Confused Gemini seeking wise advice
Could any of you could give me some advice or just discuss this with me please? I feel so helpless and confused.
I am a gemini, have been married for nearly six years now, with a loving and caring Taurus husband. However ,while husband is away on business, an Aries man approached me and chased me effortlessly, even knowing that I am married and will not let anything happen. He is 13 years older than me and is getting divorced for the second time! I had told him nothing would happen in the very beginning but he just wouldn't stop.
The situation is changed very rapidly. After attending a recent event that he organized, he persued me by all means, emails, texts, phone calls etc. Strangely I didn't have negative feeling at all but was happy about what he did. I realized I quite like his sense of humour and also being very mature in many things. (By the way, my husband is the same age as I). I totally knew it is not right for me to carry on but we did see each other in private and I thought fell in love with him. We kissed and hugged but I didn't let anything more than that happen. I tried a few times to stop this but every time after I told him to stop contacting me, I myself felt enormous emptiness inside. I would cry badly on my own when seeing his words describing his feelings. He would also try to stop contacting me for a half day or so but then soon we will be texting or emailing or phoning each other, talking about how much we missed each other.
I know this is wrong to play with and tried to let things go. I knew it must be because that I am lonely while huby is away and do think that I should be ashamed of doing this on his back. But I really feel confused and wish to talk to someone about this. Could not talk to anyone about this and the pressure is driving me mad.
Thank you if you would leave your words here for me, even if it's going to be harsh words. Thank you!
About this Aries man, obviously he has a lot more life experience than me. He knows what I like to hear and what to do to make me laugh. He would laugh at my jokes too and we do talk about all kinds of things, like relationships, his boys, education, family, hobbies etc. I have only one relationship and that is my husband. My life has always been simply. Husband is very nice and caring but he is a typical Taurus, very down to earth, quiet but do know how to look after me, except that we do not really talk that much. Maybe it's only because he is not the talktive type.
I met Aries man at work, so there're circumstances that we do have to work on certain projects or events together. It has been a big distraction to me because I am always debating this relationship with him against my sense and my marriage. We tried to turn our relationship into some sort of occasional friends but it really doesn't feel like occasional friends at all.
Am really confused...someone help me out please....
You aren't going to like what I have to say, get rid of him. If you do give in he will be gone soon afterward. You are a challenge to him and once he catches his prize he'll be gone. Why? Because he has no respect for your marriage and that means no respect for you. Look at the facts, he is divorcing and trying to trounce on your marriage.
Let's say your marriage isn't perfect, the fact is you are still married and you owe it to your husband to either work it out in counseling or separate and get a divorce. Nothing will make you and him feel like dirt than an illicit affair with a risky person. You owe it to yourself as well to not treat yourself like dirt. Sexy and exciting can quickly wear thin.
Secondly, do you know how many affairs lead to violence? I am single but I did not cheat when I was married and left my two marriages when they were going nowhere. I do NOT get involved with married men. I don't need some torn apart wife hating my guts or trying to kill me. My first marriage ended because he cheated all of the time and lied about many other things too. He married one of the ladies with whom he was cheating. She has hated my guts ever since and has done everything she can to ruin my life - and she was the mistress!!! Infidelity is a form of abuse and the people that get involved with married people have serious psychological issues. No joke. No lie.
You got a psychopath on your hands. He's a freak and something is wrong with him. Get out of that relationship before it is too late. While it maybe flattering to be pursued you have to ask yourself why is he doing it? I don't mean to damage your ego but no woman is that good that she is so irresistible. Neither is any man.
Perhaps you are going through a mid-life crisis or have been feeling like you need more attention. Either way he is getting to you when you are emotionally vulnerable and relationships like that never end well. If he is divorcing he needs to find a single and emotionally available woman. That would be what a healthy individual would do. I suspect that he is unhappy about his marriage ending and since misery loves company he'd really love to ruin another relationship.
Get out. Period. And never see him again unless it is at work.
Thank you ever so much!! I really needed someone to talk to me like that.
You did give me some strength that I needed badly. Sometimes I was worried that this will end up very ugly because we do need to see each other at work and I do not know what will happen if I really stop. It is truly a dangerous game and I need to end it now.
