Soul Mate Advice



  • Thank you for letting me know Captain. I did not realize that was not something I should not have done... I am totally new at all of this with the forum. I hope Capricorn444 was able to read her intuitive reading before it was pulled. She really helped me over the holidays on understanding my gifts better and I helped her when she was overloaded with reading requests..

    I will create a new topic called Captain - Intuitive reading when I have something for you. I really appreciate all of your help.

    GreyStar



  • Captain,

    I think not only is part of my fear with being alone. The time alone is not so bad...but I also have some fear surrounding true intimacy in a love realationship.

    Poetic555 had a posting about a bucket list that I just recently read about what if tomorrow was your last day. Making peace with these things in our lives is a very important...Strange enough I started dating my soulmate one month before I became very sick from a severe asthma attack and bronchitis and was hospitalized... For the first time in life, I was not so sure I would make it through a couple of asthma attacks, i learned to rely on friends rather than just family in this instance. My soulmate provided a somekind of encouragement throughout the whole ordeal. My caring for my soulmate began from the kindness he showed me during this time as well as when he tried to help prepare me for the process I would undergo when I found out my daughter was molested in a daycare. These two things really brought out what was important in life...not the frustration over work, the day to day things...but the things that were really important if you come down to it. I remember for the first time in years I decided to drop my wall that prevented me from encountering the true imtimacy and love I truly desired. A part of me enjoyed being a wife in my previous marriage even with its day to day frustration... from that day another growth pattern where many of my outmoded thoughts, patterns and etc were discarded...have arisen from that relationship.

    I'm not sure the importance offhand... but one of the items on my bucket list that arose was to experience true intimacy and unconditional love in a love relationship without fear. The overcoming the fear to act... as the fear of regret not to say those things was greater than the the fear to act if that makes sense... As many times I want to run when I get get afraid, I have to remind myself that these fears are from the past not current circumstances... These strange set of circumstances has lead me to where I am currently am with my soul mate.

    Do you pick up anything about fears or challenges that both my soulmate and myself must face in this pattern of growth?

    GrayStar



  • When two people are so different, their greatest challenge is to accept the other as they are and not take personally the little quirks they may have, such as your need for freedom and your friend's need for withdrawal and privacy. But your success lies in your ability to work together and support each other as you confront any problems you have individually and also together as a couple. Honest and open communication of feelings is paramount to any good relationship - you need to win your friend's complete trust so that he will share himself with you. You musn't hold back what you need to say for fear of upetting the other person - there are ways to be gentle and tactful even when discussing weaknesses and issues. Ignoring a problem never works.



  • Captain,

    There is a feeling that arises at some point after we see each other...not sure if it is fear of us growing closer or what...I get anxious...almost like frozen with fear kind of feeling....where I want to turn tail and run. But force myself to quiet myself as I have no idea what I am so afraid of or why it is so intense... Do you pick up anything if my 7 year old is trying to speed up things between me and my boyfriend kind of behind the scenes like directing conversations on things before they would normally take place?

    What do you pick up on if the cancer is trusting me more and how he views his current feelings towards me? Id like to be sure I am not having wishful thinking in my area of intuition.



  • The problem here is that you are dating a grown-up child. You seek mental connections more than anything with others - you just want someone to talk with. You are very matrure and responsible yourself - which is why your friend has that mother-substitute attraction to you - but he is the eternal infant who needs constant babying and to run away when he cannot cope. This is what alarms you and causes your anxiety - deep down you know this is not the mentally equal relationship you crave, yet you find yourself drawn to people with whom you have little in common just because you are so responsible that you want to help and look after them. But it leaves you partially unfulfilled because the mental connection is just not there, even if the emotional connection is. And you can't have a relationship with someone to please your own child - or the one who is your lover. It will only end in disappointment and dissatisfaction for you, which is why your instinctive impulse is to turn and run.



  • Captain,

    Do you feel anything if this fear of loving unconditionally goes back to a man named Tommy from when I was 14 instead of the current circumstances at hand? Is there something buried still there that I did not find closure on. I can't shake the feeling that whether or not my "soul" mate and I make to marriage, there is something I am missing in this that is important. I wrote a post called Triange of Love, Karma... Strange enough most of the guys in that time were either friends, and or lovers or someone I had deep feelings for even though it was one strange twist of fate at that time. Here are the names to give you insight into the true purpose there: Tommy, Mike, Edwin, Joe..

    Poetic sent you a post with a link about me in it... The link was about one of the guys in this for lack or a better word...triangle at the time...It was also something from a past life reading I did online here that picked up a point that I chose to reenter this time at a time that would be challenging in my love life area..... I think I am missing something about my past lives, something to do with this and with my growth...It's like separate puzzle pieces that are are equally important and tie to my growth in this ascension process that poetic writes about so frequently.

