep mode). I spent some time setting this up in a new location, hiding it and pointing the camera just so. The last image still there was of me leaving my room. I can't seem to get this computer online to send to a remote computer. He knows my schedule up to this month as I think he copied or photographed my dayplanner. Mind freaks like this will hopefully get their just desserts.

  • Hmm, I don't know why the word doorknob ended up looking like ****. The other word I used was scr**ing so I see why that one was asterisked.

  • Crabhorse, he could be logged in remotely to your pc from another one if the webcam was messed with. That may be how he knew to find it, rewind it and cut it off. It is very easy to do. There are also programs that can be downloaded easily to trace what you are typing. Check your programs for any that were installed on the dates you suspect and turn off remote capabilities. You can also buy small cameras pretty cheap to install in different locations throughout the house and outside. If you're in a building with others, then maybe one down the hall, with permission from management of course. Some guys can change a doorlock in minutes and it sounds like this is what he is doing.

    I know how frustrating and freightening this is. After my husband was murdered, they kept coming in my house setting the alarm off and by the time the police arrived, they were gone. I know this could be dangerous but you can also have another strong man slip inside with you and both of you hide when you're supposed to be gone. Maybe you can catch him in the act and call the police. If he runs, at least he'll be on camera and you will have your proof.

    Good luck!

  • So sorry to hear of your husband, CS, and how frightening it must have been to stay there with alarms going off and no help. Hope things are looking up for you now.

    Good advice you have, thanks. I have to take my laptop somewhere to be nuked and reinstalled as there is now an intermittent virus or something on it. I want to catch him in the act but am moving to be done of this poser.

  • Hey Crabhorse, are things getting better for you?

  • Hi, You know parasites need a host to live off of. These people don't need someone weak. They need someone that they can survive off of. This guy has friends that he's learned stuff from. You may need to look at your general area. I live in a nicer neighborhood of what I would call a parasitic area. Look at the employment outlook in your area. Don't blame yourself but don't be a doormat either. If your a single woman, you need to keep your guard up at all times. A lot of these types can appear charming or nice, however usually doesn't take long to get-it. People who feel that they have to steal credits from you, like at work, are usually big narcos (narcisistic.) Don't feel alone, I've had to deal with plenty. It's always better to try and find a situation where people give and not take away. Sometimes that can be very hard.

  • "I embrace divine endings and divine beginings" "embrace divine security and protection"

    I have a blog-here is a writting you may enjoy

    Wednesday, December 29, 2010Inquest Abysmal Truth Within The Higher Self

    How many have had repeat situations?

    Every "Situation" in life is a learning experience and lesson. Life experience applies to the same theory of a school exam; YOU must take it until YOU pass it on your own without counsel and outside help. You then seek the "truths". YOU engross yourself with the knowledge that applies to the "situation" (test); YOU discern and formulate your best affluent strategy. YOU must grasp the truth and YOU must move fowards with the Truth; it cannot be denied.

    Every situation in your life requires you to seek deep thruth is an opportunity to evolve and attain self Ascension.

    Self Ascension: deliberates the conscious decision to bring one’s life experience into alignment with higer self (spirit self) soul consciousness. A consistant active approach superseding the ego and unordered thoughts that prevents one from living in the now and trusting in their inner awareness.

    The more heartache and trial you experience the more you have to seek the truth into yourself and then become an aware being with growth.To raise your frequency higher; go within and ask yourself. Seek deeper truth to elevate your vibration. Initiate your next steps with the inherited truths influencing you judgments. If you do not let yourself see the truth and carry it out, you will keep acquiring the same situations as "lessons" until you do. Another person and situation will ascend your way as another test and opportunity for you to pass it and release it entirely out of your life. The test will keep coming until YOU handle it independently and trust in yourself and become Enlightened.

    Once you exhibit your higher vibration you can attract the same frequency and you will think differently about requesting info and answers from ones who do not hold the truth in your situations becuase no one holds the truth to you or your partners in the given situation. Your partner who may or may not have self truth and ascension; so no one but you can judge it. Even if the other parties lack self truth; you can at least go within to seek yours concerning the situation and make the judgement call. No one else can but YOU.

    We can and should show gratitude for the many situations that evolve in our life becuase its from those situations that we are presented with ambition to inquest our resonate self. We then attain what self understanding is; Enlightenment. We then can raise our vibration and predict outcomes and attract higher frequency with higher self awareness and Ascension.

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