I do think about my own marrige throughout this time and there's really nothing wrong with it. Maybe it is the attention that I was craving for. I know it was my fault to let this guy have chance to go this far but I am glad I didn't let it go worse. I am going to finish this.
But I am so worried that he'd spread the words about things happened so far, the flirtations etc. I feel myself just a stupid cow!
Firstly, please don't feel like a stupid cow! I forbid it! (Yeah right, like who the heck am I?)
You are human. We all make mistakes and all of us have flirtations. It is just time to end it. I am only worried about him not taking no for an answer. I've had a few freaks like that. We all get to a point where we love attention. That's why women wear make up and dress nice - it feels great to be complimented. Don't take all the blame on yourself this dude did follow you around and did everything he could to get you to bend his way. Flattering on one hand but the flipside ain't too pretty. His intentions suck and are selfish. He doesn't care about what an affair would do to your life. And if he doesn't care about your happiness now he never will. That's something to watch out for. Don't bother to do it gently that will just make him keep coming back. End it firmly and let him know it is because if he had any respect or kindness in him he wouldn't have started this and he has to leave you alone. PERIOD.
In the old days they would call him a Cad.
Thank you so much! You have no idea how supportive your words were to me. My tears just ran down my face when I read your reply so soon! Thank you so much! Thank you!
I have just said to him to stop this for good and just contact at work. As usual he claimed how much he loves me and made me promise him that I'll go to him if my marriage doesn't work one day. It felt like spliting a real relationship to me. It hurts but it's my fault.
I tried many times to give a definition of what we were but now I feel that I have a strong support on my side to direct me do the right things. Thank you so so much!!
This Aries man is a 'player' and he's quite skilled at it. He knows what women want, how to talk to them, and he's obviously quite charismatic. But look at his history and you'll be able to see through all the crap and see the man himself. He's very selfish and self-absorbed. He recognizes your loneliness and plays on that.
He is getting divorced for the second time and is now zeroing in on his next target. You. He's probably sincere enough in how he 'feels' about you. Most good players are. But he doesn't want you per se, he just doesn't want to be alone. He views you as a companion and a sexual partner and someone to cling to so he doesn't have to be alone. Have you not wondered why he is now going through not one but a second divorce? It's because he holds no sanctitude in the union of marriage. Why do you think he feels no shame in targetting a married woman? He doesn't care that he's attempting to break up your home. He just sees your loneliness and therefore an opportunity and is thinking about his own gratitude.
Keep away from this snake. What you should focus on is why you are being led astray in the first place. It's sounds like you and your husband have love for one another, but his distance (both physically and emotionally <ie. we="" don't="" talk="" much="">) has left you lonely inside. Focus on this with your husband. Tell him how the distance is making you lonely and you would like to improve that because you want to preserve the love that you do have and want to feel closer to him again.</ie.>
If you talk openly and lovingly about it and start communicating better then there's no reason that you cannot regain the closeness that you once had. It just sounds like in the 'hustle and bustle' of living a 'married' life, you lost touch with also being friends. Work on getting that back.
...as far as worrying about having to work with this man and what he may say to coworkers, that's easy to address. Tell him that you've enjoyed his company and enjoy talking to him but he has got to stop all thoughts and all talk about anything intimate or sexual.
If he still persists after that, let him know that if he continues to persist then you will be forced to file sexual harrasment at the workplace charges against him. THAT should back him off entirely! In today's work environment, those charges are taken VERY seriously!
Thank you so much, DreamerNorth. I am so glad that I talked about this in this forum and the support that I got from it is so much more than I'd have imagined.
I think you are right on him being a skilled player. And I feel so lucky that I didn't allow anything sexual happen. If it did, I would regret for the rest of my whole life! I already feel so ashamed of the kisses and hugs etc. but am glad that you guys give me so much support and advice on what to do next.
I remember that he used to say that when my husband is back, everything will be back to normal. I was stupid not to think about what that means behind the words. This will be a lesson for my life. During the past two weeks when I started seeing him in private time, I found it very hard to concentrate on work and everyday life. It is something that I've never thought would happen on me and I am just not mature enough to look at things rationally.
Once again, thank you all for your very kind support. I will be strong and able to correct myself.
All the very best.
Well I am so glad that I have received support from you guys. I am also glad to see that it seems not so difficult to let this Aries man go, so far.
Thank you all!
I am possably not as Young a Chick as you sound .
