Please feel my need for an urgent reading
Hello, I am not new to Tarot.com but I am new to the forum. This is my first post and I am so nervous and anxious for some REAL right now I feel the entire solar system is caught up in a tornado in my head, heart and now body.
I have been married this time 15 1/2 years and we have struggled in so many ways I cannot count. I am not sure if this is age difference, signs or if my dream and counsel have been correct in the fact that this is and has always been a disaster. I am having such a hard time knowing what it is that I am supposed to do. I have had 4 readings in my life and the readers all had a very difficult time. There seems to be an obstacle,so they say, that is stopping me from being who I am to be. I have always been controlled and apparently I need a new and stronger spine to crawl out of my unbalanced life. I know that I too have gifts and abilities but can never seem to be able to help myself...sigh. I feel I am too weak and yet they say I have incredible strength, love and wisdom...right! The Pastors have told me that I am in a lot of trouble as I am seeking answers from the devils hand and yet I DO NOT feel that I am doing anything wrong. I am just searching like everyone else and others readings (daily) have been right on for the most part..some even shock me totally by the accuracy.
When I was 8 I began having a dream regularly about a dragon grabbing me from my back yard. I was able to save the other children and even an older man from being harmed but the dragon wanted me. He grabs me up and flies around the yard just above the tree tops. As I feel I am losing grip of his talon and am going to fall I awake. A couple of months ago the dream changed...the dragon stopped mid-air, looked at me and said "He never asked you". When I looked into his eye I was my age now of 45.
So between this confusing dream and the clash of spiritual and moral values and my undying need to fill commitment and not be a quitter or a freak for believing the way I do.....I am losing it!!! If you are able and can find some time would someone please see if you can help me with a reading to help clear the situation for me. I feel that it is way worse that even I thought and I am a bit worried over the answers and how to accomplish them as THE WALL keeps getting higher and thicker between us. I have come to a point that I really feel that I cannot do anything right at this time. I cannot think, see clearly or feel at peace about anything. I don't know where I stand I guess in life or where I need to go. I am too old to be lost and confused and have the NEED to get it together. Before I lose me totally. The anxiety is overwhelming. What am I doing wrong this time????
I am a Leo: Aug 1, 1965 / 7:26pm Long Beach, Cal.
He is Aquarius: Jan 27, 1976 / Long Beach, Cal. I do not know his time of birth.
Love, Peace and Blessings to you all.
Feangelikah, a marriage can be more successful than a love affair here but both are very difficult and challenging. Since you two are directluy opposed to each other in the zodiac, astrology predicts conflict in your relationship. There is a lot of attention to detail and to keeping wayward elements under control here. You are awed by your husband's natural intelligence to the point where you can feel weak and stupid compared to him. You may feel some bitterness that he has to work less hard than you to acquire knowledge. But he actually depends on your steadfast strength and your ability to handle almost any situation that arises. Compensating for each other's weak spots is actually this relationship's greatest talent.
However in love, your husband will not be able to supply the understanding and patience that you need. Yet he will expect you to be very attentive to him which can arouse your resentment. You are a hard-working individual so you will find your husband's light, enthusiastic mood pleasant to come home to and he will appreciate the capable and dependable shoulder that you offer him to lean on.
The best possible relationship here is probably friendship. A friendship between you is challenge and adventure-oriented. Spontaneous and lively, you will spur each other on to new heights of achievement. Career matchups can be especially outstanding, given the relationship's insatiably inquiring spirit. Financial matters are best left to you or an advisor because this is not a strong area for your husband.
So this relationship fares best when it is neither intimate nor 24/7 interactive. Seeing each other only for short periods of time works better for the two of you - you need your space because you both have such different temperaments and needs. Your husband must show his affection for you more, or else you will have to leave him and find someone else who will give you that love you need so badly. If you feel you are losing yourself, you must get away to find the necessary solitude to think straight and pull yourself back together.
Captain first and so foremost THANK YOU love for hearing and responding so soon and at all.
You are so right ..even he has stated that together we could fix the world and yet we cannot seem to fix the indifferences in us. We also have worked together and that is GREAT! We feel each other to a fault and often feed on it as he will not open even a little to me ( he is not able to love me). I also do feel very intimidated by his logic and natural intelligence and yet I am the one with a degree. He also asked me on Nov. 24 of last year to move into the guest room so we could figure things out and then the counseling came and here we are today...the same place we were still years ago...sad. So we do not spend any real time together. He doesn't talk to me really at all even when he comes out of the room. I told him we had to talk about him and I going our separate ways 6 weeks ago and he will not talk but DOES NOT want me to go. Is this an Aquarius character? I am losing me and I am scared. I am so alone and lonely living like this. This is not love in my view this is two people using each-other to get through life instead of growing together in life.
So now, I meditate on the how to get out when my doors and windows keep slamming shut....This "obstacle" in the way...any clue? Possibly my fear of having to take a stand? I hate confrontation that is his area and he won"t talk about it. Financial? I care for my mother and had 1 more child at home. The State sends me a check every month but not enough and she cannot be alone for long. Housing for 3 on 1100 dollars a month plus utilities and food. HMMMM... thinking my wall is only my fear and lack of dragon spine. Thank you again Captain! Your reading also has the same basic reading as the others though...We are not good as a couple and distance is necessary.
May you be blessed extra for being here for me today~hugs
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The truth is that you husband wants you to be his nursemaid and handle all life's boring situations for him while he goes off into his 'ivory tower' to think great thoughts and not have to worry about coming down to earth. But you must bring him down to earth because he is being very selfish and ignoring your needs. You need an equal partner, not a child to look after and coddle. He is happy with things the way they are - all his way - so it's time you stood up and got what you want out of this marriage - or if you can't, then leave it. This man will never be able to give you the love you need and deserve.