    I will try to open to your energy so that you can truly see into this situation. I've learned to have er..defenses over the years that keep insight into me somewhat shallow..to protect..not sure how to explain this...but people tend to pick up on something about me which typically brings it to my awareness that they are seeking something...the defense to a degree works on its own at this point...One of the many things I know how to do, but do not know where the knowledge originates from. It's like I know part A and part D, but not the steps in between...

    This is reuqest for help from a fellow sister of light that plays a part in the 2012 that is to come, I hope you will be able to provide insight into these puzzle pieces. Each of us has our part to play during this time, and there are a few that seem further in the ascension process than others. I think you are one of those. Hence, why I think you are able to pick up on me at the level in which you do.

    Part of my shortcomings as an empath, it is hard in deep things such as this karmic love situation to pull out the important things out sometimes. Especially in certain areas...as I buried much so deep when I was 14 so that I could begin the rebuilding process. As this growth process seems crucial as well as rememberance of some key important past lives,

    I feel this might be much to ask of someone and a very unusual request as well, so I understand if you decline this request and thank you for the kindness you have shown me so far.

    In a nutshell, I feel that my love relationship is important to my growth for some unknown reason, that i am a lightworker of some sort, and somehow tied to what is to come in 2012. I know this sounds very odd, but as an empath....I must tell the truth no matter how strange it may sound sometimes.

    Blessings to you.

    GreyStar



  • Also, on a second note my daughter is 7 years old and is the great granddaughter of a seventh son of a seventh son...( there is some importance to this for some reason) and she has some intuition and not sure what other gifts yet. I am not sure that she has not seen something about my soul mate and myself...and that is why she is acting kind of strange around us the past couple months. My ex-husband, my daughter's father, also has some gifts himself as well as he was one of my soul mates. These gifts tend to run in his family. The gifts that run between my ex-husband, myself and my daughter tend to complicate things rather than simplify them.



  • I feel your biggest problem is that you are not seeing your partner clearly. I feel like you are seeing him as the partner you want him to be, and not the immature person he actually is. I get quite a strong feeling of a fog of unreality or dreaminess from you when you speak about him. Like you have decided he is your only soulmate (when we in fact have many throughout our lives) and that means you should stick with him no matter how he behaves to you and no matter how unsatisfied you are in the relaitonship. Your relationship may indeed be important for your growth but not in the way you are thinking. It might simply be that you need to understand why you are always attracted to the wrong sort of person. It doesn't necessarily mean you are meant to be together forever, only until the lesson is learned. I think you cling to this relationship because you have a fear of failure or of people thinking you are a failure at relationships.

    And yes, 2012 and 2011 will be important years for all lightworkers.



  • It almost sounds like I am finding out what love is not....in order to gain a better understanding of what it should be...hence the saying love is blind comes to mind when I read your post...I do appreciate your candid honest as that is a rare trait so hard to find nowdays.

    Since I seem to be learning this lesson the hard way, is there a way to go about attracting the right sort of guy. Are any of the following soul mates of some sort from my past..mike and edwin tend to come back around out of the blue? Is a heart mate the other type of soul mate? Thank you for your insight Captain.



  • Other people don't matter right now. It's yourself and your attitudes to love that need to be dealt with. You have always had this blindness to relationships which sees you get into love matches with entirely the wrong type of person for you. This suggests you don't know yourself or what you really want or who works for you very well at all. Think about the type of people you have been attracted to. They will all have some sort of similarity that you like. That will be a big clue about what you are really looking for.

    I feel you are attracted to emotionally unbalanced, controlling, narcissistic, dishonest, or irresponsible types because they are so excitingly opposite your own sane, honest, responsible self. Yet deep down your freedom-loving spirit understands the fact that they also need to have their freedom, even if it's from you. But you have to reject the romantic fantasy that these bad boys make good partners because they don't. You have to be real and stay grounded if you want to find lasting happiness with a compatible love mate. You have to be willing to open your eyes to what is really going on in your relationships. Look to your parents to see what ideas were put into your young head about the sort of person you should seek as a partner. Was your mother or father kooky, dishonest, controlling or narcissistic, perhaps?



  • Wow...the bad boy types typically are what I have sought in the past...very true...fun like freedom...but not what I have sought. my exhusband was the first I went towards that was fun...but he lacked honesty and responsibility that I sought in a partner. His sensitivity to a degree did not give him the backbone to stand up when he should, and he lacked good work ethic. The guy I am dating now, ( the soul mate), Brian, he seemed the totally opposite of any man I would be interested in...strange enough he seems more responsible in most aspects than most men I have met other than he's not out on his own...but his parents are the age of my grandparents and not good health. I don't think that was his reason for staying when he was younger but I do feel that is his reason for staying now.is because he is helping care for them the way my parents are their mothers right now. His attitudes tend to be a bit pessimistic at times...but sometimes I can be overly optimistic.. His sudden space is really the main thing that bothers me of his vices...and it is not the fact he needs space so much as he just doesn't communicate it well and sometimes at all.