BUUUTTT I have learned from my own roving husband and by our years of 'talking things thru' that : MANY MANY men chase after "ONLY" married women because they really want no attatchment. So don't consider your self so special, cause it just 'ain't so'.
He, just as most men have a continous roving eye and a constant "head " on. .. both of "them". Therefore your's and mine and most other men are constantly on the hunt for any one who will
be fool enough to build
their "ever needful ego" up. Do you really want to be used in this way? I have also learned that many women have the same problem.. as you have 'my dear' . Or there would not be this continuing drama being carried on between the two members of the opposite sexes. In other words my hubby never intended to 'lose me'.. he just had a huge ego that needed filling constantly. And a head that neeed to be controlled.. again Both of them ! After our child was born and HE DISCOVERED my dedication to ' staying married' he knew he had a chance of my never leaving him. The cost , at least for me, was never feeling secure or totally loved thru out most of our marriage. The first 2 years was pretty darn great.
BY THE WAY ..HE ONLY CARRIED OUT THE AFFAIRS AND FLIRTATIONS WITH MARRIED WOMEN ! He always said 'it meant nothing" .
The ' flirting ' in regard to LibraLibraRising's comment that 'WE ALL FLIRT". I BEG YOUR PARDON ! THE USEFULLNESS OF FLIRTING is meant for single persons to be drawn to each other. Not meant to continue, EVER , after one HAS committed them selves to one person in marriage.
THIS SHOULD BE TAUGHT BY PARENTS OR TEACHERS TO ALL , MALE AND FEMALE ALIKE.. AND IT IS NOT being taught therfore = REASON FOR MUCH UNHAPPINESS IN MANY FAMILIES IE: MARRIAGES.
Instead the children steadily see a myraid of flirtations carried on between their parents and others .. and think this is the way life is to be lived.
Before meeting my husband I overcame this constant "need " for praise and sexual flirting fairly quickly by WATCHING MY MOTHERS ACTIONS realizing SHE was never 'special' to these men and she was actually a ' fool' to think she was. Especially the married liasions she participated in. And I no longer send out this Spirit to Others who are on the prowl. It is simply not enough to know you will not ' go all the way' . Avert those eyes ! Stop flirting !
Go ahead and
tell this " Aries man on the prowl" that you will go to a supervisor if he continues 'harrasing' you. Or even more clearly , that you intend to tell your husband if you hear any words or actions even close to seduction. You will learn a valuable lesson should you have to go to a supervisor and 'things ' get out. Bite the bullet ! I think he will leave if you stop daydreaming and mentally calling him
back to you ,even if you think you aern't ! That failing.. tell him you will go to the supervisor. You might even tell your husband he has been harrasing you so that your hubby will be prepared if you get to the place of going there.! MR. No Commitment Aries will 'turn tail and run' . He is , NOT going to waste away out of his 'need for you and only you'. He will in fact quickly find some other 'needful ego' to pounce on.. and probly A married SOUL AT THAT . He is A MISTER NO COMMITMENT ARIES. Just think about it!
Imagine going thru the actions i have listed action by action in your head. That is how you can get the strength to do it! Just as your 'flirtation' continues because you keep it alive in you 'thinking' about it!
YOU, SURELY LOOKED UP THE TRAITS OF AN ARIES ! ? That might explain a lot to you.
They can have very wonderful and strong strengths if used correctly. However they are very weak in daydreaming about many things, and in overcoming the lack of follow thru. They also
have a lack of patience in their many acceptable and getting ahead day dreams . They CAN BE PRETTY DARN FLACKY ! They 'givein' very easily to all 'things'... the bad and the good.. That is why he will 'turn tail' and run when challenged.
You are asking for 'help' ..and i give you kudos for that. All of us have negatives. Learn your own.. you will stay plenty busy working those out before you can 'help' omeone else who has no clue about their own strengths and how to use them.
I strongly suggest that you get your SELF a hobby to keep you busy in the meantime. The world does not revolve around you.. but you are energizing the Earth to be what it is. Time to clean up "our acts'... for our future generations! Uh Oh, getting on my soap box ! :0)
Although I firmly believe a person is here to identify the negatives in ones sign ...and work out overcoming said 'negatives'. I have " been there- done that " ! i participated in some needless and degrading acts , such as yours, in the way of flirtations. This was before I discovered that astrology and the differing signs of birth dates has it all laid out for all to read and to 'be smart' in living the life on this earth. I suggest that a study of Astrology itself might be a great Hobby for you.
Or volunteer to be of help at a charitable organization. The mind will be filled with
some " Thing " . You get to choose what 'that ' is !
Because i study the weaness'es and strengths of other signs I do not intend to 'help' every living soul to see their negatives by experiencing them thru me." Nor should you. At least not the sexually motvated ones !
I have already 'done that' with a Leo and a Scorpio.
I am a PISCES .. reading that Signs attributes might explain 'my answer' to you.
And lastly, alas 'my dear one' decide in no uncertain terms that YOU Will no longer continue to draw other Ego building, needful persons to yourself. Then you, make up your mind to stop this behavior before you end up seducing a 'true wives' husband in years to come, as was done to me by another .
OR divorce this husband of yours and allow him to find a 'truly devoted wife' who has learned to nip in the bud the unnecassary Drama of seduction in her life. Then go about realizing your own inappropiate need for others to fullfill your ego thru sexual seduction and heal your 'self'. In other words "grow up ".
Only then should you go about finding a SINGLE man, and one who has not been married many times. One who understands the sanctity of marriage and does not flirt and hope to bed a married woman. In other Words .. one who has overcome these hurtful and needless flirtations.
. Second , you should be thinking how you will feel if and when you just might get the same news of your 'hubby' following the same path you are on. Will you want that drama in your life ?
Thank you for taking your time to write all these for me. I do realize that I do not have enough life experience to deal with things happening around me, although I am approaching my thirties soon! My huby and I are first love to each other and my love life has been very simple and somehow "perfect" in many ways. And this Aries man did teach me a lesson. I could not concentrate on my very demanding work and have wasted a lot of valuable time on figuring out what is going on. That's exactly why I came here and let all these out in this forum. And I am happy now that I got taught a good lesson, from people here. It doesn't bother me how people talked about it because I do think I need a life lesson!
The reason for me feeling so bad about the situation is that I do think it is very wrong for me doing this while huby is away. I do not think about how man, or more precisely how my husband might be after someone to fill their ego, I just thought this is very wrong from the moral standard that I grew up from. But on the other hand, I have to admit I have my own weakness and that's why I "enjoyed" the flirtation and let the situation develop. I do regret on this but again, am glad that I kept my last bit of sense and didn't let anything sexual happen in the end!!!
I think I will highly possible continue to study astrology as a hobby. lol
Hi Confused, You've received a lot of good advice here. Please listen to what they are telling you. If you think you are confused now.....My guess is that he probably cheated on previous wives. Don't let him confuse you. To end this you really need to break-off all contact. You'll need to be firm and mean it. He probably won't stay away at first. That's his problem. Don't make his problem your problem. You'll be inheriting a big problem and you don't need problems.
Here you are.. Gemini . my son [30 yrs also ]. is a gem also , and i study hm a lot . You are definatly old enuf to understand and not cause you or others pain in this life. Stay busy..less day dreaming >> Best of luck to you and happy years ahead cause you cn kno..
Aries are rams.. His power is being used for Wrong Things. Mostly makes him Proud to claim what is not his.. for himself !
Rams live life head first; after all, those horns on your head are not just for fighting. Your headstrong nature can make you a "battering ram" and woe is the person who stands in your way.
You Rams are noted for your courage and leadership qualities, primarily because you are nearly always ready for action. The need for excitement pushes you into new territory -- and as long as you are ahead of others while demonstrating confidence, chances are that they will follow you. As self-ordained leader of the pack, you fight for what you believe to be important. But it's not that you are fearless. Your courage is more of a commitment to face your fears and overcome them.
Your motto is "Ready, fire, aim!" It may be backwards for others, but you'd rather figure out what to do while you are doing it. Impulsive actions, however, can bring you your share of trouble. While others are gathering information to make informed decisions, you are already on your way. As such, you could suffer from false starts. In fact, you Aries are so good at starting things that you can be off onto your next project before completing the previous one. As you Rams mature, you learn to slow down your reaction time in order to think about the consequences of your actions.
Gemini.. know thy 'self'.