    You mention my parent aboves... my parents are both really strong individuals...hence in some ways why I am a bit strong willed. or have a strong personality..which tends to intimidate a lot of males...or just sometimes people in general...I don't mean to come across that way I just express how I feel and don't let myself get ran over. My mom and dad spend a lot of time either taking turns at who has the reins or battling over control.. My mom had an abusive controlling father which tends to strive her towards her strength and independence...she kind of could come off as she wants someone but does not need them and is not trapped to them...if that makes sense. My dad does tend to hide things somewhat more, is somewhat of a control freak, and has a pessimistic view when it comes to economics..but he see's through the BS to facts pretty well on most things though... My dad's controlling nature is to some degree what Freedom is sooo important to me...Growing up with an overprotective parent tends to make one at times totally rebel which is what I did... The guy I am dating, Brian, has a similar outlook on economics as my dad, and is somewhat private person as well. My dad looks at the way things are and is very outspoken, the guy I am dating looks at how things should be ( you know..if this was a perfect world...) and is outspoken on things he disagrees with.. The guy I am dating does not seem to be controlling... Strangely enough, I think Brian and I would be somewhat similar to how my parents marriage has went and they are totally opposites in most ways... I hope minus the power struggles they have at times...

    In the past, I tended to get close too quick but then would panic when I felt close to someone at a deeper level. Mike, the guy I mentioned above, wanted to get serious, I said yes...he freaked out and I freaked out pretty much as we started to go there. Even though I might be the responsible type, I have not always been so...I was once quite rebelliious in my youth and carefree but after my first relationship had true trouble with true intimacy with guys (other than on a physical level). I felt so betrayed, abandoned and to a degree degraded in that first relationship, I came out viewing crying and vunerability were weakenesses...I varied from afraid someone would cheat on me to be as you stated overly trusting...I would feel like running when I would get closer...afraid of abandonment...would rather have had my teeth pulled out than to say I love you...I would nearly choke on the words at times when trying to say them to a guy I loved when I dated them.

    I still have not been able to get the words out since I moved back from Atlanta to Brian after we starting dating regularly again last year. Each time I see Brian, I feel vunerable and love which kind of freaks me out even though it is strangely enough what I want. You mentioned knowing yourself and what you want. I know I want someone who would be good to me and my daughter, someone honest, hardworking, family oriented, someone who feels ok with being tender, but also has strength, someone with character, is not afraid to stand up or say what they believe, but at the same time not closed minded. someone not afraid to do their own thing, but also do things together ( the together interests and the individual interests), loyal and does not stray in the relationship, trusting and trustworthy, can hold an intellectual conversation, good under the covers.., these are just a few things I could think of...

    I am pretty certain I know what I want..but I try to keep it in a realistic perspective that we all have faults and I have to know what I am willing to accept and tolerate and what I am not. It's like after I get over the initial week apart after we get together, I seem to come to terms with it somehow... and stop tripping out about things... Even most of the reports I've pulled on Tarot.com show I have some issues with true intimacy in love and that sometimes my sense of detachment might come off as distant or cold. Even the past live reading mentions something about coming back at a time for difficult relationships in the romance area..

    Do you see what might be causing the difficulty with true intimacy or if there is some closure I have not found that might be hindering me feeling comfortable with that true intimacy? I know when I first tell a man I am in love with...I typically nearly choke the words out, cry after I've said them( typically not around the guy), and feel totally awkward saying the words the first few times even if that is how I know I feel in my heart. Getting them out verbally is where I have difficulty. I could write how I feel better than I can say it. Typically when I can't seem to see clearly on something...or get hung up on an idea...it's like I am missing something...the underlying issue might be this fear with intimacy....but what have i missed healing or addressing or finding closure that would cause it still to be there if that is the case?

    GreyStar



  • Captain,

    I wanted to take you time to thank you for your insight. I was prompted to do something out of my norm and follow my inuition on love...I took your advice about the space issue and disclosed my more spiritual side to him only find out he and I are not so differnt in that area as it had seemed. I think I undrrstand clearer what part we paly in this soul mate connection aNd feel as if some sort of blockage between us was removed as well as the veil of illusion I hadx in the pas in this area. I really appreciate your help and also your encouragement.

    GreyStar



  • GS, you have this problem about being vulnerable in intimate relationships, as if showing weakness will revolt the other person. But the opposite will happen - you will appear more human and approachable and not so perfect and cold like a statue.



  • Captain,

    Fear of vunerability..It is something I have been working on since I was 14. Something I think I just found closure to totally. In some strange way, it has brought me peace and peace about the whole space thing.

    I can't wait to get over this cold so I can get back to my post. The slowdown caused by the cold is turning out to be a further awakening experience strange enough.. I guess everything happens for a reason and in its proper time. Insight of what all I've been shown is starting to make more sense and come together.

    I think where my soul mate and I are concerned our higher selves spoke to each other first the first time in the four years we've dated. Thank you so much for all of your help and your patience with me while I was pretty much going around in circles...

    GreyStar


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