Your curiosity about a variety of interests
Distracting yourself from what is most important
The air of Gemini is always changing direction. First the winds blow one way, then another. It's a metaphor for how our mind solves a puzzle, first thinking one way and then trying a different approach. This is a restless and searching wind.
Our world comes in pairs: good and evil, male and female, in and out, yin and yang -- and you Geminis are living proof. Some might say you are an entanglement of paradoxes, but the truth is that you have an easy acceptance of opposites. Your world is one of duality. You can like this and that, one thing and its opposite. It's like you see your world through a radio and you can tune experiences and points of view in and out as your interests change.
You Geminis are curious, talkative, versatile and mentally active. Your mind can bounce around from one topic to another with great ease, making you the champion of cocktail party chatter and lighthearted social encounters. Others will think that you are fun to be with, but your ability to change with the changing winds can also lead others to see you as shallow.
Be careful... This is why i say..stay busy with good things.....
Hi, all, many thanks.........
I have gone through your problem.......it is not a problem till now.....but will be a real problem if you
immediately wont be serious enough to get rid of this taurian guy.I am telling this from my own experiance where I have seen my one and only love to suffer for the similar reason.In these case
the event generally start with a very humble way but the end part is enough painful for a person like you to bare specially when it will be disclosed to your partner.Initially you may deny but please remember DENIAL CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH FOREVER. As you people are basically honest and you can not afford to be disloyal in front of your
spouse at the same time as you have made some amount of committment with the second one .
If your husband is a person blessed with enough forgiveness he will forgive you but
you will not be able to get along with him so easily as you did before automatically you will lose your genuine love forever for a temporary satisfaction.......is it wise?????
So my dear friend stop it immediately before it reaches "A POINT OF NO RETURN" and confess it to any one whom you trust ( had i been in your shoe i would have confessed it to my
husband only coz he becomes the innocent victim of the whole situation without any fault of his..but definitely the choice is yours) and AVOID THE PERSON BY ANY MEANS.....PREFERABLY NOT BY VERBAL COMMUNICATION BUT THROUGH NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION coz it is the strongest communication skill man had ever discovered........
Try to communicate with your husband more frequently and let the taurian guide understand that you are too busy to entertain him in this way. make yourself believe that to err is human but repeating this conciously is SIN so I WILL BE THE BEST FRIEND OF MY HUSBAND ONLY AND NOT ANYONE ELSE .
I will pray to my almighty so that he bestows his greatest wisdom and strength in you to overcome your life time challenge gracefully on your own.
I believe YOU WILL SUCCEED AND YOU WILL DEFINITELY SUCCEED.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THERE IS NOTHING IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOUR SOUL IF YOU REALLY WANT TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING IN YOUR......IT DEPENDS ON THE DEGREE AND THE MAGNITUDE OF YOUR DESIRE.....START YOUR TOMORROW GRACEFULLY FOR THIS YOUR BIRTHDAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
YOURS IN PROSPERITY
Don't feel so bad. Geminis are socialable creatures who thrive on attention,flattery and flirtation. We are loyal and demand loyalty but most of all we demand attention from our loved ones. Unfortunately this Aries man has flattered you because the attention wasn't there from your husband...and you have wallowed in his flattery. You need to address your true feelings for your husband...you need to flirt with your hubby and try and give your relationship a bit of a pick up. Regarding your Aries work colleague, try and avoid him as much as possible. If he starts spreading rumours, try not to get worked up ...just ignore him....if he embarrases you in front of anyone by telling your exploits, play it down ...tell him not to exaggerate etc then leave the scene; if anyone questions you, I would deny it. There will be someone else in the office to replace this gossip soon.
Aries are Rams and are head strong. They like the chase, they like the hunt. You have intrigued him....excited something in him. They are persistent creatures. Unfortunately, my experience has been, once they conquer, interest wanes.
For you, look deep into what you need and what you are missing. The soul wants to be wanted.
The grass is always greener somewhere else.....sometimes means there's a lot of s_ _ _ underneath. Keep your head sweetie.
Of course on the other side..is the whole WWGD......what would a guy do..........
Guys would go for it, do it and then worry about the fall out. Depends on your strength....
loyless - my husband and I still flirt with each other ALL the time....just because you are married doesn't mean that the flirting stops. Flirting does not mean that you are going to be disloyal either. I don't think what confusedgemini has done is right but I can understand how she got into the situation and why....